Life

[prettyunsmart]

I have no grand insight to offer, but I'd guess that it's better to focus on the idea that you're addressing a thing that's making your life harder than if you could have done it sooner.

 

If your grades are worrying you, there are places on most campuses that work with students to either get accommodations to re-take exams if you're going through some serious stuff, or to help plan for getting back on track after a difficult time. Also, grades don't mean a ton in the long term. For jobs post-graduation, most don't even look, and for grad school, they will often be quite forgiving if you write in personal statements about how a slump in grades can be accounted for by a bout with depression.

[Twig]

Two days ago, at my birthday dinner, when I was feeling particularly depressed, I finally worked up the nerve to ask my mom about seeing someone (seeing as she's a therapist), and she thought it was a good idea. I think it was the most nervous I've ever been when talking to my mom. So that's out of the way. Now I'm just getting nervous about actually seeing someone.

 

So basically, I'm also doing this thing. It'll be fun!! (?)

 

I don't know if I should be seeing a therapist or someone who can actually prescribe medication. But hey.

[Gormongous]

If your grades are worrying you, there are places on most campuses that work with students to either get accommodations to re-take exams if you're going through some serious stuff, or to help plan for getting back on track after a difficult time. Also, grades don't mean a ton in the long term. For jobs post-graduation, most don't even look, and for grad school, they will often be quite forgiving if you write in personal statements about how a slump in grades can be accounted for by a bout with depression.

 

Yes! Let your professors know, please. As a teaching assistant, nothing's worse than seeing a student struggling, because it's always pretty damn obvious, but not be able to give them much official assistance because they won't get help or admit that they're getting help. Go see a therapist, get a letter from them or from your university health center, and tell your teachers what you're going through and that you need accommodations, if you need them. Most will be willing to change their syllabus in a way to let you be able to pass, and even the worst ones will at least help you withdraw from their class successfully.

 

And grades are the least important thing for grad school, don't even start worrying about that. Recommendations, writing sample, personal statement, and GRE scores all matter infinitely more.

 

Good luck whatever you're going through, Cineaste. I know it's hard not to see admitting a need for therapy as some kind of defeat, but you're doing a good thing yourself and showing immense strength through just the realization that you need it.

[osmosisch]

Two days ago, at my birthday dinner, when I was feeling particularly depressed, I finally worked up the nerve to ask my mom about seeing someone (seeing as she's a therapist), and she thought it was a good idea. I think it was the most nervous I've ever been when talking to my mom. So that's out of the way. Now I'm just getting nervous about actually seeing someone.

 

So basically, I'm also doing this thing. It'll be fun!! (?)

 

I don't know if I should be seeing a therapist or someone who can actually prescribe medication. But hey.

Good job. I hope it works out, but either way I think it'll be an overall beneficial experience.

It's strange how hard it can be to ask for help, considering how easy and pleasant it is to be the one giving the help. Ego I guess.

[prettyunsmart]

Good job. I hope it works out, but either way I think it'll be an overall beneficial experience.

It's strange how hard it can be to ask for help, considering how easy and pleasant it is to be the one giving the help. Ego I guess.

 

I think one of the driving forces behind much of what I've done in my early adulthood has been the present the appearance that I have things figured out and that I'm generally doing ok. It's a pretty useful thing to do most of the time, but when it stands in the way of talking to people about what's troubling me, then things get bad. It's a general goal of mine to be more open with the people I care about and make them feel comfortable doing the same with me.

[Erkki]

This was going to be my comment. I have been told that it is much more important to be judging how you feel and feel about your body than just the mass of your body. Do you feel good? Do you feel good about yourself? Are you having fun? If your body weight should come down w/r/t equilibrium, it will. I've said to myself that I wouldn't care if I weighed 300lb if it was a healthy 300. Weight gain/loss are just symptoms. Good job, keep at it!

Yeah, I feel pretty good, although I'd like to be lighter & less fat. I want to do all the exercise I'm doing and I'd do even more if I had more time. If I feel really tired one day I'll just skip that day or something. Maybe my muscles are growing indeed, most of my exercise was also probably above the fat-burning heart rate (I haven't measured all of them).

[Erkki]

I think I was also depressed without realizing it at the time during most of my university years and that is probably why I didn't graduate. I hope I might recognize it now if I ever get depressed again.

[clyde]

One of my friends just put this post on Facebook and it looks useful to me. Hopefully I'll read it next time I find out that something is not the way I want it to be.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/02/06/how-successful-people-stay-calm/

[Apelsin]

I think I was also depressed without realizing it at the time during most of my university years and that is probably why I didn't graduate. I hope I might recognize it now if I ever get depressed again.

 

Similar story for me. Didn't realize I had any "real" issues before I started studying psychology and found out there was such a thing as social anxiety. Made me realize why I was the way I was and prompted me to seek help rather than just accepting that "it just how I am". 

 

It's strange how hard it can be to ask for help, considering how easy and pleasant it is to be the one giving the help. Ego I guess. 

 

It's scary to show yourself as vulnerable, especially since society generally encourages us to keep those kinds of things to ourselves. Even more so when it's psychological issues. Then people get all kinds of weird.

 

For me, asking for proffesional help was not that hard. I was nervous and hung up a couple of times before they could answer but it was still manageable. Therapists are proffesionals whose jobs are to help after all. The hard part for me is talking about it to "normal" people, friends and family. It's kind of a bomb shell that I'm not entirely sure how people would take. 

[Twig]

It was especially hard to ask my mom about it because, being my mom, she always seems to expect the world of me. Like I'm the best person ever. I've been able to talk to my friends about such things because they know me for the miserable failure that I am, but my mom has no idea, or at least HAD no idea, or maybe pretended to, I don't know.

[Dewar]

I think one of the driving forces behind much of what I've done in my early adulthood has been the present the appearance that I have things figured out and that I'm generally doing ok. It's a pretty useful thing to do most of the time, but when it stands in the way of talking to people about what's troubling me, then things get bad. It's a general goal of mine to be more open with the people I care about and make them feel comfortable doing the same with me.

 

I've made a career out of looking confident when others aren't. People around here will eat you alive if you show any uncertainty. It's really wierd how the 9-5 part of society is so big on "faking it till you make it" and yet it can be so harmful in the rest of your life.

[Nachimir]

Bah fuck, I finally have realized I have had depression for the past six years of my life. Fuck. I think I'll go see a psychiatrist. But fuck, just goddamn it, I feel horrendous for just now realizing that, and specially realizing it just now that the school year is ending and my grades are shit due to my insomnia and lack of motivation. 

 

Fuck everything, seriously. I feel so tired.

 

You may feel like you've wasted time, but it's good that you've realised this and many don't, ever. Doctors thought I might have cancer when I was a kid, but I was depressed, and they never picked up on it, it just ended up a big question mark I didn't resolve until my twenties.

 

Medication is often decried with horror stories like "My aunt took antidepressants and just laid on the couch for a decade", but it's not really like that. Medication has got better as well as knowledge, and a good doctor will assess how you're getting on with a given medication and change it if you seem to be incompatible with one. Properly prescribed, anti-depressants don't impair any kind of social functions, they just help you to function in a way you can't when depressed. A few friends have ended up on the wrong drug at first, then talked to their doctors and found one that works.

 

Talking therapy is great and really good for you. I cannot recommend seeking external help enough, it has helped so many of my friends and relatives cope and improve their lives. Beyond that, exercise and doing anything expressive help too, but they'll only go so far without other help.

[Merus]

It was especially hard to ask my mom about it because, being my mom, she always seems to expect the world of me. Like I'm the best person ever. I've been able to talk to my friends about such things because they know me for the miserable failure that I am, but my mom has no idea, or at least HAD no idea, or maybe pretended to, I don't know.

 

Oh god, I started writing "it's not that she expects the world of you, it's that she wants the world for you" except I realised that was me projecting because my relationship with my mum is pretty rocky right now because I can't really handle the pressure.

[RubixsQube]

A lot of this has been said, but I am going to say it again, because it doesn't hurt to say it.

 

I've been in academia for something like, shit, thirteen years. The best thing I did, while in graduate school, to keep my head above water when I was dealing with serious anxiety and sadness issues, was go seek help. It was very hard for me to fight the feeling that I was wasting the therapists time with my stupid depression, but everyone's mental health is worthwhile. There are a lot of ways to deal with depression. If you're nervous about medication, there are so many other things that you can try, and honestly, it sometimes feels good to just know you're trying. To add to the chorus, I've heard a lot of great stories (including from my own family) about the positive effects of medication. 

 

Group and individual therapy taught me that people are really good at looking like they know what they're doing, but in actuality, everyone is pretty nervous, and trying hard, and also many people are struggling just like you are. You have support here, and that's good. I would hope you can find support in a more personal way through any avenues that are open to you. Life is just so fucking difficult, everyone. Even when you have your shit together, it's rough. And it's good to remember that for when you look at someone else and see "wow, that person is always so put together, and here I am, feeling like shit." Because you know what? A person's outward persona may not reflect the truth, which is that god dammit, it's so hard to be a human being sometimes. 

[clyde]

One of my friends just put this post on Facebook and it looks useful to me. Hopefully I'll read it next time I find out that something is not the way I want it to be.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/02/06/how-successful-people-stay-calm/

 

One of my cats is killing a squealing baby bunny in front of me. None of these techniques seem to work.

[SecretAsianMan]

Yesterday it was like 70F (21C).  Today it's 34F (1C) and it's snowing right now.  This planet is broken.

[Bjorn]

That was the previous two days for us.  Sunday it was lovely, sunny and mid 70s.  Monday morning it was snowing. 

[tegan]

I went to H&R Block to have my taxes done today. I make so little money, but I still owe the government. I need to pay for the H&R Blcok service too, so I have to pay like three hundred bucks. Everything is terrible. 

 

 

Apparently I'll start receiving GST cheques again at least.

[Dewar]

I'm personally in the position where I don't have enough deductions to make it worth saving reciepts. I pretty much just use the standard deduction every year. I've found the H&R block online service to be great for this, and it only costs $10 to eFile. If you get part of the way through the process and end up with a form that you don't know what to do with, you can schedule a chat with someone right from inside the web app (for an additional charge of course.)

[tegan]

I had to go into a location because I had to file back taxes and didn't have one of my T4s from then and generally don't know anything about tax stuff. It cost me something like $270 just for their services. I considered killing myself right then and there.

[Dewar]

Ouch, back taxes suck.

[Badfinger]

Learned today that while we both had a great time going out for drinks this weekend, one of us did not have a great enough time to attempt it again. Ah well! C'est la vie, therefore a post.

[Gormongous]

Learned today that while we both had a great time going out for drinks this weekend, one of us did not have a great enough time to attempt it again. Ah well! C'est la vie, therefore a post.

 

I never can wrap my head around that. If I had a good time and don't have anything else planned, why not go on a second date? Maybe that's why I'm thought of as a heartless ladykiller...

[Bjorn]

You can have a good time, and yet get none of that "spark" or sense of physical/sexual attraction that drives a possible romantic relationship somewhere.  If you don't think that part is there, then you are really leading someone on in a bad way to go on another date or two, as you are going to have different expectations of the possible outcome. 

[Gormongous]

You can have a good time, and yet get none of that "spark" or sense of physical/sexual attraction that drives a possible romantic relationship somewhere.  If you don't think that part is there, then you are really leading someone on in a bad way to go on another date or two, as you are going to have different expectations of the possible outcome. 

 

Yeah, I guess that's fair. So rarely do I find someone with whom I enjoy myself but don't see any prospect of a relationship that I didn't give the notion its due.