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alos, this is from saturday night, but it i'm just looking at it realising just how much i love my besties. they are great! (i'm in the christmas jumper)

 

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1. You easily get into a rut of comparing profiles and making lists about what you want out of a partner. It's not only easy to start hiding behind those lists, often you don't really know what you want and what you respond to. Which is to say; those lists present an idealized version of what you think you want out of someone, but your heart might decide a totally different way.

2. When it comes to flirting, a big part of it is the playful tension where you give each other hints and, well, flirt, while it's not yet outspoken that you're interested in each other. It's so much harder to flirt when your cards are on the table. With online dating, it's out there: both parties know they want something out of the other, and that makes flirting kind of awkward, I found. You feel so goddamn obvious.

That's not a big knock on it, I think online dating's a great way to meet people, but it's also different and you have to accept that.

 

This is extraordinarily close to my thoughts on it. I find the things people typically write for an online dating profile tell me very little about how I'll feel about them. Also that exchange of hints and looks and seeing how people react that's totally missing from online dating is a thing I really enjoy. All of the mechanical ways that dating sites have invented to try and reproduce it are so far removed from the actual behaviour that they end up meaning very little.

 

I've never understood the thing people have about online dating being something shameful. I used to think it was just a weird generational thing, and maybe it is, but I've seen it in people younger than me too.

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I've never understood the thing people have about online dating being something shameful. I used to think it was just a weird generational thing, and maybe it is, but I've seen it in people younger than me too.

 

I think there's a weird stigma idea that you're going there out of desperation because you've exhausted all other options, which is also related to the idea that the internet is less safe than real life and people can outright lie about their identities much easier so it's a risky option. It is partly a generational gap and also has reduced a lot as the internet has become a bigger part of people's lives (and therefore not an unusual last desperate option) but the mistrust of the internet still lingers across generations and not without justification.

 

Though I always take the view that people who are particularly suspicious of anyone the internet are probably just being too trusting of people in real life.

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It wasn't until I started dabbling in online dating myself that I understood how mainstream and ordinary it was. Before that, I too had bought into the idea that it was for lonely weirdos, I have to admit. It might take a while longer before that idea has been rooted out.

 

Also, all the jokes and japes (Jakes) people wrote here about dating profiles are accurate. It's astounding how many people love going out, but don't mind an evening on the sofa either. And the glass of wine they drink with that is perennially a Good Glass Of Wine, as if they're worried you might think they drink shit.

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I met my wife online, but I'd say we're the exception rather than the rule. The problem I had with all previous online experiences was the list mentality. It led to too much focus on superficial details. As much as I love music (hint: a lot), it probably didn't need to be one of my top criteria in finding someone compatible. I ended up discovering I really didn't know what was best for me. Turns out I was wrong about my 'type' and I'm thankful for the random coincidences that led my wife and I to talking. 

 

Anyway, we'll be celebrating our 6th anniversary soon and now have an infant daughter, so it does work for some. Your mileage may vary.

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I met my ex online. Hell, I moved to California to be wtih her.

At the time, people thought I was weird and making a mistake, but I would do it again, knowing how it would end. I had a wonderful time with her.

Also, I used to think online dating was for weirdos (i thought myself as one), but I started meeting more people who've done it. A good amount of my California friends do it and have seen them on OkCupid, Hahah.

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I wonder how different (if any) online dating is now versus the 10-15 years ago when I was using it, at the kind of dawn of mainstream acknowledgement of internet dating.  Hell, I think a lot of the most popular dating sites now didn't even exist when I was doing it.

 

Oh man, and it was before the widespread adoption of digital cameras.  So many profiles with no photo, or with these tiny, blurry thumbnail photos.  Or photos that had been scanned in...poorly. 

 

Also, all of the profile highlights mentioned were common even then. 

 

I never had anything close to a serious relationship out of online dating, but I have to say it was generally more fun than not.  Had some good dates, and some good stories about bad dates. 

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I wonder how different (if any) online dating is now versus the 10-15 years ago when I was using it, at the kind of dawn of mainstream acknowledgement of internet dating.  Hell, I think a lot of the most popular dating sites now didn't even exist when I was doing it.

 

Car selfies.

 

 

I know I've been a little vitriolic towards the common dating profile, but I put my money where my mouth is and made a profile openly sarcastic towards those cliches. I'm sure it doesn't work for everyone, but if it works for someone that reads it we're already that much closer to hitting it off properly. I have received messages from people who know that we'll never actually meet for whatever reason (distance usually) that complimented me on my profile and its writing. You just need to be you and actually have fun and talk to people and enjoy yourself rather than presenting your Significant Other application to the online job site. Because let's be real, a date is an interview.

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So I've been on Welbutrin (generic) for a little over two weeks now, and it's been an interesting experience. I've never taken any kind of anti-depressant or any mood/behavior altering drug before. I kind of feel myself shifting in baby steps in positive ways, but there are two areas where I've seen rapid change.

First, I'm still smoking, but I don't think I'm getting much or anything out of it anymore and I'm just naturally smoking less. Which is weird. I've been smoking a pack a day or more for the better part of 20 years. I went a little over fours this evening without a smoke (dinner and a movie with non-smoking family), and didn't even really crave a smoke once I got back home, just had one out of habit. This is the most optimistic I've ever been about quitting.

Second, I'm actually getting tired and going to bed in the evenings. I've been a rather notorious night owl forever, its rare that I'm in bed before 2 a.m. I'm finding myself actually tired and wanting to go to bed much earlier (probably still late for a lot of folks, but midnight is super early for me). But I am having super vivid dreams, which my dad had warned me was his biggest side effect when he used Welbutrin to quit smoking a number of years ago. I haven't consistently remembered my dreams for years, but in the last two weeks I've been waking up to very clear memories of very weird dreams almost every morning.

I was really nervous about starting to take any drug like this, but its feeling like it was the right thing to do, even if there hasn't been a big change in my mood or energy level yet. The better sleep and stopping smoking will hopefully pay dividends of their own as well over time.

 

The best story about bad dates

 

:tup: :tup:

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I am being lectured by a girl with whom I've been messaging on a dating site about how the internet has swamped us with choice and made us intolerant of little faults. Ironically, or rather appropriately, this lecture is a little fault of which I am having trouble not being intolerant.

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Is it like an accusatory lecture? Or an awkward rant?

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I've had a wonderful two days with some extended family and am beginning to see firsthand the sleep depravation that can be caused by a five week old baby.

She's still awesome though :D

Oh and I was introduced to graffiti writing from my cousin at the retail store for hand customised clothes he runs with his partner.

It looks like a nice workplace even if it is a converted butcher's and fish and chip store. He's getting a friend to set up a stone carving studio for greywake and pounamu (greenstone). As well as turning the studio into a general art space. Which is pretty rad.

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Is it like an accusatory lecture? Or an awkward rant?

So, so awkward. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I think she was trying to impress me with her intelligence? She cut off a short anecdote from me in order to say what the lesson I should have learned from that experience really was, then launched into a condemnation of codependency in relationships, which gradually drifted into the inability of kids these days to have normal relationships because the internet's fucked them up. Nothing I said, in agreement or disagreement, slowed her down. Suffice to say, I don't intend to risk further lectures.

Honestly, if you ever find yourself saying, "Actually, you know what else really pisses me off," just stop. Save it for later, if you have to. No one deserves to hear back-to-back rants.

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I'm back at the house I grew up in, so of course I ran into an ex that I never knew grew up around here but who apparently graduated from my high school in my oldest sister's class! He was the happiest and most fulfilled that I've ever seen him and we still have really good chemistry, but he has progressive MS and isn't doing great physically so a part of me is relieved that I dodged all that heartbreak. I'm a shitty human being, hooray for me!

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Ironically, or rather appropriately, this lecture is a little fault of which I am having trouble not being intolerant.

Holy triple(?)-negative!

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The checkout lady at 7-11 started ranting about how the new Coca Cola Life is still big corporations pumping us with chemicals as we silently consume. It was getting pretty sheeple in there.

 

I ALSO WASN'T EVEN BUYING COKE, LET ME LEAVE!

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So Lizard Squad brought Xbox Live and PSN to a screeching halt over Christmas (which really sucked as I was hoping to show my parents Brooklyn Nine-Nine) but to cheer me up and amuse me, my best friend pointed out that the Nintendo eShop was still going strong.

 

We started laughing about how much things have changed - poor Nintendo.

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What is Coca Cola Life? It sounds like it's just a hashtag.

 

Coca-Cola sweetened with stevia.

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You know, coca cola actually hires those people at stores. Get's you thinking that people who think that companies conspire to sell more shit are full of shit and crazy; plus you start thinking and talking about coke, increasing brand awareness. Not only that, but 9-11 is a lie.

 

Michael Bay was between films and it's not like that government could just start committing war crimes and have everybody go along with it

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