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To be honest, I feel like garbage. Things have just been so bad lately and I don't think they're going to get any better.

 

I've got no family, no job, I'm almost out of money, and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I don't know how old you are, but my life between 22 and 26 felt like this. I got to a few points where I had negative dollars, no college, and zero prospective employers. I also lost almost all contact with friends. It was a pretty dark time. Rural living sucks. Things got a lot better and completely flipped around in like one month. Hang in there though, you're obviously talented and I'm sure you'll be able to succeed if you keep at it!

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Do you have anyone you can speak to IRL? If not, maybe you need to confide in us.

 

I think that a number of people here have probably suffered through similar bouts of extreme depression. And I can tell you that while I might not be at your current level of despair, I'm feeling quite lowly myself at this moment. Talking through the things that are  bothering me does help relieve the immediate pain, and an outside perspective or two is usually a net positive in my experience.

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no I don't really have any friends anymore. I never really have, I have always been on the outside of friend groups and I don't know why.

 

I am trying my hardest to stay positive but it just feels pointless and empty.

 

I just want to make people happy.

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Thanks sarah, I am trying my best.

 

I am trying to work through it, last night was one of the bad nights. I am just taking day by day.

 

Tegan I hope you are ok, if you need someone to rant to feel free to message me! <3

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One of the interesting things about these forums is that once you get past the podcast discussion section, it's not really a group of people who've come together "about" anything. People here just are who they are. I feel like I often come off as more likely to be disagreeable and less nuanced than many of you. I feel sharp and dismissive of pop culture opinions and things. But the layer below that, everyone here is just who they are as a person, and because of that and threads like these there's a sense of community that other places don't necessarily have.

 

I definitely care (and frankly, worry sometimes) about all of you more than most any other place where I'm not meeting people face to face. If anyone needs something, please don't hesitate. Here, twitter, wherever.

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So, I'm a bit of a loss and would appreciate some thoughts from other people.  My daughter is in her third year of college.  She transferred from a 4 year university to a 2 year last fall, as things had not gone well for her the first two years, and we thought the smaller school would let her regroup.  She's smart, super serious about her studies, a great kid.  But she's dyslexic, and tests like shit.  Every semester has gone the same, the professors are impressed with her, she starts with A/B grades, and then the midterm and final just wreck her grades.  She's changed majors three times, trying to find something that clicks better for her, where the class work matches what she can produce in an academic environment.  She got an email today saying she was being put on academic probation.  Five semesters of this, and her self esteem and confidence are just getting wrecked.  She's moved back home with us to save money. 

 

Yeah, shes an adult and not much younger than some of you on here.  She's going to have to figure some of this out on her own.  But she's looking to her mom and I for advice, and I feel like I'm running out of things to say or do.  I'll always be her cheerleader, and support her in whatever decisions she makes.  I dropped out of college around her age, and it took me years and years to get my footing back under me.  I didn't finally get my bachelor's until I was 30.  I was hoping her path would be smoother than mine.

 

Blargh. 

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So, I'm a bit of a loss and would appreciate some thoughts from other people.  My daughter is in her third year of college.  She transferred from a 4 year university to a 2 year last fall, as things had not gone well for her the first two years, and we thought the smaller school would let her regroup.  She's smart, super serious about her studies, a great kid.  But she's dyslexic, and tests like shit.  Every semester has gone the same, the professors are impressed with her, she starts with A/B grades, and then the midterm and final just wreck her grades.  She's changed majors three times, trying to find something that clicks better for her, where the class work matches what she can produce in an academic environment.  She got an email today saying she was being put on academic probation.  Five semesters of this, and her self esteem and confidence are just getting wrecked.  She's moved back home with us to save money. 

 

Yeah, shes an adult and not much younger than some of you on here.  She's going to have to figure some of this out on her own.  But she's looking to her mom and I for advice, and I feel like I'm running out of things to say or do.  I'll always be her cheerleader, and support her in whatever decisions she makes.  I dropped out of college around her age, and it took me years and years to get my footing back under me.  I didn't finally get my bachelor's until I was 30.  I was hoping her path would be smoother than mine.

 

Blargh. 

 

This is probably really obvious and something you've already looked into, but how is the college for academic accommodations. As a TA, I have almost no tools besides my free time to help a student who's clearly suffering from some kind of disability that's making the class go to shit, but having documented accommodations, which usually require some medical documentation, opens me up to a bunch of different resources I can put at the command of the student. Double time on tests, recording devices or a paid note-taker, increased access to testing and writing centers... I don't even know the process for dyslexia, but I know that even the most mild forms of ADD enable all of that stuff, so it's something worth looking into if you haven't.

 

I feel your pain, though. There's nothing worse than seeing someone you care about getting wrecked by a system that's just not designed for them. I have to watch at least a couple students every semester drown hardcore, and I have no idea where they go after.

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Thanks.  She does have a clinical diagnosis, and so is eligible for an assortment of aids, including taking tests in testing centers, extra time, etc.  Unfortunately none of those really seem to make much of a difference for her.  Her input/output for text is just different than most of the world around her, and all the extra time or a quiet room can only compensate for that so much.  The frustrating thing is knowing how little any of this matters once you're out of college.  Her mother is extremely dyslexic (worse than her by a fair shot, to the point where she has me copy edit even simple Facebook posts and emails for her sometimes) and she's found success in multiple areas.  Her mom did get through college, but took light class loads and didn't really start until her mid-20s when she was a bit more mature.  That's another thing that I think makes this really hard for our daughter.  She knows her mom made it through this whole process, with less support, and pulled it off.  So she's looking at herself and wondering why she can't do it. 

 

It also hits her hard because she's in a family with a whole bunch of higher education.  Those of us with just bachelor's degrees are the underachievers.  There are multiple people with doctorate degrees in the close family (grandparents and uncles/aunts), so there's even higher feelings of failure if she can't get through a bachelor's.

 

It's easier for me to face my own obstacles in life than it is to watch her struggle with hers and feel helpless. 

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Thanks.  She does have a clinical diagnosis, and so is eligible for an assortment of aids, including taking tests in testing centers, extra time, etc.  Unfortunately none of those really seem to make much of a difference for her.  Her input/output for text is just different than most of the world around her, and all the extra time or a quiet room can only compensate for that so much.  The frustrating thing is knowing how little any of this matters once you're out of college.  Her mother is extremely dyslexic (worse than her by a fair shot, to the point where she has me copy edit even simple Facebook posts and emails for her sometimes) and she's found success in multiple areas.  Her mom did get through college, but took light class loads and didn't really start until her mid-20s when she was a bit more mature.  That's another thing that I think makes this really hard for our daughter.  She knows her mom made it through this whole process, with less support, and pulled it off.  So she's looking at herself and wondering why she can't do it. 

 

It also hits her hard because she's in a family with a whole bunch of higher education.  Those of us with just bachelor's degrees are the underachievers.  There are multiple people with doctorate degrees in the close family (grandparents and uncles/aunts), so there's even higher feelings of failure if she can't get through a bachelor's.

 

It's easier for me to face my own obstacles in life than it is to watch her struggle with hers and feel helpless. 

 

That's rough. I really don't have any advice. I'm trying to think of the advice I'd give a student who came to me with these issues, but I think you have all the bases covered. If the university won't admit for something extreme like essay-based exams with dictation, I'd recommend a light courseload and being up-front about the disability with professors... which only does so much good if academic probation is already in effect. Depending on the professor, some would even admit for alternative syllabi that focus on project- rather than exam-based coursework, but you can't rely on that to get you through an entire degree, not unless you're doing something highly technical like computer science.

 

Basically, I don't know. It breaks my heart to say that, because I'm trying to become an educator who won't fail people like your daughter, but...

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Thanks. She does have a clinical diagnosis, and so is eligible for an assortment of aids, including taking tests in testing centers, extra time, etc. Unfortunately none of those really seem to make much of a difference for her. Her input/output for text is just different than most of the world around her, and all the extra time or a quiet room can only compensate for that so much. The frustrating thing is knowing how little any of this matters once you're out of college. Her mother is extremely dyslexic (worse than her by a fair shot, to the point where she has me copy edit even simple Facebook posts and emails for her sometimes) and she's found success in multiple areas. Her mom did get through college, but took light class loads and didn't really start until her mid-20s when she was a bit more mature. That's another thing that I think makes this really hard for our daughter. She knows her mom made it through this whole process, with less support, and pulled it off. So she's looking at herself and wondering why she can't do it.

It also hits her hard because she's in a family with a whole bunch of higher education. Those of us with just bachelor's degrees are the underachievers. There are multiple people with doctorate degrees in the close family (grandparents and uncles/aunts), so there's even higher feelings of failure if she can't get through a bachelor's.

It's easier for me to face my own obstacles in life than it is to watch her struggle with hers and feel helpless.

Reading this just leaves me seething. That the generation after mine will still have people like your daughter who are punished, not because they can't problem solve, not because but because they don't understand the material, but because they arent some kind of human photocopier, remains one of the most infuriating problems still prevalent in the education systems of much of the western world.

I was never able to sort the problems my own dyslexia gave me with tests in academia, but was fortunate that I was able to drag myself to decent grades by producing near perfect marks in the coursework situations.

I could perhaps offer some tips regarding that but I'm not sure they would be useful in a test environment

Sidenote: 3 edits so far to even this little bit of text :D

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Thanks guys, I appreciate your thoughts. I was super frustrated yesterday, really needed to vent. We talked about it more last night, she's going to go back in today and talk to her adviser about some different classes and options, maybe even change direction again, give it one more semester and if she's still struggling this hard, maybe take a break.

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That really fucking sucks. I know some people who opted for majors that had no end/mid term tests. Rather they were essay subjects. It sounds like essay writing would be worse for dyslexic people, but they found that being able to work on something for 4 months in their own time was much better than taking tests.

 

The problem with this is that 1) I've never been to a US university, no idea if it works like that there. 2) Your daughter might not be interested in such subjects - they tended to be arts rather than sciences (which relied about 90% on tests). 

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I ended up reading and writing a lot of papers rather than just testing. There were courses that I submitted like two papers for that beyond attendance were basically my entire grade.

 

The downside of this is what they gave me on graduation was a degree in History. I don't recommend it.

 

 

 

Has she talked with the professors directly? I realize that it is one of the most difficult things to do, to be direct about something that restricts you. If she is doing well prior to being tripped up, maybe she can take preventative measures instead of damage control? And conversationally, what are her academic interests? Someone that's not me might have course-specific advice I can't offer.

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There are definitely courses or paths that would be easier for her, she's just had a hard time giving up on something related to her original goal. Like a lot of kids, she dreams about making video games. Of course. She started off in computer science, and the math kicked her ass. She switched to a hybrid degree, a business degree with a focus on tech/science. It had less overall math, but still kicked her ass. Now she's in an interactive media program at the 2 year college (combination of several media skills, basically). All the science, math and tech stuff has really limited some of the testing or grading options that would have been present in other degrees.

She's going to back off all the tech/computer stuff this semester and just take some basic business administration courses (which the business stuff about a year ago is some of the best work she did, in terms of grades). She works for a guy who owns a small business with 4 or 5 locations in our area, and he's mentioned that he'd be interested in promoting her to be the manager of one of his stores. She practically runs the one she's at now, and she's only part time. She would have to go full time though to be the store manager, and she's worried she'd just end up being done with school. She really wants a degree and education, but she's coming to terms that she's going to need a decent job eventually and solid business experience can't hurt.

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Has she made video games before, on her own time stuff? Is she more inclined towards the technical / programming side of it?

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I turned 30 yesterday. I was dreading it, but when the day came everything felt the same and I went to bed thinking, "Whatever."

 

I woke up to a legit health problem that comes with age (as early as 30) and am extremely bummed out and embarrassed for some reason.

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She would have to go full time though to be the store manager, and she's worried she'd just end up being done with school. She really wants a degree and education, but she's coming to terms that she's going to need a decent job eventually and solid business experience can't hurt.

 

Seriously, you can always go back to school when you're older/more settled in, having a job right now, that young, is way better than most of us who got a degree and are now jobless or were very recently jobless. College degrees still don't have a very high value versus getting experience, these days.

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Has she made video games before, on her own time stuff? Is she more inclined towards the technical / programming side of it?

 

Yeah, she's made some basic stuff, and was really into modding a couple of years ago, though she actually preferred the technical side as she felt more comfortable doing that than trying to come up with the creative elements to flesh out a game. Ultimately the stuff she was doing wasn't terribly advanced though, I don't want to oversell her skills.

 

Seriously, you can always go back to school when you're older/more settled in, having a job right now, that young, is way better than most of us who got a degree and are now jobless or were very recently jobless. College degrees still don't have a very high value versus getting experience, these days.

 

Oh, I totally agree with you. The mature, rational adult side of me knows it is probably the safest and wisest option. And we've talked about it. But I haven't really wanted to push too much any one direction, just advise and support what she wants to do.

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Also something she has considered, and may ultimately do.  She's going to talk to her boss for sure about learning some of the other duties she doesn't already know so that she'll be ready for a promotion if/when that happens. 

 

She had a meeting this afternoon with her adviser and another person about academic probation and her schedule for Spring.  She got home from the meeting and you could physically see how much more relaxed she was, after being a ball of nervous/anxious energy all week.  It went really well, they restructured her class schedule with the goal of getting her out of academic probation by focusing on classes similar to the ones she has done the best with in the past, but are still credits that move her towards a degree.  This was a new adviser for her.  The previous ones she's had (at the 4 year and her first one at the new college) all presented the options she had as a dyslexic kid, but didn't seem to care very much.  The adviser today was someone really knowledgeable about what was available and seemed to understand what she would need much, much better. 

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Also something she has considered, and may ultimately do.  She's going to talk to her boss for sure about learning some of the other duties she doesn't already know so that she'll be ready for a promotion if/when that happens. 

 

She had a meeting this afternoon with her adviser and another person about academic probation and her schedule for Spring.  She got home from the meeting and you could physically see how much more relaxed she was, after being a ball of nervous/anxious energy all week.  It went really well, they restructured her class schedule with the goal of getting her out of academic probation by focusing on classes similar to the ones she has done the best with in the past, but are still credits that move her towards a degree.  This was a new adviser for her.  The previous ones she's had (at the 4 year and her first one at the new college) all presented the options she had as a dyslexic kid, but didn't seem to care very much.  The adviser today was someone really knowledgeable about what was available and seemed to understand what she would need much, much better. 

That's really great news! It always strikes me how important your professors and advisor giving a shit can be to the general comfort and enjoyment of your time at college, and yet how much of academia is still structured in a way that discourages or downright punishes the spending of your time and love on students...

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