Life

[syntheticgerbil]

That's what this thread is for Twig. Next time you just cancel on everyone else and treat yourself.

[Twig]

U,:

[Danielle]

Retard is a word that I've had to work really, really, really hard to scrub from my vocabulary.  And I still screw up occasionally.  But I've tried to understand the number of people who get hurtfully labeled with it and other shitty words, whether they be developmentally disabled, have a learning disability or some other reason, and tried to understand how those kinds of words and labels affect them.  That's an awkward sentence, but I'm struggling to explain this. 

 

This was something I struggled with, actually, until I was in my first job at the ACLU. It was a word I'm ashamed to admit I used far too often until I was finally confronted with the fact that it's really just not a respectful or kind term to use in any situation. I still have a really hard time with ableist language (saying things are 'dumb' or 'stupid' etc.) in my every day life.

[Henroid]

The times I get upset with myself or others about specific word use is when it is in a prepared fashion. When people are speaking off-the-cuff in a fast paced conversation, or hosting a radio / talk show, I tend to let that sort of thing slide. In most cases, people will apologize for throwing in a drive-by use of "retard" or whatever else, and there is an effort in general (in the professional setting of entertainment) to step away from those words. I think that's great. I allow this in my world view because it can be so difficult to kick a habit, and communication is such a daily necessity that it gets to be one of the hardest things to change about ourselves. It took me over a decade to finally tone down on how often I swear. I'm still getting over uses of the word 'retard.' I know what people intend and that they aren't cruel - there's nothing to be gained from instantly turning aggressive on someone. Sometimes a softly delivered, "Hey by the way" can go a lot further than chewing someone out. I see it happen in real life quite often, and building resentment over a mistaken use of language isn't going to win people over into getting any better.

 

Of course you will get those folks who actually double-down on and refuse to apologize for word use, or dismiss the nature of why they're harmful.Those are the instances where I actually start to build a grudge toward people and don't blame anyone else for doing the same.

[Henroid]

Oh, another awesome positive highlight to post about.

 

Today I was ringing a lady up at work, who had a (what appeared to be, in age) five year old daughter. The lady explained that she was in a bit of a hurry because her kid is autistic and is uncomfortable with changes in routine. And I saw it a bit, but there was no big scene or anything. All that happened was the daughter asking her mom questions about a few things (one of them being why they were being rung up by a different person; I assume part of the routine change was them not going to their usual store). Her kid was REALLY well spoken, like perfectly calm enunciation and everything. I mean for the most part, her kid wasn't that different. Which I knew would be the case.

 

At any rate, as they walked away I remember thinking to myself, "Man, fuck Jenny McCarthy for freaking people out." Autism doesn't make kids a tragedy. In this case it almost seemed like the kid was more grown up in some respects.

[Dewar]

I had a date planned for last night but then she cancelled. She had a choir rehearsal rescheduled for last night due to two cancelled rehearsals earlier in the week because of weather. The concert is in a few days. Previous to that she had visiting family. It would've been the second date so it's not like there's a huge loss if she's not interested, but she keeps acting interested, I think, and yet it's been about a full month since we first had coffee together. I'm pretty patient when it comes to, like, meeting new people, because I'm pretty terrible at it. But it feels like she's not interested, despite acting like she is.

 

That plus me having to work extra late a few nights last week because project deadline (I mean I did it voluntarily 'cause I wanna get my shit done but still) means last night was butt.

 

That was a long way of saying my life is the same as it has been for years. Bleh.

 

I would let her speak for herself rather than make assumptions at what she might be thinking. Second, if you're really concerned, you should ask her.

 

Pretty much all relationship device boils down to "don't assume, just ask!"

[Twig]

Yes of course! I just wanted to vent!

 

Anyway we've rescheduled for this Friday so whatever.

[Mawd]

The the only bus I can take to get to class under an hour was late by 25 minutes so now I've got less than half a lecture and a class disruption to look forward to.

Maybe not so late after all. Yaay

Ended up kind of on time for class which felt weird because I swear I usually get there later.

Found out that the first bus didn't come because of a crash on the highway involving an 18 wheeler. Soo perspective, eh?

[Badfinger]

Yes of course! I just wanted to vent!

 

Anyway we've rescheduled for this Friday so whatever.

 

Are you still using the Coffee Bagel thing?

 

I am trying it, but it keeps matching me with people who are up to two hours away. Also it seems hell bent on matching me with Jewish girls even though I didn't put in a religious preference. I don't know if it's because stereotypically of course us Jews would use the dating app that's about bagels, or if it just automatically bakes (UGH DIDN'T MEAN TO PUN) into the algorithm regardless. It takes longer than "Hi, coffee at noon?" to meet up with someone in a different state.

[Twig]

Yeah I am although awkwardly enough after all my complaints about Tinder, I met this current person on Tinder.

 

I get a lot of Christian suggestions even though I have my thing set to non-religious or whatever it's called. Also when  I first started using it I was getting a ton of Indian women but that seems to have stopped for some reason. U:

 

I got one person's number as the week was coming to an end and then she stopped responding to me after I said I don't have a car. Haha. WELP.

[Dewar]

Yes of course! I just wanted to vent!

 

Anyway we've rescheduled for this Friday so whatever.

 

Sorry, I know that I fall into that assume trap,not helped by the fact that I am often right which makes the mistakes I make when I'm wrong particularly egregious.

[Badfinger]

Yeah I am although awkwardly enough after all my complaints about Tinder, I met this current person on Tinder.

 

I get a lot of Christian suggestions even though I have my thing set to non-religious or whatever it's called. Also when  I first started using it I was getting a ton of Indian women but that seems to have stopped for some reason. U:

 

I got one person's number as the week was coming to an end and then she stopped responding to me after I said I don't have a car. Haha. WELP.

 

To be honest I think that's because the wild majority of people in the US report as Christian. It's gonna happen. I just searched another site for jewish ladies within 25 miles from me in my age range and there were 9. I've definitely gotten more than 9 bagels, so I was curious.

[Twig]

Sorry, I know that I fall into that assume trap,not helped by the fact that I am often right which makes the mistakes I make when I'm wrong particularly egregious.

Oh me too. I'm really bad at People, in general, but in this case I really just wanted to complain a little. Other things were stressing me out that day, too. Either way it all worked out! (Well, we'll see after we actually go on the date...)

 

 

To be honest I think that's because the wild majority of people in the US report as Christian. It's gonna happen. I just searched another site for jewish ladies within 25 miles from me in my age range and there were 9. I've definitely gotten more than 9 bagels, so I was curious.

Yeah for sure, I'm not surprised, I just meant I don't know if religion is actually a factor or not. Buuut who knows. It probably does, at least a little, if you're consistently getting Jewish recommendations.

[Spenny]

My friend and I went to go see Jupiter Ascending last night. We got to the theatre an hour early. Sold Out. Am I dreaming? What is real?

[Mangela Lansbury]

I'm going through a weird sudden move after having to sit down with my roommates and tell them that even though we used to be close, living together was unbearable. Their (kind of understandable, if totally disproportionately) bad reaction, along with the general weight of financial stress, has led to me being kind of a mess lately. But tonight was preview night for a film festival I'm involved with (if you live near Ann Arbor and plan on coming to the film festival, let me know! Hahahaaaa that's nobody) and it was just soooo good for me. I was coming straight from work, kind of grumpy, kind of frazzled, and it just felt really good being around people who love the same thing I love and all of us being totally jazzed about this thing that we're into.

Just felt great. Hope all y'all are feeling great too.

[neonrev]

I'm going through a weird sudden move after having to sit down with my roommates and tell them that even though we used to be close, living together was unbearable. Their (kind of understandable, if totally disproportionately) bad reaction, along with the general weight of financial stress, has led to me being kind of a mess lately.

From experience (also not knowing the situation I guess), I think if you're feeling that it's necessary than it's probably far more than necessary. I wish I had had that conversation with my previous roommates (collage dorm neighbors and friends) before everything fell apart at the end and the transition got way, way worse because all the tension was left unsaid when it came time to move away (I was homeless for about a week because of it. Always have an emergency floor to crash on if necessary is the lesson there.)

Living with people sucks, mostly.

[Mawd]

I feel great. My ongoing uncertainties about whether I can pay for my education are lifting a bit now that I'm talking to people in person about part time work.

The closest stars that are aligning might have me in door to door broadband sales. Which feels super weird. But the pay is by the hour and the offer is cheap. The jobs co-ordinator (from my campus) and I just have to hear more details first before we put me in touch.

Which we'll hear more of by next week.

In sillier news my teams doing really well as we practice for the next season of NS2 competition.

I'm trying to entice a higher division player into joining our team. He's thinking about it, which is all I can ask. But after last nights games against the second strongest team in Australasia I think we could really go places; last nights games really demonstrated that the team with him in it wouldn't just involve him carrying us which was a reservation we both shared previously.

We're playing the best team in our community tonight so I'm hoping for some exciting games. Out of almost a year playing this game competitively we just had what I can proudly describe as our best match.

[SuperBiasedMan]

So I found out that my 2 month contract is going to be extended, but it was also implied that might be a conversation or negotation?

 

I really hope I'm not meant to... argue for things. I am not equipped for that.

[dibs]

Just imagine them all naked!

[SuperBiasedMan]

"Huh, I didn't think you'd have a tattoo at all, let alone there."

[JonCole]

I just had a breakdown in the car with my wife before work this morning. Our relationship is kinda weird sometimes because we are almost completely different personality types and it's hard for us to communicate naturally. A lot of our conflicts are because something is wrong with one of us and the other person doesn't receive the other's signals that something is wrong so it causes friction. Frankly, it's usually something wrong with my wife that I can't detect because she has much more emotional depth than I do. I guess this time it was the opposite, because I really thought something was wrong with her but the problem was that I was acting strange and didn't know it.

 

I've been really stressed out at work because I've just picked up the responsibilities of a coworker who left the agency. I work at a non-profit that doesn't perform by the same standards of other companies, namely in this case that inefficiency is that the person who left was the only one who could perform her crucial tasks within the office. I got some training from her before she left, but two weeks notice isn't much time to impart a complicated grant-reporting process to someone with literally no familiarity with both the grant's program or the reporting itself.

 

To make a long story short, I was having to do this reporting for the first time and I lapsed into my old habit of procrastination and minimization of the problem. Of course, deadlines are solid when it comes to money stuff with the government and I found myself with too little time to do what I needed. I worked overtime the last two days and even took my work home with me by working remotely off the clock. I got basically no sleep one night and have been trashed for the last two days as a result. It was a really horrible experience that I internalized.

 

Usually, I'm just not the person in my relationship who has shit to deal with. I help my wife get over her problems and I'm happy to do it. It's a way that I communicate my love. My problems have just been something that I deal with myself, but this time I just couldn't handle it. I was in the car with her driving to work and I kinda just exploded at her, before apologizing and sobbing my eyes out for like 10 minutes in the parking lot (it's not a good look, no idea if any coworkers saw me).

 

Anyways, I just needed to kinda put what I've been going through into words. It's this shitty internal struggle to make myself feel like I'm in control even if I'm not, so I kinda feel like it's a good idea to share and shed that facade for a moment.

[Roderick]

The intersection of work and relationships can conjure up all sorts of really stressful situations. My sympathies. Hopefully writing it out cleared your head a little!

[SecretAsianMan]

I sympathize with you.  There's a lot of guys around here that are at or rapidly approaching retirement age and the younger engineers around (including me) are not being trained nearly enough on their knowledge and experience.  We're not replacing them nearly fast enough so as the number of retirees increases, the amount of workload on the remaining personnel also increases.  This has led to a lot of long days and unpaid overtime for many of us.  I've had what I would describe as a panic attack several times over the last year or so.  It's probably not a real panic attack by a clinical definition, just a feeling of being extremely overwhelmed and having it all suddenly burst out in one very emotional moment.  I didn't quite have the same moment as you did but pretty close I'd imagine. 

 

It's good that you're able to let it out if you need and have someone there to help you with it.  I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share it with us.

[Twig]

Terry Pratchett has passed away.

 

I am extremely sad right now. He is one of my favorite authors. In a world where I did more writing, he would probably be at the top of my list of influences. I mean, even in this world, where I don't, he still is. Ahh. ):

[Markson]

Oh no... I was just thinking the other day that when he passes, a little light in the world would go out. And now it has, I guess. A quote from The Truth has always stuck with me - "Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove." I thought about that and his battle with Alzheimer's and how I devoured his books in high school at least once a week. I really admired him. Such good memories reading those books - they helped me through some rough times. Man, this is terrible. Just terrible.