Garple

(IGN.com)

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Good about my Google ad revenue, bad about humanity. So, overall a wash.

 

No problem, you can always get fresh humanity by farming phantoms in the abyss.

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Objective Review of Objectivegamereviews.com

 

Genre | Website
Developer | TychoCelchuuu
Platforms | The Internet

 

Objectivegamereviews.com is a website.  Visitors to the site can read objective reviews of video games.

 

Each review is an objective assessment of a video game.  The top of the review contains an image from the game.  The review lists the genre, developer, and platform the game is available for.  Reviews describe how the game is played.  Reviews contain descriptions of the story, graphics, and sound.  At the end of the review the game is objectively scored on a scale of 1 to 10.

 

Reviews can be sorted by genre, platform, and score.  The website contains About Our Mission, Contact Us, and FAQ pages.  The website is powered by Wordpress and hosted by Lithium Hosting.

 

10.png

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Fucking bullshit. objectivegamenerd.org only got an objectively 8 and now you give this a 10? This thread just lost a reader.

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You are basically saying that this website is better than GTAV. I used to like Objectivergamerreviews.com, but lately it has been giving me a strong hipster vibe. I'm surprised they gave it got such a high score without having any lesbians in it. But I can't say that without being called a bigot.

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You are basically saying that this website is better than GTAV. I used to like Objectivergamerreviews.com, but lately it has been giving me a strong hipster vibe. I'm surprised they gave it got such a high score without having any lesbians in it. But I can't say that without being called a bigot.

 

Bigot.

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Apropos of the GOTY discussion, look what happened when PC Gamer picked Spelunky as their GOTY. Keep in mind that PC Gamer is more niche than IGN.com because PC gaming is already the nicheier, nerdier side of gaming (at least non-casual PC gaming) and Spelunky is a hardcore highly polished platformer with no pretensions to socially conscious narrativity or anything like that (it's even a little racist!) so it's not like they picked Gone Home or some other "non-game" that addresses a topic like lesbians which people love to hate. (If you want to see blowback from PC Gamer praising Gone Home, you can see what people said about picking Gone Home as the narrative game of the year.)

Check out the comments on the article: they include things like "...wat"; "they must have meant "Indie Game of the Year 2013" surely..."; "PC Gamer is a joke..that's wat."; "April Fools is in 4 months PC Gamer..."; "Wait, game of the year? The whole year? All of it?? In all ~365 days of 2013 this was the best thing that happened in PC gaming???"; "A fucking sidescroller with completely unoriginal concepts, flash game graphics, and terrible artwork. Great. fucking great. PC gamers have turned into a bunch of fucking hipsters." and so on. That's what you get when you pick Spelunky as your GOTY - you alienate a huge swathe of people who are expecting Bioshock Infinite to win, because Bioshock Infinite is the sort of game that wins GOTYs from places like PC Gamer, and Spelunky is just an indie game.

That's where we're at. IGN.com, PC Gamer, and all other media outlets have specific audiences that expect specific things. There's no objective best game for anyone to pick: all there is are games that individual journalists like, games that people expect to win GOTYs, and the choice between the two when they don't match up.

It can all be summed up in another comment on that Spelunky GOTY article:People are so sure they know what games are GOTY material that they can only see a win for Spelunky as some sort of betrayal. PC Gamer no longer stands for what they thought it stood for: perhaps they will no longer bother reading PC Gamer if it keeps acting like this.

I leave you with this gem (another quote from that page):

 

I recall GAF flipped out over Rock Paper Shotgun picking Kentucky Route Zero. Some people, I would like to believe ironically but sometimes you can't totally be sure, couldn't believe that "this game they never heard of" got picked over the Last of Us.

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I do have some issues with people giving KR0 game of the year nods, but only because It hasn't been fully released. I know it's semantic or whatever, but it will definitely be in my 2014 goty list.

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At this point there's enough games that are episodic and/or early access that Giant Bomb or someone could easily make a GOTY category of "Games that started releasing in 2013 but kept releasing in 2014".

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Vintage ign.com:

"Women. What an incredibly perplexing creation. On one hand, they can be beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, engaging, and on occasion, down right awe inspiring. On the other, they can be ugly, spiteful, shallow, heartless, ambiguous and deliberately deceptive to the point of frustration that borders on insanity."

"Lara Croft is back, and has most certainly matured into the leading lady of video gaming, but is she the girl you hope you're going to marry, or that bitch you still can't believe you got suckered into dating?"

"Lara, you're cute, but please just go away. I've got a headache..."

And for good measure, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater: "Like the cinematic masterpiece Citizen Kane (this game's motion picture counterpart), every single shot is set to deep focus and delivers. Everything in the frame is crisp as a fresh-picked apple."

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That Citizen Kane quote got discussed (and upheld as it is referring to a particular visual motif) on a Thumbs podcast a few months (?) ago.

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I remember them talking about it, but didn't know if that specific quote came up (it is from 14 years ago).  Somebody linked to the igndotcom twitter feed in another thread, which sent me down a rabbit hole of reminiscing about how bad it can get.

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IGN takes it one step further.

K9ibELo.jpg

 

I suppose it isn't their fault if EA cherry-picks a partial quotation. But I thought it was funny.

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To be a little charitable, that was the final, by far the most quotable, and most likely the shortest sentence out of a fairly lengthy preview from Gamescom last year.

Did it gush? Oh yes. Did it ever!

Love the thought that EA PR had the IGN quote lined up since all the way back in August, and nobody had topped it since then.

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