I Had A Random Thought...

[Patrick R]

I think I'm gonna start doing stand-up again tomorrow.

[clyde]

I think I'm gonna start doing stand-up again tomorrow.

That sounds like a non sequitur to use after a joke that only gets a few laughs.

[clyde]

Hey I wrote a joke for you, feel free to use it or not. Also feel free to give it the polish it needs. 

 

 

So I got into comedy about 8 years ago. Most people don't consider comedy to be a viable career path. They think it's hard to get anywhere in comedy. But you know, it's just like anything else, you just have to work hard and keep trying to achieve success. When I started I'd do any gig I could find. I only did kid's birthday parties, bar mitzvas, I did some physical comedy at happy-hours. [pause] But now I do weddings too. I call my comedy business [say slowly like it's being announced] "A Joke For All Occasions". [pause] I run it out of my mother's flower and greeting card shop. [pause] The hospital staff doesn't seem to mind. [pause, low voice] they don't know. [look audience in the eyes] shhh.

Comedy is great. You meet a lot of nice people. You meet some jerks too. Once I was doing my routine, you know, I was getting pumped, things were going well and what happens? A heckler. A fucking heckler. ArrGG! I can't stand those fucking people. You know the type. They just need attention so badly that they will stand up and go "look at me!, look at me! This guy sucks! I don't like his [put the name of a joke here that didn't go well earlier] joke! psssh. 

So I'm doin my routine and I get a heckler and you just. . .you just gotta confront them, you know. You gotta address them directly and shame them. So I look at her and I. . .I had to explain it like I was explaining it to a child, because that's what she is, I say "Look bitch, people aren't here to see you, they are here to see me, so shut the fuck up, drink your wine, eat your fucking cake and watch the FUCKING SHOW! THIS IS YOUR SPECIAL DAY!" The bride didn't make eye contact with me for the rest of the reception. [pause] She knew she was wrong. 

 

 

 

 

// It might be too aggressive

[Patrick R]

Just put together a packet and I'll have my guys take a look at it, but right now I think you'd be a wonderful addition to our staff.

[clyde]

Have your people call mine.

[SecretAsianMan]

I think I'm gonna start doing stand-up again tomorrow.

 

I'm thinking about standing up tomorrow.  Laying down is good but it's fun to mix things up.

[Roswell47]

[Zeusthecat]

Soda without any sweetener and just a hint of flavor is the best (e.g. Perrier).

[clyde]

I found out that Jane Austen was a genius today. I'm kinda embarassed that I didn't realize it before. I think I have an involuntary gender bias.

[Zeusthecat]

I was just merging a bunch of code and almost fucked up. The first thought that came to my head was "It's okay if I fuck up, I can just reload a quick save".

[SecretAsianMan]

I've had that thought more often than I'd care to admit.  Life would be easier with quick saves.  Until your save gets corrupted.

[clyde]

I was just merging a bunch of code and almost fucked up. The first thought that came to my head was "It's okay if I fuck up, I can just reload a quick save".

The woman who does research on "game transfer phenomena" would be interested in hearing your account.

[tegan]

I've spent an unnerving amount of time considering doing something dumb and then reloading at the last save point before remembering that life doesn't work like that.

[dibs]

I have screamed 'pause' at my friend whilst we hurtled into a busy roundabout while he was driving.

[Frenetic Pony]

Woot! Partial photonics seems like it could work for destructive interference in "single photon" systems pretty much perfectly. I've eventually go to do the math for these so called "probability waves" but it's either that or ftl collapse so far as my initial impressions go. Possibly moving in a direction that would prove Einstein wrong feels like gearing up to defeat the final boss in physics

 

Or maybe it won't work. That's always the problem. That and it'll be years before I prove it one way or another and there are already people with similar ideas, so I might be beaten to the punch. Ohwell! Instead of worrying about it I'll just watch "Enemy at the Gates" for no apparent reason.

[Sententia]

I'll just firmly stake my ignorant ass to Einstein, it's worked out for me so far

 

It's 4:30 am here at my college, I was hoping to bike home at midnight but it started storming and hasn't let up.  Now I'm forced to bike anyways to beat the morning traffic.  Time for a half hour through a storm, sigh...

[SecretAsianMan]

So let's say, hypothetically, you're out eating dinner and you overhear two people talking about video game consoles.  Let's call them the Playbox and the XStation.  One of these people is telling the other one all about the Playbox and XStation, but they're mixing up a lot of the facts or in some cases are just wrong.  You didn't mean to listen in on their conversation but the deed is done and now you can't help but think how they have all the facts wrong.

 

What is the protocol here?  Do you just ignore them and hope they'll figure it out?  Do you interrupt and make one of them look like a complete fool by correcting everything they've just said?  Do you sneak a note to one of them, warning them that what they're hearing is lies?  WHAT DO I DO IN THIS SITUATION?

 

...hypothetically.

[elmuerte]

I turn up the volume and try to tune them out

[toblix]

I think interrupting strangers to provide corrections and facts is perfectly fine and acceptable. KIDDING, don't do it!

[Patrick R]

"It would be dishonest for me to dress up tonight" turns into "I should just cancel this date and watch blaxploitation movies all night" waaaaay too quickly.

[Sententia]

So let's say, hypothetically, you're out eating dinner and you overhear two people talking about video game consoles.  Let's call them the Playbox and the XStation.  One of these people is telling the other one all about the Playbox and XStation, but they're mixing up a lot of the facts or in some cases are just wrong.  You didn't mean to listen in on their conversation but the deed is done and now you can't help but think how they have all the facts wrong.

 

What is the protocol here?  Do you just ignore them and hope they'll figure it out?  Do you interrupt and make one of them look like a complete fool by correcting everything they've just said?  Do you sneak a note to one of them, warning them that what they're hearing is lies?  WHAT DO I DO IN THIS SITUATION?

 

...hypothetically.

 

The correct response is to get a list of the actual facts tattooed to your chest, jump on their table and tear your shirt off screaming in their faces WELCOME TO MY WORLD MOTHERFUCKERS WELCOME TO MY WORLD

[dibs]

One of them must be "John G murdered my pS3".

[clyde]

I love the idea that these two people were just trolling for nerds. I wonder how often one jumps out of the wood work to make essential corrections.

[Ucantalas]

Don't follow through on random thoughts.

Today, I was at a takeout place waiting for some food, sitting on a stool waiting. And I noticed a spider on me. A thought flashed through my mind - "Punch it into oblivion, like a superhero would!"

 

It's a shame I didn't notice what part of me the spider was on, because I went ahead and punched myself in the crotch without thinking. In front of many people. Painful AND embarrassing.

[miffy495]

That was the best thing I've read today.