I Had A Random Thought...

[clyde]

Is there a good way to use IRC on an iphone?

[Bjorn]

I hate the idea of blaming my parents for any failures I have, but I'm struggling with owning my problem of comfort eating. It's all down to my parents using food to reward good behaviour and make me feel better when I was sad. Now it's so ingrained I really struggle with it, but because it's me, I should own it and fix it.

 

Not sure how to fix it without consulting a psychiatrist, which is way out of my price range. 

 

I think there's a pretty big difference between blame and recognizing the source of adult issues.  I have some pretty major body image issues, which I know are absolutely rooted in some behaviors of my mother and brother when I was a kid.  I don't blame them, but dealing with it now is actually a lot easier when I can trace the lineage of those feelings back 30 years and see the origins. 

[Bjorn]

Some random entertainment, the reporter live tweeting the engineering job it took to remove this crashed truck is amazing. 

 

"Truck owner has been verbally assaulting me and others on scene. He hasn't been arrested, as he wasn't driving. Other man was taken away."

 

"Man just asked police officer for his keys so he could drive home. Truck is still wedged on sidewalk. Workers assessing structural stability"

 

"Now the man is exposing himself. I think he's intending to urinate. This is a circus."

[SecretAsianMan]

I hate the practice of tipping.  I think it's a terrible idea and it needs to stop.  However I still do it because I feel for the plight of the people who work jobs that depend on tips.  I don't blame them for being forced to work under such a horribly broken system.  Food service personnel especially.

 

All that said, what do you do with carry out food?  It's always the standard receipt so it has a place to put a tip, but on the other hand I didn't really get any service to speak of.  Again, I don't blame the person behind the counter for this, but I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tip them if they didn't really do anything.  I usually end up putting a dollar or two on there, but having never worked in a food service position I really don't know what the protocol is here.

[Mangela Lansbury]

Along similar terms to that, I went shoe shopping recently. It was a busy day, so everyone was really busy and I just asked whoever was available for help when I could. I ended up getting two pairs of shoes that two different people got me, and I knew they were both working on commission because, uh, I've worked at Macy's before.

Who do you buy from in that situation? Both have quotas, and will get different rewards based on their performance. It was a really awkward decision to make.

Bloomingdale's (same company as Macy's, but somehow higher discount there!) was a much better experience. I got a pair of shoes there too, but I bought them from the same guy I've bought shoes from at Bloomingdale's from for 16 years. Even though I hadn't even been in that store for 4 years, he remembered me and asked me about specifics in my life that we had talked about before and my general taste in footwear. He earned that commission.

Basically, I flew home in a pair of shoes my mom thought were too shabby so she bought me a lot of shoes and things were weird all around.

I usually tip 10% on takeout, which friends have told me is both very generous and very appreciated. I guess people don't usually tip on takeout, which I honestly never even thought of as an option.

[Bjorn]

I usually tip $2 on takeout, unless it's a large order (like bigger than $30).  I figure most people don't tip at all, so it's appreciated, but I really can't justify tipping more since I'm not getting much service. 

[Patrick R]

When I worked at a pizzeria I never got tipped for takeout orders, and didn't expect it. But that's just me. I will occasionally tip for takeout, but it's always a whim and never more than two dollars.

[Griddlelol]

I hate the practice of tipping.  I think it's a terrible idea and it needs to stop.  However I still do it because I feel for the plight of the people who work jobs that depend on tips.  I don't blame them for being forced to work under such a horribly broken system.  Food service personnel especially.

 

The worst part about tipping, is that every time you do it, you're contributing to the problem. The service workers don't get paid minimum or living wage because they get tips. They get tips because they don't earn enough. 

 

But I can say that, I live in the UK where tips are optional. 

[RyanCConnelly]

It's interesting, a lot of people in the US are also getting fed up with tipping, there have been several restaurants that I have heard of doing away with it, and instead paying their employees a living wage.  Like all big changes, I think it's going to take a while before it will be very different, mostly just a few here or there.  The problem that I have always seen is that there is such a huge gap in education between regions here in the states about tipping etiquette.  For most establishments in the US a tip of about 18% is seen as "good service." I usually tip 20% because I have been in the service industry before and I know how hard it is to make ends meet sometimes... also I'm lazy and the math is easier.  However, living in the midwest for several years has taught me that there are a LOT of people who think that a tip of 10-15% is not only acceptable but is a great tip!  I don't have a solution for the problem unfortunately, but I do agree that tipping is an odd practice that we really ought to do away with, and I would very much support paying servers living wages, even if that means paying more for the experience of eating at a restaurant.  Serving is very challenging, especially when working at finer restaurants where your knowledge of cuisine, alcohol, and pairings really matter, and not being compensated for that appropriately is really a shame.

[jennegatron]

However, living in the midwest for several years has taught me that there are a LOT of people who think that a tip of 10-15% is not only acceptable but is a great tip! 

 

I'm from IL originally, and 15% is normal for good/standard service, and you only tip more than that if you have exceptional service, and not tipping for extremely poor service is totally acceptable.

I have actively shifted to tipping 20% always now that I can afford to do that.

[SuperBiasedMan]

To contribute to that end, we don't habitually tip here in Ireland so 20% seems like so much. It's (or at least feels) kind of expensive to eat out too, so that's not going to help it. But to give an idea, my mother sometimes tipped a euro for a twenty euro meal when we went to lunch. And even then she tipped because we specifically knew the waitress, so €1 was a good bonus to give a family friend.

[jennegatron]

To contribute to that end, we don't habitually tip here in Ireland so 20% seems like so much. It's (or at least feels) kind of expensive to eat out too, so that's not going to help it. But to give an idea, my mother sometimes tipped a euro for a twenty euro meal when we went to lunch. And even then she tipped because we specifically knew the waitress, so €1 was a good bonus to give a family friend.

 

 

I totally agree. If you want to go out to eat, you need to either go for fast food, where minimum wage laws apply, or budget in an extra $5 - $10 that you'll be spending to go out.

[SuperBiasedMan]

you need to either go for fast food, where minimum wage laws apply

 

Is that how it works? That seems like the opposite of what I'd have expected. But I could see it happening if people straight up didn't think fast food should involve tipping.

[Patrick R]

Is that how it works? That seems like the opposite of what I'd have expected. But I could see it happening if people straight up didn't think fast food should involve tipping.

Ding. No servers equals no tipping. Also, since there's no tipping their minimum wage is higher than it is for jobs with tipping.

[jennegatron]

There are still minimum wage laws for non-fast food restaurants, they're just absurdly low (like half of the normal wage), whereas McDonalds and other fast food places have to pay their workers the state/national minimum (whichever is higher)

[RyanCConnelly]

To contribute to that end, we don't habitually tip here in Ireland so 20% seems like so much. It's (or at least feels) kind of expensive to eat out too, so that's not going to help it. But to give an idea, my mother sometimes tipped a euro for a twenty euro meal when we went to lunch. And even then she tipped because we specifically knew the waitress, so €1 was a good bonus to give a family friend.

 

To be fair, it IS so much!  But in Europe, as many others have said, the hourly pay is enough that there is no need for 20% tip.  While working in Italy I actually hung out with some people who were waiters/bartenders and did so as a career, and they were proud of it, and had every right to be!  They also explained that when a tourist or nonlocal tipped them (more than a Euro or so as another poster noted) it was kind of offensive because it implied that they needed the extra money because their job was bad.  While I knew that it was not appropriate to tip there, it was still such an interesting different view to see how it could be misconstrued to someone who is used to doing it and would be getting an angry glance or even some choice words from a server.

[root]

I like to tip 20% because I am very bad at math and it's easier for me to figure out in my head than 15%. D:

[Dewar]

I'm from IL originally, and 15% is normal for good/standard service, and you only tip more than that if you have exceptional service, and not tipping for extremely poor service is totally acceptable.

I have actively shifted to tipping 20% always now that I can afford to do that.

 

Pretty much the same for me. In Washington State I was always taught 15%. Because I can afford it now, I typically still tip 10% for poor service, but 20% for average/above average service, and have gone up as high as 30% depending on how great the service and how annoying the mate I was with was.

 

[jennegatron]

On a totally different note, in an attempt to actively combat 20 some years of internalized misogyny I've been working really hard at deliberately injecting positivity into my interactions and relationships with other women, and it's really nice? Like being genuinely complimentary and showing affection for other ladies instead of feeling jealous of their talent/appearance/whatever is really freeing!

 

I spent a lot of my childhood and adolescence resenting the fact that I was a girl as I felt it was worse than being a boy, and by extension resenting other girls/women who were doing the things I wanted to be doing. This persisted all the way into college at my 60/40 split college (women to men) and feeling animosity toward other girls/women in the Math & Computer Science department.  Them being there & succeeding wasn't harming me in any way, why did I feel that way?

 

I don't want to have children, but I do look at the girls in my life, like my niece, and know that my brother is doing nothing to tell her that she's worthwhile and a full person, and not less than because she's not a boy and my heart breaks. He isn't telling her that she's worse than her brother explicitly, but I do know that's the message she's absorbing. I do know that my brother actively scoffed at the idea of using the brown & pink carseat she used for her brother because it was pink and would turn him gay or something. I don't know. He shouldn't be allowed to have children is I think what I'm saying. (I live in CA and they live in IL. I hope that I can swoop in and be a cool aunt when she's older. I am really bad with kids. I think they can tell that they make me uncomfortable.)

[Bjorn]

 I hope that I can swoop in and be a cool aunt when she's older. I am really bad with kids. I think they can tell that they make me uncomfortable.)

 

Definitely don't discount the power that cool aunt can have in a kid's life.   I really think that relationship dynamic can be one of the more powerful ones for a kid. 

[Zeusthecat]

I don't want to have children, but I do look at the girls in my life, like my niece, and know that my brother is doing nothing to tell her that she's worthwhile and a full person, and not less than because she's not a boy and my heart breaks. He isn't telling her that she's worse than her brother explicitly, but I do know that's the message she's absorbing. I do know that my brother actively scoffed at the idea of using the brown & pink carseat she used for her brother because it was pink and would turn him gay or something. I don't know. He shouldn't be allowed to have children is I think what I'm saying. (I live in CA and they live in IL. I hope that I can swoop in and be a cool aunt when she's older. I am really bad with kids. I think they can tell that they make me uncomfortable.)

 

I'm sorry but this really strikes a nerve for me. The selfish desire many people have to have a boy instead of a girl (gotta preserve the all-important family name, as if that means fucking anything at all), the fear that anything not manly will somehow make a boy less of a person, and the clear preferential treatment that boys often receive over their sisters is disgusting.

 

That being said, that internalized misogyny definitely takes a lot of work to get over. I hate myself for it but even I was ever so slightly bummed in the back of my mind when I found out our first child was going to be a girl. Even then I hated that I even thought that thought but I guess it's hard to avoid when you're surrounded by people telling you how important it is to have a boy so you can carry on the family name and have those father-son moments and all these other supposed important cultural things that go along with having a boy.

 

Thankfully, my wife and I went to great lengths to cover the color spectrum for both of our kids to keep it as gender neutral as possible (plus the whole pink or blue thing is really boring and limited) and even with the "pink girly stuff", a lot of it ended up being handed down to our son. Even the pink carseat!

 

What I'm really trying to say is, my son sleeps with a freaking Care Bear every night and in my mind that makes him the manliest of babies. Because he's manly enough to just enjoy shit regardless of what color it is and what gender it is targeted towards.

 

It is also possible that I just really don't understand what "manly" means.

[Badfinger]

Is that how it works? That seems like the opposite of what I'd have expected. But I could see it happening if people straight up didn't think fast food should involve tipping.

As appallingly low as the national minimum wage is, the server tipped minimum is even lower. It's not half, it's a third (about $2.50/hr (just checked, it's $2.13)).

 

Receiving 10% on a full meal, busting your ass is beyond disheartening. Even getting 15% can be such a morale destroyer when you killed it for a table.

[Twig]

Ever since I realized I do actually want to have a kid some day, it's always been a girl. U:

 

I don't think I'd be disappointed if I had a boy, not in the least, but yeah. Whatever it's all weird anyway.

[Zeusthecat]

As appallingly low as the national minimum wage is, the server tipped minimum is even lower. It's not half, it's a third (about $2.50/hr (just checked, it's $2.13)).

 

Receiving 10% on a full meal, busting your ass is beyond disheartening. Even getting 15% can be such a morale destroyer when you killed it for a table.

 

I worked for $2.13 per hour at Applebee's for awhile and it basically worked out that my paychecks were always less than $100 after taxes even if I worked 40 hours per week. As much as I think tipping sucks, I still think it is important here in the US to try to tip at least 15 to 20% for good service at a restaurant because those employee's livelihoods completely depend on tips.

[Bjorn]

I tip 20 percent even when the service is poor, as it's not always in the server's control.  Plus not everyone can smile all the time, we all have shitty/grumpy days and most of us aren't required to try and care for a bunch of demanding adult babies while having a bad day.