Life

[BusbyBerkeley]

Oh man, there was this billboard up on my way to work that said "Not everyone who is gay is happy..." and it was for one of those "gay rehab" religious things. Someone spraypainted a big "WTF" on it and they took it down and replaced it with a more cryptic thing for the same place. Now on the bus stop across the street from it there's some graffiti that says "god is gay." It could read several ways, but it made me laugh a little bit when I noticed it last night. 

 

Weird stuff.

[Nachimir]

Me and some friends were laughing at a "Real men love babies" billboard in San Francisco a few weeks back, until we realised it was an anti-abortion ad.

 

Copper theft is very common in Sweden as well.
This is an extra bummer as some of the older buildings have these great looking green copper roofs which are apparently targeted.

 

Argh, that's so shitty and must do so much damage to the rest of the building

 

*cough* uh, life stuff!

 

I was so worried for so many reasons that coming here would be a mistake, and am really happy to say it's one of the best moves I've made. I assumed dating would suck here due to it being 20,000 or so people in the valley, compared to Nottinghamshires 800,000, and that I should just give up on it to focus on work and mountain biking for a while. It's actually better in that I'm finding people of the right age with similar interests, politics, etc. I've found some interesting people on dating sites and am going on a few dates this week

 

The more time I spend in other cities, the more super-obvious it is to me that Nottingham has a really weird demographic hole between students and those who've settled down. Walking around Manchester, there's a much more variable and blurry age range of people, rather than just a few very differently aged and cultured groups (the other good thing about this house specifically: If I'm craving city, Manchester is half an hour away by public transport, and it feels busy there the way London feels busy).

 

(Sorry Thrik. I did used to enjoy Nottingham a lot )

 

I've also decided I never want to move to London permanently. I've noticed the interesting groups of people I know there are being pushed further and further from the centre, and am now convinced it'll be a really boring city within ten years. Manchester is interesting, Berlin is incredible, San Francisco is lovely though has its very obvious problems. London currently feels like an end game in which lots of people are still playing the mid-game. Investor money is squatting property and eradicating the cultural fringe.

 

A friend was talking to her gran about it recently, and she said "That's what London was like before the war".

[namman siggins]

Life's pretty crappy right now.

 

Internet stopped working at my house, my girlfriend of almost five years, well, we broke up last night and I stubbed my fucking toe this morning.

 

Watching someone you love and lived with for four years and seeing them move and pack their stuff is painful, man. I've been washed with old memories all today... Luckily these memories ebb and flow.

 

So I'm at a coffee shop right now, waiting for my ex to have moved her stuff to her parents and when that happens, I'll be heading back to the apartment. 

*sigh*

[osmosisch]

Man, that's shitty. My sympathies.

The good part is, if you learned things in your previous relationship, odds are your next one will be a whole lot better.

[Thrik]

I wish I could say I don't know how you feel Vosslerlarry, but with my girlfriend of 3.5 years moving out a couple of weekends ago sadly I do. I can tell you that it'll get worse, as the reality of living in a home all by yourself with none of her stuff around continues to hit you. But I'm actually feeling much better now, and have been keeping myself very busy in order to not just sit there looking at an empty spot on the sofa and thinking 'damn'.

 

Of course, I keep occasionally stumbling upon one of her things that she's left behind which makes me feel a bit sad, but I just go ahead and put it into a little box that I'll probably one day look through with a smile of appreciation for the happy times we had. For sure, put into storage anything that you just have there because it reminds you of her (I found myself very reluctant to do this).

 

But I'm feeling positive. I've started thinking a lot more about some of the ambitions and dreams that I'd allowed to drift away once I'd settled into a relationship — things such travelling by myself, moving further away, etc. Not to mention oodles of time to focus on my hobbies, and a big incentive to get myself into shape and dip my toes into things I just didn't make time for like evening classes (martial arts especially).

 

I'm the one who initiated the break-up so I was already certain that my life needed to be without the relationship. If this doesn't apply to you, I expect some acceptance time will be needed. For me, I realised that while I cared deeply for her and always will, the chemistry and compatibility just wasn't there to make the long haul. As talk of marriage and children started escalating, I realised that I needed to be honest with both myself and her.

[dibs]

I've left by b12 booster injection slip by 2 weeks as wasn't able to get home to my doctor. Holy crap am I starting to flag badly. Last bloody time I let it pass by.

[osmosisch]

Why injections? That seems weird.

http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2013/02/fetish-vitamin-b12-shots.html

[dibs]

I don't absorb it through my gut anymore.

[osmosisch]

Damn, that sucks. Sorry to hear it!

[Badfinger]

Man, that's shitty. My sympathies.

The good part is, if you learned things in your previous relationship, odds are your next one will be a whole lot better.

 

For me, the things I learned from the relationship previous made the one just recently end faster. I wasn't happy, and I put up with the unhappiness for far less time. I realized that when I looked into the future I didn't see the two of us, and continuing the relationship because it's easier than ending it is essentially just me lying to one of us.

 

Of course, that makes me think desperate things about where my life's going and the future. Maybe I'm not a forever person and never will be. But for now it was better.

[namman siggins]

For me, the things I learned from the relationship previous made the one just recently end faster. I wasn't happy, and I put up with the unhappiness for far less time. I realized that when I looked into the future I didn't see the two of us, and continuing the relationship because it's easier than ending it is essentially just me lying to one of us.

 

Of course, that makes me think desperate things about where my life's going and the future. Maybe I'm not a forever person and never will be. But for now it was better.

Yeah.

 

I think we both put up and held it together because we've been with each other for so long. We loved each other but she, more than I, thought it was time to go.

At least we left in good terms and once I'm healed I think we can be good friends again.

I'm reading Gaddis's Carpenter Gothic and came across this quote, "Finally realize you can't leave things better than you found them the best you can do is try not to leave them any worse . . ." How I feel with the relationship.

Man, that's shitty. My sympathies.

The good part is, if you learned things in your previous relationship, odds are your next one will be a whole lot better.

 

Thanks for that. 

I wish I could say I don't know how you feel Vosslerlarry, but with my girlfriend of 3.5 years moving out a couple of weekends ago sadly I do. I can tell you that it'll get worse, as the reality of living in a home all by yourself with none of her stuff around continues to hit you. But I'm actually feeling much better now, and have been keeping myself very busy in order to not just sit there looking at an empty spot on the sofa and thinking 'damn'.

 

Of course, I keep occasionally stumbling upon one of her things that she's left behind which makes me feel a bit sad, but I just go ahead and put it into a little box that I'll probably one day look through with a smile of appreciation for the happy times we had. For sure, put into storage anything that you just have there because it reminds you of her (I found myself very reluctant to do this).

 

But I'm feeling positive. I've started thinking a lot more about some of the ambitions and dreams that I'd allowed to drift away once I'd settled into a relationship — things such travelling by myself, moving further away, etc. Not to mention oodles of time to focus on my hobbies, and a big incentive to get myself into shape and dip my toes into things I just didn't make time for like evening classes (martial arts especially).

 

I'm the one who initiated the break-up so I was already certain that my life needed to be without the relationship. If this doesn't apply to you, I expect some acceptance time will be needed. For me, I realised that while I cared deeply for her and always will, the chemistry and compatibility just wasn't there to make the long haul. As talk of marriage and children started escalating, I realised that I needed to be honest with both myself and her.

The reality of living alone is hitting me hardest and is the hardest part. Having lived with her for so long and having her come through the door and seeing her face and having a sleeping buddy was so fucking comforting. Her mannerisms and smell have become a part of me and when I'm at the sink or in a certain place in the apartment, I get hit with memories of her. She's become so ingrained in me that I see her everywhere in the apartment. Shits hard.

 

I'm slowly trying to get myself busy and I'm going to do what I want to do when I transfer to a Uni: writing and game development or film studies.

 

Also, for the Fall, I'm thinking of studying aboard for a semester. I've been wanting to do that for a while but couldn't because the separation would be too much for the relationship. We were already separated for a while, another big one would have destroyed it.

 

 

Thanks everyone for the advice! I've survived day one, my internet is back up, I'm marathoning some of my favorite Woody Allen films and Spring Break has started. So here's for the best and the future.  

[Erkki]

During the past 3 weeks I've worked out almost every day (only missed one), including dancing, yoga, bicycling, football, running. Not losing *any* weight, though. Well, I'm not that surprised because I haven't changed my eating habits and have been drinking a beer or two almost every day as well. I'm still a bit surprised that I haven't even lost half a kilo, though. But at least I've stopped gaining more. Next week I should really start to resume the low-carb diet I was on before I quit smoking, that really seemed to work.

[SecretAsianMan]

So my power went out today and I decided to do a little cleaning when I came across this

 

 

[elmuerte]

OMG... the occulus rift

[namman siggins]

So my power went out today and I decided to do a little cleaning when I came across this

 

 

hello migraine city!

[osmosisch]

During the past 3 weeks I've worked out almost every day (only missed one), including dancing, yoga, bicycling, football, running. Not losing *any* weight, though. Well, I'm not that surprised because I haven't changed my eating habits and have been drinking a beer or two almost every day as well. I'm still a bit surprised that I haven't even lost half a kilo, though. But at least I've stopped gaining more. Next week I should really start to resume the low-carb diet I was on before I quit smoking, that really seemed to work.

Given that muscle is heavier than fat, odds are you've at least improved your body. Nice work!

[Ucantalas]

For the first time in ages, I've finally felt the motivation to work on a game. I worked on a terrible project for a while, and it killed absolutely all motivation for me. But in the past few days I've been working on this little Flash game, just so that I have something made, something to show that I can still make things. It's really nice to finally feel like doing something productive with my time.

[Badfinger]

Given that muscle is heavier than fat, odds are you've at least improved your body. Nice work!

This was going to be my comment. I have been told that it is much more important to be judging how you feel and feel about your body than just the mass of your body. Do you feel good? Do you feel good about yourself? Are you having fun? If your body weight should come down w/r/t equilibrium, it will. I've said to myself that I wouldn't care if I weighed 300lb if it was a healthy 300. Weight gain/loss are just symptoms. Good job, keep at it!

[Twig]

I did day one of Couch to 5k this morning. WHOA!

[Stuart]

Bah fuck, I finally have realized I have had depression for the past six years of my life. Fuck. I think I'll go see a psychiatrist. But fuck, just goddamn it, I feel horrendous for just now realizing that, and specially realizing it just now that the school year is ending and my grades are shit due to my insomnia and lack of motivation. 

 

Fuck everything, seriously. I feel so tired.

[dibs]

Woo and oh:( Not saying which message is for who though!

[namman siggins]

Bah fuck, I finally have realized I have had depression for the past six years of my life. Fuck. I think I'll go see a psychiatrist. But fuck, just goddamn it, I feel horrendous for just now realizing that, and specially realizing it just now that the school year is ending and my grades are shit due to my insomnia and lack of motivation.

Fuck everything, seriously. I feel so tired.

 

I know that feeling.

 

Been fighting depression on and off for most of my life and it never gets better. Well, I don't take pills or go psychiatrist but I've learned how to adapt and assimilate my depression into my everyday life. 

 

Now instead of it hitting me everyday, it ebbs and flows

[prettyunsmart]

Bah fuck, I finally have realized I have had depression for the past six years of my life. Fuck. I think I'll go see a psychiatrist. But fuck, just goddamn it, I feel horrendous for just now realizing that, and specially realizing it just now that the school year is ending and my grades are shit due to my insomnia and lack of motivation. 

 

Fuck everything, seriously. I feel so tired.

 

Just to chime in with some random sympathy, I'm in a similar place, not with depression but with anxiety. I'm coming up on a major milestone in school and had my first panic attack ever as a result. It was a good reminder of the resources that are around, and after talking with some friends, I'm going to go talk to a counselor about it. Not for the purpose of getting on medication or anything drastic, but to just talk through some things and help manage the stress I'm going through. My friends who are doing the same said it helped a lot, so here's hoping it does for me (and you too maybe).

[Stuart]

Medication terrifies me, and I hope it doesn't come to that. I've scheduled a meeting with a counselor here, but it's been so late. A whole school year's worth late, and a whole six years late.

[namman siggins]

Better late than never.

Speaking of panic attacks, I had a really bad one mid-last year. I thought I was having a heart-attack and I literally broke down in front of my grocery story, then I went to work and broken down there, haha.

 

I was given some Xanax (lowest dose possible) and took them for a couple months and it helped me get on track.