Life

[Gwardinen]

Also it's the second time since I started looking (across a large number of three different people!!) where I felt like the first date was great and then the second one I felt like what do we even have top talk about. Even ignoring the new job. I'm such a terrible conversationalist...

I think this is fairly common - I've certainly experienced it a few times. On the first date you're really just looking for surface level compatibility, as long as you don't hate each other and aren't totally bored it's a good first date. It's the second and third during which you tend to find out whether you could be more than acquaintances.

[Twig]

I think this is fairly common - I've certainly experienced it a few times. On the first date you're really just looking for surface level compatibility, as long as you don't hate each other and aren't totally bored it's a good first date. It's the second and third during which you tend to find out whether you could be more than acquaintances.

Yeah for sure. That makes total sense and falls within my personal expectations. I honestly don't really expect ANYTHIGN to ever come otu of these dates because i am a repulsive human being.

 

 

gosh i am drunk i hope i don't regret posting this later i already regret it pls help

[Mangela Lansbury]

I will give your regret some company maybe by being drunk and saying dumb things about my dating life???

I'm really into this guy I met recently in a friend context and I am really into him but don't know how to make the jump from friends to maybe more??? Like, he's a really good friend and we talk almost everyday and he's cool enough that I don't want to fuck that up, but he's maybe sending signals that he'd be into more or maybe I'm just a narcissist? I don't know, I usually start with sex because I'm an awful gay stereotype like that, so I have very little experience with making the jump the other way! It's scary and unfamiliar and I'm going to maybe ask him soon instead of playing the weird game of "into me or just French" and idk it's weird

[Gormongous]

I'm really into this guy I met recently in a friend context and I am really into him but don't know how to make the jump from friends to maybe more??? Like, he's a really good friend and we talk almost everyday and he's cool enough that I don't want to fuck that up, but he's maybe sending signals that he'd be into more or maybe I'm just a narcissist? I don't know, I usually start with sex because I'm an awful gay stereotype like that, so I have very little experience with making the jump the other way! It's scary and unfamiliar and I'm going to maybe ask him soon instead of playing the weird game of "into me or just French" and idk it's weird

 

I'm not drunk, but eating some shitty truffles that a girl I'm seeing off and on gave to me because she literally couldn't stomach them. I'm a grad student and have no shame. I'll add to what you've said about starting with sex, which I do not because I'm particularly gay but because I've never learned another way to do it, really? Like, you can't beat the sureness of sex telling you that someone's into you... unless that's all they want (or you discover in the act that it's all you want), which is something I've never gotten good at.

[Mangela Lansbury]

I'm really oblivious when someone sends signals about liking me, which has gotten me in some terrible situations -- just like starting out with sex! I don't know. I'm trying to start as friends these days because the other way isn't working for me, but this is the first time I've actually felt sure that I like someone. It puts extra blinders on me because I end up overthinking things even though several of my friend's have rolled their eyes at me and been like, "He's obviously into you, dude."

People are hard.

[Twig]

drunk eh

[Ben X]

Mangela, as long as you aren't fearful of rejection, then you've got nothing to lose! Options:

 

"Hey, do you want to go out on a date sometime? If you just want to stay friends, that's also great!"

 

"Hey, do you want to go [bowling? pub-crawling? roller disco? Activity that can be read as friends only, but lends itself to getting tipsy and seeing if you both click]?"

 

YOLO, go for it.

[Gwardinen]

It puts extra blinders on me because I end up overthinking things even though several of my friend's have rolled their eyes at me and been like, "He's obviously into you, dude."

Other people tend to be better at reading those sorts of signals than the recipient, so friends are actually usually a good barometer in this situation.

[Twig]

haha oops

[Gormongous]

I'm not drunk, but eating some shitty truffles that a girl I'm seeing off and on gave to me because she literally couldn't stomach them. I'm a grad student and have no shame. I'll add to what you've said about starting with sex, which I do not because I'm particularly gay but because I've never learned another way to do it, really? Like, you can't beat the sureness of sex telling you that someone's into you... unless that's all they want (or you discover in the act that it's all you want), which is something I've never gotten good at.

 

Speaking of having no shame, said girl I'm seeing off and on has suddenly become "on" in a way that feels more right than anything in a very long time -- except that I've got longstanding plans tomorrow with another girl whom I've also been seeing off and on for quite some time now (although it's been mostly "off" since last summer, to be honest) and who, despite my attempts to be clear about us not actually dating, still seems to see our irregular hangouts as some type of commitment, if not necessarily an exclusive one. This entire weekend has been one big acid reflux attack, probably for that very reason, because I'm not looking forward to building up the momentum it'll take to spend three or four hours explaining these new developments to a friend who's in tears (which is what happened the last time that I made an effort to draw boundaries with her).

 

I'm not particularly bad at closing the door on people with whom I've had a romantic history, but I'm so excited about this new girl that I've got to try. Besides, I know from experience that I can't be vague here at all, so... ugh.

[syntheticgerbil]

My boss scheduled me 32 hours on my last week of Starbucks this week. Asshole. Part of why I am quitting is because he never once put me within the hours he sweet talked me as being "just fine" in the interview six months ago. I ask for 20-24, I get 32, I ask to go down to 18-20, I get 24-26. This job has just been wrecking my life and it was only supposed to be some kind of stable part time job for base pay, not something to interfere with contract work that pays much better and all of the time I need for school.

 

So I put in my two weeks recently after the boss decided it was okay to schedule the next week on the Saturday before, putting me into awkward situations with this new advertising place that is contracting me for multiple animation jobs where I could not tell them anything about my schedule for the next week.

 

Plus I was sort of having a breakdown in the meantime because I have not been properly sleeping for this year most of the time. I have to wake up to make the coffees at some time between 4-6 am at least three days of the week and then come home, sleep, wake up, spend time with my wife, go back to sleep at 1 am or so and wake up early again. By splitting my sleep schedules over and over I was just screwing up all of the days when I did not have to wake up at ungodly hours and then sleep way too much or just feel tired and listless. The work is not that bad but the location is stupidly busy and there's a gross amount of stress involved that is hard to wind down after juggling so many customers.

 

I guess since I hated it so much and this other company is currently paying me I figured I could just go ahead and quit for now, complete a couple of projects, and then look for another part time job, maybe one I could throw out a 16-18 hour number (I have more classes than ever coming up second semester of this year) and they would accept. Thing is, my experience with these low paying jobs is they always lie about the hours that are okay in the interview, so I feel lost on trying to find a minimum wage job that would be cool with under 20 hours and pay me stably per week (and also work with a school schedule that changes every semester). I'm now just stressing that I will find some good leads soon on jobs that will work with exactly what I need. Favor, the delivery service, seems perfect, but they won't hire me because I don't have an iPhone and T-Mobile is my carrier. I don't know why those are bad things, since they have an Android app, but okay.

 

On the other hand this advertising company I started with two weeks ago might keep sending me work throughout the oncoming months so maybe I can just focus on school and not get a part time job for the remainder. I only need 38 hours from them a month to equal 96 hours of Starbucks pay. I might have some options over the summer at this game camp because last year I helped a few weeks at it and just kind of led kids around to the bathroom or vending machines and helped them use Photoshop/Construct 2. I'm not the best with kids though. Also Linklater's rotoscope guy said he'd give me run off work for his current rotoscope project in May, but I and pretty much going to say promise of later work is always a no in my experience.

 

Blegh, I wish I could just feel like my life was stable again, after all of these years.

[SecretAsianMan]

This weekend is the start of our Spring outage, which for me means lots of overtime and working the night shift.  This one's relatively short compared to most, but there's a lot of stuff happening that could be problematic if it doesn't go well.  Hopefully it will.

[Thrik]

Spring outage? Elabor8 m8.

[Professor Video Games]

I think it's when they power down a reactor to do maintenance and maybe switch out fuel rods? Definitely the most likely time for a superhero to be created.

[Badfinger]

I just had my "90 day" permanent hire evaluation at the job. They lowballed the fuck out of me. I am in a daze and don't know what to do.

[SecretAsianMan]

I think it's when they power down a reactor to do maintenance and maybe switch out fuel rods? Definitely the most likely time for a superhero to be created.

 

That's pretty much exactly what it is.  Except for that second part.

[Apple Cider]

Pros: Got offered and accepted permanent position at my job (bump to higher pay salary, benefits, PTO/sick/vacation)

Cons: Been getting put through ringer on Twitter because I have contrary opinions

[Thrik]

I just had my "90 day" permanent hire evaluation at the job. They lowballed the fuck out of me. I am in a daze and don't know what to do.

Some details might net some good advice, although my initial thinking would be to accept and get the hell out ASAP, because if they're willing to do that then they're obviously bastards you don't want to be entrusting any kind of long-term future to.

I might be making mistaken assumptions about the situation though. I assume your terminology means that they offered a permanent salary considerably lower than what they initially implied and therefore you expected.

[Dewar]

Pros: Got offered and accepted permanent position at my job (bump to higher pay salary, benefits, PTO/sick/vacation)

Cons: Been getting put through ringer on Twitter because I have contrary opinions

 

Same location? Benefits are cool!

[Badfinger]

it is my own fault for not negotiating when I accepted the job as a temp position, but before they took it off the website I saw the job posting and the money was a range and not a set figure. I had no time to decide and was willing to do nearly anything to improve my job situation so I accepted the low end number. This offer would not even clear the top range they were offering as temporary. They've already expanded my job responsibilities, and I had no negative comments in my pre-hire review. I was genuinely stunned.

[Apple Cider]

Same location? Benefits are cool!

Yep, same loc, same position, nothing changing other than being a Real Employee. I had benefits through my temp agency, oddly but we only got them a couple of months ago. I also got a 401 K and I should probably look into what that is. 

[syntheticgerbil]

How long did it take you to get full time? Was it a temp to hire position when you started it?

[Dewar]

Yep, same loc, same position, nothing changing other than being a Real Employee. I had benefits through my temp agency, oddly but we only got them a couple of months ago. I also got a 401 K and I should probably look into what that is. 

 

The basics of 401k is that you take out a percentage of your pay before taxes and put it into an account that invests it and tries to make it grow. Then when you're retired you pull it back out and get taxed for it then instead. It seems kinda silly at first but it offers you the advantage of 1) That money that you would be paying to taxes is instead being allowed to grow over 20 years, and 2) due to progressive taxing, you will likely be taxed at a lower percentage in your older years.

 

The other plus is that, in an emergency, you can draw a loan from that account or even take money from it permanently if you have to (after paying a pretty good chunk in penalties and taxes)

[Badfinger]

The OTHER other benefit of a 401k is that often employers will offer a contribution towards it. When I was with Comcast, if I remember the number, they would match up to 6% of your paycheck. So if my paycheck was $100 (not that far off from reality, ZING!!!) and I was allocating 6% to my 401k, $6 of that would be siphoned off the top of my paycheck pre-tax and go to that account. At the same time, Comcast would ALSO put $6 into the 401k. So while I would only receive $94 in income for that pay period, I would also only taxed on $94 instead of $100, plus $12 went into my 401k account. That's different for every employer, some don't offer it I'm sure, but it's a potential hidden bonus that so many people I worked with did not take advantage of due to only seeing their monthly income.

 

So I had another conversation with the Operations VP this morning after sleeping on it. I offered up a new number and it sounded like he was receptive to it. On one hand, this is an income I can actually rationalize living with (and on I hope), and on the other hand the tepid resistance offered makes me think I should have asked for double the increase I proposed.

[JonCole]

Yeah, generally it's a good idea to contribute to a 401k up to the amount that an employer would match at the very least, if your employer does match. There's pretty much no better investment than a 1:1 match.

 

Beyond that matching amount, it's debatable whether a 401k is the best way to invest. For many people, particularly young single people, it's probably better to also have a Roth IRA. Pre-taxing means no penalties or fees for withdrawing and much of the time if you actually do the math you'll end up with more in the end. Only disadvantage to Roth IRAs that I know of is a relatively low annual contribution limit, but that's no big if you're not rolling in money.