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Whelp, tonight is the first night in my annual (and sometimes biannual) work overtime for a month at night while not getting overtime pay.  So long Mr. Sun, it was nice knowing you.

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Another school year begins, and my first as a specialist instead of a generalist. It was a good week, met both classes I'll be teaching, and had one heartwarming moment with a little girl who only speaks French in a very English school. She was in tears over her Math "what do you remember from Grade 4" pre-test because she couldn't understand some of the questions, so I crouched down next to her and started explaining everything in French. None of the other grade 5 teachers speak it, and I don't think she realized I did until I started doing so with her. She figured out everything she needed to and was beaming by the end of it. Has spent the last 2 days following me around in the halls chatting about whatever comes into her head because she knows that I will understand her and she seems like she's been kinda starved for someone to talk to. Super cute. I think I made a buddy.

 

Awwwwwwwww bravo pal.

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The damp issues in our rental flat have now moved on from mouldy wardrobes to an infestation of mould mites in the kitchen. Goodbye £100 worth of food, hello a Sunday spent bleaching everything ever.

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its my little guy's 1st birthday.  not to be cliche, but certainly went by fast and was not nearly as difficult as i expected.  

 

He was generally a very good infant - middle of the night wake ups were frequent...but reliable and practically set a watch to.  Outside of a minor hip problem that'll be corrected over next few years - no problems.  Once that hip brace came off this summer it was ez all-night sleeping too

 

 

anyways, he's rad and im super happy how its worked - and working out.  It really did pull me out of a deep rut of status quo and work-no life balance.  i am going to continue to right by him best as i can; its a frequent source of anxiety and depression when i consider my own father's failures and lack of involvement.  I do not lament him, just fear of falling into a similar mindset or trap - which is clearly irrational since im a different person, but blah.

 

anyways, heres the cool dude at 1yr photos looking very dapper. i look forward to his future

post-33948-0-88084000-1475116727_thumb.jpg

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Congrats undermind! Lovely looking chappie.

I've found these books to be immensely helpful when thinking about parenting and what my role and behaviour should be:

http://brainrules.net/brain-rules-for-baby

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889

My eldest (almost 6) just passed her swimming pre-test so I'm proud as pudding as well today.

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ty everyone.  re-reading that post this morning i still dont know how to form my emotions about the kid, past failures, and avoiding future missteps

 

 

Congrats undermind! Lovely looking chappie.

I've found these books to be immensely helpful when thinking about parenting and what my role and behaviour should be:
http://brainrules.net/brain-rules-for-baby
https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889

My eldest (almost 6) just passed her swimming pre-test so I'm proud as pudding as well today.

 

Thanks! actually posted this last year or so when I last shared the kid news - and i got it...and it is 25% complete on my desk.  i suspect i need to finish it before the kid goes off to college - Will check in next year :D

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- In finally got my cosplay, the cosmaker which made is very talented, it was much better that I could expect. And in anime event at the beginning of the previous month, I could for the first time, cosplay - it was amazing experience, before it I had only joined more the Japanese fashion part. I even joined in the cosplay contest at the end, and even got at 6th place.

 

- However, I still haven´t got my prize for the last Japanese fashion contest I joined in another event, I talked to the person which organized and she is seeing what could be done.

 

- I do have deep interest in Visual Novels, did write one of game jam, and plan maybe write more (I have just no idea where I would put them*) and lately I have been doing some research about how the art was made in old Japanese Visual Novel/Adventures, as some of them where quite impressive - spoilers: for what I could get, is a mix between scanning, dithering, pixel art, limitations of the computers of the period (things like 256 colors) plus 80-90 anime aesthetics.

 

* Also I can´t decide a theme or thing that don´t become overcomplicated in a instant, despite having several ideas. Add to this the need of produced several arts for the game, which might take a lot time as I don´t illustrate "fast".

 

- Polycount forum is really helpful, I am getting some small feedback, still at I am at the kind at the same point (which is leaving me worried a lot, as sometimes I fear begin not "good enough", something I know I should avoid), but is a progress.

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Wandering the Vice.com website today, i came across this article (and regular column) on depression that I found to be very like my own experience, though more severe than I have had to deal with. I thought it might be worth posting, just in case.

 

http://www.vice.com/read/so-sad-today-acceptance-depression-anxiety

 

Thanks for posting this.

 

It's interesting. The further that I get from my high school years, the more obvious it is that I was suffering from a extremely severe depressive episode. I isolated myself to the point where I had no friends and my own family felt like strangers, I stopped enjoying most activities, I lost an incredible amount of weight, I slept for 12 or more hours almost every day, I felt helplessly fatigued in almost every situation, and it was very hard to concentrate, and I frequently contemplated suicide. Because I would sleep through most of my classes and never did homework, I was held back for a grade and then eventually expelled from school.

 

At the time, I remember reading descriptions of depression on the internet and thinking "no, that's not me." I was convinced that I was lazy, lacked ambition, or was just not very smart. I think I almost preferred to blame myself for what was going on in my life. Maybe it was easier for me to think that I was just bad at being a person than to admit that I had no control. Maybe I didn't want to admit that I needed help. I think I was afraid that the help I sought wouldn't work, and then I'd be completely without hope.

 

I've gotten somewhat better since then. My most recent 'bad period' was about a year and a half ago. It was really bad, though. Maybe my worst period of depression ever, though not the longest. However, that was the first time that I really admitted to myself that I have depression.

 

It seems so obvious from the other side. I wonder how I could have been so blind at the time?  Admitting that I have a problem, and coming to see it as a disease rather than a personal failing is probably the first thing that has really let me fight it. Now I think of depression as a handicap, not a defining feature of my persona. If I feel the 'twinge' of a coming depressive episode, I now have a name for it, and I can try to deal with it before it gets out of control. Some people have physical handicaps, like a missing limb, and they still manage to get by even though life is hard. Compared to that, I don't think I have it very bad.

 

But reading articles like this, from people whose experiences match mine so closely, makes me sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I know that a lot of people are out there suffering, and that we probably won't ever 'get better'. But happy because I know that I'm not alone.

 

Anyway, sorry for the long and somewhat unprovoked post. These are thoughts that I've been having for a long time, and I think they were ready to be verbalized. Maybe I should just start a diary.  :P

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I have also retroactively realized that I was probably depressed during Uni, which is likely a big part of why I never graduated. And I too was convinced at the time that it was part of my personality. I also tried to use Count Monte Cristo as an example of why it was ok to suffer (for a while) - although in my head only, I never told anyone about that. I still think I'm a lazy person in some respects, but on the other hand I'm proving not to be in more and more areas of life, so maybe that's not true at all.

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Thanks for posting this.

 

It's interesting. The further that I get from my high school years, the more obvious it is that I was suffering from a extremely severe depressive episode. I isolated myself to the point where I had no friends and my own family felt like strangers, I stopped enjoying most activities, I lost an incredible amount of weight, I slept for 12 or more hours almost every day, I felt helplessly fatigued in almost every situation, and it was very hard to concentrate, and I frequently contemplated suicide. Because I would sleep through most of my classes and never did homework, I was held back for a grade and then eventually expelled from school.

 

At the time, I remember reading descriptions of depression on the internet and thinking "no, that's not me." I was convinced that I was lazy, lacked ambition, or was just not very smart. I think I almost preferred to blame myself for what was going on in my life. Maybe it was easier for me to think that I was just bad at being a person than to admit that I had no control. Maybe I didn't want to admit that I needed help. I think I was afraid that the help I sought wouldn't work, and then I'd be completely without hope.

 

I've gotten somewhat better since then. My most recent 'bad period' was about a year and a half ago. It was really bad, though. Maybe my worst period of depression ever, though not the longest. However, that was the first time that I really admitted to myself that I have depression.

 

It seems so obvious from the other side. I wonder how I could have been so blind at the time?  Admitting that I have a problem, and coming to see it as a disease rather than a personal failing is probably the first thing that has really let me fight it. Now I think of depression as a handicap, not a defining feature of my persona. If I feel the 'twinge' of a coming depressive episode, I now have a name for it, and I can try to deal with it before it gets out of control. Some people have physical handicaps, like a missing limb, and they still manage to get by even though life is hard. Compared to that, I don't think I have it very bad.

 

But reading articles like this, from people whose experiences match mine so closely, makes me sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I know that a lot of people are out there suffering, and that we probably won't ever 'get better'. But happy because I know that I'm not alone.

 

Anyway, sorry for the long and somewhat unprovoked post. These are thoughts that I've been having for a long time, and I think they were ready to be verbalized. Maybe I should just start a diary.  :P

 

I too unfairly blame myself for things. Recently, this has been the most obvious in Overwatch, where I take it as a personal failing every time we lose a competitive match. I also have a lot in common with Mike from Penny Arcade who has talked on their podcast about feeling if he can just work harder, do more, accomplish everything, he can stay ahead of the depression.

 

I've been going to counseling for just over a year. I went in refusing to even talk about medication, but as I feel myself slipping back down into depression, I've admitted I need some more help and we're going to look into prescription options. 

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I also have a lot in common with Mike from Penny Arcade who has talked on their podcast about feeling if he can just work harder, do more, accomplish everything, he can stay ahead of the depression.

 

This is me in a good period, just go balls to the wall....usually until I hit a wall.

 

The last couple of years has involved a lot of introspection for me to come to terms with the fact that I've been dealing with bouts of severe depression for my entire adult life, something I managed to deny all the way until a couple of years ago when I stretch got so bad I had to get meds and do something about it.  That stretch came as close as anything to causing a lot of shit in my life to unravel. 

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*sigh* Health care costs are doubling here at work, siting the affordable care act. That may or may not be true, all I know is that every year I've worked at this job, I've been paid less.

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1 hour ago, Dewar said:

*sigh* Health care costs are doubling here at work, siting the affordable care act. That may or may not be true, all I know is that every year I've worked at this job, I've been paid less.

 

That stinks. I'm sorry ot hear that! Health care is so crazy expensive, it's nuts. 

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I am now living an appendix free life as of about four today. Started having stomach pains around 10 PM Tuesday had local pain in my lower right abdomen at 2AM and went to the ER around noon. And apparently it's good I waited as my appendix was so twisted that had I gone in earlier they would have just put me on antibiotics and by the time I'd realised it wasn't working it would have been too late and would have died. And they say procrastination dosent get you anywhere in life. I am by all measurements fine now though so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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I am so close to being done with night shift at least for the next few months when this starts all over again.  Then again each time I said this in the last two weeks a new problem cropped up that forced this blasted outage to keep going.

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12 hours ago, SecretAsianMan said:

I am so close to being done with night shift at least for the next few months when this starts all over again.  Then again each time I said this in the last two weeks a new problem cropped up that forced this blasted outage to keep going.

 

As someone who did night shift for 6 years, I feel your pain. 

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14 hours ago, Vulpes Absurda said:

I am now living an appendix free life as of about four today. Started having stomach pains around 10 PM Tuesday had local pain in my lower right abdomen at 2AM and went to the ER around noon. And apparently it's good I waited as my appendix was so twisted that had I gone in earlier they would have just put me on antibiotics and by the time I'd realised it wasn't working it would have been too late and would have died. And they say procrastination dosent get you anywhere in life. I am by all measurements fine now though so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

When I was younger, I put up with that pain for two weeks. When they finally dug in there, my intestine was wrapped around my appendix, which was the only thing that kept it from bursting.

 

Yay! Pointless pieces of anatomy. 

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Is anyone familiar with employment law? Because of my depression, I'm classified as disabled under the Americans with Disabilities Act. My employer is requiring me to undergo a medical examination and provide them with a letter stating my health status, treatment, and what to expect, which I understand is forbidden by law.

 

Anyone familiar with how I should approach this? My HR department is refusing to put me in contact with an ombudsman, either because we don't have one or because they don't want me in contact with them, and I'm not clear on what my next steps should be.

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20 hours ago, Mangela Lansbury said:

Is anyone familiar with employment law? Because of my depression, I'm classified as disabled under the Americans with Disabilities Act. My employer is requiring me to undergo a medical examination and provide them with a letter stating my health status, treatment, and what to expect, which I understand is forbidden by law.

 

Anyone familiar with how I should approach this? My HR department is refusing to put me in contact with an ombudsman, either because we don't have one or because they don't want me in contact with them, and I'm not clear on what my next steps should be.

 

I don't know about employment law, but I'm incredibly sorry to hear that you have to put up with that. Having an employer strong-arm you into revealing sensitive medical information, and becoming defined by your depression, can be demoralizing. 

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Starting my third week under the influence of Lexipro. I had a lot of ups and downs at first, but things have mostly stabilized and I'm feeling pretty good.

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i'm just sitting here listening to the last track on the planet coaster soundtrack (before it loops back around to the beginning (i love this soundtrack so much)) and it makes me so happy to just listen to this

 

and also looking as some photos of fireflies from japan (they're so pretty) which is making me nostalgic for when i lived there and also making me wish i used my camera more

 

and also thinking about how it's that Perfect Time of the Year to start staying inside with people you love instead of going out all the time (which is perfect for me because going out all the time stresses me out) 

 

and i'm just really sad all of a sudden and it's probably because i'm alone right now instead of not being alone but hey who knows

 

what a weird onslaught of emotions this past ten minutes has been

 

i think i hate it

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