Life

[subbes]

Did you read the police log in the Arcata Eye?

(Arcata apparently has a lot of drum circles. Must be the hippies.)

[miffy495]

I am not having a good night. I wish I could get into it, but it might turn into a case of shooting myself in the foot, if it ever becomes a legal thing.

I hate Arab culture. I fucking hate it. I feel all dizzy and nauseous now.

Haven't been this upset in a while. Can't even think straight. Sorry, Thumbs. I'll delete this in the morning.

If you truly can't talk about it, our thoughts are with you anyway man. I've routinely been both saddened that you have to live with some of the things you've described and impressed that you seem to be living a mostly normal life despite it. Good luck to you. We're pulling for you.

[Luftmensch]

My mum was invited to give a talk about Catholicism at small local conference about the role of religion in voting. She spent the next several days following the event telling everyone about how bizarre the other speakers were. One highlight was that, after she gave the talk, she was approached by a woman who told her that she thinks "the liberals" had "infiltrated" the Catholic church. When my mother asked why she figured, she was told because the Catechism, which she read, contained the expression "social justice", which is liberal propaganda code.

That, and many other anecdotes, settled in my mind that there is a deep institutional lack of rationality where I live, and I want no more part of it.

[Thyroid]

OK, so here it is.

My ex-girlfriend and I are close friends. It's mostly an issue of me trying to make sure she has someone to be friends with, because she has no-one else. It's not because she's a bad person (she's loved by everyone she knows; I mean it), or because she's anti-social, or anything, indeed, that is her fault.

It's because of her dad.

Think of all the horror stories you've ever heard about crazy dads. This is him. Possessive, angry, accusatory. I'll spare you the details. It's far, far worse than you can imagine. He is the only person in this world who I genuinely loathe.

Friends, family, anyone: no-one is allowed to speak to his daughter. The reason she still talks to me, and why we're so close, is because she actually has no-one else.

His masterpiece, however, that when she graduated, he locked her up in the house for two years. He stopped her from working or going to college. No internet, phone, or computer. She 'd snuck a copy of FF7 and beat that over 20 times, whilst continually re-reading her handful of novels to keep her sanity.

When we met, she was crying herself to sleep every night, only getting out because she found a job that was cheap enough for her to get to in a taxi and where the pay would mean she had some money at the end of the month. We snuck around. Dated for a year. I started helping her find her feet again. She went from suicidal to happy. It's the best thing I've ever done.

With loads of patience and a lot of work, she got into the Royal Academy for Culinary Arts. She did it via scholarship, paid for by noneother than the Movenpick. She's the top of her class, and the top of her entire year. She's insanely talented. A very hard-worker. This is something she made for me before she even got in there. This was one of her first attempts.

Here's a later one. Here's another, including Arab-style cake.

She has to work nights. Her dad doesn't like that, oh no. He doesn't pay a cent. He doesn't drive her there, or take her back. In fact, as far as he's concerned, she doesn't exist. But he doesn't like that.

He's locking her up, two months before graduation. She'll fail her entire year. She'll lose the scholarship she and I died to make happen.

She snapped. She fought back. She decided to leave her entire house, with no money, and just break for it. She's had enough. I've never heard her scream. I've never heard her sob like that. She has never, when I tried to calm her down, told me to shut the fuck up.

She called me up last night, needing a place to stay for the night. I would have gladly let her stay, but Jordanian law says I could be arrested for it. It's an honour crime. If I was a woman, that's different. It's why I was reluctant to post last night, but needed a place to vent. She didn't stay here. It's why I can post.

It's her dad. He's accusing her of sleeping around. He is the angriest, most pathetic person on this planet. He is willing to emotionally and physically abuse his own daughter.

She's left everything behind in a society that will punish her for it, and is going to wing it, riding on her good grades, until she graduates.

In Jordan, that's like diving headfirst into the ocean and hoping you learn how to swim.

Then, goodness knows. I'll help her, but I'm juggling enough hot plates as it is.

And I'm worried sick.

[Roderick]

I hope she makes it on her own out there. What a ridiculous father to have, he should be ashamed of himself.

[brkl]

Your posts always make me feel guilty as hell about how my little problems affect me. That's horrible.

I recently saw a documentary about a Moroccan woman in a bad situation, which made me think of something when reading that. Does she have her official papers? Can she prove who she is without dealing with her father? What a nasty situation.

[Thyroid]

I forgot to add that officials will take her dad's side in any legal issue. In Jordan, he is her legal guardian, and therefore, as long as she's not married, she gets "returned" to him. All he has to do is put out a "public call" (a Jordanian thing).

Maybe, because she has an American passport, the Embassy could help.

[brkl]

Yikes. Well, an American passport sounds like something that would help. I guess she can't actually leave the country because that would fuck up her studies :/

[Frenetic Pony]

I forgot to add that officials will take her dad's side in any legal issue. In Jordan, he is her legal guardian, and therefore, as long as she's not married, she gets "returned" to him. All he has to do is put out a "public call" (a Jordanian thing).

Maybe, because she has an American passport, the Embassy could help.

MAYBE? There's a definitive chance they could "help". As in, if she wants to move to America. Otherwise... they aren't going to do anything to even poke the middle east with a fifty foot stick.

[Thyroid]

Leaving is out of the question, alas.

[Armchair General]

Holy shit that's awful. What could she do to make her Dad happy? Where is he coming from? What would he have her do to make her better in his eyes? What a sad situation.

EDIT: There are also plenty of assholes like that in every culture unfortunately.

[Lu]

You said it, AG. What kind of a person could do that to their own child?

[Luftmensch]

I may be wrong, but I believe that as long as she stays inside an embassy without extradition to Jordan, she's temporarily safe. Temporarily being most key, of course, but that's the best I know.

Criminy, what a mess.

[elmuerte]

Finally handed in the keys to my rental place, and I'm getting my deposit back \o/ Last week it wasn't "clean" enough ...

[MrHoatzin]

Islam has been under the boot of the West for quite a while. It is kinda natural for Abrahamic societies to get crazy patriarchal under duress. It is important to remember that for most of the Middle Ages (Islamic Golden Age) and later the Ottoman Caliphate, Islam had the most progressive societies on the planet. It is not inherently like this.

Do you see any sign of a home-grown reaction to this atmosphere of bullshit? Some kind of Islamic feminism or something like it? It is hard for these kinds of grass roots uprisings to be effective in authoritarian systems, but I get the impression that the cosmopolitan urban society thinks of itself as under occupation from the theocrats.

[syntheticgerbil]

Your posts always make me feel guilty as hell about how my little problems affect me. That's horrible.

Yeah they make me want to take a step back too as I don't have many run ins with the law in the country and wouldn't for the stuff Kroms has to deal with. Traffic law is all I really have to deal with which is so insignificant in comparison. I don't really have much to add or help.

Hope things can change one day in your country Kroms, since leaving isn't an option.

[ThunderPeel2001]

My mum was invited to give a talk about Catholicism at small local conference about the role of religion in voting. She spent the next several days following the event telling everyone about how bizarre the other speakers were. One highlight was that, after she gave the talk, she was approached by a woman who told her that she thinks "the liberals" had "infiltrated" the Catholic church. When my mother asked why she figured, she was told because the Catechism, which she read, contained the expression "social justice", which is liberal propaganda code.

That, and many other anecdotes, settled in my mind that there is a deep institutional lack of rationality where I live, and I want no more part of it.

Ah, South Carolina.

[ThunderPeel2001]

Leaving is out of the question, alas.

Why is that? If she has a passport, she's legally able to go...

[Thyroid]

Now she's stopped answering my calls. I hope she's OK.

I appreciate all the support. Maybe this is all not worth the dust I'm kicking-up but I didn't take things especially well last night and it's been a scary, nerve-shattering experience. It's hard for me to believe how insane everyone is acting.

Thank you, sincerely.

MrHoatzin Yeah. I think there's been a hugely satisfying paradigm shift lately. Things are getting more progressive.

Brkl and syntheticGerbil, I honestly wouldn't say my problems are any bigger than yours. I'm good at avoiding trouble, and I keep my nose clean. I just happen to stick my neck out sometimes for people who I think could use a little helping hand.

This culture is just very frustrating to deal with, especially since I know we could be much better. If I get particularly impatient with it, it's because I still care.

Thunderpeel2001, One of the stipulations of the scholarship was that she'd work for the Movenpick for two years at the Dead Sea, Jordan side, after she graduated. She still has two months to go till graduation, then the two years. Hence, leaving not being an option. She signed the contract ages ago.

[subbes]

So since she's "his" until marriage, could you or someone else "marry" her (legally but not spiritually/emotionally) to get her a chance to escape? It's a gross suggestion, I know. :/

[Thyroid]

Haha, I won't lie and say I didn't consider it. But I don't think my current girlfriend would take to it much. Also, you know, that's a pretty insane solution. Things are complicated as they are between me and her as she's my best friend and my ex, so. But yeah, totally considered it for a moment.

Anyway, update: she made it. She's staying at undisclosed location, and is roughing it until December. Yay. Hopefully she graduates with great marks, gets her Movenpick gig running as soon as possible, and wings it out of there.

Thank you so much, everyone. I lost my ability to rationally think on my first night, and I didn't know who to turn to. You all helped loads. :tup: out of :tup: .

[ThunderPeel2001]

I hate to cause alarm, but if she's going to school, won't her father be able "legally" abduct her? Or tell her school to let him know when she arrives? :-/

[Thyroid]

Nah, she's safe within the school. He can't get to her, unless he actually gets the police involved. And it looks like he won't, since it could (horror) cause his reputation (a huge thing here) to sink. Yay honour.

And, non sarcastically, yay victory. I hope.

[brkl]

It's snowing. I don't like it.

[Twig]

It'll never snow here. I don't like it.

EDIT: I said "It'll never know here." What.