Karimi's Guide to Joining Idle Forums

[Karimi]

Karimi's Guide to Joining Idle Forums :

Introduction:

You were attracted by the colorful pictures and promise of conversation amongst a mature and sophisticated gaming community. You said it would be interesting, and decided to check it out. Somewhere along the line you clicked the link to this site and lost the address of that site, tough luck.

Joining Idle Forums is described by most as "Baptism by Fire"; its a scary and often painful experience. But if you stay here long enough, suck up to the important people you just might make a friend or two.

This guide will teach you:

1- What Idle Forums have to offer.

2- Your first days.

3- Do's and Don'ts

4- Looking to the future.

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What Idle Forums have to offer:

Idle Forums is a community of grumpy nostalgic gamers, they are the young version of your mean grandfather, or the old man in your town. He sometimes beats you with a stick but its because he loves you ... sort of. Like grandpa they prefer their peace and nothing too new. Its like an old jazz club, but with more abbreviations. There are alot of elitists here ,since the forums are largely based on an aristocrat-based class structure ; which is what makes it hard to get into the community.

Idle Forums is a interesting place to visit, provided you don't stay too long. You may eventually be able to make your own opinion and it's an interesting place to see another side of gaming and expand your horizons. The people are pretty witty and though may seem hostile, can usually be coerced into not hating you.

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Your first days:

1- Pick a discreet name , something that will become important later on but can easily be missed in your first week or two. Something like : Hambob.

2- Don't alert anyone to your presence, in fact, don't post for a month. Imagine the people are aggravated chimpanzees; you don't want to make them angry or feel insecure. Just stay quiet, lurk , read posts, make them know you're there but don't do anything. Not yet.

3- Prepare an avatar and a signature. The avatar should be something somewhat dull, so that you don't stand out too much you don't want to alert them to your presence as I said. The avatar should have a gaming icon but nothing too fancy, and nothing action related. Remember N.I.C.E.; if it's new, immature, chrome, exciting it shouldn't be there. Shiny things or anything from the last five years is usually frowned upon. You can't go wrong with Tim Schafer, Grim Fandango or Monkey Island. As for signature, have a quote from Remo , Spaff, Yufster or something game related. The rules for avatars also apply to your signature , make it something old , such as "Sounds more like the name of a flooring inspector". If really unsure just have a name such as Lechuck.

4- Don't start any threads. Definitely a no-no, they will realize you're new and chew you up. Really.

5- Start out by making short posts , usually supporting the poster and agreeing.Not more than a sentence is preferred ; try to avoid making a blanket statement or something you will regret. Example : "I sort of might like RANDOM BAND when they are good". If you're not sure whether to agree or disagree look at the post count of the user, if its above 500 agree, if not remain neutral. If it's as much as yours or less, call him an idiot and insult his/her belief system.

6- People to know , anyone with 1500 posts or more . Message them saying how great they are and that you love their articles. If they want specifics tell them its all good ,and that picking a specific would take away from the beauty of the article in general.

7- Read up on some old games , work up a hate for anything mainstream. If you like Halo , bite yourself every time you think of it and eventually you will be like the Idle Forums members !

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Do's and Don'ts :

- Do compliment everyone you deem important , remember post count !

- Do insult other newbs.

- Do use sarcasm whenever possible.

- Do remember , if its cynical is worth posting

- Do compliment Monkey Island everytime someone reviews another game. Example "The game is decent but Monkey Island was better"

- Do compliment Tim Schafer, Ron Gilbert , or other Forum favorites.

- Do laugh anytime they insult you , or ignore it.

- Do hate what you hate and love what you love. There is no in between , if its not good its bad , if its not bad its good.

- Don't hesitate to say you hate or despise something , be creative with your hatred. Phrases like "Sucks ass" , "totally newbish" , "not worth my time", "has the wit of a baboon" earns you respect !

- Don't clarify if you were being sarcastic or not. It makes the person asking the question feel stupid. Be sure to reprimand the person asking by saying something like "Can't you tell ??"

- Don't use emoticons , its makes you seem newbish and/or friendly. Except the icon , it makes you seem mysterious/cynical.

- Don't make a welcome thread; you're better off making it a farewell thread.

- Don't have any opinions until you've been on the site for a year.

- Don't spam any links, they will only make fun of your taste and call you a newb. You don't want to be a newb do you ?

-Don't make your thread question based, if you want someone's opinion or want to know what their favorite thing is you message them. At least the rejection/humiliation is not public.

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Looking to the future :

By the end of the first year, some people should like you. You should be generally respected (which means that no one hates you or insults you frequently). Now you can truely enjoy these forums.

You can start sharing opinions , giving suggestions and best of all after bottling up hate for a year you can feel free to dish out some insults to anyone new ! After all , you had to go through it so why shouldn't they ?!

Remember, the key to fitting in is trying to be better than everyone else. But don't over do it , remember, if you do become better than everyone else you become a sellout. You don't want that just yet. That comes around the third year, or by the time you start writing articles.

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Enjoy Idle Forums , I'm sure you will find it all worth it ... or not.

Goodluck,

Karimi

==========

Footnotes :

I would like to thank Chris Remo, he inspired this guide by saying :

The Idle Thumbs Forums: Where All Newcomers Are Inexplicably Ripped to Shit!

Meant as a joke but I guess it might actually work, I did take some of this advice.

==========

Edit : Spelling errors , better choice of words ,removed things that I repeated , making some things clearer.

[Chris]

Hahaha, excellent.

EDIT: Also horrible due to being true.

[Jake]

Befriend me! Not Chris, he is shit.

Am I being sarcastic? Maybe!

edit: also I agree with both things Chris said. this thread brought a smile to my face and also a frown at the same time, and a furrowed brow probably.

[Karimi]

Hahaha, excellent.

You love me , you really love me !

[Knar]

Wow, Idlethumbs seems like such a hostile and unforgiving place. I must have done so many of the don't's multiple times. Therefore I am a newb or n00b and hated by all.

[MrHoatzin]

Also worth adding that we are easily enamoured with good syntax, diction and grammar in general. Bad grammar makes us judge you with extreme prejudice and say things like, "Oh, GAWD! :( :(".

It is very shcocking* to realize that the forum is populated exclusively with assholes as big as myself.

*) Sic. A typo. I like how it sounds.

[Thrik]

u can also help urself two get recognised around by playing with sum idle thumbers in cs. just make sure u dont kill us.

[Knar]

u can also help urself two get recognised around by playing with sum idle thumbers in cs. just make sure u dont kill us.

Ow, that hurts.

[Savage Cabbage]

Well I HATE YOU.

[miffy495]

Hey now, I've only been a forum member for 8 months and I started forming opinions a while ago. I don't think I'm hated. Am I? AM I?? WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER!?!?!? *runs away crying*

[Chris]

Fuck off

[Jake]

Fuck off

"Is he joking?"

[Chris]

Yes No

(what )

[tabacco]

[Nappi]

This is good, but Monkey Island was better.

... eh. I spoiled it already.

[Thrik]

Your avatar reminds me of Yoshi.

[MrChlorophyll]

I prefer my method of talking but never really saying anything because whatever opinion I allegedly have has been already stated by another. Keeps me out of trouble and lets me be a complete and utter asshat without anyone actually knowing.

And that makes me giggle.

[baconian]

I've started using the word 'asshat' in real life now. Goddamn the internet to hell.

[Redwall]

4- Don't start any threads. Definitely a no-no, they will realize you're new and chew you up. Really.

Or they'll just delete them.

[OBLIGATORY QUESTIONING OF SERIOUSNESS]

However, I have managed to be mysterious because few will know of the event I speak of due to the fact that the aforementioned deleted thread disappeared within a time frame of less than ten minutes after its being posted.

(I also take some consolation in that I presumably caused this.)

(Also, I'm not really new.)

(Parenthesis are definetly my favorite type of punctuation.)

(I had to look up how to spell 'parenthesis'. )

[Steve]

(Parenthesis are definetly my favorite type of punctuation.)

(I had to look up how to spell 'parenthesis'. )

The plural of "parenthesis" is "parentheses." See Kingz' note above.

"Oh, GAWD!:(:("

[vimes]

The problem I personnaly encountered with a lot of forums is that nobody react to someone with a balanced or a complex opinion; what you have to do is

Don't hesitate to say you hate or despise something , be creative with your hatred. Phrases like "Sucks ass" , "totally newbish" , "not worth my time", "has the wit of a baboon" earns you respect !

... and when people begin to respond to that with bitter anger, you can counter attack by developing your original ideas.

It's Macchiavel to the use of educated people.

[Dingo Chavez]

By the end of the first year, some people should like you. You should be generally respected (which means that no one hates you or insults you frequently). Now you can truely enjoy these forums.

That only took me two months.

I've had the so-called IdleThumbs invented word 'wuxtry' stuck in my head for months now.

That has nearly nothing to do with this thread, but I'm just saying...

[MrHoatzin]

That only took me two months.

That's what YOU think, you punk-ass nigga foo'!

[Dingo Chavez]

That's what YOU think, you punk-ass nigga foo'!

Don't make me start using Mr. T again. I'll do it. Fine, you made me do this.

Mr. T: You the foo'! Foo' with teeth!

I pity the fool who doesn't respect Dingo's punk-ass, fool!

[Redwall]

The plural of "parenthesis" is "parentheses." See Kingz' note above.

"Oh, GAWD!:(:("

I consider it a spelling mistake, which Kingz neglected to mention. So there.

Oh, yeah, and