The Shitty Joke/Anti-Joke Thread

[dibs]

You should join us for GTA nights!

[BadHat]

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

 

Because someone threw a fridge at her.

[James]

You should join us for GTA nights!

I don't know; he's still referring to the Irish as "people".

This comment is appropriate because it is a shitty joke.

[DaveC]

A guy is walking down the road with an apple.

 

He sees a friend, who says, ''Can I have a bite of your orange?''

 

The guy replies, ''It's not a pear, it's a plum''. 

[dibs]

A guy is walking down the road with an apple.

 

He sees a friend, who says, ''Can I have a bite of your orange?''

 

The guy replies, ''It's not a pear, it's a plum''. 

 

Is this joke about James?

[syntheticgerbil]

THAT'S NACHO CHEESE

[melmer]

Perhaps the biggest joke of all, I'm an idle thumbs reader who doesn't own a PC

English man, Irish man and a Scottish man escape from prison

Whilst being pursued by guards in a near by town they find some sacks to hide in

When the guards come across these three bulging sacks they become slightly suspicious and decide to take a closer look

The guards prod the first sack containing the English man who says woof woof woof and the guards think its a dog

They prod the second containing the scot who says meow, the guards presume a sack full of cats

They prod the third and the Irish man says potatoes

[Ucantalas]

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

[Nappi]

Good stuff. I only need to recast them as a Finn, a Norwegian and a Swede (the Swede being the dumb one of course), and I'm sure to be the most popular guy at the next office party.

[Stuart]

Good stuff. I only need to recast them as a Finn, a Norwegian and a Swede (the Swede being the dumb one of course), and I'm sure to be the most popular guy at the next office party.

 

And on that day, you were fired for making an offensive joke. Thanks, Thumbs!

 

This is technically a shitty joke. Also, has this become the official Bad Irish Jokes Thread? Oh my luck charms...

[Merus]

Two backpackers are in Ireland and they're out of beer money, so they go into a pub (where else) to apply, and get told they only want Irish residents because backpackers spend all their time drunk on the job.

So the two backpackers sit down in another pub and come up with a plan. They'll pretend to be Irish! "I'll be Pat," one of them says, "and you be Mick. By the time they work out we're not Irish, we'll be indispensable!"

So 'Pat' goes in for an interview, and sits down with the manager, who asks him his name. 'Pat' says, in a dodgy Irish accent, "Aah, me name's Pat."

"You're a backpacker, aren't you," the manager says, "Sittin' down for an interview and callin' yourself Pat. You think we're potato-lovin' idiots, do you? I mean, you could have at least said your name was Pat-rick."

So 'Pat' tells 'Mick' what happened, and 'Mick' goes to another pub for an interview.

"What's your name, lad?" the manager says.

 

"Aah, me name's Mickrick."

[DaveC]

Aah, me name's Mickrick."

 

God, that's shitty. I love it.

 

I'm feeling awfully oppressed by this thread! (I'm Irish). 

[dibs]

The Pale or the potato eating part?

[Merus]

God, that's shitty. I love it.

 

Told to me by an actual Irishman, and I remembered it a) because it's very silly and  because it's one of the few Irish jokes I've heard where the punchline isn't 'Irish people are terrible'.

[dibs]

Paddy irish man, paddy English man and paddy scots man were walking down a country road late one night. Suddenly, in a burst of fire, the devil appeared. He said he was going to take them all to hell unless one could put something in his hand that would not melt.

Paddy English man went first. Gingerly he placed his house key in the devils hand. The devil laughed, closed his hand and from between his fingers metal poured.

Seeing this, paddy Scotsman went to the side of the road and picked up a stone. Sure it would work, he placed it in the devils hand. Again the devil laughed, and melted the stone with ease.

Paddy irish man had a think about the problem, but finally reached into his pocked and produced a sweet. He placed It in the devils palm and took a step back. The devil laughed, closed his hand only to look frustrated. He tried and tried, but he couldn't manage to melt the sweet. Eventually he gave up, and slunk back to hell to sulk.

Paddy English man and paddy scots man rushed over to paddy Irishman, wondering aloud at how he had managed to twarth the devil. Paddy irish man laughed and said, I gave him an m&m, and we all know, m&m's melt in your mouth and not in your hand.

Edit: typing on ipad, major joke><

[Erkki]

that was the shittiest joke so far

[Problem Machine]

Though I think spitting in the devil's hand or giving him a piece of paper might also have worked. Remember that in case you don't have any M&Ms handy when you (inevitably) meet him.

Who carries unwrapped M&Ms in their pocket anyway?

[dibs]

Paddy irish man obviously.

[Reyturner]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the face?" to which the horse replies "The doctor just told us that my wife has inoperable cancer. She has six weeks to live."

[atte]

What was the name of the anti Movember campaign?

 

NO-vember

[Reyturner]

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light-bulb?

 

Just one really, I mean it's a simple job. However, if it's way up high and you need a ladder, it's a good idea to have someone hold the ladder steady. It can be really dangerous if you're not careful. Most accidents happen around the house precisely because people don't think about simple things like falling off a ladder. And, Mr. Macho-man, if you're worried being embarrassed, really, please, just swallow your pride and ask for help. Honestly, it really isn't worth the risk.

[tegan]

Who carries unwrapped M&Ms in their pocket anyway?

 

[Ucantalas]

Do you want some cream?

[Problem Machine]

Do you want some cream?

Ye- nnnnnnno.

[miffy495]

 

Thank you and good night.