Life

[elmuerte]

Move to Austin, Texas, Kroms. Just try not to light any 3 year olds on fire.

That's not allowed anymore? What has Texas become?

[Ben X]

Kroms, I'd just like to say: I LOVE YOU TOO, TAMI!

[Thyroid]

Kroms, I'd just like to say: I LOVE YOU TOO, TAMI!

:~ What are the chances of you saying this the same day she starts "Ben There, Dan That"?

[Nachimir]

I just finished rebuilding a knckered old BMX bike, and made it into this:

(Flickr set)

It was in a bad way when I got it, with no headset or brakes. Most of the components it did still have were in a bag and really badly corroded; the bits still on the bike hadn't been greased in years. I also had to find out what it was, as the original owner didn't know.

The only pristine thing about it was the paintjob; the guy I bought it from works for Caterpillar and it had been resprayed in the same yellow as all their diggers.

Very satisfying to repair it and also get it looking that tidy, now to head up to the skate park and try not to hurt myself too badly while learning to jump it.

[ThunderPeel2001]

Wow. Great job! Must be very satisfying now that you're finished.

[Armchair General]

Those chain tensioners are a good idea, I didn't know you could get those, that'll save my fingers when trying to hold the chain taught on my kids bikes having changed the innertube.

Chain tensioners...who knew. Thanks Nachimir:tup:

[Orv]

*Sigh*

The commercial for this came on last night in a crowded room and I howled like a maniac for a moment before realizing other human beings were nearby. I then had to explain the connection to Christ Remo, a video games journalist/developer. I then had to explain what video games journalism was. I then went and cried myself to sleep.

. . .I was going to edit "Christ Remo" but I think I'll just leave it there.

[SignorSuperdouche]

Due to a lack of people I can talk about this to in real life, I'm posting it here.

I split up with my girlfriend on the 15th Feb. Astute thumbs will have already spotted that this may not have been the best timing.

She moved out of the flat on the same day, whilst I was at work, and moved back in with her parents.

We've hung out together a few times since then and she's made it clear she wants to get back together. I really don't.

Anyway, two nights ago I get a phone call at nearly 3AM from her she's asking for my help. I care about her immensely and she was clearly very upset so obviously I agreed to help her.

Then she expains what she wants help with.

She wants me to help her take her own life.

What the fucking fucking fuck do I do? I literally have no idea how to approach this. I'm mostly just pretending that this isn't happening. Is she serious or trying to guilt trip me or what the fuck? What the fucking fucking fucking fuck am I supposed to do? How can I discuss this with her without inflaming the situation? Do I tell her parents? Both she and her mother have attempted suicide before.

I feel like she's using this as a weapon against me but then I feel like an utter cunt.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, it's turned into a stream of consciousness type thing and my stream is all over the fucking place, so I'm going to stop here. Hopfully I'll feel better for having puked this over other people.

[pabosher]

Due to a lack of people I can talk about this to in real life, I'm posting it here.

I split up with my girlfriend on the 15th Feb. Astute thumbs will have already spotted that this may not have been the best timing.

She moved out of the flat on the same day, whilst I was at work, and moved back in with her parents.

We've hung out together a few times since then and she's made it clear she wants to get back together. I really don't.

Anyway, two nights ago I get a phone call at nearly 3AM from her she's asking for my help. I care about her immensely and she was clearly very upset so obviously I agreed to help her.

Then she expains what she wants help with.

She wants me to help her take her own life.

What the fucking fucking fuck do I do? I literally have no idea how to approach this. I'm mostly just pretending that this isn't happening. Is she serious or trying to guilt trip me or what the fuck? What the fucking fucking fucking fuck am I supposed to do? How can I discuss this with her without inflaming the situation? Do I tell her parents? Both she and her mother have attempted suicide before.

I feel like she's using this as a weapon against me but then I feel like an utter cunt.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, it's turned into a stream of consciousness type thing and my stream is all over the fucking place, so I'm going to stop here. Hopfully I'll feel better for having puked this over other people.

Oh shit. I can't even begin to imagine man. I don't know if talking to her parents is the best idea - especially if her mum has tried it before. Maybe her dad is more stable, and you can talk to him? Talking to her in person sounds like the best idea, and failing that, call the police or something and tell them that you believe you have someone manically depressed who may take their own life.

That's all I can really suggest man. I hope it works out. Shit.

[Gwardinen]

The only thing that I can really suggest is that you try your best to get her to seek professional help. The fact that she asked you makes it seem like this is one of the "cry for help" styles, so it is important that she get that help. It will probably be difficult to convince her, but it would probably be incredibly useful to her if she were able to talk freely with someone whose job it is to listen and recognise the signs.

Also, on your end, do not take this whole thing onto yourself mentally. It is not your responsibility to ensure that she lives or that she is happy - and if someone truly wants to kill themselves, they will, so don't believe that if this goes wrong it was your fault. Do your best to be there for her, if that's what you choose, and try to get her to seek help, but don't make this a quest.

[Scrobbs]

Ah, mate. That's absolutely horrible. Being totally detached emotionally from the situation it's hard to offer anything, but you have to try and ascertain why. Also, it's not something you should deal with yourself. You need to speak to her folks, your folks. It's not fair for her to lay that on you. Don't let her guilt trip you back into a relationship, as that will go badly.

Although she might think that's the best way out, personally I think it's a coward's way out. It's selfish - all that un-necessary pain you would cause your loved ones.

(If you have any spiritual feeling then it's putting off the inevitable and might have to deal with it in another life)

If she does go through with it (and don't help!), there is no come back on you. It is totally her decision. Not yours.

Above all, I think it's a selfish thing to ask you, and to consider it.

If she doesn't go through with it, get shot mate. No further contact.

Again, easy for me to say. Sorry.

[Patters]

Due to a lack of people I can talk about this to in real life, I'm posting it here.

I split up with my girlfriend on the 15th Feb. Astute thumbs will have already spotted that this may not have been the best timing.

She moved out of the flat on the same day, whilst I was at work, and moved back in with her parents.

We've hung out together a few times since then and she's made it clear she wants to get back together. I really don't.

Anyway, two nights ago I get a phone call at nearly 3AM from her she's asking for my help. I care about her immensely and she was clearly very upset so obviously I agreed to help her.

Then she expains what she wants help with.

She wants me to help her take her own life.

What the fucking fucking fuck do I do? I literally have no idea how to approach this. I'm mostly just pretending that this isn't happening. Is she serious or trying to guilt trip me or what the fuck? What the fucking fucking fucking fuck am I supposed to do? How can I discuss this with her without inflaming the situation? Do I tell her parents? Both she and her mother have attempted suicide before.

I feel like she's using this as a weapon against me but then I feel like an utter cunt.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, it's turned into a stream of consciousness type thing and my stream is all over the fucking place, so I'm going to stop here. Hopfully I'll feel better for having puked this over other people.

1. Ask her if she's seen a pschologist

2. If no go find one, there are various groups that can help with this

3. Take her there

4. Go from here

alternatively

1. Get back together with her

2. Marry her

3. Have a kid

4. Get divorced

5. She becomes massively depressed and blames too much on you, despite a lot of the root problems being her own.

Don't do the second.

[syntheticgerbil]

It seems like your message was way more urgent SuperDouche when originally posted, but I'll try my shot.

I would say get back together in most cases since just because most these days seem to say to split up almost over anything as advice. Relationships with anyone you are close to will always talk worth and it usually will end up worth it. That could just be optimistic spew, I don't know. I just really don't agree with Gwardinen's train of thought that her unhappiness has nothing to do with you.

Just as much as you can make someone miserable they ever entered a relationship with you, you also have the ability to make someone glad they did. Maybe it sucks for people to hear that, but I find it's true and reflecting on yourself and how much is your fault and how much isn't is inevitable and important. No offense meant towards you in any of this, Gwardinen.

BUT what happened in this case is that in this case s that you broke up with her, so she did not have a choice. You didn't state any of the reasons you broke up with her, but if you still feel that way after her wanting to get back with you a week later, then whatever reasons you have seem sound and not tied to emotional reaction.

So yeah, she probably does want to take her life to some extent and some probably more underlies as a controlling function to get you back, but I'd say the former is probably the most at front. Getting people back by suicide threats is just as useless as dating someone who seriously no longer wants to be with you. I hope you had called the equivalent to 911 in the UK basically.

Also in general, I think never talking to or seeing someone again after a break up is easier on both parties, so I'd discontinue that. If she's really that stuck on you, it's impossible for her to move on if she keeps seeing you. Even if she's asking and you are obliging out of kindness, I'd still stay away.

[Gwardinen]

I just really don't agree with Gwardinen's train of thought that her unhappiness has nothing to do with you.

Just as much as you can make someone miserable they ever entered a relationship with you, you also have the ability to make someone glad they did. Maybe it sucks for people to hear that, but I find it's true and reflecting on yourself and how much is your fault and how much isn't is inevitable and important. No offense meant towards you in any of this, Gwardinen.

I'm not so much saying that her unhappiness has nothing to do with him, but I didn't really consider getting back together an option because... he doesn't want to. I wasn't really thinking about their relationship at all, and I wasn't saying that he should just assume she has no bearing on him.

I'm just trying to state that in the very specific situation of a potential suicide, people seem to be quite willing to take responsibility for that person's life and there's all this potential guilt if things go south. I'm simply attempting to warn him off that, helping her is good but don't assume that you can control whether she lives or dies and don't let grief wreck you if it comes to that. I realise right now the last thing anyone probably wants to think about is the possibility of her death, but trying to get into a place where you don't blame yourself after you already have is very hard, and I've seen people go through it.

Also in general, I think never talking to or seeing someone again after a break up is easier on both parties, so I'd discontinue that. If she's really that stuck on you, it's impossible for her to move on if she keeps seeing you. Even if she's asking and you are obliging out of kindness, I'd still stay away.

Normally I'd agree with this wholeheartedly, every time I've tried a breakup and kept contact it's gone kind of sideways. However, I do think it's important you try to get her help, even though increased interference by you might sort of conflict with the point I was trying to make above... and this advice given by syntheticgerbil that as I said, I agree with. It's another of the complicated balancing acts of life, I suppose, and I hope it works out for you and that you return with stories of the perfect way to handle the situation.

[DanJW]

I've sent a PM to SSD, but here's my advice in general: call the Samaritans or another suicide hotline. They help people in Superdouce's position as well as people in his ex's. They really will have all the best advice and contacts for your area.

Depression and suicidal thoughts are really serious, they need professional medical aid.

[ThunderPeel2001]

I've sent a PM to SSD, but here's my advice in general: call the Samaritans or another suicide hotline. They help people in Superdouce's position as well as people in his ex's. They really will have all the best advice and contacts for your area.

Depression and suicidal thoughts are really serious, they need professional medical aid.

Yes. Helpful advice.

Also, for the love of God, TELL HER MOTHER.

Can you imagine trying to explain why the fuck you didn't tell her that her daughter was suicidal at your ex's funeral? She's her mother and she deserves to know. It's also not your sole responsibility.

It does, thankfully, sound like a cry for help/possibly an attempt to manipulate you... but don't take chances. Get in touch with the Samaritans and tell her loved ones.

Edited February 28, 2011 by ThunderPeel2001

[Scrobbs]

Alternatively, slip some arsnic into her orangejuice.

[Nachimir]

Really sorry to hear this SSD.

It's also not your sole responsibility.

It does, thankfully, sound like a cry for help/possibly an attempt to manipulate you... but don't take chances.

need professional medical aid.

^ These. If she's trying to manipulate you, call the bluff (Edit: totally the wrong choice of words) get her professional help instead of letting her manipulate you. If she isn't, then the right thing to do won't necessarily elicit a positive response from her. Either way, it's really not fair to push that weight onto you.

Edited March 1, 2011 by Nachimir

[ThunderPeel2001]

These. If she's trying to manipulate you, call the bluff.

Do NOT call the bluff. That's an insanely childish and petty thing to do. I assume Nach made a typo here.

[syntheticgerbil]

I'm just trying to state that in the very specific situation of a potential suicide, people seem to be quite willing to take responsibility for that person's life and there's all this potential guilt if things go south. I'm simply attempting to warn him off that, helping her is good but don't assume that you can control whether she lives or dies and don't let grief wreck you if it comes to that. I realise right now the last thing anyone probably wants to think about is the possibility of her death, but trying to get into a place where you don't blame yourself after you already have is very hard, and I've seen people go through it.

Ah, now I see. I agree fully with this.

[Thompson]

hNRe_diEPLg

Topical.

[Nachimir]

Do NOT call the bluff. That's an insanely childish and petty thing to do. I assume Nach made a typo here.

Ah, yes, sorry. Shouldn't post when tired. I absolutely did not mean say something like "Go ahead and do it". I meant get her some help from other sources, rather than submit to manipulation.

[ThunderPeel2001]

Ah, yes, sorry. Shouldn't post when tired. I absolutely did not mean say something like "Go ahead and do it". I meant get her some help from other sources, rather than submit to manipulation.

Lol. Yes, that makes more sense

I hope things are going OK for SSD. Been very quiet

[Scrobbs]

Buy her a plane ticket to Switzerland

[Armchair General]