Life

[Gormongous]

So we went out for Asian-style karaoke on my birthday Friday (private room, pass around the mic and buzz the wait staff for food and drink) and had a great time. They had the whole Hedwig and the Angry Inch soundtrack on the machine, so I got to prove to everybody there that "Midnight Radio" is well out of my vocal range. It was possibly the best way to celebrate the last year of my twenties.

 

After we checked out, things took an unexpected turn. A girl from my program, of whom I've always been fond but never done anything because I know I'm too quiet and shy to be her type, was very friendly apropos of nothing when we drove her back to her place. She laid in my lap holding my hand the whole car ride, then we stayed up for three hours talking, during which she lent me three different books and kissed me on the cheek (though aiming for the mouth, I think) out of nowhere at one point. She was definitely drunk though, so I just made sure she got to bed and went home, but texted her about a date the next day. She said yes for something on Tuesday, but hasn't seemed very enthusiastic about it since, and now I'm doubting myself, because 1) it's likely she thinks we're just catching up on the summer over some coffee rather than "going out," and 2) it's been two years since I've seriously pursued anyone romantically and I don't really believe that I'm relationship material anymore. Also, 3) intradepartmental dating, ugh.

 

It's really funny how I'm now twenty-nine and still nothing stresses me out like the opposite sex.

[I_smell]

EDIT- I'll just put this bluntly instead of waffling so much about it.

 

I found out a very important friend of mine has had a boyfriend this whole time.

It's not just the sex that I like about her, and it's not just the us-against-the-world escapism I needed from my life full of happy couples.

It's mostly losing a single friend who I look up to,,who makes me feel like being alone maybe doesn't have to be such a debilitating disability- that's what really hit me.

That's what I was holding onto most of all.

[I_smell]

Gormy just show up and don't be afraid to get close.

 

Nobody's relationship material so that's fine, and you knnooooowwwwww you don't care about work rules so cut the excuses!

[Gormongous]

Gormy just show up and don't be afraid to get close.

 

Nobody's relationship material so that's fine, and you knnooooowwwwww you don't care about work rules so cut the excuses!

 

Oh, I'm definitely showing up. She's a fun person to be around and is one of the few people I know who likes to challenge others' opinions in interesting ways, so worst-case scenario I get to argue Peter Gabriel vs. Phil Collins for a couple hours, but my mojo's been a bit fucked by the residual thrill of a girl I like coming on to me, albeit temporarily and drunkenly.

 

Like you said in your (now deleted) original post, it's all just girl trouble. Sorry, Thumbs!

[I_smell]

Yeah I was just dying to get something off my chest, and my deleted post was so much theatrics and flaunting that I decided if I'm gonna vent, I'll just vent about the part that's really bugging me.

 

Decorating those couple sentences with so much fluff is just being indulgent

[Badfinger]

Gormongous just be up front with her! If you really like her, tell her you really like her. If that's not what she wants, you're in the same place you were a couple of days ago except without the existential crisis and ambiguity, and that's ok.

 

People don't snuggle up and give kisses for no reason, even if they're drunk. That's not to say her intentions vs your reading matches up, but spending time and accepting an invitation are both positive things. I know I said "just" be up front, even though that is monstrously difficult, but once the words are out in the air it's the least stressful way to be.

 

 

 

I have been doing online dating, and I think I am being too eager to move forward lately. Ladies I was having nice conversations with disappeared instantly when I offered them my phone number. That has NEVER happened before. I wonder if I'm doing it too quickly, it's really weird.

[Gormongous]

Yeah I was just dying to get something off my chest, and my deleted post was so much theatrics and flaunting that I decided if I'm gonna vent, I'll just vent about the part that's really bugging me.

 

Decorating those couple sentences with so much fluff is just being indulgent

 

I have a very, very similar post about my ex-girlfriend that I've been writing and deleting for weeks, so I got something out of reading it, even if it was just catharsis for you. You have my sympathy, as someone with ways of construing self-worth that are clearly also fucked.

 

Gormongous just be up front with her! If you really like her, tell her you really like her. If that's not what she wants, you're in the same place you were a couple of days ago except without the existential crisis and ambiguity, and that's ok.

 

People don't snuggle up and give kisses for no reason, even if they're drunk. That's not to say her intentions vs your reading matches up, but spending time and accepting an invitation are both positive things. I know I said "just" be up front, even though that is monstrously difficult, but once the words are out in the air it's the least stressful way to be.

 

Thanks, I just needed someone to say what I've been thinking in the back of my head. She is very... ebullient, that's the word, but not someone who kisses people for no reason, I don't think. I'm really just psyching myself out, and the fact that I asked her out (in an even more low-key, some would say cowardly, fashion) when we first started hanging out like two years ago and got blown off has me constructing paranoid theories to explain the discrepancy, when it's probable that she's just gotten to know me better.

[Thrik]

Gormongous just be up front with her! If you really like her, tell her you really like her. If that's not what she wants, you're in the same place you were a couple of days ago except without the existential crisis and ambiguity, and that's ok.

 

People don't snuggle up and give kisses for no reason, even if they're drunk. That's not to say her intentions vs your reading matches up, but spending time and accepting an invitation are both positive things. I know I said "just" be up front, even though that is monstrously difficult, but once the words are out in the air it's the least stressful way to be.

 

 

 

I have been doing online dating, and I think I am being too eager to move forward lately. Ladies I was having nice conversations with disappeared instantly when I offered them my phone number. That has NEVER happened before. I wonder if I'm doing it too quickly, it's really weird.

 

Well, how quickly do you do it?

[Badfinger]

I have a very, very similar post about my ex-girlfriend that I've been writing and deleting for weeks, so I got something out of reading it, even if it was just catharsis for you. You have my sympathy, as someone with ways of construing self-worth that are clearly also fucked.

 

 

Thanks, I just needed someone to say what I've been thinking in the back of my head. She is very... ebullient, that's the word, but not someone who kisses people for no reason, I don't think. I'm really just psyching myself out, and the fact that I asked her out (in an even more low-key, some would say cowardly, fashion) when we first started hanging out like two years ago and got blown off has me constructing paranoid theories to explain the discrepancy, when it's probable that she's just gotten to know me better.

Me too. Angst posts, ahoy.

 

Of course you are! We all psych ourselves out. Thinking of myself in a reverse situation, I don't know that I would accept a one on one invitation if I didn't have any interest. Is it something you've done with her before? Just have a good time, be open, and save your paranoia for here.

 

Well, how quickly do you do it?

 

Like 4-5 days, a week of sending emails back and forth?

 

 

I think this video is exceptionally relevant to embarrassing relationship moments. It helped me deal with my dumb self a few weeks ago. Vid should start at 16:05 and go to 25:00

[Thrik]

That doesn't seem bad, although I haven't once volunteered my number or asked for a girl's number before asking them to meet, unless asked first (which I have been). If she agrees to meet then at that point it kind of just seems sensible to swap numbers.

 

Thus far I've met six girls via dating sites. I generally chat and then after three or four days find a way of slipping in the suggestion that we meet, usually jumping directly off of some existing part of the conversation (e.g. chatting about favourite drinks conveniently becomes 'let's have a drink'), which I may or may not guide in that general direction... 

 

I find that going any longer than a few days is counter-productive, because by that point the conversation starts to wear a bit thin in terms of how much you want to invest into someone before just going ahead and meeting them. Of course this all depends on how much you're messaging each other and the lengths of those messages, I have successfully asked sooner but that was because we chatted quite a lot over just a couple of days.

 

You have to just recognise when it feels right and go with it without hesitation. If you've been having good conversation for multiple days then it's overwhelmingly likely she's open to meeting, and if she needs more time she'll generally be very open about that rather than just disappearing on you. If you wait longer, you run the risk of her thinking you lack the initiative to ask the obvious.

 

I guess there are endless factors to this, but those are my thoughts anyway.

[Gormongous]

Of course you are! We all psych ourselves out. Thinking of myself in a reverse situation, I don't know that I would accept a one on one invitation if I didn't have any interest. Is it something you've done with her before? Just have a good time, be open, and save your paranoia for here.

 

I actually think this will be the first time we've spent time together alone, besides walking to the parking lot after department events. We get along conspicuously well in group settings, but I've always been bad about telling whether that's friendliness or something more. I do know that we're not allowed to play a husband-and-wife team in Ladies & Gentlemen anymore because we work too well together. I know, I'm just navel-gazing now. I am looking forward, I'm just being a goober about it.

 

Like 4-5 days, a week of sending emails back and forth?

 

I spent a while on a couple different dating sites and eventually gave up because of this phenomenon. I found a lot of women who wanted to chat as long as I was willing, but if I showed more concentrated interest, they'd peace out. I think a lot of people like to flirt with the safety and distance that the internet provides, I don't know.

[Jay Tholen]

Howdy guys. I'm incredibly stressed right now because I'm leaving for PAX in 10 days, we have a lot of work to do on our game, and my programmer keeps disappearing and/or ignoring me. I've stalked him a bit on certain forums and I'm pretty certain that he's playing MMOs or something. Just thought I'd share that because I need an outlet don't want to blast that all over social media. 

[Badfinger]

I actually think this will be the first time we've spent time together alone, besides walking to the parking lot after department events. We get along conspicuously well in group settings, but I've always been bad about telling whether that's friendliness or something more. I do know that we're not allowed to play a husband-and-wife team in Ladies & Gentlemen anymore because we work too well together. I know, I'm just navel-gazing now. I am looking forward, I'm just being a goober about it.

 

 

I spent a while on a couple different dating sites and eventually gave up because of this phenomenon. I found a lot of women who wanted to chat as long as I was willing, but if I showed more concentrated interest, they'd peace out. I think a lot of people like to flirt with the safety and distance that the internet provides, I don't know.

 

It sounds to me like you've set yourself up to have a really good time!

 

I've actually been on dating sites on and off for years. I've been in multiple relationships that lasted more than 6 months and more than a year from people I met online. I also have some women I would call very good friends that I met online, including one I never actually dated! I have never really experienced that phenomenon, except in the last few weeks. I don't know if it's just that I'm comfortable talking through the internet and that makes me bolder than I would be in person or just so much relationship experience, but it's foreign to me. I have female friends who say the same thing happens to them, so it's not limited to one side or another. One of the ladies actually texted me about half an hour after I made my whiny post, so maybe that was unjustified!

[Bjorn]

It sounds to me like you've set yourself up to have a really good time!

 

:tup:

 

I was going to type up something to try and give you an ego boost, but it looks like you and everyone else here has done a pretty good job.    Chill the fuck out (as best you can) and have a great evening!

[tegan]

I've almost got this insurance settlement business sorted out. Right now the problem is that my doctor (who needs to sign the form) is on vacation until the day that the offer expires, so I expect I'll be calling my insurance company all week trying to sort something out. Until I do, I'm pretty much broke still. Ugh. It's allllmost over.

[Gormongous]

:tup:

 

I was going to type up something to try and give you an ego boost, but it looks like you and everyone else here has done a pretty good job.    Chill the fuck out (as best you can) and have a great evening!

 

It's actually coffee in the early afternoon and she has plans later that day (which is part of why I was worried about miscommunicating my intent), but if I dwell any longer on deep-seated fears of not being dateable, I'll become a parody of myself. Thanks anyway, everyone!

[osmosisch]

Howdy guys. I'm incredibly stressed right now because I'm leaving for PAX in 10 days, we have a lot of work to do on our game, and my programmer keeps disappearing and/or ignoring me. I've stalked him a bit on certain forums and I'm pretty certain that he's playing MMOs or something. Just thought I'd share that because I need an outlet don't want to blast that all over social media. 

Man, that sucks. Hang in there.

[Thrik]

I take it he isn't going to be at PAX...

[Merus]

I have the Mythical Man-Month* knocking on my head, but it'd still be nice if we could get a couple of programmers from around here to help shore up Jay's code so he can make a decent PAX showing.

 

* adding programmers to a project takes time, and usually makes late projects later

[chummer]

Howdy guys. I'm incredibly stressed right now because I'm leaving for PAX in 10 days, we have a lot of work to do on our game, and my programmer keeps disappearing and/or ignoring me. I've stalked him a bit on certain forums and I'm pretty certain that he's playing MMOs or something. Just thought I'd share that because I need an outlet don't want to blast that all over social media. 

 

Man. Ya'll already payed for your spot and he's swerving you? Sympathies.

[Jay Tholen]

We're in the Devolver booth, so I didn't technically have to pay for it.

 

I take it he isn't going to be at PAX...

Nope. Good news though, he returned my message and is working on it! I was SO close to doing this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=dU95v23MQ4c#t=90

[Zeusthecat]

Today is one of those rare days where we are getting an insane amount of rain. Roads all over the city are flooded and some areas had multiple inches of rain fall in a 30 minute period. I can barely contain my excitement. It is just crazy to think that we only get an average of 7 inches of rain per year and over the span of the last couple days, some areas around the city have received around half that amount.

[tegan]

Being a Zeus post, I naturally misread that as "I can barely contain my excrement."

[Twig]

Let's talk about my younger (and only) BROTHER.

 

We never got along as kids. I was a bully. I was a bad person and I know this. One day I stopped. I really hurt him a lot. Like physically. You could make an argument that I abused him. I always feel bad about it every time I think about it. I'm not proud of my actions. I've apologized, but I don't know if he believed me or even bothered to listen. I should probably apologize again, for what little it's worth. Anyway, we were brothers and sometimes brothers just don't get along. Funnily enough he'd probably kick my ass now. He's super buff! Works out almost every day, as I understand it?

 

He has also always been a super selfish... spoiled brat. It's usually that stuff that triggered our fights. Not that I'm making an excuse, but we were bother kids and well yeah. It's shitty. But he was very extremely selfish. Any time things didn't go his way he'd fucking get all hissy-fitty on everyone involved, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, it didn't matter.

 

Anyway when I couldn't afford SF living costs anymore I moved back in with my parents to continue searching for a job in a safer more reliable situation. Turns out my brother had also moved back in with my parents shortly before I did. Weird, cool, whatever. We got along fine, and that's fine. We did have one decent moment of almost-real communication when he drove me to the doctor's (because I am the worst and have no license) and that was cool because he actually talked. Then the next time he took me he basically refused to talk even though I made an effort. Whatever that's okay whatever. Overall it seemed like he was way more chill, way less easily prone to anger, way less selfish. It was good! I was happy for him! I said as much!

 

Then two days ago he moved out randomly without telling anyone. Neither me nor our parents. Awkward? I don't know what happened. He just took all the stuff in his room and left. Weird. And then he snuck back in today and took the router and modem, again without telling anyone. Now, they were his; he paid for them. I have no problem with him claiming his property, as it were. All he had to do was come upstairs and let me know what he was doing, or tell our parents, or SOMETHING, and I wouldn't have even cared beyond a "dang I wish you'd waited a little longer".

 

What the fuck? What an asshole. He knew I'd be on the internet because he knows I'm jobless and licenseless and stuck in my room, and he just fucking did it without saying a goddamn word. The only reason I didn't realize what was happening is because I was watching a movie at the time and it was loud and I wasn't using the internet. I heard him talking and just assumed he'd come upstairs and claim the rest of his stuff (he left a chair and a small table in his room). He was complaining to his friend (who had come with him) about my mom asking him questions about his job. So basically he was complaining about our mom caring about him. And then he was gone.

 

I don't talk to him. I don't even have his phone number. But he fucking made me angry today. The way he was talking reminded me so much of all those times he went into selfish-brat mode, lashing out at people for asking him for anything, be it a favor or a chore or even just basic human communication. 

[Nachimir]

I went on a holiday last week, which I couldn't comfortably afford, but did need. I'm glad I was out there with really limited bandwidth, because nearly everything I've seen online has made me angry, from Ferguson to the mess people have been flinging at Zoe Quinn.

 

I spent a week riding bikes up and down really big mountains. I learned to jump mountain bikes, I practiced a pretty insane downhill course and got a lot of respect for doing it without rear suspension. The French have really, really good food. It was a really good week in many ways, but:

 

One of the four friends I went with got stressy in the first few days, and none of us could tell why. He became more and more robotic as the week went on, and I started to realise a part of it was that he and I are both very comfortable making unilateral decisions, but pretty bad at explaining or justifying them to those around us. I softened my behaviour as the week went on, but he didn't to the point where it felt like he was just being contrary. I've apologised for the things I did that wound him up, and let him know he wound me up too, but he's simply said he appreciates the apology and acted like he's done nothing wrong our out of sorts. He acted like this with everyone, we just happened to have some personality traits that clashed after more than a few days in close proximity. Both the other guys on the trip asked at various points "Why is [friend] being so uptight?", or "What's got into him?", and everyone was worried.

 

When I first met him, he'd spent six months not talking to anyone, and I assumed he was autistic. Over the past decade I watched him become a really warm, caring and strong person (not that he wasn't before, just desocialised), but this past week I've watched him going rapidly back up the autism spectrum

 

He's obviously really hung up on some specific thing, doesn't seem to realise how uncomfortable it was to hang out with him, or how worried we all were. If he was a relative stranger or acquiantance, I'd tell him to go fuck himself at this point, but the friendship is old enough I'm worried and bothered. He seems to have thrown up walls, and there might be nothing I can do.