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Congrats new dad

 

I feel weird posting about my life because I haven't posted on this forum in years and mostly just read it (because of severe anxiety) but I'm just so confused about what to do in the back end of my uni degree. I'm 25, and in three weeks I'm *supposed* to be going overseas to study in Indonesia for a year. But it's really difficult, for my entire life I've felt like I barely had any friends, but in our recent election campaign here in Australia I got super involved, and met a bunch of cool local people and I don't want to lose those connections, and one of the groups I was involved with is going to keep trying to build itself up in the area I live, and I'd really love to be a part of that. So now I've just got two things, both of which I really want to do, and absolutely no idea which to choose! Decisions are hard..

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Losing connections is hard. One thing I've learned from my recent move to another country, is that saying "yes" to things you think you don't want to do because of anxiety just leads to a better life.

I have more friends now than I've had in years, all because whenever someone asks me to go for a beer/coffee/run I say yes, rather than my usual no.

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I just got back from close to a month in Tanzania with a group of friends. We climbed Kilimanjaro and I have to admit it was pretty tough, and I didn't even really get any altitude sickness on the way up. I'm in decent shape, but it's more challenging mentally than physically. On the day before the summit attempt we ascended 1000m, then got four hours of sleep, woke up at 23:00, left at midnight and climed another 1200m (in complete darkness), so the body doesn't have time to adjust. It is crazy how exhausting it becomes to walk even at a snail's pace at that altitude. The scenery was breathtaking though and I'm already starting to forget the bad parts haha. All of us made it to the summit, which was pretty good considering the success rate for the route is only about 40% (that's what I read anyway). We saw a few people who had to be rolled down on some wheelbarrow looking stretchers.

edit: oh, I forgot to mention. One of the things I kept thinking was how much parts of the country looked like Far Cry 2. I've seen a lot of media from East Africa, but the never ending light brown and muddy greens of FC2 capture what it looks like better than anything else I've seen. Then when you spot two guys with AK-47s just standing somewhere it feels like you're in a game, it was a bit surreal.

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I want to break up with my long distance girl friend. 

 

I have no idea how to do it. Thinking about it makes my stomach sink, but we're both clearly not happy with how things are going. She constantly complains about me, and I never want to just stay home and talk on the phone or something. I don't find it fun, and it doesn't feel like we connect when I do.

 

The problem is, she's having a really hard time right now. No money, parents refusing to help her too. It's going to be for 6 months. I really don't want to wait for 6 months, we'll both be unhappy, but I don't want to push her in to depression when she needs me. 

 

argh, this is the worst, I should have just ended it when she moved away.

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I want to break up with my long distance girl friend. 

 

I have no idea how to do it. Thinking about it makes my stomach sink, but we're both clearly not happy with how things are going. She constantly complains about me, and I never want to just stay home and talk on the phone or something. I don't find it fun, and it doesn't feel like we connect when I do.

 

The problem is, she's having a really hard time right now. No money, parents refusing to help her too. It's going to be for 6 months. I really don't want to wait for 6 months, we'll both be unhappy, but I don't want to push her in to depression when she needs me. 

 

argh, this is the worst, I should have just ended it when she moved away.

 

It seems like waiting in a bad situation doesn't help anyone. If she is already not happy with the relationship, I don't think would keeping it going longer and it potentially getting worse is a good option.

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I want to break up with my long distance girl friend. 

 

I have no idea how to do it. Thinking about it makes my stomach sink, but we're both clearly not happy with how things are going. She constantly complains about me, and I never want to just stay home and talk on the phone or something. I don't find it fun, and it doesn't feel like we connect when I do.

 

The problem is, she's having a really hard time right now. No money, parents refusing to help her too. It's going to be for 6 months. I really don't want to wait for 6 months, we'll both be unhappy, but I don't want to push her in to depression when she needs me. 

 

argh, this is the worst, I should have just ended it when she moved away.

 

Oof, that's the worst. A while back, I was in a similar situation with my long-distance relationship after a year and change. She was suffering from severe depression, slowly getting pushed out of her program, and struggling on money, but we were both unhappy and I finally realized that there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me or for her.

 

Everyone, online and offline, told me that, the moment you realize you need to break up with someone, you need to do it. The positive effect of waiting for the right moment is invariably cancelled out by their realization that you decided you didn't want to be with them anymore but then hung around for weeks or months and faked it until an opportune moment showed up for you to do it "kindly." I did not take this advice and waited over a month; I wish I had taken it. Regardless of how it goes, I'm sorry and I hope better things for you both.

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Well I tried and it went horribly. 

 

She was bargaining and a lot more willing to do things to keep it going than I expected. I promised to think about what she said, which means I now have to go through the whole thing again in a week. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I'm not really sure how I can do it twice.

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I had this amazing night last night that let me reconnect with a bunch of old people and it just turned into this wonderful night of music, friends, family, and laughter. 

It's been a long time since I've had something like that and it really refreshed me and reminded me that I do still have some great friends in the people I haven't seen for years and that I can be this person and live my life in a way that I've just let atrophy over the years.

It feels weird talking about it but it really was just one of those nights that you end up storing away to fuel who you are and want to be for the next long while.

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Well I tried and it went horribly. 

 

She was bargaining and a lot more willing to do things to keep it going than I expected. I promised to think about what she said, which means I now have to go through the whole thing again in a week. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I'm not really sure how I can do it twice.

 

That sucks.  It sounds like you are 100 percent done, there's no compromises or agreements that could improve the situation that you would consider really continuing to invest in the relationship.  And in that case, you just have to stay strong and end it.  I don't think you need to wait a week.  And I'm not honestly sure you need to do it over the phone a second time if sending an email would be easier.  I think it shows respect for a partner to do it by phone or in person, but when you've tried, and that person just refuses, I don't know that that obligation persists.  You have an absolute right to end a relationship.

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So I poked myself with a quite possibly used needle at work today! I clean a same day surgery clinic and picked up what I thought might be a pen cap on the floor under the weird coat rack thing and as I was realizing it might be a needle the cap slide off I freaked out realizing it was in fact a needle and stupidly tried to put the cap back on and poked myself ever so slightly and drew blood.

 

I was more or lees okay with this as honestly I've worked there long enough that a blood test isn't a bad idea anyways and the place I work does planned out ahead of time and is to my knowledge not the sort of place frequent heroin users are likely to afford so the odds of the needle being infected are lower then they would be other places. But my mother was kind enough to point out that since we are connected to the hospital the needle could have come from there so now I get to deal with that bit of info all night.

 

On the plus side the transmission rate for most things is surprisingly low from what I can tell. Or maybe the internet is lying to me again like it did when it told me I was pregnant because I had neck pain.

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Yeah, even with an infected source the rate of transmission is pretty low, in my understanding. And chances are it's not even an infected source you're dealing with. So as much as I know it's hard not to do so, try not to worry about it.

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Honestly, it's surprising you haven't been trained to never put a cap back on a needle. This is exactly why you're not supposed to do that. 

 

If you legitimately haven't been told that and catch something, there's a good chance you would be owed compensation for working in a dangerous environment without the correct training. 

 

Get the blood tests. It doesn't matter how low the transmission rates are, it's better to be safe. I've poked myself with needles countless times, although they've never been contaminated with any human samples, only stuff from animals. Those transmission rates are even less, (especially for SPF environments), but still I got tests done for common zoonoses. It's peace of mind.

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Oh, yeah, I was absolutely not saying not to get tested. Definitely do! Peace of mind is worth it. Presumably you can be tested for free at work?

Also, I'm curious, do they vaccinate you against Hep B there? Over here basically anyone working in a healthcare environment gets that one.

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Oh yeah I'm going in to get tested. The place I work told me to come in for a blood test and I assume it's on them. Which given that I'm a contract worker and I think I signed away when I took the gig. Which was dumb but when you're seventeen-ish and your mom tells you your going to work for her you just kinda sign whatever.

 

And no I don't have a hep B vaccine but when I told my mom I got poked she asked if she ever got around to getting me vaccinated for that. Noooooooope.

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It's a good one to have anyway in case you travel abroad somewhere.

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Aiight, y'all.

 

I will be in Chicago the night of August 5th. I am going to spend that night at Berlin, at their International Sailor Moon Day celebration. I will be the dyed-with-roots-showing blonde guy with a shirt reading I'm The Fucking Moon Princess tee.

 

Y'all Chicago thumbs all better be there or be square. If you can't make it that night, I'll be around all weekend. I'll be in the slack or you can reach me here. I'll make sure to chill with everyone.

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Aiight, y'all.

 

I will be in Chicago the night of August 5th. I am going to spend that night at Berlin, at their International Sailor Moon Day celebration. I will be the dyed-with-roots-showing blonde guy with a shirt reading I'm The Fucking Moon Princess tee.

 

Y'all Chicago thumbs all better be there or be square. If you can't make it that night, I'll be around all weekend. I'll be in the slack or you can reach me here. I'll make sure to chill with everyone.

 

Oh man, if there's a chance in hell that I can drag my girlfriend to Berlin, I could be there. No promises, I guess, but I'm going to try!

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Oh man, if there's a chance in hell that I can drag my girlfriend to Berlin, I could be there. No promises, I guess, but I'm going to try!

 

Do it!  Just explain how special and fabulous Lansbury is.  Also, Sailor Moon day at the gay bar.  I mean.  How can you not go.

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Sigh.

I just had this horrible dream that my mum had decided to have herself euthanized one day and basically she'd told me about what was going to happen the day before and by the time I'd woken up the next day it'd already happened, her room had been cleaned up and was mostly boxes and I had to go over to the mortician's to get her cremated and bus back home with her ashes and a little box of her jewelery. All the while no one else was going to be there and no one else was going to call.

Anyway Ive just woken up with this sick feeling in my stomach and I dont think I can make most of my classes today because I'm almost at ths point where I feel ill over this.

Ever since she was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago I've always been in the dark about her health. She waited a whole year in case it screwed up with uni exams. But even now she's always been way more forthcoming with my older siblings and I basically just hear tidbits even though I live closer and see her way much more than they do.

So when I hear that her liver is shutting down and her cholestrol is too high, and that the doctors think all conditions are ripe for her to get liver cancer next; I'm thinking well how far along is really?

This week I get one of the first frank conversations with her about her health and find out that she's going to get regular screenings for tumours there, but they cant detect tumours under half a centimetre but once she has any there, and when/if they grow to five cm then she'll only have about three years to live.

Thing is I've known she was/is going to die while I'm still young for years.

But I guess its really hitting me now that there's a good chance she wont see me get a real house/non student flat, she wont see me get a real job, or any other kind of adulthood stability other than my partnership with Ben and even then everyone just sees us as big kids anyways.

She's the most involved family member I have besides my boyfriend's. When she dies her sisters and brothers are still going to be distant, my brother will still be abroad with his family, my sister will still be an undependable jerk, and I never want to meet my Dad again.

So in a lot of ways I do feel like I'm just going to carry her death in a little box with some jewelery in it, and it sucks.

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I'm sorry, Mawd, that sounds like a terrible feeling. The anticipation of grief and pain is almost as shitty as the grief and pain itself. Hopefully your mother will continue to be around for a while yet, and if/when the worst happens I hope your boyfriend and his family are there for you. You never know, maybe it will even bring you closer to some of your own family - these things do happen sometimes.

 

Until then, I hope you can find some way to process the feelings so that it doesn't make you ill and interfere with your life. Did you feel better for having that frank conversation with her? Do you think you'd feel better if you continued to get that honesty? Of course she must be trying to protect you from this, but if being left in the dark is actually just increasing your dread perhaps things need to change.

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Aiight, y'all.

I will be in Chicago the night of August 5th. I am going to spend that night at Berlin, at their International Sailor Moon Day celebration. I will be the dyed-with-roots-showing blonde guy with a shirt reading I'm The Fucking Moon Princess tee.

Y'all Chicago thumbs all better be there or be square. If you can't make it that night, I'll be around all weekend. I'll be in the slack or you can reach me here. I'll make sure to chill with everyone.

If anyone is gonna do this, get in touch with me via slack or pm me so I can give you an update when I arrive/if i change venues.

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If anyone is gonna do this, get in touch with me via slack or pm me so I can give you an update when I arrive/if i change venues.

My girlfriend's taken sick during my visit, so I'll have to pass, sadly. Next time!

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That sucks.  It sounds like you are 100 percent done, there's no compromises or agreements that could improve the situation that you would consider really continuing to invest in the relationship.  And in that case, you just have to stay strong and end it.  I don't think you need to wait a week.  And I'm not honestly sure you need to do it over the phone a second time if sending an email would be easier.  I think it shows respect for a partner to do it by phone or in person, but when you've tried, and that person just refuses, I don't know that that obligation persists.  You have an absolute right to end a relationship.

 

So I tried again, and we've agreed to meet up on a holiday, and if I still feel the same way after, then she'll accept my decision. It's not ideal, but I'm having a hard time with anything that makes her sad.

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