Jason Bakker

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Ah, I didn't know there would be voice-acting. I don't like auto-progression because I'm used to playing visual-novels where I can just click through the dialogue at my own speed and when a cat does something or someone talks to me, I don't have to worry about pausing or whatever; it just doesn't progress without me. 

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Heyo, I've been working on a True Detective meets Puzzle Agent sort of game, inspired by true events, called Black Feather Forest [...]

Any feedback is welcome!

This is really impressive! The art is clean and your character designs are interesting and memorable. The aesthetic is sound. I have a lot of thoughts about what you’re doing. I hope that’s okay.

My criticisms are along the lines of clyde and SuperBiasedMan. I'm into the design mentality you have going here, but narratively I see you could be running into problems. I didn't become disengaged at any point suddenly, but the writing definitely has its weaker moments. You characterize well using art and visual positioning, but the actual content of your writing engages less. It's a little bland at times. The most engaging dialogue came in moments of real specificity, like the fascinating UTBAPH moment, and when I realize there must be some footage on the security tape just by observing it! That's exciting, even for how mundane it is. By contrast the entire Ado interaction feels rote, despite the fact he eventually brings up the Raven, which seems like a pretty significant turn for the conversation. Imagine driving up to a gas station and interacting with an attendant who's never seen you before. Would even an amiable person readily delve into a topic like the Raven casually? Why is he standing alone? The player discovers Ado has insomnia. Perhaps that is why he is willing to have a candid conversation with people he barely knows. Try to evoke that in the writing somewhere! If the player character suspects Ado’s judgement is impacted by drugs, the player needs a good reason to think this too if this is based off of something both the player and the player character observe. Does the way Ado talks about the Raven really suggest marijuana? (also, hallucinating from weed? have you ever smoked pot? this isn't the kind of conclusion an intelligent documentarian draws.)

My advice for writing is to shoot for specificity in the “look” mechanic as well as your interactions, and to connect these moments with gameplay for best effect. Try to exercise your ear for dialogue by listening to yourself talk to other people. When I have trouble writing dialogue, I go out and try to strike up conversations with strangers for research. This keeps me from writing characters purely for texture. Everyone needs to be “real” even if the player doesn’t have access to the full rationale behind a character.

Do you have a story partner to discuss these things with? I find that can be invaluable for overcoming my weaknesses in writing.

One thing about the design: I’m a fan of a time limit on responses, but I think they’re only effective when the choice is a meaningful or difficult one to make. When you’re offering the player flavorfully different responses rather than critically different ones, I think the time limit makes less sense. Or, at least, such a short time limit makes less sense. If you are shooting for consistency, maybe think about variable time limits that match how difficult the given choice is.

Sorry to go on. Please discard any (or all) advice you feel misunderstands what you’re doing. Your work is impressive and I’m really interested to see what you do with this.

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This is really impressive! The art is clean and your character designs are interesting and memorable. The aesthetic is sound. I have a lot of thoughts about what you’re doing. I hope that’s okay.

My advice for writing is to shoot for specificity in the “look” mechanic as well as your interactions, and to connect these moments with gameplay for best effect. Try to exercise your ear for dialogue by listening to yourself talk to other people. When I have trouble writing dialogue, I go out and try to strike up conversations with strangers for research. This keeps me from writing characters purely for texture. Everyone needs to be “real” even if the player doesn’t have access to the full rationale behind a character.

Do you have a story partner to discuss these things with? I find that can be invaluable for overcoming my weaknesses in writing.

That is some insightful feedback, thanks! I can definitely work with that.

I always try to be mindful of what I write in terms of it not feeling like it's exposition or that it could be a real conversation that people have. But I don't have a very structured way in which I write the dialogue, I usually sit down and start at "hello", then let it meander from there. Sometimes that leads to something cool, sometimes that goes into rabbit holes a bit. It also helps me discover who the characters are by bouncing topics off of them and figuring out how they respond. Most of these conversations are a first pass at that, so I can understand that they feel a bit stilted. Do please point that out when you see it, like Ado turning a bit too mystic at the end (and hallucinating on weed, I have never done drugs yeah), or what I discovered for myself recently that I'm writing Sofia as a bit too much as a cynic for being a documentary maker, someone who should have a wonder about all the things in the world.

I think it's also because I don't have all the clues worked out exactly yet that sometimes a conversation can be without a goal. I'll have to watch out for that.

I have a dutch novel- and game writer as sparring partner so I will definitely involve him more as I write the next sections of the game.

It's funny because the idea for the UTBAPH conversation was in my mind even before I knew the location and the point in the story, I just thought of that and knew I had to include it somewhere :) I'll be open to more of those opportunities. And definitely there will be more environmental exploration, the camera is the only example of that currently in the demo but there will be much more.

I've recently rewritten the intro part where you meet Sofia and Caleb, I'd be interested to hear what you think of it. I realized that's the only conversation in the game where you don't have any response choices, so I added some flavor at first (thanks clyde for the twin peaks link) and then gave an option to conciously steer how the PC feels about the central theme. I made a video of it but Vimeo is difficult so it will be up in 45 mins, the password then being blackfeathers

 

https://vimeo.com/103153763

 

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http://www.twigbits.com/wp-content/uploads/ijaspy/2014-08-31/Ijaspy.html

 

Arrow keys move, space jumps, ctrl shoots, R restarts.

 

This is what I've been working on. My friend did all the player character control stuff and audio. Everything else is me, including that awful art and also the cool Tiled Map Editor level importer for making level-building easier, but that's all in the background so no one gets to see how awesome it is. ): Just kidding it's not very impressive.

 

All the assets are placeholder. Shit's still buggy. Known bugs: all of it sucks. Also jumping as running off an edge is hard for some reason but also you can jump if you fall all the way off in mid air for some reason. Also you can't beat the level. Does it count as a bug if I haven't worked on it yet?

 

Going for a Crystal Caves vibe because I like Crystal Caves and I wanna make like an old DOS platformer collectathon thing.

 

Those spikes sure move awesome though don't they?!

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http://www.twigbits.com/wp-content/uploads/ijaspy/2014-08-31/Ijaspy.html

 

Arrow keys move, space jumps, ctrl shoots, R restarts.

 

This is what I've been working on. My friend did all the player character control stuff and audio. Everything else is me, including that awful art and also the cool Tiled Map Editor level importer for making level-building easier, but that's all in the background so no one gets to see how awesome it is. ): Just kidding it's not very impressive.

 

All the assets are placeholder. Shit's still buggy. Known bugs: all of it sucks. Also jumping as running off an edge is hard for some reason but also you can jump if you fall all the way off in mid air for some reason. Also you can't beat the level. Does it count as a bug if I haven't worked on it yet?

 

Going for a Crystal Caves vibe because I like Crystal Caves and I wanna make like an old DOS platformer collectathon thing.

 

Those spikes sure move awesome though don't they?!

 

Hi! I played through the level and haha that orb directly over the lava is a tease.

 

On the level itself I had some thoughts that jumped out at me: I was unable to jump back up to the top half of the level if I went down to the spring area. Additionally, the starting area was very congested with a lot of different enemies/obstacles. It was actually the toughest part of the level for me. If it's just like that for the time being as a quick and dirty way of testing lots of mechanics during development then that's fine.

 

I like that the enemies could bounce on the springs. You might show that off more; I usually killed that one enemy at the start before it could make its way down to the springs, so it wasn't very noticable. More shootable enemies could be good, perhaps have them bounce you a a full block up and backwards (rather than kill the player) so they're not overly frustrating, just something to interact with as the player moves through the obstacles.

 

Keep it up. I enjoyed collecting all the orbs.

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Hey thanks for playing it and telling me stuff!

 

For what it's worth, yeah, the level is really just a mishmash of testing things. I wanted to make sure a lot of those things would work in conjunction with each other. I'm working on a few more things, and then I'll be to the point where I can actually start making real levels instead of just a big test level. 

 

I also like the way the the enemy bounces on the springs!

 

The player has clearly defined health now, so it's more obvious what's going on. And instead of dying instantly to most things, everything does one point of damage. Rampant unwarranted death will be less of a problem in the real game as levels will be more consciously designed.

 

That crystal over the lava is the worst one I hate it. ):

 

We've got another build we're almost ready to push out and that's exciting.

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Speaking of a new build: http://www.twigbits.com/wp-content/uploads/ijaspy/2014-09-05/Web.html

 

Keys are a bit different than last time, but only by addition:

 

Movement: Left and Right Arrow Keys

Jump: Space or Z

Shoot: Ctrl or X

Activate Lever: Down Arrow Key

Exit Level: R while alive, Any Key while dead

 

You start in a hub. When you enter a level through one of those two doors, pressing R will kick you back to the hub. Dying will also kick you back to the hub (after pressing any key).

 

Take the left door first, it's much easier, and you can see most of what's in the right door without having to experience an absurdly huge level.

 

A couple things you probably shouldn't read for pure playtesting's sake, but whatever I'll tell you anyway:

Springboards have been reworked to be timing based. Press the jump key slightly before hitting it to jump higher.

You need to collect all the crystals to unlock the exit.

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Hey all,

 

I'm kind of in a "fuck all this" mode re: my game. It's called Reign, or Dark Reign i think, and I've been working on it for too long compared to the state it's in.

 

If you'd like, play it for a bit, and tell me what you think...

 

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1465557/web%20reign%20build/web.html

 

It's a god game.

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Hey all,

 

I'm kind of in a "fuck all this" mode re: my game. It's called Reign, or Dark Reign i think, and I've been working on it for too long compared to the state it's in.

 

If you'd like, play it for a bit, and tell me what you think...

 

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1465557/web%20reign%20build/web.html

 

It's a god game.

 

I enjoyed that.  I don't have much more feedback than to say it needs some tooltips and more things to do.  Maybe give your followers quests, construction projects, or some other more complex actions.  Also the follower/mana icons should probably last a bit longer, I didn't even realize I needed to click on them to pick them up at first.  I only played for about 15 minutes, but that was enough for me to see it was something I'd be interested in.

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Thanks for your feedback!

 

Yeah there's a definite lack of content and feedback about what's happening. At first it really seems like nothing's happening, until you grab a few followers and mana. 

 

I do want to keep the black box feeling of the simulation, but at the same time, I need some sort of way to tell what the player puts in motion by choosing actions, and what the Vessels are becoming, as they become active in the world. 

 

Have you reached a point where you could send missionaries?

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I got to the point where I could transfer my followers to other continents and spend mana to gain new followers (the 1000 mana thing) if that's what you mean, otherwise no.  I like the idea of the simulation being somewhat black box, so I think the best thing would just be to have tooltips for everything, even if the tooltips are vague.  The thing that I really liked was the feeling that you aren't necessarily in direct control of the followers, so at any point they could just up and leave or do something that kind of throws a wrench into the works.  The one thing I would say it absolutely needs are time controls (fast, normal, double time, etc) since the earlier portions of any kind of game like this are usually pretty slow.

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They are usually about my feelings

 

You have my interest, but I can't seem to download It's Cold By The Sea and when I load KYS it doesn't let me go past the first screen? The only thing I can make happen is dieing on the spikes, otherwise I'm just moving around a static screen. Maybe it's my internet still acting up or something. :/

 

EDIT: Never mind the bit about KYS, I am a fool.

 

I'm kind of curious what your feelings and thought process were for it now, I have a take on it but I'm wondering if I've actually grasped what you were saying or not.

Edited by SuperBiasedMan

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Heyo everyone, I make a lot of small games. They are usually about my feelings and are not very good.

 

If any one is interested here is my itch.io page : http://graysoneevans.itch.io/

 

All of my games are free.

 

I just played It's Cold By The Sea. Does the green periscope-eyed sea-monster ever actually come onto land and eat the person?

No, seriously, this is a great concept. I wonder if Mountain was an inspiration for you. At first I wasn't sure how much interactivity was in the game, so I went through hitting wasd and arrows and shifts and clicking. But then the bottle arrrived and I was like "Ok, it's an intro." But then another bottle came. 

Understanding that this was a game that expects patience from the player, I put it up into the corner of my desktop and left it open so I could continue browsing forums and such. Bottles come, a message pops up, and I read it at my leisure. But I think the most powerful tool you have here is the constant sounds of waves. In my teenage years, I'd raid thrift-stores for relaxation and self-improvement cassette tapes (probably the reason I'm so fantastic today) so the sounds of waves hitting a beach has a certain hype to it; it was often the essential feature of those tapes, prescribed for relaxation.

What I like about your framework here is

that the implication is that this is a place where many people's discarded messages in bottles wash up. At first I thought that the messages were intended for the figure or by the figure exclusively, but after a while I realized that this was not the case. I enjoy this concept. Listen to waves and when a bottle washes up, I get to read someone's burned prayers or playful dispersals. 

If I could choose one additional interaction, it would be for me to be able to stack the bottles and messages on land or throw them back into varying currents. I get a bit dissappointed when the waves keep bringing the same bottles back. I would also love to see a wider range of thoughts. I do enjoy the vague declarations, passionate lyric snippets, and pages ripped straight out of those tiny books full of affirmations (all of these are totally things people would put into bottles and I enjoy thinking of the personalities and circumstances which would encourage them to do so); but there is a real  lack of honest specificity in the messages. Give me something juicy please. I want a message to a dead pet, frustrations about how Teresa is treating the author's older brother, drawings by teenage witches. 

 

KYS actually got me.

I think it's because I've been watching a Korean drama called Pasta that I would not recommend. In it the protagonist is has a dualistic self-esteem where she has defined limits, but lets others walk all over her if they don't cross those limits. I can identify with this, but boy it can be a bit too much to watch her getting yelled at all the time. At the same time it is kinda neat to see how all of her limits are her own and the yelling has nothing to do with what choices she will ultimately make, only the amount of cognitive conflict she will experience in order to get there. ANYWAY, I just watched an episode where she is locked in a walk-in-freezer that stores a bunch of very expensive gourmet ingredients before a VIP dinner. First she covers herself in cardboard and tries to just hold out through the night, but eventually she turns off the freezer absolutely racked in guilt about the food she is destroying in order to survive. The lead romantic interest who is an impatient verbal abuser comes in after her rescue and asks her why she didn't just die. She responds that she knew she wouldn't be a real chef if she turned the freezer off, but that she wouldn't be a chef if she died either. Then she cries a lot. This game hammered the point back into me. Put the oxygen mask on yourself before placing one on children and elderly in case of depressurization. 

 

Also I like how you inform the player about what controls to use.

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Wow clyde! thanks for all this feed back, to be honest I made these in a very short amount of time and wasn't sure if anyone would really get them.

 

I only started making games two weeks ago so these are kinda of like sketches, well more accurately they are a way for me to work through my feelings.

 

I had a bunch of other mechanics in mind for It's Cold By The Sea but realized really fast I am bad at programming.

 

 

KYS is actually something I made a few nights ago because I was having an anxiety attack and needed to work through it. I am super happy you enjoyed them <3

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You have my interest, but I can't seem to download It's Cold By The Sea and when I load KYS it doesn't let me go past the first screen? The only thing I can make happen is dieing on the spikes, otherwise I'm just moving around a static screen. Maybe it's my internet still acting up or something. :/

 

EDIT: Never mind the bit about KYS, I am a fool.

 

I'm kind of curious what your feelings and thought process were for it now, I have a take on it but I'm wondering if I've actually grasped what you were saying or not.

I am not sure why you can't download it, that isn't something I can fix I don't think. I guess it's worth mentioning these are only for windows

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So I'm working on a little thing!

You can download it here.

 

No real graphics yet, just trying to get the basic loop and control system.

Left/right and A/D to rotate, and spacebar to shoot.

The only way to move besides rotation is with the recoil from shooting.

All you have to do is to try not get hit by your fish friends and also not to shoot them.

 

 

It's quite light, I have ideas of other things to do so I'm figuring out what people might think of it so far and where to take it next. (ie. Is it better to add behaviour variation to the fish or to add another mechanic I thought of and give the player more to do).

 

Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks!

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So I'm working on a little thing!

You can download it here.

 

No real graphics yet, just trying to get the basic loop and control system.

Left/right and A/D to rotate, and spacebar to shoot.

The only way to move besides rotation is with the recoil from shooting.

All you have to do is to try not get hit by your fish friends and also not to shoot them.

 

 

It's quite light, I have ideas of other things to do so I'm figuring out what people might think of it so far and where to take it next. (ie. Is it better to add behaviour variation to the fish or to add another mechanic I thought of and give the player more to do).

 

Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks!

 

I think you need to upload both the .Unity3d file (which you did) and the .html file in the same folder. Then right click the .html file and select "Copy Public Link"

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What happens when you click on that link? I just get an option to download the html file itself rather than a link to the webplayer loading.

I tried looking for a tutorial, but started seeing people say that new dropbox accounts can't do it. I don't know if that is true. 

If it is true, another option would be to start a free GameJolt account and upload your build to GameJolt. GameJolt encourages people to post builds in progress because they want to be seen as a game-development community. The reason I wouldn't recommend doing this with itch.io is because they have a ten game limit  from what I understand. 

Or maybe you can figure out how copy a public link from dropbox that works.

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Ahh, that'd explain it. I just made a new .exe build instead. No need to make a web based one to share if dropbox mangles it anyway.

 

Here it is

 

The PC builds consist of two files and this is only one of them. It also needs to include the data folder. Typically what people do its zip them up together. 7-zip is free to use and can zip files up. Once installed, you can put both of the Unity files in one folder >>right-click the folder >>go to the 7zip drop down>> select "add to [folder name].zip" 

The you just upload the resulting zip file. 

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