Salka

Willy Wanka & The Chocolate Factory

Recommended Posts

Man, I am so pissed about this.

I don't care how much people love Johnny Depp. I don't even care if he's a good actor or not. Not even the TRAILER can make that movie look good, or even a PATCH on the original.

I mean, I don't even know why they are making a movie of the first book again, because it's not like they could ever surpass the original. Gene Wilder was perfect; gentle, insane, happy, with that hint of mystery and those friggin' eyes... And his voice! I can't imagine Wonka sounding any different. I mean, this is just one movie that I think is ridiculous to make. Again. Even if it's different.

I mean, check out the trailer. It looks completely retarded. Johnny Depp isn't Wonka. Wonka wasn't a perfectly groomed, fucked-up looking motherfucker fucker with artificially straightened hair. Wonka spends his life making awesome chocolate, not reading magazines in the motherfucking HAIR SALON. Wonka isn't a sex symbol either. Why the fuck cast Johnny fucking fuck fuck fucking DEPP as WILLY MOTHERFUCKING WONKA?! And uh, hello? Since when did Mike Teevee become Mike fucking... Mike... Mike Xboxee? Or whatever? I hate shit! And I hate this shit most of all.

I hate Tim Burton. His movies continue to depress and disappoint me. He can't even make his trailers look decent. I hate Tim Burton and Johnny Depp and Willy Wonka and life. I'm so angry. I'm so mad. Gah.

Just watching how hard Johnny Depp is acting in that trailer... man, he might as well just be wearing a sticker on his forehead reading, "I am insane and crazy and have no soul! Nothing that happens in this movie makes sense! I am so goddamn crazy! I am completely totally like, crazy!" only he might want to cut down on it a bit because, let's face it, nobody is going to be able to read all that on one little sticker.

"Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most" Look, look at him when he says that. He looks creepy and retarded and creepy. I'm going to go and kill myself because that's really all I have left in life.

And don't even get me started on the MUSIC in that trailer. They seem to have thrown any feeling for the movie out the window, and replaced it with zany, crazy stuff, because 'everybody likes that'! And by the way, the window? It's not even real candy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The original movie is great, and Gene Wilder kicks ass. I mean, I nearly choked to death on my own saliva (laughing) when I rewatched that movie recently... when Wonka is screaming out the contract at the end, and keeps stopping to turn and scream, "ETC ETC!", and then starts reading it in Latin, and finally turns and says, "There! Black and white! CRYSTAL CLEAR! So good day to you sir, GOOD DAY!"

That movie just rocked, and they hadn't even invented :( back in those days.

Depp doesn't have any of the charm that Wilder has.

And not only that, but he doesn't have any charm in that movie at all. He's just retarded looking. Like something from a nightmare.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad someone else thought that trailer was shit. I haven't talked to anyone who didn't like it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll judge it when I see the movie. Granted, I've always been wary that Gene Wilder would be hard to touch, but I'm willing to give Burton and Depp a chance because of what they did in the past. I'll see.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It looks more scary and stupid than good. I mean, it just looks wrong. And the one line Depp gives in the trailer is really poor. Maybe it's just out of place how it appears completely off tempo in the middle of the song? Bleh. But I'll see it if people I trust tell me its good.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I found it interesting that the original film is titled "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," whereas the new movie is "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," (which is the actual title of Dahl's book).

And Chris, I didn't especially like the trailer either, so there :)

I'm going to reserve judgement until there's a real trailer with actual dialog, though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The first film was re-titled to include the "Willy Wonka" name because the whole movie thing was really just a huge merchandising launch/tie-in for the Wonka candy license. They talk about it on the special features of the Willy Wonka DVD.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This trailer scared me. It felt like tiny, little lynchian movie, the kind of thing which send a thrill through your spine and make you wonder afterward with a shiver : "Did that really happen ?". The colors, the editing, the music - goddamit even the sound effects - all tend to prove that this is a mad-man job.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tim Burton made Edward scissorhands, mars attacks! and sleepy hollow. :tup:

TIm burton also made planet of the apes. :( :\ :crazy::tdown::tdown:

He is a bit of a mixed bag I think...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not a particularly great trailer, but I'm a fan of Burton's stylised cinematography. This could yet be good.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tim Burton made Edward scissorhands, mars attacks! and sleepy hollow. :tup:

TIm burton also made planet of the apes. :( :\ :crazy::tdown::tdown:

He is a bit of a mixed bag I think...

Tim Burton:

Beetlejuice :tup:

Batman :tup:

Edward Scissorhands :tup:

Big Fish :tup:

Batman Returns :tmeh:

Sleepy Hollow :tmeh:

Mars Attacks :tdown:

Planet of the Apes :tdown:

So in my book, Burton is still okay... For now.

--Erwin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
how can you not like the cheesy campy action movie that is 'mars attacks!', Erwin?

Well its hardly a movie...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It was basically a huge cameo-fest of famous actors. Which is all I wanted from that movie. Also, I liked Sleepy Hollow, but I'm not reliable on this movie. I once had to analyse it for school and saw it too many times to really look at it objectively.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think they should just re-title it 'Willy Wonka and the Clockwork Orange' and leave the chocolate factory out of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mars Attacks :tup:

and let's not forget Nightmare before Christmas :tup::tup:

I think yufo alludes to this, but I look forward to a Charlie &the Great Glass Elevator movie. it suits movieification more than the first one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I think they should just re-title it 'Willy Wonka and the Clockwork Orange' and leave the chocolate factory out of it.
Screw you, whore! Leave the goddamn Clockwork Orange out if this!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
and let's not forget Nightmare before Christmas :tup::tup:

Not even directed by Burton! Only co-written by Burton! :tup: :tup:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think the second book would make an awesome movie, but not if it had anything to do with Tim 'shitfucker' Burton or Johnny 'I'm so insane look at me I'm crazy wooo crazy yay I'm Willy Wonka woo wooo YEAH I can freestyle RHYME!' Depp. It's been years since I read the second book... I used to read it once a week (and the first one too) when I was 8 years old.

There are many parts of the second book that would have made an awesome movie... or even a pretty kickass game... remember the elevator that went to all the different parts of the factory, and down at the basement level (I think it was the basement level anyway) it was all dark and eerie and full of ghostly Vermicious Knids (I think they were Vermicious Knids), and if they touched you, you'd become minus-years old and float around like one of them? That place has stuck with me in my nightmares. Oh wow, that book kicked ass.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.