Long-Lost Half-Sister

[Salka]

I found my long-lost half sister a few days ago. I've never met her before. It's pretty exciting.

She has a level 60 undead warlock in World of Warcraft and stuff.

[toblix]

Damn it, I thought this was something about Half-Life.

[elmuerte]

You found her in WoW?

[Salka]

No, genesreunited ¬¬

but I'll probably meet her in WoW before I meet her in real life ¬¬

Shhhh ¬¬

Anyway the point is, when you have long-lost family, you tend to build up this romantic idea in your head of what they'll be like. Usually that ideal is shattered when you find out about them.

However, I actually always imagined that my sister would have a level 60 undead warlock in World of Warcraft, and have an 11 year old son who is addicted to WoW and Guild Wars, and also her husband is, so they all have their computes in the same room so they can lan together, and her computer is called Rasputin (we'll forgive her for the typo on that one), and she has a dog called Baxter.

So my romantic idea of what my sister would be like has, in fact, not been shattered.

[brkl]

So how do you spell Rasputin?

[Salka]

"razputin"

well it's not, but you know what I mean ¬¬

[DanJW]

I hope you haven't forgotten about your long-lost half-brother, even if you've decided you don't like him. He's family now. It's only a matter if time before you discover a long-lost half-daughter or something.

Also, since you have a wowing sister, do you want to dive back in? I think I've caught up with your character. It will give you something to talk about with her.

[brkl]

"razputin"

well it's not, but you know what I mean ¬¬

Oh, right, of course.

[ysbreker]

How did you get a half-sister? And how did you lose her?

[Salka]

I lost her on the beach one day

[DanJW]

And she was bitten in half by a shark.

[Salka]

I lost her on the beach one day

the sea came in and took her away

lost she was, all lonely and cold

but luckier than I, if truth be told

I wish that I had been the one taken

plum, plum, parrogate peach

Blimp.

Hmm I'm bored.

Somebody write a poem called 'Soon I will be absolutely dead'. I reckon it'd probably be good.

[Roderick]

Soon I will be absolutely dead,

I twixt, m'lady, and wasth behead.

[DanJW]

Soon I will be absolutely dead,

Because of the monster on top of my head.

He hasn’t seen me yet, but I know he will.

He’ll swallow my brain like a tasty pill.

I would hide but I don’t know where.

He’s nestled right in amongst my hair.

I mustn’t nod, I mustn’t look down

Or I’ll disturb the monster upon my crown.

It’s Yufster’s fault, this monstrous hat

She put it there when I called her a twat

If I’d known she had it… I wish she’d said…

But I shot off my mouth and now I’m dead.

[vimes]

encore DanJW, encore!

Rodi's was fine too, but I give extra credit to poems featuring monsters.

[Spaff]

“Soon, I will be absolutely dead”

Said the man to my mother as she chopped off his head

His once attached head dropped onto the floor

His not quite dead lips spat forth the word “whore!”

As his face hit the ground with a squelch and a thump

A geyser of blood shot out of his stump

I turned to my mum asked “why all the gore?”

Why had she sliced him and why had he sworn?

“Calm down my dear boy, it was in self defence”

”and you know I don’t mind such verbal offence”

“That is your father lying dead on my rug”

“He claimed to be psychic, and acted all smug”

”his predictions were right and it got on my nerves”

”killing the cunt was what he deserved”

“So I grabbed up a blade and I gave him the chop”

“Now be a good dear and go fetch the mop”

[miffy495]

Soon I will be dead.

urk!

*thud*

...Thank you.

[vimes]

'Soon I will be absolutely dead'

Wished the bored God lying on His Bed.

He could remember times when he wasn't as bored

not happy, not rushy but surely not so bored

Now he sat on his hands that created the Beat

Not knowing what to do now that everything fit :

the atoms are spinning and peace is everywhere

And gunshots in the Church of renown Manchester.

Nothing is happening and he is so lazy

that he can't even bear to make it all messy

And under His foul breath that created the star

He curses Man's name who deemed him immortal.

He gets mad and gets hot wishing it would be fatal

But the sweet dream of death appears so very far

So he goes back to bed, and he sits on his palms

'Soon I will be absolutely dead' he repeats with some qualms

If you won't pardon the tense, misuses of words and whatnot, please do point them out, it will be my joy to try and find a wierd explanation for it.

And now for something nearly completely in french :

'Soon I will be absolutely dead' édicte sans joie,

Une paire de lèvres prise d'une effroyable émoi.

Seul le silence répond et l'atmosphère se charge

'absolutely dead' revient donc à la charge

Mais le silence revient, plus lourd et plus épais

Et la tête des lèvres ne peut se réprimer

De rougir et d'enfler comme si elle était pleine

D'un galon de sang chaud qui courrait dans ses veines

Mais ce potiron là est sec et décharné

car du reste du corps il est bien séparé.

Il erre en roulant le long des plaines humides

Seul, flasque, bref, on croirait une amibe.

Et cette courge rancie, se désépère chaque jours

Chaque heure, chaque minute du sacré mauvais tour

Qui, sans bras et sans coeur , l'a rendue immortel

Et s'il avait une jambe, ça lui en f'rait une belle

Lui, qui d'entre chacun des loisirs de la cours,

C'est au rugby à 13 qu'il préférait l'amour.

[Nick]

Soon I will be absolutely dead, pumped full of lead from the gun in the shed, there's blood on the bed and it's come from my head, now every thing's red, the killer was Ned and I heard what he said "soon to be wed to the box lined with thread", filling with dread I offered him bread with his favorite spread, "Watch where you tread" he told me instead, wish I'd planned this ahead.

And all because I'm a pedophile.

[Spaff]

hahahahaha

[brkl]

Damn you people are awesome. I thought about squeezing out some good old iambic pentameter, but I haven't the energy.