I hate SLOW people

[Salka]

No, I'm not ranting about people with a low IQ, or people with no legs. I'm talking about annoying bastards who choose to speak INCREDIBLY slowly and waste MINUTES OF MY LIFE telling my something I already know.

Boy, there is this one guy at work, and he pisses me off. He's so fucking slow. You might accidentally ask him a question like, "Seen the Printable CDs?" and then you realize what you've done and maybe splutter, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, NO, NO, NEVER MIND!!! NEVER MI-" but he's already answering and you have to be polite and stand and listen.

"Ehmmmmm.... printable CDs, you say? Ehhh... Do we have them in stock? Ehmmm.... I suppose we would... ehhhmmmmm... hmmmmm.... let's see....."

And I'm nodding politely and trying to excuse myself to leave.

"Ehmmm....... did you try.... let me think... ehmmmm ehhhhh, uhhh..... theeee.... CD section?"

I bet that's annoying you, JUST READING IT. He says all that in slow motion. And while he's thinking, I've got my arms crossed but with one hand clutching my mouth to stop myself from screaming, and I'm kind of shifting my weight quickly from one foot to the other.

"I'll jussssst try... ehmmm.... the CD section... jusssst in case.... ehmmmm.... you never know.... ehhmmmm, let's seeeee-"

Motherfucker. I hate people that think while they're speaking. Before they speak, yeah, that's fine. But, man, I don't wanna hear your fucking blueprints for your next sentence. I don't wanna hear your every train of thought. Smart and snappy, bitch, short and sweet. Asking you a question is like signing away an hour of your life to Stan the Used Coffin Salesman in SLOW MOTHERFUCKING MOTION, and with a dumbed down vocabulary. I fucking hate you. Talk faster, and stop saying 'ehmmm'. Or at least if you say it, just shorten it to 'ehm'. Not everybody likes wasting their FUCKING FUCK I hate you. Ahhh. Fuck you. Fuck. Fuck off! Cocking bastard, fuckfucktalkfuckingfasterfuck.

Jesus Christ, and as if it isn't bad enough that he talks INCREDIBLY SLOWLY, he also has thee filthiest mind. I was sitting in the staff canteen the other day, and there was this silence because I didn't want to say anything that might be misconstrued as a question. And he suddenly points to a picture of a young woman in the newspaper and says, "I bet she takes it up the arse with the other guy doing the auld JIZZIN' on her face". And he does that all the time. He just thinks of incredibly gross, inappropriate things to say, and he says them right when nobody is expecting them, or when I'm drinking coffee or something.

If I don't like a customer, I forward them on to this guy. And so help them, because they'll still be with him an hour later, uncomfortable, awkward, trying to slip away while he's not looking, and all they ever wanted was a USB cable.

I guess the reason I am telling you this is because I have an exam tomorrow morning, unless my brain explodes before then, in which case I guess I can't sit it!!!

[Jaero]

Am I the only one who thinks that Yufster gets hotter the more angry her posts get? Maybe it's the avatar. Good luck on the exam!

[Salka]

I am getting hotter because my blood pressure is rising due to the fact I'm getting angrier, and I'm getting angrier because of slow people, Christmas Rosters, people that already have girlfriends, exams, slimeballs, can't find my phone, and I dropped Spaced 2 in a puddle the second I walked out of the shop with it, and now the packaging is all wet and crinkled.

It wasn't even just like an ordinary 'dropping something in a puddle'. I had waited two weeks for Spaced 2. I came out of the shop, and I swear, the sky just opened. I went to put the DVD in my waterproofish bag, and it slipped, so I went to catch it, batted it into the air, dropped my bag, went to catch it again, swiped, and somehow accidentally hurled it across the street into a puddle. People actually stopped walking to stare at me. Parents quietly led their children around me, skillfully keeping their distance without actually looking at me. You know when you do that? When you go to catch something and end up hitting it across the room or something?

[MrHoatzin]

Buy some firecrackers, and stuff them up his tight ass! Then give feed him some laminated pickles laced with white phosphorus. Then sit back and wait for the moment when the twain meet.

()

[Bc9b]

You know who I hate? People who talk way too fast. You can't understand a damn word they're saying. And, you know, say fuck several times in a row. I got what you ment the first time, eh? EH?

You know, I think with all the dirty thoughts out loud and the slow speach he may actually be retarded, you know slightly. My like how my cousin would be if he grew up around assholes.

[baconian]

Am I the only one who thinks that Yufster gets hotter the more angry her posts get? Maybe it's the avatar. Good luck on the exam!

no.

ditto.

[toblix]

I have the hots for misanthropes!!!

[ysbreker]

Hey yufster, whaaaats happening? Yeaaaaaaah that's great, By the way did you get the memo about the TPS reports? Oh and I need you to move your stuff out of this cubicle and into the filing area, could you do that for me? that would be great...

[Metalmickey]

I like the way that from your quotes, this guy always speaks so slowly except for the dirty comment, like that's the only thing where his brain and mouth team up to operate at full velocity.

If he were to take some sort of speech therapy, they would have to start him off saying the filthiest things imaginable, then gradually wean him on to innuendos and eventually normal speech, whilst attemptng to maintain the same speed...

[Roderick]

Wotajerk, Yuf.

Wouldn't it be cool if your boss was David Brent though?

[Erwin_Br]

I hate slow people when they're driving in front of me. Especially on the merging lane leading to the highway. I once drove behind some old fart who managed to drive as slow as 40 Kph! Since you can't overtake when you're on that lane, I was forced to enter the highway driving 40 Kph as well.

Driving 40 on a road where everyone else drives 120 or faster is NOT a pleasant experience.

So yeah, I hate slow people too.

--Erwin

[Ryam BaCo]

i know a guy, who's the absolute opposite in talking: he's not talking slllloooooowwwwwww but fast.

if he wants to ask you a question like hey! how are you? you'll just hear hehoau?

oh...and there's another guy who's always mumbling while talking - so if he asks you the question hey! how are you? you'll hear che! chau cha chu?

once upon a time these two guys held a presentation - i will never forget these awesome 15 minutes...

[Salka]

Wouldn't it be cool if your boss was David Brent though?

My boss IS David Brent. I was messing with the camcorders at work before, because at that point I didn't know how to use them (digital camcorders are tricky little buggers), and I started recording him for a joke. I told him he looked like David Brent, and he said, "Yeah, well, yeah, that's... that's funny though, isn't it? I mean, he makes people laugh, and that's basically what I do. You know, I come in to work and it's maybe half past eight, and that's my job, you know? It's my job to make you guys think, 'yeah, this IS my job, I LOOK FORWARD to today, PATRICK is great, he's there if I need him, great!', you know? So... and I think that David Brent is unfairly portrayed... they distort his personality for the sake of entertainment, really, don't they? You know? That's, that's TV for you... so..."

"It's not a real documentary, Patrick. It's a TV show."

"It... what? It... oh. Yeah, yeah. Well, obviously. Didn't you... didn't you know that? I mean, what I mean is, the character is... oh hey, look, got to get back to the office, I... so...back to work, then..."

Then, when I played it back, I saw that he kept looking at the camcorder and doing this teeth-baring, nervous smile, and swallowing. Still not sure if it was a joke or not.

[Tanukitsune]

My father claims I speak too fast and he can't undestand a word I say, nobody else has had this complaint before, he just won't admit he's half-deaf due to the noisy bonesaw we use at our shop...

I know it's this because I've been trying to speak slower and clearer and he's still still "Huh? I can't understand a word you say!"

[Intrepid Homoludens]

I hate people who lack the talent to work the subtleties of the language.

[Wormsie]

Grrr.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

But I'd still go for you, wormsie.

[Wormsie]

[Wormsie]

But I'd still go for you, wormsie.

OK. Let's drink a few sodas and then get down to rough'n'dirty sex.

I also have a fresh box of chocolate chip cookies.

[Intrepid Homoludens]

I need to warm up first before I see you.

[Metalmickey]

OK. Let's drink a few sodas and then get down to rough'n'dirty sex.

How can you use immediately following "rough'n'dirty sex" ??

I need to warm up first before I see you.

And what's he doing there? He's playing with his... eww! Get your own thread, you two

[Chris]

Playing with his eww? No! He's playing with his poo!

A poem, by me.

[Wormsie]

How can you use immediately following "rough'n'dirty sex" ??

That's kinda the point.

[Jaero]

The pig is hot, wormy. Hot!

[Wormsie]

So is that duck of yours.