Is Your Mom Dead?

[Salka]

I was just talking to somebody about how I hope to visit San Francisco, and how, when I get there, I'm going to crash at Chris Remo's parents house, accidentally invite all of San Francisco to a big party there while his Mom and Dad are away. And then, when the place is completely destroyed, we'll only have 24 hours to clean it up, get the stains out of the carpet, put euroturf across the lawn, repair the expensive Ming Vase in the hall and dry clean his Mom's favourite evening dress before his parents get back, and we'll only JUST glue the FINAL piece onto the vase and dive on to the sofa before they get back. And his Mom will step into the lounge and go, "Hey Chris. Wow, the place is really nice. I knew I could trust you guys!" And then we make it in to a movie and make billions, or at least, a couple of hundred dollars.

Then I realized I probably shouldn't suggest this back to Chris because, in my experience of doing shit like this, the other person looks all crestfallen and says something like, "Oh, you can't do that... not that I'd mind but... my Mom died last year...so..."

Seriously. This happens to me the whole time. Here's some examples of similar lines;

"Well... my best friend died this time last year sooo..."

"My Great Grandmother is DEAD."

"I don't like riding bicycles down grass verges onto main roads ever since my cousin tried it..."

And once, I dialled a wrong number and asked for Sarah, and this woman started explaining that Sarah was on life support, and I was talking for about two minutes before I realized we were talking about different Sarah's and I didn't even KNOW the person I was talking to, at which point I said, "Oh, hang on, I have the wrong number. MY Sarah is still alive. Sorry! Bye, bye, bye!"

I mean, it's not like I've even done anything wrong. I didn't kill your goddamn parents in a head on collision with another car. I didn't push your brother off the roof onto the spiked garden fence. I didn't push the vending machine onto your Uncle. I didn't even make your Grandfather eat lots of high-cholesteral food. So why do I always feel so bad when I hurt other peoples feelings? They're the ones that should be crying, for god's sake, not ME. They're the ones with the dead relatives.

Anyway, I've decided that I've spent too long pussyfooting around this place, trying not to stay stuff in case I offend people by bringing up painful memories of the past. So, it's time to sort out the people with dead mothers, from the people with mothers that are still alive, and what have you.

Before I hurt someone's feelings

[Johanna]

My mooma’s still alive though my daddy died when I was eight.

It was like so ironic. His star sign was Cancer and he like had cancer. Then died of a heart attack.

[Salka]

Man, have a little respect for other peoples feelings, would you!???

[Johanna]

Aw jeez, I’m ever so sorry.

I apologise for the hilarious irony of my father’s death. If you too, have had a family member die in an inappropriate way and need consolation because of my thoughtlessness, feel free to give me your address and I’ll send you some pie.

[manny_c44]

I'll be in San Francisco this winter, so we can terrorize Remo's residence together...although I'd think SF might be one of the furthest places on earth from the UK. So I'm not sure how you'll be getting there, unless you make a bid to circumnavigate the globe in hot air balloon, in which case I'm sure corporations will be lined up to fund your trip.

[Roderick]

Don't treat death so lightly, Johanna. It reduces your karma.

[Lechimp]

No one in my family died because we rock

(much like mr. t)

[Jaero]

Greatest. Thread. Ever.

[Ryam BaCo]

fuck you.

won't post my lifestory and relationships with dead. my mother is alive, but...well...anyway

fuck you.

[Lindset]

No, my mommy is still alive

[Tanukitsune]

Nobody in my family has died yet... All my grandparents are alive too...

Even the family cat seems to live on forever! She's almost 15 years old (and pure concentrated evil)!

[Salka]

Oh, man, I feel kinda bad for the dude that voted 'yes'...

[Metalmickey]

To avoid more awkward situations, please include options for: "I have no idea, I never knew her." and "No, but I wish she was."

[Bc9b]

I was unfortunate enough to overhear a conversation like this at school once.

"Dude, I want to do that girl straight in the pooper."

"I did your mom in the pooper!"

"Dude, you asshole, My mom died."

"That didn't stop me."

"Fuck you."

[Johanna]

Don't treat death so lightly, Johanna. It reduces your karma.

It’s not my fault the big guy has a warped sense of humour.

Wouldn’t less karma be good anyway? I thought karma was the bad mojo and dharma was the good?

To the person who voted yes: The pie offer is still open.

[MrHoatzin]

Karma is the mojo that you drag along from your previous life and that goes towards your next one. Darma is your obligation to your caste in this life.

[Johanna]

Karma is the mojo that you drag along from your previous life and that goes towards your next one. Darma is your obligation to your caste in this life.

Thank you for the correction, dear.

I know I’ve read that somewhere though. I think it may have been a book about Wicca. They like stealing from other religions and turning it into their own special brand of crap.

Or I’m just a moron. Either way.