Scrobbs Posted January 21, 2009 This bloke and his missus are in the supermarket, and they come to the drinks aisle, where the man spots a 24 pack of beer for a tenner and puts it into the trolley. "Excuse me" says the wife. "What do you think you're doing?" "That's a great deal" says the husband. "24 cans for a tenner, can't go wrong with that." "Don't you realise there's a credit crunch on? We can't afford luxuries like that, put it back on the shelf", the wife snaps. The husband reluctantly puts the beer back and they continue on their trek round the supermarket. Upon reaching the beauty section, the wife spots a giant pack of face cream for twenty pounds, and immediately grabs it, placing it into the trolley. "Er, excuse me", says the husband. "What do you think you're doing? I thought you said that there was a credit crunch on, and we can't afford luxuries?" "This is different", explains the wife. "This is my face cream, it helps to make me look beautiful." The bloke says, "Well, that's what I need the beer for, and it's half the price." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
syntheticgerbil Posted January 21, 2009 I was hoping the punch line would involve feces. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salka Posted January 21, 2009 I think Dan just won the thread but I'm not sure because I can't tell if he's trying to make a joke or not? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrobbs Posted January 22, 2009 There's this bird who's really horny, and she was hassling her boyfriend for sex. He wasn't interested, but she wouldn't leave him alone. He wasn't having any of it so she went shopping at Ann Summers. She bought all the underwear, crotchless pants, peep hole bra, leather boots etc. She went back home and got dressed up, leaned over him and whispered, "Do you want some super sex?" "Can I have the soup please?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
syntheticgerbil Posted January 22, 2009 And then she sprayed feces all over the kitchen table and wall. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrHoatzin Posted January 22, 2009 How does Hitler tie his shoes? With little Knotsies. How did the Pope get bird flu? From a cardinal. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrobbs Posted January 23, 2009 That's the spirit! 3 old ladies are sitting on a park bench, a streaker runs by. 2 of the ladies have a stroke, the other one couldn't reach. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrobbs Posted January 23, 2009 A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrobbs Posted January 23, 2009 Sorry, one more: A boat carrying blue paint and a boat carrying red paint collided in the middle of the ocean. What happened to the crew? They were marooned. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chris Posted January 23, 2009 Sorry, one more:A boat carrying blue paint and a boat carrying red paint collided in the middle of the ocean. What happened to the crew? They were marooned. I'm sure a few of them accidentally blue themselves. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrobbs Posted January 23, 2009 Q. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? A. I cry when I cut an onion Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elmuerte Posted January 23, 2009 Q. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?A. I cry when I cut an onion sissy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
James Posted January 24, 2009 Q. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?A. I cry when I cut an onion Hahahahahaha, nice. Wait wait wait... Q. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?A. I don't cry when I fuck an onion Yeah? Yeah? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
n0wak Posted January 24, 2009 WHAT'S BROWN AND STICKY? A stick . This was scientifically proven to be the greatest joke ever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrobbs Posted January 24, 2009 Hahahahahaha, nice. Wait wait wait...Yeah? Yeah? It gains a little, but loses so much more. I don't feel the James version conveys the full mysogenistic air of the original. You demonstrate far too much respect. Perhaps you should change whore to woman, and replace fuck with rape. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
James Posted January 25, 2009 Well it was meant as a companion piece rather than a replacement. The idea of men crying while having sex (in a pathetic and non-romantic way) is disproportionately funny to me, particularly if they don't stop. Also, it was meant to be shifting the subject of the malice from the whore to the teller of the joke (without warrant). Still, your suggestions have been duly noted. Thanks! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrobbs Posted January 25, 2009 ...and on that bombshell... perhaps it would be best to let it die - since there is a strong under-current in the dislike of shit jokes Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ysbreker Posted January 28, 2009 It's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr Dre Share this post Link to post Share on other sites