When I'm feeling down I go to Gamefaqs user reviews

[twmac]

http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/xbox360/review/R126270.html

"First question: Are XBOX 360 games even in High Definition? Answer: NO. Now of course you want proof. Look on the disc. What format does it say? DVD-ROM right? Now this disc is DVD 9 and has 8.5gb of information on it. One more gig than a normal DVD. However unless it is HD-DVD, high def. cannot be put on a DVD. Let alone have the memory for it. It requires a blue laser to read it, something the 360 does not have. Rather it has a red laser. HD-DVD and the superior Blu-Ray Disc both use a blue laser to read the smaller encrypted code that only these two discs are capable of."

This one tickled me quite a lot but there were some fantastic ones for GTA and Final Fantasy.

Some are misinformed, others merely excuses to present utter lies, then there are the ones that are barely legible. Awesome:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/portable/psp/review/R106404.html

[ThunderPeel2001]

Third question: The XBOX 360 will always have better graphics because the ps3 is too hard to codec on. Answer: Wrong. The ps3 was designed with the consumer in mind. And SONY saying that the ps3 and will last 10 years in the future (2016) is no lie.

This is rather special isn't it? Shame you can't leave comments.

[ThunderPeel2001]

Reliability- 1/10: Have you had a 360 die on you? Have you looked on the back of your XBOX 360 box? Look at that really, really, REALLY fine print. 33% HARWAE FAILURE!!!! Now have you heard of the red ring of death? That is what they are talking about. Three red lights will flash around the power button telling you, “I'm DEAD.” And if are a 360 owner nothing will anger you more knowing that you XBOX 360 has kicked the bucket, and is gone for good. Now you can get a new one for free from Microsoft. But what will anger you more is the disc scratching problem. If you have this 1/10 problem, your $60 USD game is messed up for good and there is nothing that you can do about. And even if you 360 doesn't have the problem, if you move you 360 even an inch while playing your game or movie, the laser will grind in and scratch it. The ps3 has a 0.2 chance of breaking.

Dammit! This guy KNOWS what he's talking about!!!

[DanJW]

Are these some new form of satire? Some almost-genius guerilla counter-marketing by Sony? I really want to know!

[twmac]

There are a few good ones on the PS3 side too.

If they are stupid enough and I'm feeling like entertaining myself further. I email them with prank messages praising them on how great I thought their review was.

Sometimes, sometimes, I get responses.

[DanJW]

Post the responses!

[Nachimir]

Post the responses!

[twmac]

The most of the recent replies were to my work email address (which I no longer have access).

One of the ones I sent out recently to a guy who had written an awful review for Jaws: Unleashed (I used lols and rofls and said that agreed with everything he had written)was received with a confused email along the lines:

"Thanks a lot, err, I really do try hard to please...."

The review was taken down by the writer a week later... I felt sort of bad for that. The review was horrendous though.

If I get any others back I'll post the links to the original review, my email and the response.

[twmac]

Incidentally, if anyone happens to find any other glorious user reviews (on any site) let me know I always enjoy emailing them with fake praise.

Apart from the time that I told some one that their review of True Crime on the Streets of LA was racist because the protagonist was an african American and therefore any criticism of the game marked the act as a hate crime.

They never replied.

[ThunderPeel2001]

How about this for Sony dude:

Yo man! Thanks so much for posting that stuff showing how great the 360 was! It's time that people realised that Sony are just ripping off people. My friend who works at Microsoft and I showed your review to him and he totally agrees. He will show it to his bosses tomorrow (who knows, maybe youll get some free stuff!).

Also, great job on finally explaining the meaning of High Def to the world. Most people don't get it (even some "experts"), but you explained it in a very clearly and straight-forward manner, with proper English throughout, and I don't think anyone couldn't not understand how clearly explained you made High Def to people (even to the leyman!).

I've gotten some great ideas on how to bring Sony down and boost Microsoft. If you'd like to hear them, let me know.

Also, if my friend does get free stuff, do you want it?

- Johnny

--------

That outta confuse the crap out of him

[Nick]

lolwut!

[ThunderPeel2001]

I figure it could open the door to more insane ramblings I'm sure there's an art to it, though. Anyone ever read Robin Cooper's Timewater's Letters? The funniest moments are when he strings them along...

[Twilo]

Reminds me of Joey Comeau's job application letters

[ThunderPeel2001]

Yeah, pretty similar, but does he ever actually send them off? If so, I can presume from his extreme tone that he never actually gets a reply(?).

[Nachimir]

This guy did something similar with various UK companies, unfortunately not online though.

It was a little book called "I await your swift reply", which is what he signed every letter with. It'd start with something like:

Dear Golden Wonder,

I had a bag of Nik-Naks the other day, but they were all crunched up and horrible and dusty because they'd been squashed. What are you going to do about this outrage?

They'd write back and send him some vouchers, he'd write back thanking them but with another complaint, each successive letter degenerating until he'd send something, scrawled in marker pen, like:

DEAR GOLDEN WONDERS,

GIVE ME A FULL REFUND OR I WILL KILL YOU ALL

Nestle ended up sending him a letter basically asking "Please stop writing to us".

Royal mail don't like him much either. He tried sticking a stamp and an address label (for his mum's house) on a five pound note to see if it'd go missing or not. It got there, so he tried a tenner, then a twenty... which got sealed in an envelope with a letter saying "Please stop doing this, you're tempting our employees"

[brkl]

Oh, that last bit is gold I doubt the Finnish post would even try, just deliver it back to the sender.