Resident Evil: Dead Aim

[Salka]

I have so much goddamn beef with this game.

However, I do love Survival Horror games in general, so trying to be positive, I wrote a list of all the good things about it.

1. Bruce McGivern is seriously hot.

2. I finally got in to the First Class area of a ship.

Seriously, that's it. Ten minutes in to the game, I began to hope that it would end right there, and that Bruce would start stripping and dancing, because that would have been a lot more entertaining. Here's a list of things about this game I hate:

The Voices, and the Subtitles

What the hell? Firstly, there came the voices. Quite besides the fact the Chinese girl has thee most inconsistent and crap voiceacting since that movie I watched with that guy in it (I think it was Big Fish, and Ewan McGregor), the overall sound quality is lame. Maybe this was just me, and the way I had my settings. But I could never, ever hear what the hell was going on. This naturally led to me turning on the subtitles so I had some clue of what was being said. Well guess what? There's a whole other goddamn story running parallel to the main one, in the subtitles. They are completely different to the spoken dialogue. I don't think I saw one sentence in the subtitles that was actually spoken. Ridiculous!

Morpheus D. Duvall, and friends

What a retarded name. And trust the Japanese to create a truly freakish antagonist. I thought he was a girl. Then he was a guy. Then he stabbed himself with an AIDs infected needle and became a girl again. With perky breasts and all. Then, I don't know what the hell happened, but that was one retarded bad guy, in general.

Not to mention all the other bad guys. All three of them. What, there was zombies, and skeletal zombies, and monster-looking zombies. Oh, and there were these frog things with red eyes. And that was about it. I'm terrified, really I am! I am also terrified the fifteenth time I walk into a bathroom and a zombie leaps out. That doesn't get less scary, does it, Capcom?

Ridiculous Chinese Girl, Fondling

Because of the lousy voices and the subtitles that didn't know what game they were in, I didn't quite pick up her name, but I think I heard somebody say 'Fondling'. Fondling is a chinese girl with absolutely no purpose. Occasionally she throws things at other things, and once or twice you get to stab her in the arms. Sometimes, you get to take control of her and run her down a corridor.

One thing that particularly irritated me about this character was her ridiculous design. I mean, Bruce was hot, but he looked real. She had some kind of a weird anime-girl shape going on. Her design just didn't fit in with the game. At least, not to me. At the start, everything was so realistic and then she appears, and looks like a rubber girl, made of rubber. And her face was all shiny and perfect. That bitch can go burn in hell. Her contribution to this game was MINIMAL.

Plot

Or lack thereof. What the hell happened? I don't know.

Gameplay

The control system was a real bitch. When there's stinking zombies leaping at you from all directions (New development in Resident Evil series: SOME zombies can now travel faster than a snail, but not quite as fast as a tortoise) you want to swivel around and shoot them, possibly while running. But the control system doesn't allow that. Because it's retarded. Like the rest of the game. Shooting hordes of Zombies now requires you to stop, turn around, and shoot. You can't even sidestep. The lack of agility is incredible.

Also, absolutely nothing exciting happens. Not a goddamn thing. It's all the same. Walk down a corridor, shoot zombies, be frightened as a zombie leaps at you, shoot zombie, find key. There aren't even zombie DOGS. And there's only two different locations.And I have no idea what's going on. Ahhh! I fucking hate this game! Why did I play it? Because I really hoped Bruce would get naked in the end.

And speaking of the end, the game took me 2:44:20 to complete. That's including however long it took me to make several cups of coffee, and to go downstairs to eat my dinner, and then I went for a jog. And then I fell asleep for a while, and stopped to watch Finding Nemo for a bit.

And how ridiculous was the bad guy? HOW RIDICULOUS WAS S/HE!?

Music

Complete the game if you want to hear the Japanese Version of Rage Against the Machine. If not, don't expect to hear any music throughout the rest of the game. Or at least, if there IS music, it doesn't sound like it.

The Love Story

WTF?!?? WTFuckingF?!??

Conclusion

This game is shit. Bruce McGivern is hot. Somebody explain to me what the hell happened. I only started this thread with the intention of saying how hot Bruce was.

[Guest]

On the plus side...Resident Evil 4 is coming out on all formats soon, and that looks awesome!

But yeah, I think some of these game developers design plots which set out to be semi-original, so they don't fall into the "same old" hole o doom (tm*) but they just end up being fookin weird and ridiculous. It's no longer seems to be about scaring the player, rather who can make up the most randomly generated otherwordly entity imaginable, and make them look half way between "WTF" and "Dude, that's just sick".

I still can't believe they took out the online portion of Outbreak when they released it over here...(whether it was shit is immaterial).

[Guest]

Speaking of Resident Evil 4...have you guys seen this!?!??!!

http://media.cube.ign.com/articles/585/585976/imgs_1.html

WTF!??!?!?

[Roderick]

Are ye daft woman?! Resident Evil 4 is one of the finest and most thrilling games I've played in a long, long time! Maybe you expected too much of it, but Resi Evil is all about no holds barred thrashing shootouts with zombies and other monsters, and it does it gorgeously. And the voiceacting of Leon happens to be exquisite. Maybe there's an Irish localisation going on where they accidentally also fucked up the rest of the game?

[Salka]

Good thing I'm not talking about Resident Evil 4 then, isn't it?

[baconian]

Are ye daft woman?! Resident Evil 4 is one of the finest and most thrilling games I've played in a long, long time! Maybe you expected too much of it, but Resi Evil is all about no holds barred thrashing shootouts with zombies and other monsters, and it does it gorgeously. And the voiceacting of Leon happens to be exquisite. Maybe there's an Irish localisation going on where they accidentally also fucked up the rest of the game?

ye big wally.

[Roderick]

Sorry, I don't have a clue what Dead Aim is then I thought it was another terrific Yufster prank in which you had oopsiedaisily changed the name of the game. My wrong

[Salka]

Yes, your wrong.

Something else I fucking hate about this game: When you win it the first time around, you get to play as the girl. In MOST games, this would add to the replay value! You could play through the game differently, solving different puzzles, and stuff like that!

But, no. It's exactly the same. It doesn't even make fucking sense! For instance, if playing as Fondle, you pick up this wheel-thing. As you walk outside, there is a cutscene where Fondle steals the wheel thing from Bruce! Then she runs off, and we play as Bruce, running off with the wheel thing! Then Bruce, who has just had the wheel thing stolen from him, uses the wheel thing on the thing that needs the wheel thing! As he does this, there is a cutscene with Fondle using the wheel thing on the thing that needs the wheel, and Bruce appears from behind her to exchange two different sets of smartass comments; the spoken lines, and the subtitled lines! Then there are monsters, and Bruce says, "Hurry up, I'll keep them away!" and "Be quick, I'll keep them occupied!" both at the same time. Then you get to play as Fondle, shooting bad guys and and meanwhile, Fondle is also in the corner, turning the wheel!

This makes no fucking sense! Maybe I am the only one who noticed that this makes no sense. Fuck this! Fuck all of you and most of all, fuck Capcom.

[Salka]

I just went to the official Capcom site for Resident Evil: Dead Aim, to get screenshots. And all the screenshots they have are of zombies being blown up in various ways. 40 goddamn screenshots of zombies flying everywhere.

But the best thing was when a zombie suddenly leapt up on the screen and said, "Ugghhnnn", and I choked on my coffee so badly, and got such a shock, that I tipped the mug of coffee right up to my face, banging my two front teeth and hurling lots of the boiling hot beverage up my nose.

That was FAR scarier than anything that happened in that game.

[Roderick]

I hope your appearance hasn't shifted more toward Bill's because of this. He grows scarier by the minute. Startled me, actually.

[MrHoatzin]

I hope your appearance hasn't shifted more toward Bill's because of this. He grows scarier by the minute. Startled me, actually.

Her avatar now looks like a Frida Kahlo painting...