Salka

Hi! Sorry. It's really boring. I take an anti histamine every day, and if I forget, my right foot tingles and I get hives. That's about as exciting as it gets. I'm not dead, I'm just super busy with two jobs and art commissions and band stuff and university. Aaaaaargh. I can't wait to graduate. It's gonna be sweet. How are you all? HEALTHY? x

I don't normally look like this, I think this was the exact moment that I realised I knew the random guy you'd asked to take the photo, and then about five minutes later I realised I knew everyone else in the pub too. Also then I realised I know Empika IRL and he's been to my house before and I didn't know he was an Idle Forumer. W TT FFFFF

I'll be there.

My boyfriend's ex is mental. Genuinely mental. I think she has paranoid personality disorder kind of mental. Genuinely batshit insane. When I barely even knew my boyfriend (we'd met once at Glastonbury through friends of friends) and I'd never met her, she saw me in photographs with him (not even standing together in any of them if I recall correctly) and apparently decided to belittle me and scorn me out of insecurity. When he refused to engage in this behaviour (she used to do it to all his female friends, not just me) she then became convinced that the reason he was defending me was because we were sleeping together. They ended up breaking up a few months later because she found out he was at a party that I was also at (we shared the same friend group), and she accused him of only going to a party that all his fucking friends were at because I was there (also his friend). The whole time this was going on I had no idea because nothing was happening between us, and also I had a boyfriend. Something like two years after they broke up we did actually end up getting together, which I guess confirmed her suspicions or something. So now it's maybe three or four years later, I don't know, and I found out she got with another guy who is 18 and a friend of mine (she's 33) who dumped her after a week because all she did was bitch unrelentingly about me, in between telling him that she wanted to marry him and that he was better than her ex boyfriend (why would you say that to someone, I don't know). So yeah... finding out that she's a fucking mental case who hates me and always has since she first set eyes on a photograph of me was pretty weird. And after half a fucking decade or whatever, I'm still on the forefront of her mind all the time for something I never did. Bizarre.

Did everyone see this? http://wikileaks.org...ntions-and.html Circadian: it should be the initiators response to err on the side of caution generally, but most of the time sex is initiated mutually, together, so you don't really have one person initiating who feels responsible I guess. Christ, I hope not, because that would be pretty much non-consent from the start ¬¬. Reading that Reddit thread a while back where people who had committed a rape posted their stories, really opened my eyes to how something that is initiated together and mutually agreed upon and mutually enjoyable, can suddenly take a nasty twist because an assumption was made by one, things taken a bit further, and then everything changes in a matter of seconds. I can't say that I believe everyone who makes a human error of judgement is a rapist at their core, though I don't think that that necessarily lessens the impact on a victim and that's not what I'm trying to suggest. Mistakes happen in every area of life and to assume that good people should be incapable of making an error of judgement in the bedroom where already people are likely to be a bit mixed up, fog-brained and over-excited, seems a bit much. I don't think those mistakes should have to go unpunished or unjudged, btw, but I don't think they necessarily always indicate what should be thought of as a rapist. (NB I'm not talking about the Assange case here, just generally throwing an idea out there). I think to say that no mistakes should be tolerated ever shows a gross mistrust in the ability of humans to not make a dumbfuck mistake, whether or not they generally err on the side of caution. But maybe I am wrong, I have been amazed by the amount of people who seem to think that in every case it's black and white and people should just fucking know. I'm also aware that lots of people get angry and defensive when discussions about what exactly rape is or isn't. "Rape is rape" is a popular way to simplify it and shut down discussion, but the problem for me is that actually, sometimes rape isn't rape. For instance, in the UK a woman BY LAW can't be a rapist. Or how a violent sexual assault that involves violation of someone using something other than a penis is not considered a rape by law, and is punishable by a maximum of ten years instead of the life imprisonment max term of rape, even though for me that scenario would in essence be a type of rape. So for me, what is and isn't rape is something I'm not happy about and I think to suggest we've reached some point where we've got exactly the right formula is a bit presumptuous, particularly when we've got such a bollocks system behind it all to back up the fact that we probably don't have it quite right yet.

DAMN YOU ARMCHAIR GENERAL. 5"9 and 134lb, so BMI is allegedly 19.8. I usually eat a decent amount, but when it's hot (which it rarely ever is in the UK, so basically when I go on holiday to hot countries) my appetite drops off totally. So in Berlin when it was super hot and I had no symptoms, I ate very little. Then my boyfriend went away and I tend not to bother eating much when nobody is around to eat with, and I noticed that - again - my symptoms didn't seem so bad. So then I decided to eat very little every day and for the past few days have been living off a couple of bananas and a salad, and my symptoms have disappeared again. So I'm almost afraid of eating properly again in case they come back ¬¬ But more than likely it's a coincidence, so I'm waiting for something crap to happen again. Also it could just be the B12 kicking in or something. Is it just going to be some weird thing I have to live with for the rest of my life with no idea why, Dr General?

I recommend watching this. It explains a lot of music theory in a very interesting and easy way. http://www.channel4.com/programmes/how-music-works-with-howard-goodall I also recommend seeing a proper guitar tutor if you can afford it. Having theory explained to me by a knowledgeable person of whom I could ask questions and discuss things made it so much easier to understand.

EXCITING UPDATE. Ish. I went to the allergy and immune system dept for some tests today. Apparently my allergic-type symptoms are, in 96% of cases like mine, not related to an allergy. They think it's indicative of some sort of thyroid disorder and although my thyroid levels came back fine in a blood test I took a while ago, they're doing other tests as apparently sometimes... I don't know. Just, sometimes. It could also just be unexplained, forever. But they're going down the thyroid disorder-of-some-sort route for now. Exciting! I bet the blood tests come back fine though ¬¬ Does anyone know the answer to the following question: if it IS related to a thyroid thing, why is it that it wouldn't have been picked up in my first blood test? I'm not exactly sure what it was for, my doctor said "thyroid levels" I think. What else can they test for in order to check for thyroid issues, and what issues would they be that wouldn't have affected my blood thyroid levels (I don't know if this question makes any sense).

That's pretty full on dickmunch city if that's true. But I can still see how "mistakes" happen (for lack of a better word) and so in other cases perhaps it is less clear cut. Have you ever read Assange's old blog or his OKcupid? It paints a sad picture :-/

Well they can't, but I can understand why it would be presumed that it would be okay to do that. Fair enough in Assange's case I don't think he had much of a case for that, having not built up that much of a relationship with the woman beforehand, but then his brain works differently to mine. Personally er... maybe TMI but ¬¬ when I have been woken up in that way by my long-term partner, I have always found it to be a really wonderful experience - and we never discussed it beforehand. Similarly, having woken others up in that way (¬¬ sorry TMI TMI TMI ¬¬) has been well-received, because it's always been in the confines of a trusting, loving relationship where we (think we) know each others boundaries. So I guess I can see why someone might take that experience and apply it incorrectly to someone else, or think "oh man I'd like if someone did that to me, so maybe I'll wake my girlfriend up that way!" and it goes horribly wrong. But then that doesn't make that person, necessarily, a rapist. On the other hand I think my consent with partners is pretty much implied, and if I was woken up that way and I didn't like it I would comfortable enough with them to say "oi fuck off, I'm sleeping now" or whatever, and not being fucking traumatized to death by it or think of it as anything other than annoying that I'd been woken up for a while. Then again, if a guy did that to me on week one... I would not like it so much, perhaps. I guess it's all about building trust and an understanding of each others boundaries, so I can see where people can go so badly wrong on this without realising the gravitas of their actions. Anyway so in answer to your question, I guess if B thinks A would consent to it if she was awake and would enjoy it, and then goes ahead with that and is wrong, so long as he could prove that he genuinely believed that and had some sort of a reason to, it would be less likely to be deemed a rape by the courts. I wish we had some sort of a system where it could be recognised that rape can happen without, necessarily, a rapist. A guy (for instance) can make that mistake and cause a woman (for instance, also) hurt without being a dreadful person, but without that lessening the impact of what has happened through her eyes. Instead we just have this system where it seems to be either "yeah he's a rapist and you got raped", or "well, it's a bit nuanced really so you didn't get raped after all", with the occasional actual rape conviction occurring. Maybe something like the Swedish system that recognises different levels of sexual crime against a person would be beneficial in helping to get more convictions, but then apparently Sweden's track record on convictions isn't that great anyway. I have worded this message poorly but I hope you know what I mean.

Thanks Sal. Well by UK law then the alleged incident is not necessarily going to be rape either, since he could make a case for believing he reasonably had consent, I guess. The storming thing - have you read the letter? It was an incredibly embarrassing and very threatening. Some bits of this are nuanced but that is not. They made a serious threat to take a serious action that would result in British embassies across the world also being at threat. You don't just "revoke" the status of an embassy, particularly not to get someone who has not yet been charged, even, with a crime. Christ, imagine if Governments always just did that whenever they wanted to get someone who was seeking refuge in an embassy - what would be the point? The threat they sent was unbelievable, I think that was one of the things that really sent out a clear message that this is about more than just a sexual assault allegation. Whether or not that's true, god fucking damnit that's what it looks like now. It's not my place to judge whether the allegations are true or not, but if they aren't and it is a set-up then I would have thought it a very clever one... I've seen repeated accusations of Assange supporters (even when they're supporting his asylum rather than actually commenting on the allegations against him) as being rape-enablers. It's been so hugely divisive, and enabled his supporters to be widely mocked in the press about a really sensitive issue, and given the Anti-Assange and Anti-Wikileaks crowds an easy stick to beat everyone else down with. Also, Sweden is super liberal and super feminist, so it won't have gone down well there. In addition, he looked like a hero to a lot of people before this happened - now he looks like a pathetic rapist to many people. Details of anyones sex life are going to make people look at them in a new light - god knows if some of you people knew things about me you'd think I was batshit insane, I'm sure. Sex is a great tool to use to control and sway people. Look at Christianity...

Interesting, when I read that article the other day comments were locked, which I found extremely annoying because then people can't debate the content which I already find questionable in parts. They've opened them up now though and there are some really good points below. God, this whole debacle really is one of the most amazing things to watch unfold. Further reading: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4568041.stm

On the first point Sal, under English law (http://en.wikipedia...._in_English_law): " So actually I'm not entirely sure if it does *necessarily* constitute rape (legally speaking, that is) that he initiated sex with someone if he could show that he believed she would give consent, which is the one that most people seem to be focusing on. Do you know what the other scenarios are? I'm at work and don't want to research rape too much ¬¬ but I remember there being one in which pinning-down occurred. So I'm not sure about that one, but in Sweden it isn't actually being pinned as a rape but as a minor sexual offence, right? Can someone confirm? I've already typed "rape" into google too many times today... Regarding point four, Sweden has actually interviewed suspects away from home (http://www.unt.se/up...en-1701566.aspx for instance) so I'm not sure what to make of this as it seems to be untrue. Point five raises a good point, I've seen Assange interviewing the Ecuadorian president and it makes my skin crawl. I'm assuming he's cosying up to him to save his own skin and I guess he has been left with very few options, so while it's hugely hypocritical, I suppose to an extent I can understand it. However it's all very well pointing out that Ecuador has human rights issues, but remember that Sweden has been implicit in the shipping of suspected terrorists to third countries previously, where they were tortured, Britain faked some documents in order to start a war that killed around 100,000 people, and the USA has fucking torture camps and Bradley Manning. I'm very disheartened about the world, I do think every government anywhere will do as much as it thinks it can get away with. However, it doesn't make it much less irritating to see Assange cosying up in such a hypocritical way. I don't know about the other points. I would certainly be very worried if I was Assange and I'm not really convinced that with a red notice out on him and Britain threatening to storm an embassy in London, that this is as simple as a being wanted for questioning over sexual assault allegations. But I do wonder how much of it is two very real things - Assange trying to worm his way out of a sexual assault conviction, and Governments wanting to silence him - coming together to form a clusterfuck of false information, lies and bullshit. I also wonder if the women have any chance of having a proper trial ever, considering that apparently the Swedish authorities interviewed them together which is ridiculously bad practice, and one of them deleted favourable tweets about Assange after bringing the case. Looks dodgy as fuck and does not support her case at all. Sadly though, in lots of rape cases the victims do dumb shit like that afterwards because they're afraid of not being believed. It still boggles my mind that people who go to the police about rape are not first briefed about how important absolute truth is in their statements. A lot of cases get through out of court here because the victim lied about having taken drugs for instance, and even if they tell the truth afterwards instead of getting caught out lying, they are still no longer considered reliable witnesses to their own rape.

Yeah I wondered that ¬¬ I'm seeing her again in a few weeks after my blood test (to check that my B12 levels have increased while on supplements) so I'll do it then.

Nope, partly because I'm used to it and partly because I've looked up my symptoms and know that they probably aren't going to kill me ASAP. Especially because I assumed it was anxiety, which is harmless. So I wasn't in the least bit anxious. After a few hours I was weary and bored of the symptoms which didn't seem to be improving and were making it uncomfortable to continue working. Only my hands were shaking badly, my legs were a bit wobbly. I had a really bad sinus headache on one side of my face yesterday, and my neck hurt and what felt like my carotid artery ached on the same side, making it hard to turn my head without pain. That lasted about an hour, and it's weird because I don't have a cold or sniffles at all. Maybe this all points back to an allergy somehow? Or at least some of the symptoms. I checked the pollen count yesterday and it was high. Also eating nothing seems to appease the symptoms, I've felt much better since consuming only a pot of chickpea and feta salad every day, but then I'm not sure if this is a temporary lull in my symptoms (and I did get that nasty sinus headache yesterday but also that could, and probably is, totally unrelated). The symptoms also were less severe in Berlin where, due to the heat, I barely ate anything (my appetite dies in hot weather). So maybe digestion-related. I don't know. Maybe it's lupus.