The Illusion of Control

September 28, 2017 We're going on a trip through the world's most bizarre mysteries, unanswerable conundrums, and dumb news, and it's going to take a while, so pack something healthy. No, we said healthy. Okay, fine if that's what you want. This week: If you have to babysit a ten year old version of yourself for the weekend, do you both get paid? What do ants see in you anyway? And, when you push a button that you know does nothing, has the satisfaction you felt when pushing it given that button a purpose? We can't stop pushing Nick's buttons about the alleged nutrition of PB&J sandwiches, so it must be true.

Discussed: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, weird jams, haunted sandwich, The NBA's Secret Addiction, Playmobil Traffic Cone Lung, How a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich is Like a Playmobile Traffic Cone and the National Basketball Association is Like a Human Lung, feeding Snickers to ants, Snickers-based ant rituals, the relative impulse for self-care in ants versus octopuses, bothering an ant researcher, generic-brand confections, allsorts bag of candy garbage, bridge mix bag of candy garbage, babysitting your ten-year-old self, existential crisis, tuna fish sandwiches, Jake Rodkin: the perfect babysitter for Jake Rodkin, getting punched by your own ghost, experiencing the past as it happens, mishearing Kraft cheese advertising slogans, the dystopian ambitions of the Kraft corporation, glitches in the universe, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Super Mario Bros. tv commercial and "making of" video, morphed boy bite with bowl fly, stuck in an elevator for the weekend, nonfunctional elevator buttons, the illusion of control, this dismaying observation, video game illusion of control secrets revealed on Twitter, how a toaster really works, toaster don't give a shit

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Jake's Endorsement: Thimbleweed Park adventure game for computers, Xbox One, PS4, and iOS

Chris' Old Man Endorsement: canned sardines, a tasty sustainable healthful snack! (try "Fisherman's Eggs" from this list of easy sardine recipes)

Nick's Impenetrable Endorsement: Watching StarCraft e-sports—try these introductory videos from StarCraft player and streamer Day9, or just read about The Rise and Fall of StarCraft II Esports

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