Important If True

Three friends try and figure everything out.

Three friends try and figure everything out. Join Chris, Jake, and Nick as they delve into the weirdness of life, pop culture, and technology—and do their best to explain it as absurdly as they can. Write in to questions@importantiftrue.com with your own questions and observations.


Weekly, publishes Thursday.

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Episode 33:
The Meme Scream

October 13, 2017 AAAAAAaahhhHHGHhggg! Oh, excuse us, that was just our podcasting equipment warming up. When you taste something gross, what compels you to tell your friend to try it? Or worse, to keep eating it? If we hear someone has wished for something, why the compulsion to wish it away? If something great is on TV, why violate it? In short: Why do we do things we know are bad for us? If we knew, we wouldn't be here. Join us!

Discussed: the trash kids love to eat, Jake's dark compulsion, Jake's twisted perverted self-flagellation, Jelly Belly Gourmet Candy Corn, the gross taste more cleanly, Philip K. Dick's "A Gross Taste Cleanly," off-brand candy bars, Jokerz, beef gelatin, vegan Tylenol, saving animal fats in a jar, existential meme crises, 11:11 wishes, Nick getting his wish, casting wishes by tossing change into bodies of water, wish inflation, nickel poisoning...?, meme forensics, violators and snipes, surprising truth in industry jargon, Important If True Home Violator Kit, Nick's dreams, the Dean Scream, 45 human brains unearthed in Spain, 45brains.online, saponification, the tragic loop of time travel, throwing our brains in the trash, unprestigious awards, bowling for babies, trophies for millennials, parents collecting wine corks and restaurant matchbooks, childhood failure

Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Chris' Endorsement: Frank Lantz's fractal-like browser game Universal Paperclips

Jake's Endorsement: Barbie Trashes Her Dreamhouse art project photo set

Nick's Endorsement: Fairfax Breakfast Sandwich, a very healthy choice

Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription glasses with free home try-on, Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

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October 5, 2017 Your dreams have come true, assuming you dream of a podcast in which we do our best to work through the world's biggest questions, starting with these: Why are twentysomething Canadian robots putting septuagenarian Canadian humans out of work? Is Google Street View less creepy or more creepy if you're the one taking the photos? And, when Clifford got big we know it came from love, but was that love tainted by science gone wrong, or the touch of some malevolent wizard? These truths and more will be revealed to you, before you wake up and forget it ever happened.

Discussed: correcting a mistake, Nick Brekcon babysitting himself at Disneyland, externalized self-loathing, wishing upon a star, nightmares, CBC mail robot retirement, anthropomorphizing lovable dumb box robots over insidiously friendly human-like robots, cats' preference for humans over food, helping out your retiring mail robot buddy, boss robot, forcibly retiring your boss, The Count of Monte Cristo of Mail Robot Retirement Revenge, The Ship of Theseus, The Mom of Theseus, ostensible democratization of Google Street View, Google Street View camera hidden inside a teddy bear, long-term Google Street View gaslighting campaign, the world's largest and most popular website: Google.com, pulling off some sick moves as you surf down the slippery slope, scorning your past selves, "It Was a Very Good Year," just pushing the button, chitinous hide, Short & Curly Australian ethics podcast for children, the value of children, Dumbledore, Dumblededoodledy, a secret world in which wizards exist, Clifford the Big Red Dog, how Clifford got big, David Cronenberg's Clifford the Big Red Dog, The Fly, Darren Aronofsky's Clifford the Big Red Dog

Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Nick's Endorsement: Stretching (so you don't ruin your shitty old busted human frame)

Jake's Endorsement: New York City in 1993 shot on HD video

Chris' Jake-adjacent Bonus Endorsement: The Deuce TV show pilot on HBO

Chris' Real Endorsement: Jarred anchovy fillets to pump up the flavor of your meals (for instance, this delicious pan-seared chicken recipe)

Jake's Chris-adjacent Bonus Endorsement: Reassessing obnoxious childhood opinions fed to you by kid-targeted media and scorning your past self

Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription glasses with free home try-on, Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

September 28, 2017 We're going on a trip through the world's most bizarre mysteries, unanswerable conundrums, and dumb news, and it's going to take a while, so pack something healthy. No, we said healthy. Okay, fine if that's what you want. This week: If you have to babysit a ten year old version of yourself for the weekend, do you both get paid? What do ants see in you anyway? And, when you push a button that you know does nothing, has the satisfaction you felt when pushing it given that button a purpose? We can't stop pushing Nick's buttons about the alleged nutrition of PB&J sandwiches, so it must be true.

Discussed: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, weird jams, haunted sandwich, The NBA's Secret Addiction, Playmobil Traffic Cone Lung, How a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich is Like a Playmobile Traffic Cone and the National Basketball Association is Like a Human Lung, feeding Snickers to ants, Snickers-based ant rituals, the relative impulse for self-care in ants versus octopuses, bothering an ant researcher, generic-brand confections, allsorts bag of candy garbage, bridge mix bag of candy garbage, babysitting your ten-year-old self, existential crisis, tuna fish sandwiches, Jake Rodkin: the perfect babysitter for Jake Rodkin, getting punched by your own ghost, experiencing the past as it happens, mishearing Kraft cheese advertising slogans, the dystopian ambitions of the Kraft corporation, glitches in the universe, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Super Mario Bros. tv commercial and "making of" video, morphed boy bite with bowl fly, stuck in an elevator for the weekend, nonfunctional elevator buttons, the illusion of control, this dismaying observation, video game illusion of control secrets revealed on Twitter, how a toaster really works, toaster don't give a shit

Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Jake's Endorsement: Thimbleweed Park adventure game for computers, Xbox One, PS4, and iOS

Chris' Old Man Endorsement: canned sardines, a tasty sustainable healthful snack! (try "Fisherman's Eggs" from this list of easy sardine recipes)

Nick's Impenetrable Endorsement: Watching StarCraft e-sports—try these introductory videos from StarCraft player and streamer Day9, or just read about The Rise and Fall of StarCraft II Esports

Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill

September 21, 2017 While we grapple with the mysteries of the world around us, while we do our best to solve your conundrums, provide you with advice, and tease out your bizarre hypothetical situations, we are being watched. Watched, judged, and pitied, by beings beyond our perception, hovering outside our senses on the edges of our reality. These beings fear for us, not for the damage we might do to them, but for the damage we might do to ourselves. And for our part, we barely know when they're there. In that way only, are they more afraid of us than we are of them. If you haven't guessed, this episode is about centipedes.

Discussed: September 21 2017, dads, Important If True Dadcast, annoyed bird cursed to live in a cage of its own creation, centipedes: masters of space and time, classic middle-grade novel My Dad the Centipede, classic kid's book The Big Centipede, Yoda, Yoda Centipede, Yoda Da Man, human evolution, relative scale of human beings, giraffes, the ocean, a big fucking whale, octopus cities, the Gloomy Octopus, octopus evictions, miserable octopus society, Mcity (driverless car testing town), Yodaville (military bombing testing town), Safety Town (children's driving education town), Bartertown (Mad Max dystopian barter town), Gravesend (crime and riot simulation town), Pizzaland (fake pizzeria), "America the Beautiful" musical road, Mellotron keyboard instrument (example of Mellotron string loops), Close Encounters of the Third Kind (Amazon, iTunes), Arrival (Amazon, iTunes), Wolverine Street, self-hoisting AI, human beings

Send us your questions at questions@importantiftrue.com. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Jake's Endorsement: 80s.nyc (photographic Google Street View recreation of 1980s New York City)

Nick's Endorsement: The West Wing Weekly ("The West Wing" discussion podcast)

Chris' Endorsement: The Thin Man (1934 film about tipsy mystery-solving) (Amazon, iTunes)

Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes with $10 off your first brush head refill, Warby Parker prescription glasses home try-on, Peter's happy birthday!

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