Important If True

Three friends try and figure everything out.

Three friends try and figure everything out. Join Chris, Jake, and Nick as they delve into the weirdness of life, pop culture, and technology—and do their best to explain it as absurdly as they can. Write in to with your own questions and observations.

Weekly, publishes Thursday.

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Episode 29:
Untethered From Reality

September 14, 2017 Each week we do our best to take your deeply important questions, distill them down to their essence, and find the truth within. Or something we make up. But sometimes, once in a big moon, the truth hits too close to home, burns too hot, is too real. Sometimes something so unbelievably perfect happens, the universe itself tries to erase it. Before it can get there, we'll tell you all about it.

Discussed: popcorn, the number you call that tells you what time it is, a regrettable news event, you know what it is, hoisting, the Important Cinematic Universe Project, reality untethered from time, reverse temporal recursion of cause and event, cursed image, strategically-located sunburns, difficulty of applying suntan lotion, explaining this stupid fucking podcast to somebody, nanotechnology, lewd inferences, inadvertently presenting as a gentleman thief, breaking into your own home, internal voices used for specific purposes, sounding like Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes, one-star review of LaGuardia Airport, taking a break, ten small sips, the purported health benefits of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, being seamlessly replaced by a robot, definition of robot, Pocket Drunken Robot, The Nick Breckon Podcast, closing your eyes in an attempt to control your reality, children's mental games, music video to Chemical Brothers' "Star Guitar" by Michel Gondry, musical roads, employing musical roads to better serve our capitalist nightmare, eerie synchronicity of children's fantasies

Send us your questions at If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Chris' Endorsement: Alex French Guy Cooking YouTube series

Jake's Endorsement: pass

Nick's Endorsement: Original Iron Chef episodes on YouTube

Nick's Other Endorsement: watching the sunrise

Sponsored by: Warby Parker eyeglasses and sunglasses free home try-on, Quip electric toothbrushes and brush head replacement plans

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September 7, 2017 You probably think you're pretty smart. Well, Einstein, chew on this: If a tree falls in an empty forest in an empty universe, does it make a virtual sound? Is Colonel Sanders really a powerful sorcerer? And, if so, can he bid Chuck E. Cheese robots carry out his every whim? Open your mind, and destroy all your preconceptions. They will not be reused.

Discussed: KFC virtual reality training program, Doritos bag that plays the soundtrack to Guardians of the Galaxy, Doritos bag that plays the soundtrack to The Conversation, Burger King Subservient Chicken, "Keep fucking that chicken", real magic, Chuck E. Cheese Concept Unification video, Chuck E. Cheese animatronic eradication, living robots imbued with life by a malevolent stage magician, immortal Colonel Sanders, The Giant Children's Food Brand Wars of the 1970s, ketchup, catsup (ugh), your every decision being constantly questioned, your constantly-questioning AI monitor reinforcing your stupid self-absorbed worldview, the eternal questioner Colonel Sanders ruling your consciousness, the creation of a perfect universe simulation, infinite universe recursion, dying within the machine, a tree falling in an empty forest in an empty universe, the most hubristic hoisting of all, the end of Men in Black, The Matrix 2, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Send us your questions at If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Nick's Endorsement: "The Katering Show" YouTube series

Jake's Endorsement: Keeping the wiring in your entertainment center or computer desk clean with double-sided velcro and a cable zipper

Chris' Endorsement: Getting a decent point and shoot camera (I got a Canon G9X and like it), and learning a bit about how aperture, shutter speed, and ISO work to help take better photos and understand your camera

Jake's Extra Post-Chris Endorsement: Apps to help take better phone photos, like Halide for iOS

Sponsored by: Warby Parker prescription eyeglasses and sunglasses home try-on, Tales of Miir weekly fantasy saga

August 31, 2017 Careful listeners might detect a hidden message in this podcast. Are you attuned to our frequency? Keep that in mind as you ponder these eternal mysteries: Is it better to smell a rose, or is it better to get your ass going? Are sneeze sabotage strategies all in your imagination? What's the deal with fidget spinners anyway? And does any of this matter? One thing is clear. At the end of the day, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and undermine 'em.

Discussed: fidget spinner, FÏDGT™, German artisanal heritage fidget spinner manufactory, Orson Welles peas commercial, the power of a Kamenstein Perfect Tear Paper Towel Holder in the palm of your hand, electronics devices with addictive sliding battery cases that are way better than fidget spinners, historical Ireland keyring, BABY, sneeze sabotage strategies and the supernatural, the history of sneezing superstitions, childhood guilt-inducing power fantasies, grownup elevator call button power fantasies, decoy crosswalk buttons that do nothing, battery powered by your sweat and tears, why you cry, marsh-dwelling weeping sadness robot, beach-dwelling laughing happiness robot, Brad Bird, The Incredibles, Ratatouille, Tomorrowland, adage-optimized objectivist wasteland, classic adages, breaking eggs to make an omelet, Brahma chickens fucking you up for breaking eggs, beating 'em, joining 'em, capitalism, undermining (metaphorically), undermining (literally), hoisting by undermining, creation of a self-reinforcing adage-backed worldview, redundant local newscasts, the historical emergence of local news, Cyber-Times,

Send us your questions at If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Chris' Endorsement: Binging With Babish YouTube cooking series, and also the movie Big Night (Amazon, iTunes)

Nick's Endorsement: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ("white bread, JIF peanut butter, and any preserve that you want")

Jake's Endorsement: Shitty Mario novelty Twitter account, Supper Mario Broth blog of Mario deconstruction

Sponsored by: Quip electric toothbrushes, WASD German-language video game magazine Kickstarting its English-language version

August 24, 2017 U mad? Yeah, u mad. Look, get a hold of yourself, and consider these conundrums. If a driverless car has a driver, but the driver is dressed as a car seat, is Tom Cruise a passenger? If your DNA gets hacked by teens, which memes will you use to plug the holes? And what passive-aggressive slogan should you print on the jigsaw puzzle you give to your pharmacist? Get hype for this episode of "You May Be Retired, But You'll Always Be a Dentist."

Discussed: man dressed as car seat, dressing for the job you want to have, staying incognito in a world of driverless cars, The Raid 2 car chase behind the scenes, injecting DNA with malware, precious meme blood cyberpunk future, hoisting via internet service convenience, procedurally generated Zazzle phrase clothing, waging a passive aggressive campaign using procedurally generated Zazzle phrase clothing, your dream app, gross millennial cuspers, coffee cupping, cupping, cuppers, consolidating your confusing online media library, boiling like a frog in a pot of apps, Silicon Valley billionaire teen blood drinkers, Thiel-hacking teens, heaven, living forever online, turning into dirt, get hype

Send us your questions at If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our Patreon.

Nick's Endorsement: Chat Pack conversation starter cards

Chris' Endorsement: Hunt for the Wilderpeople (Amazon, iTunes, Hulu)

Jake's Endorsement: Funemployed party card game

Sponsored By: Quip electric toothbrushes, Warby Parker eyeglasses home try-on

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