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I pulled this from another site's forum - I probably can't say which one. Upon this forum is a member who facnies himself as a bit of a film critic...and indeed I do enjoy reading his reviews. Oh yes, very much so. Here is his latest.

House of the Dead

This Movie is god awful. Its about these stupid Raver kids. Sega Co. and some Idiots put this movie together. It is such a terrible movie I fell asleep around the middle of the movie So I had to watch the stupid thing again. This movie is about some stupid Raver teens who want to go to some Island called death or something in latin. They realize they are late so they want to get there ASAP. So they hire this Sailer and his little retarded friend. The only great part about this is that you see this chicks boobies and thats it. Anyways.......They get to the Island and nobodys home. But the sailer is a smugler and is being followed by a cop and her fat friend. They find the party area but still nobodys there. They split up like idiots and the action begins. They find some other crazy party guy with a camra and filmed what happen. He dies Bcause he decided to go solo. so now its just the ravers , the cops , and The sailer and his retarded friend. They find some they go in it. WOW more zombies , but they kill them. And they find this lab room and the main character looks into a micro scope and says "wow this is **bleep**ing genious" I'm thinking HOW THE **bleep** CAN YOU KNOW ALL THAT FOR LOOKING AT IT FOR 2 SECONDS !!!!! hes a party guy for god's sake. He doesnt know anything. Anyways he fights the main bad guy who hasn't died in a million years because he's infected with this virus. So he dies at the end by the main character. And this movie sucked so bad I'm going to tell you the ending. Only One lives. Some helicopter with some Hard core S.W.A.T. guys and they save him. But this movie is really crappy. First off the acting was just god awful. Ive seen better at acting in children's plays. The dialouge was just rubbish. They are all better off shutting up. The Visuals......crappy. The action is just stupid too. It's really lame. And the music. Everytime I hear it......I wanna rip out my ears. Thats why I'm going to make it a personal mission to go to Sam goodys and knock down all the House of the Dead soundtracks off the shelfs and dart off. If you have around......112 Minutes to waste by all means this is the movie for you. Movie lovers spread the word this is a bad movie !!!

I hope you enjoyed that, because I have more to hand...

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