I_smell

gonna keep usin blood-o-vision, fuck u all

Pisswasser was my favourite one. It's like a smooth, relaxing, casual-party beer commercial but with depressing alchoholism lyrics, because that's who's really drinking it. "Sleep in the bathroom on the floor- what really matters, ANYMORE!? All the shit ya do all day- who fuckin cares, ANYWAY!?" It sucks that the lyrics before that are I bought some blow and got so drunk I gave a dude head- which isn't really what drunk people do in real life. Unless you listen to the actual Lazlow Show, in which you find out that his life really is that crazy. EDIT-- and then also it's piss? So the tagline is "You're in for a good time"- which if you wanna make the joke that cheap lager tastes like piss, that's not how you make that joke! That's like a MAD Magazine joke. And then what is the Brown-Streak Railroad a satire of?

I think "satire" is a catch-all that A LOT of people use to get away with being really unfunny. It's impossible to draw the line on when you're watching smart comedy or dumb comedy, and it always comes down to "one man's trash is another man's treasure" where I can easily find people who think Look Around You is just stupid. ...obviously GTA has the TWAT internet cafe, so that's an easy one, but y'know it's an interesting point to think about.

Inside the Game Designer's Studio Episode 1: Each Journey Starts With A Single Faggio Moped

Agreeing and trying to fix things is good, disagreeing and standing your ground is good, and I'll let someone off for ignoring stuff like this, but deleting comments is really shooting yourself in the foot. I get people complaining at me about all sorts of stuff, but I'd HATE to turn into the "haters gonna hate, if you troll me I'll just block you" type.

It's a good job this 9/11 sketch is hilarious, otherwise it'd be in rather poor taste!

I loved random encounters with citizens! Speaking of writers, "Lazlow" is a character in GTA, and also a real person. Incase anyone didn't know, he has a podcast at Lazlow.com, and he IS a Grand Theft Auto character come to life. They talk about weed and retards and foreigners and gays.

...No that's 100% incorrect. Look up TODAY'S news, from GameInformer. EDIT-- Alright here: GTA V "evolves nearly every mechanic, features the biggest world in series history and introduces a new technology that radically changes the way players control the game." The game's three main characters are called Michael, Trevor and Franklin Michael is retired, early 40s, a highly successful former bank robber. He retired in luxury after making a deal with the FIB. He's in the witness protection program, he hates his wife who spends his money and hates him too. He doesn't understand his two teenage kids Tracy and Jimmy, and is forced back into the game as his money is about to run out. Trevor is a career criminal, early 40s, drug user governed by his desires, prone to violent outbursts and destructive rampages, a loose cannon, former military pilot, used to work a bank job with Michael back in the day, always up for a heist. Franklin, repo man, mid 20s, a young and ambitious hustler, works for an Armenian luxury car dealership that sells cars to those who can't afford them, and when they can't pay up he plays repo man. He stumbles into Michael while looking for a hustle. A quick menu can be called up to switch characters, the camera pulls away into a Google Earth-style vantage point and then drops into wherever the chosen character is. Rockstar's playtester pours a trail of gas away from a vehicle and drops a zippo lighter on it, the flame travels back and causes a huge explosion. Each character has his own personality motivation and skillset. The three characters go about their daily business when you're not in control, so you might find them in surprising situations when you take control of them again. Each character has a fleshed out story arc. Complicated, multitiered heist missions inspired by GTA IV's Three Leaf Clover are "peppered" into the game. Heists are a big theme. Rockstar is addressing mission diversity in pairing characters. It showed off a mission involving all three characters. The trio need to perform a snatch-and-grab to get the FIB off their backs. Trevor berates the security agent guarding a chopper, Michael urges him to calm down but he keeps running his mouth. He only agreed to do the mission in exchange for help springing his friend Brad out of jail. Franklin isn't to comfortable with Trevor. They extract the target by holding him hostage with one arm while pointing a gun at interrogators with the other, at that point an icon appears giving the player the option to switch character. You can stay as Michael and try and pick off the enemies or select franklin, switch to his perspective and snipe them from afar. Transition is smooth and camera angle helps you adjust During the chase through Los Santos the player can switch to Trevor to pilot the getaway, snipe the other pilots as Franklin, or fire an assault rifle out the back of a chopper as Michael. Rockstar is leveraging cinematic tricks learned from Max Payne 3. Rockstar thinks GTA V is its strongest plotted game yet. Cars "hold better to the ground".Rockstar thought they were a bit "boat like" in GTA 4. It "feels more like a racing game". R* chose one large city over three small ones to create the best possible experience and realise its proper version of LA. The world is 'bigger than RDR, San Andreas and GTA4 combined'. The ocean floor is fully detailed and can be explored Each character will have unique hobbies only they can do. No RPG-style customisation as the three characters have specific skills and traits. No weight loss and gain as they pose a technical challenge pertaining to scale of the character. It was easer in San Andreas becasue standard def visuals were forgiving. Entertainment inside intertainment is back in GTAV, so expect more cartoons and other forms of in-game media. Houser doesn't think there will be romances as 'it wouldn't work'. Each protagonist has a set of friends to interact with. Lamar: Franklin's friend, a good sort of crazy. He's very funny. Jimmy: Michael's friend, lazy pot smoking 20 year old, they have a confused father-son relationship. Ron: Trevor's best friend, paranoiac conspiracy theorist living in a trailer. Amanda: Michael's wife, he's been awful to her, she's a strong personality, bound to him but they can't stand each other [*]Familiar faces from GTAIV and Episodes from Liberty City may resurface, just not major ones like Niko or anyone from PS2 era. PS2 era characters are in their own universe, GTAV takes place in a 'HD universe', they don't co-exist. [*]CJ and Tommy are more like mythical characters in the GTAV world [*]Mobile phone concept is back, but you won't be getting calls all the time, it's mainly used for activities. [*]Random encounters with citizens are coming back in a big way. [*]The dynamic mission system is similar to that of RDR, examples given include helping broken down motorists, figuring out the cause of a pile of dead bodies, being opportunistic and ripping off cash vans, or being a nice guy and catching muggers. [*]There won't be any "major" celebrity names cast as main protagonists. There's a bunch more details, but these are the big ones.

A giant landslide of information on this game came out today in GameInformer. Three playable characters that you can Quantum Leap in and out of at any time. My first response was "and they're all fuckin rock-hard thugs who tried to get out, put they kept pullin me back in, right?" but the information that came along with it is actually kind of surprising, and very self-aware in some ways. I don't know where this forum's ethics lie on if I just posted the scans of the GameInformer issue... Is that something I should not do? ...I'm gonna not do it. but yo they've modelled the sea-floor in this one. It's bonkers.

The power of iOS is truly terrifying. Awesome 3D art!

The second-to-last upgrade made me laugh when I spotted it.

Oh and also "Mount Dew" sounds like their filtered-through-volcanic-rock mineral water.

I sent Chris this episode banner over twitter #humblebrag Anyway on Hotline Miami having collectibles and ranking scores and stuff, I think a lot of 1-man indie developers just have it in their head that "My favourite game is [blank]" and just naturally don't have the discipline of working in a team to not let it bleed through into everything. There's a lot of indie games that for some reason have boss fights, and for some reason have a number of lives, and secret endings, and are all pixelated for no reason. I've done it before and it SOUNDS like a really dumb, obvious thing that only a newbie amatuer would do, but it's a regular accident. Of course for games like Super Meat Boy or FEZ, it's perfect to throw in hidden warp-zones. Not that I'm saying independant developers are dumb, I'm just saying this is a thing that happens. EDIT-- While you guys were talking about Halo I was thinking "and then Halo takes off his helmet, and HE has a flaming skull, and if you like Ghost Rider you'll love this. An ancient, evil Ghost Rider awakens." "Skulls pop out of heads, and then heads pop out of those skulls, it's the Stacking of Video games." ...for more podcast fanfiction, visit my deviantart.

GiantBomb said "What if it's just 'There is a million dollars under this tree, here are the directions.'" The best part is of course that only one person gets to see what's in the cube. So I'd GUESS they wouldn't just tweet it instantly. If I got to the centre of the cube I don't even know what I would do with that information. Obviously game sites would be poking you about it and you'd get a giant flood of messages. I can't wait for the headline "THIS MAN KNOWS WHAT'S IN THE CUBE." And then what if he or she just never tells anyone? You have to give P.Molyneux props, I've come around, this is a pretty fantastic game idea.

It's perfect that this is a Peter Molyneux thing. ONLY HE would say "What's at the centre of the cube is a life-changing secret", and only Peter Molyneux would get me curious of what the hell he's actually put in there.

Just spotted that during this whole Tomb Raider twitter crash, Geoff Keighley sell-out week, it turns out Polygon was over here in it's games journalism corner, resetting the press with its real authentic news. Weirdly: not many comments. Like- what was this, one day after their documentary finished? Come on, guys. EDIT-- Also I gave this site a chance last week, but I didn't bring it up cos I wasn't really liking it.

Welp- the only people still waiting for Half-Life 3 are probably Linux people. Seriously, is this article some kind of fanfiction? "Half Life 3 will be exclusive to Linux" is as hard a pill to swallow as "Disney bought Star Wars and announced Episode 7". I even read some other headlines on this site, but I'm still not convinced. Alright stop right there- Halo 4 was not cancelled due to an IGN score. Y'ALMOST GOT ME! This site's pretty silly.

Yea I watched that aswel, he was a classic Mary Sue. They hand him all the best guns, then say OVER HERE, MASTER CHIEF! USE MY MECH! Then there's a second mech hangin around the battlefield as if every time a guy goes near it, someone shouts NO, LEAVE IT FOR MASTER CHIEF! HE MIGHT NEED IT INCASE HIS ONE RUNS OUT. Then Master Chief stomps by, recklessly running too close to enemies and so on. Then a video screen pops up on his HUD and says "You're our only hope, Master Chief. You seriously are the greatest." ...oh I've never played these games. This one actually looks cool, cos I hated the old alien design, I might buy it.

That last one is pretty hilarious.

No it was after, and I don't think they were the cause of it. Similarly though, I just got retweeted by Ben There Dan That and got another hundred new followers. Don't worry I won't update again til it overtakes my actual twitter, which is about 3000. ...for the Bionic Commando one I should've used this as the picture. Anyway so far: THAT and the "fat man" one have been the only ones where people have angrily corrected me, which isn't really my intention. One guy tweeted @ me and said "I love how @SecretsOfGaming is a parody response to the poorly written and often wrong Did You Know Gaming" which isn't really my intention either. If I start seeing a lot of those I'm gonna make sure to SAY that I like DidYouKnowGaming.

My @SecretsOfGaming twitter jumped up from about 8 followers to 203 yesterday in like half an hour and I have literally no clue why. Very cool though. Ubiosft retweeted my Assassin's Creed one, I'm happy about it.

Irrational Games teaches you about the birds and the bees, and how fucking horrifically nightmare-dangerous they are.

Please rename it to "Chris Remo's Skyoshock Icarus".

Say no more, the film was "Jurrassic Park".

Yeah it's documented that the PS3 version struggles with framerate. I looked it up last week, and the first good result was a NeoGaf thread, and oh my god- SO glad I stay away from those kinds of conversations. Zero people talking about the content of the game, and like 7 pages about how these developers are the worst fuck-up retards on the planet and everyone's deciding not to buy it. Uuuuggghhhhhh :/ I've read that the PS2 game was famous for being a really good 60fps, which makes sense with all the "lightning fast action" stuff. That's crazy with how good it looks. Metal Gear 2 and 3 also hold up insanely well. This HD Collection has an average of 30-something on the PS3, and 40-something on the Xbox. Which is a bummer, but they're still great games. Also, side-note: really bugs me that these HD Collections are always boxed products and never available for download. Just sayin. EDIT-- Releases Novembers 30th in the UK!? aw D: