First joke: Three people are drafted for assassin school, two guys and a girl. The instructor has three rooms set up for each draftee to demonstrate their required skills in a final test. The instrcutor brings up the first guy(a 3 time felon of armed robbery), hands him a pistol, and tells him, "I hope you know, this is the REAL test here. So, go in there and do what ya gotta do." The draftee looks the instructor in the face and says, "no problem". He goes in and for 5min there is silence. The guy comes back out crying and says, "why, you didn't tell me my mother was in there I cant kill her, I love her" The instructor looks back at him and says, "It's ok son, you weren't the first pussy to fail, pack your bags and go home." The guy walks off and the second guy is called foreward. The Instructor brings the the second guy(an ex-military thrown out of service for abusive actions against captured and non captured enemy troops) to his room, hands him the first guy's pistol, and says, "You should have the balls, You know what the routine is, go do it." With an evil smile the guy goes in and after 5min comes out also crying and says, "That's my wife in there, I cant kill the mother of my children." The Instructor looks at him and says, "Well, you failed; that is als I know." He dismisses the guy and calls the girl up to her room, hands her the same pistol and wanting to get one draftee to pass says, "Ok, here's the deal. Your husband is in there, and we have evidence that he has been cheating on you with six other women, and has plans to do you too." The girl looks at him angrily, grabs the pistol out of the instructor's hand, and says, "That lyin' B@$t@rd, I knew screwing around with me!" The instructor watches amazed as she went in fast and quiet. At first, 2min of silence; then it broke out with a gunshot (BANG). The Instrcutor looks at the door saying to himself, "Finally, someone passed." Suddenly there are more shots, as the girl unloaded the pistol magazine. 30sec of silence, the Instructor looks at the door of the romm puzzled. Listening quietly, he hears the start of a struggle, it last for 5min. Later the girl walks out, looks at the Instuctor and says, "I wish you would have told me that pistol was full of blanks, I had to beat the @$$hole to death with a chair!"