Jaero

Well, there's a crappy scoring system just like the ones I always whine about, and certainly not enough demonizing of EA... but the 7-page review of this stupid game is thorough, and not a book report like many other sites write. Eh... I'm just posting it here because someone was interested in reading it. I'm proud of it only because I think it's well-writen, and fills a nice little action bullet on my skimpy resume. http://www.warcry.com

Well, I didn't score it as well as I could have. I dislike scores altogether, so I wasn't too thorough with them. The review is what really matters. As far as being more "Tolkienist" than is needed, tell me where else you might find such a perspective. TheOneRing.net maybe (they attended the Community Day event too), but they may not review it at all. They were there, as well as the manager of Tolkien-Online.com, because EA wanted to bring those perspectives in. It does matter. Many other Tolkien-related entertainment sites view LOTR-based games as gifts, and are happy with whatever they are handed. I used to manage Warcry's Middle-Earth site (covered all LOTR-licensed games), and many of the viewers are first devoted to the lore, and to the games second. I honestly could have railed for seven pages only about matters of lore, so it's hard for me to imagine what I did include as being too much. Hitman 2 I never finished, as I got swept away in other games. Knights of the Old Republic took me weeks to finish doing every subquest, both the paths of Light and Dark, all classes, skills, powers, etc... I'm the bane of my own existence. And how! Yes, canonical is a word.

I'm terrible at efficiently finishing games. Hitman 2, I never advanced a level until I got a perfect "Silent Assassin" score in the current level. I'm too hardcore and perfectionist for my own good.

I have cancer. I win.

Everything Metalmickey said. Lately I've been realizing how much I've been involved in RTS games without realizing just how much - I've played a great deal of them without really considering myself a fan (even after making a custom map/campaign for WC3, and participating in a RTS tourney). But there's more ammo to use on Big Huge Games if/when I get an interview. Loony, you know if the second part of that article is out there? I can't find it.

Yeah, I'm writing it as we speak. It's not going to get a higher score than GameSpot or IGN gave it, and it will be more editorial/journalistic in nature than those reviews - or that's what I'm going for. I don't really know how it will turn out. It's not a bad game, but I'm glad I got it free.

Great, there's another great company to scratch off the list of ones I'd like to work. I wonder if I need to scratch Red Storm off too. Fucking hell, they're just a few hours away too. My review of EA's latest piece of shit RTS is NOT going to be good.

I remember when I used to read the X-Men comics, and Rogue came into the story - that's when I learned the difference. Her rack was a big enough inspiration to get it right. Now... there is no better excuse - nor any excuse at all that I can think of aside from that. Ah, the many nights spent dreaming that Gambit would blow himself up so I could have 'er.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on here.

The pig is hot, wormy. Hot!

Given the grammar and the 'uptimism', if a McCarthyesque purge or witch burning doesn't happen soon, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands nyah. Happy 100th post you fucking forum-whore.

Yes I know, Manny. My absolutely legitimate excuse is that I've been skullfucked by the 2004 Video Game Awards. So, like... mmm... EAT THIS!

That totally needs to be the next quote of the moment. Or... I really was let down that there was no "Best Game Company" category, and even more that "EA Games" didn't take that award. That would have made it more poetic than the next 'Idle Words' artwork featuring Marek in a g-string and ThunderPeel licking the arch of his foot. Well, I don't know if that's poetic... It would be damn funny though.

A great rift has opened in the middle of my forehead, and into it has been rammed a giant throbbing cock named "Spike", riddled also with warts. I have been skullfucked by the Video Game Awards, and what ensued was the shagged-rotten grey matter leaking out of my fucking head. The only delight came when something spurred a thought (other than the meat injection) that was an image of Ernest W. Adams coming out from backstage with his cute little hat, and murdering every single one of those no-talent hacks while saying "Bad Game Designer! NO TWINKIE!" Honestly, I didn't watch much of this. I caught a few moments during the commercials of something actually worth watching, The Legend of Earthsea on the Sci-Fi channel. I don't watch TV at all, save for a little Comedy Central and Adult Swim, so the fact that I caught wind of Earthsea was pure luck - though as I might have led you to believe before, the fact that this justly dubbed 'unadulterated bullshit' penetrated my few joyous hours of TV watching has left me feeling utterly violated. I did have plans to whack off later this evening, but those plans have been raped, and all that is left is this raw spongey frame of a man. God damn you, Spike TV. God damn you.

After watching Spike TV tonight, my previous favorite drug is unimportant, as it has now changed to Agent Orange; specifically dioxin. I also watched the Daily Show, which both gave me that lame material and the will to not actually eat soup with Agent Orange in it. Motherfuckers.

I dunno. I think I like that idea as much as your avatar. I think it at least needs the option to be a hooker, where you have to dodge thousands of players trying to either rape you or run you over, or both. If that's in there, I'd buy it.

Who'd have guessed that when doing the backstroke naked, a man would have a dorsal fin of their very own! Wow!

Am I the only one who thinks that Yufster gets hotter the more angry her posts get? Maybe it's the avatar. Good luck on the exam!

Dear Lord, please please please do not let these people procreate.

Rodi, my girlfriend just went to visit her sister in the UK, and brought back a german game called "Sven 004" - have you ever played this? I'm surprised it hasn't put Germany on the map. You play a male sheep who has to pleasure them lady sheeps, while running from the shephard, his sheep-dog, and aliens. I never thought seeing a sheep fuck a turtle or a chicken would be so entertaining.

I guess I can add this email to the long list of crappy perks that come with working at a game news site... If a 'varmint' is "One that is considered undesirable, obnoxious, or troublesome", does that mean we can skullfuck Charlton Heston?

Spiderman 2 isn't terrible. You should get him a good book, he'll love you for that.

I knew it! I just didn't want to believe it. I don't know why. After Larry had his/her sex change operation, I started to be a lot more suspicious - but I don't know why I thought that then either. Freakin' ass clowns.

Uh, I play video games, and I'm not addicted to children.

Heheh, yeah. The business card is also my favorite part. I'll think about sending a review, but I don't know if it'll be any 'good'. I may give the game to my girl for her birthday in two weeks, and before I get slapped, slip in some Harry Potter to redeem myself (no comments on that, please - I know what you're thinking, and I think it too). The Neverhood was her favorite game, but the mundane repetitiveness of the game probably won't be her bag. Unless I can provide her a save-game file for her where they're already at the point where the Singles can fuck. Wooooo. Ok, no more posting for me. I wish the dentist gave me some fucking nitrus - then the bad news would have been less bad.