prettyunsmart

Sorry to double post but... I start the written portion of my Ph.D. candidacy exams tomorrow, and I could not be more freaked out. I feel like I have no idea what's coming or what to expect. I've read the stuff I've supposed to read and I am confident that I understand what's going on in my field, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like there's a giant scary thing crushing my chest and making it hard to breath. Hooray for anxiety.

The Bad Plus are pretty neat. They do jazz covers of popular songs... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMHgzcws2Ww And original compositions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXKBG7dKQdw

I tried barefoot running for a bit. One of the big things I learned doing it is that you need a totally different running form if you're going to do it (traditionally you run where the heel hits first, then the toe, but when barefoot you should try to run so the ball of your foot hits first because it can take the impact better). The thing about this different ruining form thing is that it requires a different set of muscles than running or walking with shoes (your calves will probably feel like they are on fire afterwards). I guess the idea is that the way we run out walk with shoes is an unnatural thing we've adapted. Either way, I tried it for a month or so, running outside while barefoot. I got sick of how dirty my feet got and the constant dread of broken glass. Not sure why I wrote all that. Oh well.

I didn't ask it expecting anyone to have an answer. I asked rhetorically because I think it's an empty concept. Arguing whether someone wants to look authentic or is actually being authentic just seems like a waste of time. Maybe I've been in grad school too long.

Maybe that's how it is often used, but under that definition, dickish members of the football team in high school were hipsters. That raises the question about what is really authentic. Sure, the idea of the hipster is based on the idea of the person who trades on knowing things before they got popular and sold out, and are therefore more authentic, but what would being really authentic look like? Is that a thing we can really pin down?

They're selling a bunch of games on PSN for 99 cents. Particularly if you haven't played Tokyo Jungle I would recommend checking that out. One of the weirdest but most unique games I played in the last generation.

Cine finds an unnatural monstrosity outside of a jewelry store. I am the prettiest princess.

Nick Breckon's livejournal? EDIT: I googled "Nick Breckon's Livejournal" since I didn't get what was going on in the cast. That was the first result.

I'm sure it is good exercise, but I'm sure anyone who sees him using it ends up a little freaked out.

I really wish Charlie Kaufman's AC4 was a thing. Then again:

I played through The Swapper yesterday. The atmosphere was just incredible throughout. I rarely got caught up enough in the gameplay to lose the general sense of unease that runs through the whole game. I liked the puzzles, and found them to mostly be pretty great, but I made a big mistake early on that made the end game way less fun. I didn't realize that you needed to get every orb to advance, and so once I got to the last section of the game, I had to back track a ton to finish it up. Still, I enjoyed my time with it. On a related note, I think playing the game helped me understand the "obtuse indie game story" thing from the last podcast and the episode thread. I think The Swapper was just about perfect at reducing the story mostly to tone like Chris was saying. If it said more, it wouldn't have been effective, and if it said less, it would have been just obnoxious. Hope I'm getting that right. Anyway, video games.

What I don't like about treadmills is that they tend to make me want to pick a pace and stick with it, which can be good, but doesn't fit with how I tend to run. Especially when I'm getting back in the habit, I usually start off at a moderate pace, then slow down if needed. When I'm in better shape, I usually let the music I'm listening to dictate my pace. Either way, I hate messing with the controls mid-run is always a pain. I've reached a point now where I should probably start running farther, but I just like getting outside and going for shorter runs. It becomes kind of meditative after a while, which has really helped me out with some of the anxiety issues I've been having. Then again, I totally get not wanting people looking at you.

Yeah, well it sounds like a good deal all around! Congratulations again!

Every time I've gotten back into running after taking some time away from it, I've had the same problem. Usually it's because I forget to stretch enough. Otherwise, a long soak in hot water can help too (which I know sounds super-creepy as advice from a stranger on the internet).

So, I'm not a real backer so I didn't see the update, but something happened?

I think one of the driving forces behind much of what I've done in my early adulthood has been the present the appearance that I have things figured out and that I'm generally doing ok. It's a pretty useful thing to do most of the time, but when it stands in the way of talking to people about what's troubling me, then things get bad. It's a general goal of mine to be more open with the people I care about and make them feel comfortable doing the same with me.

I have no grand insight to offer, but I'd guess that it's better to focus on the idea that you're addressing a thing that's making your life harder than if you could have done it sooner. If your grades are worrying you, there are places on most campuses that work with students to either get accommodations to re-take exams if you're going through some serious stuff, or to help plan for getting back on track after a difficult time. Also, grades don't mean a ton in the long term. For jobs post-graduation, most don't even look, and for grad school, they will often be quite forgiving if you write in personal statements about how a slump in grades can be accounted for by a bout with depression.

Just to chime in with some random sympathy, I'm in a similar place, not with depression but with anxiety. I'm coming up on a major milestone in school and had my first panic attack ever as a result. It was a good reminder of the resources that are around, and after talking with some friends, I'm going to go talk to a counselor about it. Not for the purpose of getting on medication or anything drastic, but to just talk through some things and help manage the stress I'm going through. My friends who are doing the same said it helped a lot, so here's hoping it does for me (and you too maybe).

I'm not sure if you've given this one a try, but I'd recommend Lakefront Brewery's New Grist if you can find it. I always look forward to evangelizing my favorite hometown brewery. EDIT: If you have tried it and didn't enjoy it, I'll admit I haven't had one in a few years. I just know their other beers I've had more frequently are among my favorites.

I've been having fun skeet shooting with jump-kick happy pilots. There were a few in my last match who were just bouncing all over the place, and I just stayed on the ground, picking them off with a shot from my shotgun.

Have you picked up any Black Knight weapons? I know you're running with a Dex build, so they might not be as good for you, but I ended up going with a Black Knight halberd pretty early on. It has nice range, and you can fully upgrade it by just hanging out by the cathedral in Anor Londo and buying enough materials to upgrade it from the big blacksmith.

GOG is running a sale for the next couple of days. Right now, the Witcher series and some other RPGs are 50-80% off. They're doing voting to see what goes on sale tomorrow, and it looks like it will be a set of Unreal games. If anyone wants to have a sniper battle on Facing Worlds, now's the time.

I hadn't played Titanfall for a couple of weeks, partially because I was busy, and partially because I was playing other things. I signed back on hoping not to have lost too much ground. I have to say, even though I did alright, the matchmaking in this game is really weird. I'm only level 24, and I was put on a team with other people around the same level (14-30ish) against another team made entirely of people who had regenerated 4-7 times. I still had fun, but I just can't help but feel I'll never match the level of time invested in a game like this that some people put in.

While I agree with you about the game, some pieces of media work for some people and just don't connect with others. We all spend a considerable amount of time listening to Jake, Chris, Sean, and sometimes Nick give their thoughts about games, and because of that I can safely say that they tend to approach things thoughtfully and come away with opinions about them I like to hear. I don't think disagreeing with them about one game is anything to get up in arms about, though I think talking about why it works/doesn't work for different people is certainly interesting.

I get the "ambiguity for ambiguity's sake is kind of a shitty approach to storytelling" argument, especially when that is part of a seemingly put on indie game aesthetic. All I meant to say is that Kentucky Route Zero doesn't fall into that category for me. Other games, like Sworcery definitely fall into a different category for me.