Bjorn

Yeah, I use Joystiq for my mostly nuts and bolts news, and then go to places like RPS, Polygon or recommendations from these forums for long form pieces or commentary.

That blows. Joystiq was my main site for news for a long time.

I watched the 2004 Stepford Wives tonight, and quite enjoyed it! The Internet had led me to believe that it was an awful tragedy that should never have been filmed, and once filmed, should have been buried and forgotten. The finale is by far the worst part (and it is bad) but the rest of it is solid, and at times fabulous. It seems the main complaint is that it isn't as dark or horror themed as the 70s version...but so what. We already have the 70s version, isn't it better to try something new? And it opens with what is essentially the Misandry Network. All they needed was a Kill All Men show. The opening practically justifies the whole show.

Sandwiched in between those two questions is another question, from a woman studying computer engineering who asks Alexander how she deals with the fear, because that woman feels it as well, being surrounded by this culture every day. I transcribed her response, as it ought to be seen, even if people don't have the time to watch the video:

Oh yeah, definitely. Like I said, we're about 3 years into this, and we were a lot more quiet about it for the first year. Then after that we both acknowledged that we really couldn't imagine going back to pure monogamy, we started being open about it. And we're still learning, I certainly don't want to come off as speaking from a place of deep expertise. And once you cross over into non-monogamy, everyone's rules, experiences and expectations are very much unique to them. And I don't want to say that non-monogamists shouldn't be able to use traditional dating sites. It's just something that takes even more care and thought than when you're single. And particularly on the subject of couples *exclusively* looking for female thirds, I'm somewhat skeptical that there isn't an underlying fear, jealousy or communication issue that needs to be addressed, particularly on the male side of the couple. And that's understandable to an extent, there's so much baggage around relationships and sex that hinges on male jealousy and control of female sexuality. Maybe that's unfair, but it's what I've observed moving around these circles and communities.

It mostly does come down to men being aware of social signifiers, right? Boundaries often (but not always) flow from there. Like, in a business meeting, obviously no one should be sexually objectifying anyone else (but it still happens). There are clear statements and more subtle clues in dating profiles, or even in a social space like a dance club, that shouldn't be that hard to understand. But men are pretty much taught that they can ignore those, and even to some extent that they ought to ignore them. Men embrace their cluelessness about paying attention to these types of things, which then excuses behavior, leading to them trying to impose the signifiers they want to see rather than acknowledging the ones actually present. Obviously speaking in generalities there, notallmen and all that. But I know that's certainly applied to me in the past, and probably still in the present in some way I'm still blind to my own behavior.

Good lord yes, I won't deny that. That's one of the bigger challenges, but I still feel like looking for established groups, events or sites that cater to what you are specifically looking for are better than going with mainstream dating sites. Or just meeting people naturally in the ways that you move through life. Outside of our families, pretty much every one we know knows about our current relationship structure. Which is convenient, as we don't like approaching vanilla folks. We don't ever want to weird anyone out. But by just living openly, occasionally it will spark a conversation we're happy to have with people. But we also recognize that's something we're really privileged about. We're self employed, so we don't have professional concerns. Our kid is an adult, so there's no potential custody issues due to our extra-curricular activities (which is a thing we know people have gone through when raising younger kids). Even if our families found out, ultimately I don't think it would cause us much grief. We just leave them in the dark because we're sure they're more comfortable not knowing. But there are a lot of other people who would be putting significant portions of their lives at risk to live openly like we do. So I sympathize with those who can't.

Yeah, I certainly don't want to come off as speaking for anyone other than myself. I've never seen that, and I love that diagram so much, in part because of how ridiculously complex it is. I'm kind of surprised, and pleased, at the several people in here who have identified as poly or open to it. I've been really hesitant about getting too deep into my personal life, but I'll at least say that we are not monogamous (though that's a recent change of about 3 years ago). But neither of us uses any traditional dating sites or apps for what we do, hence my lack of knowledge about any of the singles stuff. Our attitude has been that those are *mostly* sites for singles and not for us. And there are in fact a lot of places both online and offline for us to meet other people where social expectations around monogamy aren't as strict. That's kind of why I particularly find the couples looking for thirds on dating sites weird, like, there are actually places that are way, way, way more open to that. I feel like those people are either new and uneducated, or they want to find people who aren't already involved in these lifestyles but might be open to them. Which is...eh, there are potential problems there either way. I'm not entirely sure how to explain why that sets off a little alarm bell in the back of my brain. Yeah, I think you have to accept that the filters that everyone chooses to use are for the best, even if they don't feel that way to you. If someone's criteria filters you out, then that's probably not someone you actually wanted to spend your time pursuing.

The rise of rougelikes seems to point to more and more gamers wanting games that are willing to disempower or pull the rug out from under them, not just have power fantasies.

Eh, I know people who have called in sick to golf, because they were out late for an amazing concert, to go to an afternoon baseball game, etc. I don't see it as perpetuating any kind of a myth specifically about gamers. The form is horribly hilarious though. You can write a note canceling "a date" because you "have a case of worts" (I'm assuming warthog in halo?). I'm just kind of speechless at that one.

Because it establishes a canon through which they can continue to make new indy movies/tv shows/games in any time period they want, with the continuing adventures of Mutt Jones, should that be a thing that someone eventually wants to do. Edited to add: I want a Short Round movie.

Have you ever listened to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History? I enjoy it as an entertainment product, but I've never been sure if it's that good as an actual history lesson. He's definitely got some shows that dip into this period. BTW, I'm enjoying the hell out of this thread, even if I'm not participating in the game.

I feel like you're arguing from an idealist perspective of polyamory, which, idealism is great. But it doesn't take into account the realities of dating, and particularly the realities of dating online for women. And you're really talking about something that's considerably different, which is contacting someone who says "friends only" with the legitimate interest of just getting to know that person versus a couple contacting that person because they are only looking for a sexually active third to add to their relationship. That's not the same thing, at all.

Yep, you got it right. In old tabletop games, using unidentified magic was a desperate act of last resort (or the choice of a crazy person). Which actually made it fun at times. I can remember a few times of someone activating a wand or putting on a ring in the middle of a fight, hoping that it would give us an edge to get through. Loot was almost always exciting as well, because you never knew what it was and there was often a significant delay in learning (it might be hours or days after getting loot before you actually learn what it was, and for extremely powerful stuff, there could be quests or riddles to ultimately determine it). My favorite amulet I ever had took me months to figure out exactly what it was doing. Not that Isaac is exactly like that, but with the synergies between some items, there is still a process of gradual discovery even after you've picked up most items once.

I don't know if it helps with that issue or not, but I do love rolling out my feet with a lacrosse ball, feels so good.

It seems to depend an awful lot on the game on whether or not that "my choices don't matter" thing end up kicking me out. Like ME2/ME3 were disasters as far as the grand story went, for me. The illusion of choice mattering for my game broke, and once broke, it was all kind of hollow (which, I still love all 3 games, but the whole choice thing ended up not important at all). But in the Walking Dead, the illusion never broke for me. And maybe that was because I was ironclad in my resolve to never back up, never replay a chapter, and never look anything up (which I am normally terrible about all of those things). The experience of being the father of a daughter also probably changed my perception of that game quite a bit, making it more emotional for me, which in turn made it much less likely for me to nit pick it or over think the mechanics. With these types of games, unfortunately unless there are a whole bunch of more time and money to allow for radically different branching narratives, you just have to allow that there's going to be limited actual branching or choice, and that ultimately the illusion will hold or not for you.

Huzzah!

Ha!

Pre-order is up on Steam now as well.

In that case, if I had to pick one of the classic adventures as unmissable, I'd go with Grim (and I assume the remastered version, based on everything I've heard).

Oddly enough, that article makes him sound even more alien to me. That's not a criticism, it's just I don't think I could envision someone with more of a philosophically different approach to the world compared to myself. I really don't mind Blow or his opinions at all though, the industry needs more voices challenging its assumptions. I know that's an older article, but I kind of hate it, and a few others like it over the years, that put Braid and Blow on too much of a pedestal while conveniently ignoring whole swathes of the gaming landscape, past and present. It also ignores why Braid was successful, which in part had to do with gaming sites gaining an interest in indie developers and promoting them, the promotion that Microsoft did of Braid, its arrival on the cusp of digital only games being widely accepted. It ignores the context of where and when Braid entered the scene. None of that is Blow's fault, but I think it does explain some of the pushback against him, which had to do with his promoters and not him.

Including Grim Fandango?

I'm usually too lazy to type that, if you just search "idle thumbs" the majority of the time the first link includes the "More results from www.idlethumbs.net" that automatically adds that.

Totally off-topic... We went to a wedding last night, and it was probably the single best wedding I've ever been to. This was a non-religious queer couple, the wedding was held in a gay bar with the ceremony being on a catwalk on the dance floor. The person officiating the ceremony was wonderful. The ceremony probably took 30 minutes, but was a combination of stand-up comedy, deeply moving anecdotes about the couple, touching personal vows to each other, audience participation and periodic trivia portions about the couple, which the first person to call out the correct answer would get a shot. For all the goofiness of it, it was also the most touching wedding I've seen, because it was so authentic to them, their life together and their friends. Not sure why I'm bringing up, I guess to challenge the idea of what a wedding is, or could be.

Walking Dead Thread. Honestly, use google, just search "idle thumbs" whateveryourelooking for. That always does better for me.