The Real Nick Breckon

[Frenetic Pony]

"The Real Nick Breckon"

[Frenetic Pony]

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Nick Breckon please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Nick Breckon please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a podcaster before

Jaws all on the floor like Remo, like Breckon just burst in the door

and started whoopin his Sax worse than before

they first were divorce, throwin him over a job on east coast (Ahh!)

It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Video Games Rodkin said... nothing you idiots!

Rodkin's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist video gamers love Breckon

[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]

"Nick Breckon, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what

Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of casts up in my head loose

But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' gamerooms

Sometimes, I wanna get on Internet and just let loose, but can't

but it's cool for Chris Remo to hump a game

"Like in Far Cry 2, Where a grenade rolls down a hill"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little play

And that's the message that we deliver today

And expect them not to know what a game's systemic emergence is

Of course they gonna know what emergence is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the all the games they want off the internet don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us gamers

who cut other people open up and call them lamer [sLURP]

But if we can hump dead players and call ourselves slayers

then there's no reason that a man and another man can't cast to us nightly player

[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Players wave your gamecontrollers, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus: Frenetic Pony (repeat 2X)]

'Cause I'm Nick Breckon, yes I'm the real Breckon

All you other Nick Breckon's are just imitating

So won't the real Nick Breckon please stand up,

please stand up, please stand up?

[Frenetic Pony]

Will Wright don't gotta cuss people in his simulations to sell his games;

well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a DICE Award?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Nick, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to real game designers?

Shit, Tim Schafer better switch me chairs

so I can sit next to Scoops and the Giant Bomb Crew

and hear 'em argue over who was Scoops first

You little bitch, put me on the your Game of the Year Awards

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's just a community manage, hee-hee!"

I should download other casts on MP3

and show the whole world how you gave Nick Breckon his start in Video Games [AHHH!]

I'm sick of you little girl and boy casts, all you do is annoy me

so I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]

And there's a million of us just like me

who cast like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

[Chorus]

[Frenetic Pony]

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you

things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

and whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it

better than ninety percent of you casters out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these episodes like valiums

It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting

Pinchin controller time when I'm off medication

And I'm playin but this whole bag of social games isn't working

And every single person is a Nick Breckon lurkin

He could be workin at Zynga, spittin on your real game

[*HACH*] Or in the parkin lot, circling

Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

with his windows down and his xbox booted up

So, will the real Breckon please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each mouse up?

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus 4X]

[Frenetic Pony]

Ha ha

Guess there's a Nick Breckon in all of us

Fuck it, let's all stand up

Edit - this is a joke, taken way too far, due to seeing this on twitter this: https://twitter.com/chrisremo https://twitter.com/ja2ke

[Orv]

...

[subbes]

Nick's mom got quite annoyed today that people had stolen her son.

[ThunderPeel2001]

Did we just cross some geek threshold? I feel weird.