Salka

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Posts posted by Salka

  1. Posted

    Last night I was thinknig about that "misandry in video games" thing, and back to my quote from bell hooks, and... you know, that "misandry" these peeps are complaining about? It is the fault of the patriarchy. The patriarchy hurts men too! The patriarchy is what's responsible for all that "real boys don't cry," "real men are 150% muscle" tropes!

    HELLO PEOPLE WHO CLAIM MISANDRY

    PLEASE SIT DOWN

    (Edit: WITH US)

    Yep! I think it's time we tried to restructure the way our patriarchal society works, because I do think it's holding us back. Have you ever watched debates going down in the House of Commons in the UK? It's like watching animals fighting. It's a system not just based on a hideous stereotype of men, but a hideous stereotype from hundreds of years ago. Basically two sides face each other and try to get in as many snide comments and little backhanded comments as possible, while the people sitting behind them yell and roar in either approval or disapproval. Sometimes they don't even try to yell words, they just make random sounds of disgust. It's all such a horrible show of oneupmanship, and each side is like the worst circle-jerk aspects of reddit or something - sometimes it's like they only exist to make roars of approval on the back benches from time to time. When the very top tier of society is acting like a bunch of enraged, narcissistic neanderthals, you know you have a problem, right? I still find it amazing that the country is run and decisions are made in this way. It goes against everything we are otherwise taught about how to behave, how to solve problems together by communicating instead of roaring and smashing our fists.

    I think it's both hilarious and heartbreaking that some asshole made that Misandry in Games site. I was watching behind-the-scenes footage of the new Lara Croft game, and they interviewed some of the team who - you might not believe it! - were all men. When I worked in the games industry it was just that - men. I don't understand why someone can't see that the problem of the way men choose to represent themselves in Video games is a slightly different issue, perhaps, than the way men overwhelmingly choose to represent women, who themselves are woefully under-represented in the games industry. Even if raising this as an issue means that some women somewhere in the world are more encouraged to join the games industry to assert their own influence, that's a positive change towards less fucking stupid stereotypes of men and women in games. Uncharted is awesome for that, and it had a female game director/lead designer right? Just having gender balance can make such a difference. Well, maybe. I believe so anyway :( from my experience of working in male-dominated games companies VS more gender-balanced ones.

    Anyhoo,

    Sadly, I think some people just have a knee-jerk reaction to hearing people raise issues regarding gender equality. It's easy for people who rarely experience the effects of gender inequality - usually either young men, or teenage girls who have yet to experience much of life - to disregard it as something that doesn't exist anymore, as a problem of the past. I'm sorry that my writing is appalling, I work seven days a week these days as I'm on my Uni break and so I'm too tired to proofraed my own self ;( I have failed you all.

  2. Posted

    Yuck. I'm not really an animal lover but I saw a cat get run over a while back and it was awful (and I hate cats). Before I stopped to think what I was doing, I had parked my car across the road, blocking the traffic (as I would do in the ambulance when called to an accident) and gently moved the cat off the road. When I became aware that the people were waiting and watching me, it dawned on me that this wasn't a person. It felt strange not being able to do anything, knowing it was going to die and just...watching it happen, poor thing. I'm still a bit weirded out by it and I see death and dying everyday. I think it was the helpless feeling that keeps bringing it back.

    Aw ;( I was walking home yesterday and saw a dead cat by the side of the road. At first I thought he was sleeping but then I got closer and saw he was still ;( it made me sad, it was someone's friend and pet just lying there on his own. I felt like I should put his body somewhere quieter so he could have a little dignity or something. ;(

  3. Posted

    Wow. I didn't read the entire thread but I got a couple pages in. You guys are awesome, you fill me with hope.

    I find it so disheartening sometimes when I hear people mouthing off about feminism. It's one of the most misused words I can think of. Women who hate men, using it to 'justify' their hatred; men who are sexist and use it as an insult; people on both sides who think it is just another word for misandry.

    We have a long way to go in closing the gender gap. I work in a guitar shop and the other day I set up a guitar for a customer to try, and asked if I could get him anything else. His reply was 'you could go make me a sandwich'. I think he maybe thought he was being funny, but the reality is I get that shit all the time (having worked in the games industry and now in a guitar shop while I study, both very male-dominated scenes) and it ceases to be funny very quickly, and just becomes a constant attack on your confidence. Imagine your whole life, people you *don't even know*, making jokes about you being inferior for your gender. It gets old so fast. Christ, if they'd had a black salesman, would they have asked him to go fetch them a bucket of chicken? Wah-hey-hey it's hilarious because I'm not racist but I referenced racism in an ironic way because I'm so comfortable with that! It's just hideously inappropriate, why would you make a joke like that to someone you don't even know. ARGH.

    The whole issue in a really interesting one. It's fascinating they way media fills our head with subconscious predilections about gender, and frustrating the way men and women continue to misunderstand and demonise each other based on gender stereotypes. Actually, it's just generally bizarre how most people in the world seem to take any difference - skin colour, hair colour, gender, sexuality etc - as a sign of inferiority.

    Anyway Feminism is awesome and so is this little corner of the internet.

  4. Posted

    Well Happy Action Theatre interested me because it gives, erm, kids *shifty eye* environments to play in. When I was little I always wanted to disappear into the illustrations of books, which seems to be what video games are. It's especially obvious with old-style adventure games I guess, which are effectively just interactive storybook illustrations with text etc. So that interests me from the point of view of telling stories to children, but I don't know how much I get out of that for a dissertation. I guess it interests me because you could use a different way of structuring or presenting a story, and people can explore a story in a different way that strays from the linear style of storytelling you see in movies and books etc. I don't know how to get any more out of that for a dissertation though, potentially because I'm so tired that my eyes are red right now :)

  5. Posted

    Hello all :)

    I've been given the brief for my final year dissertation. It's as you would imagine a dissertation brief to look.

    I already wrote a critical study this year which was meant to be a sort of lead-up to a dissertation. The hardest part was thinking of a topic that I wouldn't mind spending 6 months researching and writing about.

    I'm an Illustration student so it would be good if the subject was related to this. I am interested in immersive, interactive art, and not just from the point of view of Video games... although I have been interested in how, for instance, Happy Action Theatre basically creates illustrated environments for people to explore, and how that could be used in conjunction with book illustrations to blah blah blah interactive blah blah book blah. I'm not sure how any of this could tie-in with a dissertation.

    Anyway I thought maybe you guys, being the geniuses that you all are, might spark some kind of discussion which would help me get a firmer idea of what I could do. Last year I found talking about things with people really helped, but my ability to do that this year with 'real life' people is severely limited as I'm working 7 days a week, and also working on an unpaid project, doing band stuff, and basically have no time to speak to real people anymore ever :(

    Also academically speaking I'm a total fuckwit, but once I have a firmer idea of the stuff I want to research hopefully it'll be easier. Sorry this is a bit vague, I'm at work now and super tired.

    tl;dr interesting art/illustration related things, talk about what interests you to get my dissertation brain seeping.

  6. Posted

    Well I'm doing an illustration degree, so I can understand that it's relevant to have a website. But I'm an illustrator, not a web developer, so I object to this being a mandatory part of the course as it is. As in, if we fail this we fail the entire course. There are some people on my course who are traditional illustrators and don't even have their own PC.

    It makes it worse that we are being taught such an archaic method of going about it, using hideous templates that would just make us look ridiculous if we ever displayed a portfolio using them.

    I don't understand why they don't just show people Flickr and Blogger/Wordpress/Posterous or something.

    It was also thrown at us from nowhere a few weeks back, with no prior warning as to this being part of our course or something that our award would depend on.

  8. Posted

    I think I've got it sorted now but man, I hate this... every year there is at least one module on my course that is completely backwards and outdated. It's really frustrating. I wish I could have spent these past few weeks learning something useful about making websites instead of learning an outdated method on an outdated piece of software that I'll never use again, to produce a site that I will never be able to use, for a course that is nothing to do with web design.

    Sad face.

  9. Posted

    Please god someone must be able to help me.

    Even the tutor can't fucking figure out how to separate out all these tables within tables. This is genuinely the most dumbfuck way of FFURUACARAGHHARHGHHHGHAHRGHARHGAHRGHHH.

    I'm sitting in class now, there's a whisper of '1x1 pixel' behind me, like I'm going fucking mad and hearing voices in my head just urging me to kill myself.

  10. Posted

    Hahahahaha.

    Basically we have to do this for a module at Uni, which has nothing to do with our course really other than I suppose it's to make a portfolio site. But it's to make a very basic and unattractive portfolio site in 800 x 600 'in case anyone looks at it on their phone'. A portfolio site that I'll never use, basically.

    But it has to fit certain technical specifications and it has to be 800 x 600 and built in dreamweaver, which makes the whole thing particularly tedious. I keep having to make different fucking tables within tables within tables and spreading 1x1 white pixels around and I'm pretty sure - I mean, I know nothing about web design - but I'm pretty sure this is a retarded dumbfuck way of doing anything.

  12. Posted

    Do you want to turn my PSD file into a website using Dreamweaver? Allegedly it's a 20 minute job but I hate Dreamweaver. It might be part of my coursework or something.

    Facts: I have to use Dreamweaver. My course has nothing to do with web design. Please fucking help me I'm sick of it. I'll pay you somehow. Maybe money, maybe just love. We can talk about it.

  20. Posted

    Hello all!

    I need your help with an art project. I'm making a little story using mixed media, and for the backgrounds and textures I'm looking for interesting documents and stuff - old newspaper clippings, old book pages, pages from old encyclopedias, old photos, maps, diagrams, blueprints, that sort of thing. So, I thought maybe you guys could have something to contribute - if you upload a photo or scan of something awesome, I will try to make it fit in somehow.

    I know you have interesting stuff, I just know it.

  21. Posted

    Don't know if it's been mentioned on here yet, but This Is England is amazing. I've been watching through it all, just about to start on the latest episodes. Totes worth checking out, genuinely some of the most amazingly real characters I've ever seen.

    Also Dead Man's Shoes by the same director is great.

  22. Posted

    Dudeeee.

    Whenever I feel down, and I think it was mentioned above in this thread already... exercise helps. Even though I'm not overweight, I feel bad about myself when I am down, inside and out. Exercise makes you feel good inside and out - you get a sweet rush of feel-goodness, and you feel better about yourself on the outside and more confident socially. Also, doing stuff like climbing can be great because in addition to the exercise, you feel like you're learning a skill :)

    So yeah, if you feel as down as you did in January 2011 ever again, try distracting yourself with exercise. Walking in the countryside is amazing, you'll see so many tiny critters and pieces of nature that will blow your mind and remind you that life is incredible. Get a glass-lined flask so that you can take coffee and it won't taste like flask!

    Also I agree with Rodi. You should totally post in this thread when you're down. This thread warms my heart! And it will warm yours too. Probably.

  23. Posted

    I know, he wrote all his emails like poems, it was very odd. Probably a mixture of narcissism and idiocy. There was another particularly irritating one he wrong in my inbox too, I think it was second to last before I sent him the angry one. Things to take note of:

    1. My mum didn't drink at all back then, he is lying. Also she doesn't smoke!

    2. He hates Christmas

    3. He tried to kill my rabbit once when he was angry, but his kick missed

    4. My mum does not care about money, if she did she wouldn't have been with my dad for a start...

    5. ...However, my dad is obsessed with associating himself with wealthy folk...

    6. My dad hates churches and despises religious people. He would not help out at a local church.

    7. He hated being referred to as 'dad'.

    So bearing those points in mind...

    Hi Rusalka!

    I hope this short email finds you in good form

    :)

    I was thinking about what you said about smoking

    And have decided too give it up!

    Me and your mum have smoked for years

    So it will take some getting used too

    But I intend giving it a go….

    Funny really….I have just been telling your mum too cut down on her drinking

    Ironic as I don't really drink anymore

    And all the empty gin bottles are not mine

    And that's the truth!

    she is well and happy though

    thats the main thing

    The kids are all fine

    And looking forward to Christmas

    As children do….

    Olivia has a kitten

    She loves it!

    It is rather cute

    I remember your rabbit!

    Hmmmm

    You kept it in your room

    But with no cage

    And your room smelt like nothing on earth

    You were a good kid though

    So it was worth the smell

    :)

    I am pleased that you and James Spafford are happy

    and you seem too love each other

    Mum says its great that his folks have money

    I suppose both reasons are valid

    we are both happy for you

    I am going down to Piltown now

    I am helping out at the local church

    They are a helpless bunch

    And I don't mind giving them a hand

    Well…take care…

    And don't drink or take drugs

    Or do anything illegal

    Love

    Dad

    x

    It's like he tries to pander to the image he thinks people want to have of him, but is it just me, or is it incredibly transparent? And again with the poetry...

    Re mental health stuff: I did lots of research and inquiries about stuff related to mental health after all this, don't worry. I spoke to a tutor at Uni one time who said he'd had a similar upbringing and was fine until his 30s, when he just had a total mental breakdown for a bit (his upbringing also involved a lot of religious nonsense too though). But I've prepared myself pretty well and I'm genuinely not scarred from it, and I have a lot of good friendships and healthy relationships, so all seems to be well.

    I'd like to get a blog together that details some of the aspects of my upbringing, in a way that is hopefully interesting and people could take something from it if they were also survivors, or trying to understand a situation they are in, etc. It would be ideal if it was also something that people could find by searching my name or my dad's name (or the false name that he used the entire time he knew my mum), as it would take away his ability to hide and lie about his past. Everyone googles everyone else, let's face it...

    I don't know about the legality of this, I mean obviously I wouldn't say anything that wasn't true, and there are always witnesses to the things that happened to us, but where would I stand if he wanted it shut down and claimed defamation of character? I imagine if you're a narcissist who lives your life by taking advantage of people who don't know what kind of person you are, having it out there on the internet for any potential victim to find would be a bit devastating...

    I mean, that's assuming his current girlfriend even knows his real name.

  24. Posted

    I don't think you did. Off-colour jokes are fine anyway, everyone makes jokes about men or women or foreigners or guitarists or whatever else, and most of the time it's all just fun. It's only when people don't know the difference between jokes and reality, which overall isn't very often these days, I find... unless they're mentalists.

    So, I was going through old emails and I found the last communication I ever had with my dad! I'm genuinely a little proud of it. So, you'll need some background here: my dad was still living at home but separated from my mum, although he was still being violent towards her. I was living in Brighton. I had gotten back into contact with my dad in recent times only because his son from a former relationship (my half brother) had got into contact with me.

    Then my aunt died, Pauline. My dad had never made any secret of hating her. When I was in Ireland for the funeral with Spaff, my dad called my mum. He goaded her about the death of her sister, made a cruel joke about the size of her coffin (she was a larger lady) and randomly decided to say that he'd found out where Spaff's family live and was going to beat Spaff up. Basically, he just went on a massive hate-filled lunatic rant. My mum hung up and started crying. I was furious.

    I was going to leave it be - at the time I felt there wasn't much I could do because there was always the threat of my dad trying to actually take revenge that he said he would, for instance he would always threaten my mum that he knew where her parents lived and he'd burn their house to the ground if she ever tried to have him arrested. So I thought I'd just leave it be for a while.

    But then when I got back to the UK, I received this email from my Dad:

    (Darragh is Pauline's son, Sarah is her daughter, Liam was her husband).

    Don't worry about Ade

    She is obviously very saddened by this

    But she has taken it well

    And all reports from Darragh and the rest have been

    That she died peacefully

    Pity she died quite so young though (49)

    The kids will miss her big time

    And Christmas will be unbearable without her

    How very sad for Daragh and Sarah

    Also for Liam

    Anyway….just to let you know that

    I am doing everything possible to help mum

    In this difficult and emotional. moment in time.

    She is very sad though

    And she looks rather vulnerable

    I think I prefer the tough old boot Ade

    I hate to see her sad like that.

    Bob

    Well I pretty much flipped out because at the time I knew he was tormenting my mum, and you know, after that phone call where he taunted my mum over the death of her sister, and threatened to beat up Spaff/his family for absolutely no reason at all... well, this is the reply I sent.

    (Finn is my brother who at the time, was the only person who had any time for my dad).

    You're not fooling anybody. Stop pretending to care or something. I

    don't know who you think you are fooling.

    Anyway, I've made a decision about you because I really can't take

    your insane bullshit any more.

    I heard your phonecall to Ade while we were in the restaurant. if you

    actually do get involved in anything to do with James' family... well,

    as you probably know, his family do have the power to have you

    committed... you know what that means, I take it, since you have

    apparently been committed at some other point in your life.

    Your problem is that you're full of threats and very little action,

    but in growing up with you as my example, I promise you I can be just

    as threatening but I WILL take action on the things I say. I would

    love to see you committed, where you belong and can't cause any more

    trouble, and the moment I think it's required or that you're a danger

    or threat to my family, then I will make sure it happens.

    You seem to think that all the people you know think you're a

    wonderful, great, funny guy. That's not true, I've met a great many

    people who you believe like you, who are simply humouring you.

    I'm not taking your pathetic bullshit any more, and I'm quite tired of

    seeing other people have to take it either.

    Now why don't you get a job and move out of the house, or do something

    with your life that isn't sitting around pretending to be ill,

    pretending to work, and trying to get the better of other people

    because they're succeeding more than you ever will.

    I also heard you were concerned about the size of Pauline's coffin.

    No, it wasn't extra large, but the funeral was attended by an awful

    lot of people... far more, I can assure you, than will ever attend

    yours. If I were you I'd put a little less effort into making snide

    remarks about the death of loved ones, and more effort into sorting

    yourself out so that your funeral is a less humiliating event for Finn

    to attend.

    This is a very serious warning... leave everybody alone and sort

    yourself out, or I will make sure you are dealt with the way people

    like you are best dealt with... thrown behind bars and left to think

    about what a hopelessly nasty cunt you are.

    He never replied. A week later, after a quarter of a century of tormenting, beating and bullying my Mum, he moved out of the house suddenly, and never told her why, and never went back.

    I feel like it was an epic victory :) and I'm glad I saved the word "cunt" till the end.

    Also: EPIC DRAMZ.