Salka

I bet it wasn't even a real girlfriend, it was obviously a 12-year-old "myspace girlfriend" that he "cybered" with. This is probably what their breakup sounded like: Ciana91: omg dude ur myspace is full of pics of gay meb Ciana91: men* Ciana91: wtf? Dave76: some1 hacked my space Ciana91: yeah rite Ciana91: im blocking u from my mysapce, its over between us Dave76: im gonna email ur mum those sex videos u sent me Ciana91: omg dude Dave76: yeah hows ur mum gonna feel when she sees her 16 yr old daughter stickin a coke bottle up her twat for 31 year old man? Ciana91: your 31? Cave76: no I mean 17 sry Ciana91: omfg dude

I'm handsome too

The best thing ever. I've sent this around at work. I can hear people crying.

I got to touch him! I touched him!!!!!

The Social Retard watch took a more sinister turn today. I had just settled myself down happily to watch the keynote, "The Making of Loco Roco". There was a real good atmosphere in the air, like cherries or something. Then ONE OF THE SOCIAL RETARDS FROM TUESDAY (or Wednesday or whenever it was) sat down in front of me. Was he going to stab me? Rape me? Had he sat there on purpose? Had he seen me and purposely sat there to try to start a conversation? Or was it a coincidence? Was he going to sense me sitting behind him? Was he going to try and speak to me? He smelled of ham. I slid down further into my seat, and prayed that he would not see me. Ever. He didn't, but that didn't stop my life from flashing before my eyes several times before the end of the keynote.

So, so many. Will need to clear space on my camera's memory card to cope with the next two days.

That video is the fucking worst thing I have seen. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT THING

Spackers

THERE ARE SO MANY! God! My office is just a minute away from where the conference is being held, and it overlooks the seafront where many of the social retards are walking to and fro at this very minute! They are immediately identifiable, even from 6 storeys up!!

let's all find Molyneux, he's so cool, he's so wonderful, I want to marry him, OOOooooOOoo. ¬¬ (For any of you that actually meet me during the course of Develop, if any of you do, I'd like you to know that I'm 'nice' in real life. Mostly).

cleaning out my inbox and found some homework assignments my sister got a few years ago. She was 7 or 8 at the time I think. She actually got top marks for them. Hurrah. IF ALL THE HITLERS WERE ONE HITLER by Mia Clarke If all the george bests were one george best What a player that wood be if all the narnias were one narnia what a snowy place that wood be If all the christmas were one christmas what presents there wood be! if all Miss Bulgers wore one Miss Bulger What a lovely teacher she wood be! If all the hitlers wore one hitler What a hitler that wood be! ASSIGNMENT: You have just kidnapped Santa. Write a ransom note to his wife! I HAVE YOR FAT HUSBAND. I WILL KILL HIM IF I DONT GET WHAT I WHANT. I WHANT TO BE THE NEW SANTA. IF YOU DONT I WILL KILL HIM AND YOU SLOWLY AND VERY PAINFULY, YOU WILL WISH YOU WERE DEAD BEFOR YOU ARE ACTULLY DEAD. SO ME AND MY FRIEND CAN BE THE NEW SANTA CLOUS AND WE MAKE KIDS DREAMS GO BAD AND I WILL MAKE EVERY ONE LIKE ME. trust me, you don't want this. I am very evil. From ? A diary that my sister was made to keep as homework (chelsea is apparently her worst enemy in her class): SATURDAY my homework for the weekend is to write abowt my weekend. i did my homework today. SUNDAY I did my homework yesturday. MONDAY Today is monday. our class is empty becos everybody is sick at home. im glad becos this means chelsea also is sick. A random story: THE STORY OF LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD hello my name is wolf. I love in wolf lane and I am hungury. one day i met a girl. she was wearing a red riding hood. i asked her if she wanted to come into my house. she said yes. now i'm going to stop because it becoms very violent. insted i'll tell you some more about me. i'm 21 years old and im very buetiful.

... until you've walked into the ladies toilets one day and found somebody has left behind a mixture of shit, piss and blood in/on/around the toilet. I don't know what it is about game dev studios in the UK. I think it was Marek that said there was some rumour or legend that toilets in UK Dev Studios have shit all over the walls and stuff. Well, it's never happened before in the ladies toilets, but there are frequently giant turds from some kind of massive arsehole left in the mens cubicles. On the floor. And there's this one guy who apparently likes to wobble around with his trousers around his ankles, dropping tiny little brown poo-eggs all over the floor, like he's trying to spell something with his shit marbles. What is the message you are trying to give us? Maybe you could write it out with a pen instead of shit, so that we can better understand what you're trying to protest against? Maybe now that women are joining in this underground resistance, they can use their blood to write legible messages on the wall. Perhaps, in fact, that was THIS lady's plan... but halfway through shitting and pissing and bleeding all over the toilet, and then mashing it all together with toilet water so that it formed a paste that she could use for writing with, she panicked and had to run away. Maybe that woman is walking around up here right now, with little bits of turd on her ankles and a little trickle of dry blood running down the inside of her thigh. Seriously, why the fuck is everyone shitting on the floor!??

There's someone around here who does that but with shit instead of malteasers, but his shit looks like a little bunch of slightly melted malteasers, if you can picture that. Although sometimes, depending on what he's eaten, it looks a bit like a melting pile of ferrero roché.

Of course these days, Mia is just a stroppy fucking teenager bitch and there's no pleasing her...

I found my long-lost half sister a few days ago. I've never met her before. It's pretty exciting. She has a level 60 undead warlock in World of Warcraft and stuff.

I lost her on the beach one day the sea came in and took her away lost she was, all lonely and cold but luckier than I, if truth be told I wish that I had been the one taken plum, plum, parrogate peach Blimp. Hmm I'm bored. Somebody write a poem called 'Soon I will be absolutely dead'. I reckon it'd probably be good.

I lost her on the beach one day

"razputin" well it's not, but you know what I mean ¬¬

No, genesreunited ¬¬ but I'll probably meet her in WoW before I meet her in real life ¬¬ Shhhh ¬¬ Anyway the point is, when you have long-lost family, you tend to build up this romantic idea in your head of what they'll be like. Usually that ideal is shattered when you find out about them. However, I actually always imagined that my sister would have a level 60 undead warlock in World of Warcraft, and have an 11 year old son who is addicted to WoW and Guild Wars, and also her husband is, so they all have their computes in the same room so they can lan together, and her computer is called Rasputin (we'll forgive her for the typo on that one), and she has a dog called Baxter. So my romantic idea of what my sister would be like has, in fact, not been shattered.

Also though, the girl was TEN YEARS OLD, but the judge went easy on these two men because apparently she looked over 16. Right.

She dresses provocatively (wears nice pants and no bra) underneath her clothes, so you could actually have sex with her now and totally get away with it... because you could argue that while she looks 10 with her clothes ON, she looked 16 when you removed her clothes.

It's not just here though. Marek will tell you - it's apparently some kind of UK dev studio thing. I guess people sometimes just feel really crap about their job, their low pay and long hours... and decide to take a massive dump on the floor in protest. But they don't stop to think that it's the CLEANERS that are going to have to clean their shit up, not their managers, not their co-workers... but some unrelated person.

no need for sarcasm...

Sorry but that ET quote is just plain bad to anyone...

Okay, Kenty was telling me about this game yesterday and I thought it sounded like fun. The other thread about Your Favourite Game prompted me to start this. What's your favourite game? (or at least, just one of them) What's your least favourite game (I mean one that you don't understand why people like and you think it's shit and undeserved of praise, not just plain SHIT games) Then we pit those whose favourite games are someone elses least favourite games and vice versa, against each other in a violent and gorey argument-fight. GO!!!! Favourite game (at the moment): Final Fantasy (specifically VI for gba, but on my lovely DS) Least favourite game: The Sims Least favourite mum: yours