Salka

Nothing exciting. I had a horrible day on Sunday where I basically felt like I was having a massive anxiety attack for about ten hours, which was exhausting. Pains in my left arm, heart beating fast, shaking, that sort of thing. But also I wasn't the slightest bit anxious in my mind - in fact it all started when I was playing a guitar I really want to own. Maybe I got stressed out that I don't own it, I don't know. I was so bored of the symptoms after a few hours, genuinely bored. My breathing was fine too, there was basically nothing I seemed able to do "calm" myself down because I was in no way worried or anxious in my mind. Worst. I haven't had pins and needles for almost a week now, but I have gotten occasional stinging rashes on my chest that only last ten minutes at a time. Erm what else... I think that's it. I'm just bored of it now, I'm going to ignore it until it goes away. Apparently my B12 was at 140 and I've been taking supplements every day and eating lots of eggs (urhgrhhghhiickkkuiucckkk) so maybe it was B12 related, I don't know. I get occasional crappy symptoms but since Sunday haven't had a really bad attack so maybe it's going away now... EDIT: damnit I got pins and needles in the same leg as always, about ten minutes after I posted that. CURSESSSSSS. Luckily I quite like the feeling of pins and needles now.

While the details of the alleged "rapes" or whatever (revoked consent, molestation, I'm so confused) are actually not my main focus on this case, I'm not sure I understand things correctly. I thought that he was being questioned about coercing the women into sex ie repeatedly asking for sex without a condom, and for having sex with one woman while she was asleep and so couldn't have consented. I didn't know that they had retrospectively withdrawn consent because they found out he'd cheated on them - is this true? It seems unlikely even in super-feminist Sweden that this would be a thing... I hate that some people think it's okay to lie and exaggerate to get in your pants for a classic 'pump and dump' or whatever, and I do think it's morally dubious as fuck, but to allow all incidents of consent to be revoked after the fact would be madness MADNESS I tell you. So I must be understanding something incorrectly. Also I didn't think that's what he was being questioned about. The details of the allegations are different every single place I read about them. I'm so confused.

They can't extradite him for political reasons so they'll have to come up with something unrelated to Wikileaks won't they? Which they are framing as espionage or something?

Well yeah he seems like he could be a bit of a jerk, but that's kinda besides the point. The first time the case was thrown out of court, as far as I know, it was dismissed by the woman reviewing the case who said there was not even a suspicion that a rape had occurred. It was then reinstated by someone who had an agenda against Assange if I remember correctly. Then there have been reports of the women who accused him having apparently felt pressured into giving statements or having their statements changed or blah blah blah... and then at first it was rape and then it was changed to sexual assault... the whole thing is a huge fucking mess. However, the man has not been charged with anything and no evidence has been shown to the UK courts, not even the statements of the women. Ecuador granted asylum on the grounds that Sweden had refused to promise not to extradite him to the US and the US had refused to promise not to request extradition. He offered to be interviewed by Swedish authorities in the Ecuadorian embassy and that was refused. I'm wary of being a conspiracy theorist but holy crap, I mean something is clearly going on there. I don't know whether the rapes actually happened or whether it's all made up, and I feel bad commenting on something like that, but the other circumstances surrounding it all are ridiculous. If all rape accusations were treated in this way there we be no more rape ever.

Well I can't help but think things that verge on a bit of conspiracy. I mean, there's the very obvious fact that nobody gives a shit about rape cases. It's a sad fact, but most rape allegations don't make it to court, or are lost due to lack of evidence or the victim not being a reliable witness to their own rape, etc. That in itself is a huge issue that interests me and saddens me greatly. Many victims are still asked what they were wearing before the rape. The way rape cases are dealt with is horrific, and it's really sad. But considering this, it then seems completely implausible that there are police standing outside the Ecuadorian embassy right now waiting for a man who hasn't even been charged with a rape yet, who invited the Swedish authorities to question him over the allegations but within the Ecuadorian embassy and was turned down. Apparently a medic has just gone into the Embassy...

It's not the sport I object to, although I hate sport, but I love that other people have a thing that they can come together and celebrate. Queens Jubilee, Royal Wedding, whatever - it makes little old ladies party on the street. I can get behind that. Olympics, great, it makes uh, I don't know... I guess it allows people who don't go to music festivals to experience a similar feeling of oneness and an exciting celebration. I don't know. That's great, even if I don't like it personally. I still object to everything surrounding the Olympics. The attempted tax-breaks for the horrific corporate sponsors, the security paranoia... my friends went to a gig in Hyde Park to close the Olympics and they weren't allowed bring in any liquids INCLUDING SUNSCREEN that were over 100ml. No drinks or food to be brought inside - apparently one of them had their wasabi peas confiscated. No camping stools allowed etc etc... just sounded dreadful. And paid lots for the privilege no doubt. Oh, and apparently the sound was shit too. The whole thing is just cynical as fuck. Also it does kind of sting when you're getting royally fucked over left right and centre by the current coalition but everyone just gets distracted by some fireworks and the Spice Girls. I know it shouldn't matter and I fully acknowledge it has nothing to do with the Olympics really, but it still stings. Most importantly though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jij1CscGxkY

It's naturally caffeine-free tea that totally fills your tea hole.

My heart rate is still above normal and I still feel twitchy and crap, even thought it's like 9.30pm now. Subbes the frustrating thing is I'm pretty much the most chilled person, I don't have negative thoughts or thought patterns, I don't have any enemies or worries or basically anything that could cause anxiety. I don't even worry that I'm going to die when I have these attacks, or worry about death ever. I am always laughing and happy, inside and out, so that's why the idea of it being anxiety seemed unlikely to me. I'm not anxious, I'm excited and happy and content with every aspect of my life right now. I just had an awesome 10 days with my family and a load of time off work. I have an awesome boyfriend who is similarly chilled; we never argue or disagree and he is very supportive. So if I did CBT they'd have nothing to work with. I already have healthy thought patterns. I don't dwell on problems or anything. That's why anxiety seemed wrong to me. I know people say that you can have it even when you don't feel stressed or whatever, but you know. It feels like there should be SOMETHING causing anxiety for it to be this severe... I'm also healthy, I eat lots of fruit and veg, I'm on B12 supplements now because my B12 was slightly down... I drink loads of water and caffeine-free tea (just because I like Rooibos), I am very active (walk and cycle everywhere I go). Anxiety seems like the most bullshit reason for me to be feeling this way. It doesn't make any sense. But I'd go on Xanax or whatever it's called, long before I'd ever willingly experience another day like this one :-(

The doctor thought it has nothing to do with B12 either, she just gave it to me to prevent a future problem and also to rule it out as maybe the problem. Maybe it is anxiety. Today at work I felt like my heart was going to explode for 5 hours straight. I was twitching, my blood pressure was high-ish when I was sedentary (144/81 I think my new gadget told me, where normally at resting levels it's in the ideal range). It came from nowhere, it felt difficult to breath but I wasn't hyperventilating or breathing fast. In felt, I fact like everything that was happening was an annoying physical thing with absolutely no connection to my state of mind at all. My hands and legs were also shaking. I wasn't even worried about it or thought that I was dying, because I am getting increasingly used to it and have read about it to the point where I know that it's not detrimental really, just uncomfortable. So I guess on Monday I should ask the doctor for some kind of anti-anxiety doo-dah because there is no way I want to sit through five hours of that again (the only thing that helped was a friend giving me a valium and going to bed to sleep for a couple of hours, although even now I still feel buzzy and crap). Exhausting day.

Doctor Thumb, my right leg is now aching and stiff and tingly and has been for about 20 minutes. I've been taking 20,000% of my RDA of B12 every day for a week as instructed by my doctor, during which time the symptoms have gotten worse. WHAT HAPPEN Can't see my doctor until Monday now, so any advice would be sweet.

Someone give me more music that sounds like this plz, I need it to get through today.

Maybe I'm the first step of an evolutionary leap between humans as we know them now, and humans with no feet. Foot has been numb all night, and kinda painful to walk on :-(

WTF you have EXTRA BONES??? How, what? I know someone who had an entire extra row of teeth. I think they called him Shark Boy.

The Doctor told me to monitor it but not necessarily rush to the hospital unless it gets stupid bad (and I've had this numbness before). This is the first time it's felt cold though, and sometimes a bit burny :-/

EXCITING UPDATE TEAM HOUSE. My left arm is tingling and slightly numb, and feels cold. Are there any tests I can perform on myself at this time? Hitting my arm, rubbing mould on my arm,etc

New development... I have an average-looking red patchy rash on my chest, but this time it's tingling. Or burning. I can't quite decide. But it doesn't feel what I'd describe as itchy. I hate that this shit keeps developing. Fuck you, body. I keep expecting my symptoms to have reached their peak but then new shit happens. Shit that I hadn't even thought of before. GHraGrhaGHarGHarGHargh.

Tune in next month. Although maybe these B12 pills will magically stop all the tingling and actually, embarrassingly, it will all just be that I wasn't eating enough cheese.

So... All tests came back fine (I'm not diabetic, celiac, anaemic) EXCEPT B12, which was slightly low. The doctor said she said she feels that it's just a coincidence that we found this out during routine tests and that it isn't the cause of my symptoms, because it's not THAT low, however she's told me to take a strong B12 supplement every day for a month and then they'll test my B12 levels again to see if they've improved. Given my diet she also feels that my B12 shouldn't have been as low as it was, but we'll find out more about that in a month I guess. In the meantime if symptoms get worse I should go back to her. If my B12 levels are improved by the end of the month but I'm still getting the same symptoms, the next step is a Neurologist. !??!?? MOST BORING, SLOW-MOVING MEDICAL DRAMA EVER.

Does anyone know would the anti-histamines have decreased the allergy-like symptoms of coeliacs (from gluten consumption) while the b12 deficiency symptoms remained the same?

So, result of blood tests came back and they want me to go back into the GP to see my doctor to discuss. When I pushed for more info she begrudgingly told me it's something to do with my blood test results. Result! I know I was tested for vitamin deficiencies and coeliac disease, so I guess it's going to be something to do with those. B12 deficiency symptoms sound about right regarding the breathing difficulties, numbness etc, although not the allergy symptoms, but perhaps they're just two separate things that came to a head at the same time. Although I do make an effort to include B12 in my diet so I'm not entirely convinced that I just haven't been eating enough of it. But maybe it's not that anyway so, we'll see I guess. I guess if I have coeliacs then I'd have a b12 deficiency anyway. Also: lupus. And why didn't I have coeliacs/b12 deficiency in Berlin, or something? Was it a red herring, thrown in by god to test my faith or something? PS my foot is numb. EDIT: Oh: "The symptoms are often intermittent (they stop and then start again)". FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

No I just don't want to get in an ambulance and then be like, yeah, so my lip has swelled up slightly but it's probably not life threatening, so how are you? Busy day for ambulances or...?

Serious question, how do you go to A&E? Do you just rock up in a taxi, or is there some not-so-emergency number you can call to pick you up? I feel like phoning 999 would be a bit dickish, however the next time my lips swell up I'm going straight to A&E.

I think I've narrowed this down to either gluten, or caffeine, and I think it's caffeine. Earlier on I felt brave, I'd had no symptoms in a while so I had a cheeky cup of tea. Now look at me, I'm too hot, my face is tingling and I have a dead leg for no good reason. The worst thing about this is that decaf tea and coffee taste abhorrent. Also I drank coffee every morning in Berlin so actually it's not coffee ARHGARHG MY HEAD A SPLODE.

I'm just saying, if I HAD to eat an animal, if I was forced at gunpoint or had to choose between my child or an animal, I'd go for the chicken because they're fucking stupid. Child is a bad example because I'd go for any animal over my own child. So let's say, if I had to choose between shooting an animal or shooting One Direction, I'd choose... actually... hmm....

New symptom. Pins and needles started in my right foot, and has now worked its way up to just below the knee. A few days of having only slight hives gave me hope that it was a weird thing that would pass. I guess I was wrong. Mmm.... brainssss.... EDIT: now is a good time to mention that I have had tiny tiny little spots of pins and needles in my toes every so often recently, but assumed it was probably just my imagination and so ignored. I should probably stop doing that.