Intrepid Homoludens

Ah like yah dawg 'cause y'all wash it nice unh clean ev'ry day and y'all take it for a wawk and show it to teh nice ol' ladies unh yah let 'em touch it and it gets nice and b....

I dunno, but he's cute. Great smile. I'd date him.

One can always dream, right? If a sequel does get made they had better learn their lessons from the [lack of] marketing of the first one. It was a brilliant game, but it's [lack of] marketing was unforgivably stupid and moronic and idiotic. [secretly infiltrates Ubisoft's corporate offices and plants proximity stink bombs]

What are you talking about? I was praising the second and third games in the series (not entirely fairly, I'm only halfway through H2 and only played the demo to H3, but still I noticed a dramatic improvement over the original). And goddammit, stop crying, 'cause it's working on me. Nothing like seeing a hot man bawling to turn one one.

The map is not just an accessory, it's absolutely vital in your mission, your targets actually MOVE around, forcing you to strategize and re-strategize every moment. You could butcher everyone in sight, but that is SOOO Quake, earning you the scorning title of 'Mass Murderer.' You can be elegant, too, you know. Think with your head, you stupid moron, not your BFG. The first St. Petersburg mission was genius. Hitchcockian suspense with a steely edge. Kingz, darling, this thread is dedicated to you. Okay, okay. You're a paid assassin. Imagine you have to dispatch your target from a distance, but you need to go through a 'No civilians allowed' part of St. Petersburg where the guards may shoot on sight. You must smuggle an unconcealable sniper rifle with you to an unpopulated apartment building patrolled by guards, and once you reach it you have to choose from several possible sniping points. All in a window of under five minutes. Once you're there you discover that there not one, but FOUR identical generals to choose from, you are NOT allowed to hit anyone else, you inform your Agency, and they feed you mere crumbs of more detailed info as it comes, as you scramble to find the best sniping point from floor to floor while avoiding the patrolling guards in the building, all in the required time of only a few minutes. But that's only half of it. Once you kill the right general you must get out of the building undetected, negotiate the 'No civilians allowed' zone again undetected but via a new route different from whence you came, and reach your exit point, undetected. You could simply blast your way through, but you'll have a very slim chance of surviving. The game does NOT have any medkits, period. The only health you have is what you started with. Tough shit. On 'Normal' you get 5 saves. On 'Expert' you'll get 2 saves. On 'Professional', NO saves. So far I successfully finished the first 3 missions with the highest ranking of 'Silent Assassin', no kills other than the actual target, near perfect stealth, and not a single bullet fired (except for the sniping in St. Petersburg, I strangled my targets with the piano wire). I am looking forward to the next missions. I am loving this game. The postman finally dropped it off yesterday and I started it last night. This is one of the very, very few games that truly challenge me on different levels. It offers the cleverly architected puzzle design and exploration of an adventure game, the demands of quick wit and resourcefulness of strategy games, and the open ended freedom in playing of tactical shooters. Alongside the Thief series, this is one of the most consuming experiences for any gamer who has the patience and cunning to meet its challenges. Truly a thinking man's game. Mmph. PC Gameworld's review pretty much sums up my sentiments about it thus far: Oh please! That's what it's supposed to be all about, baby. The game demands that you think your way through dynamically. A combination of intellect, calculation, and prompt execution of choices. This is the first game I would ever use the world 'elegant' on. It really is such an elegant game. So, anyone else here played it or the other Hitman games? I know Erkki has. Kingz, you up for this one? Got the balls and the noggin for it?

Audience:

Kingz is the hottest motherfooker I've ever laid my faggy eyes on and I'm gonna win his ass 'cause I'm gonna kick Yufsie's candy ass in a Jell-O wrestling match.

Ha!! Serves you right, Kingzerella, for not doing your homework. I made the mistake of getting Codename 47 three years ago. From reading previews back then I was definitely interested, to the point where I didn't read enough reviews, or least paid attention to the critics complaining about the awful control scheme and the horrible lack of in-game save options. When I tried playing the first mission I was stumped, not by the mission itself but by the embarrassingly complicated controls. I spent more time fumbling the keyboards than looking at the screen. I'm deep in the middle of Hitman 2 now (Japan mission, but I'm taking a break from the game and instead playing Jedi Knight II - more on that later). I know that Hitman: Contracts is practically a remake of the first one, but with a control system that actually works. So, I am leaving the first Hitman on the shelf to gather dust, am playing Hitman 2, and will get Hitman: Contracts and play that one as the first Hitman game. There you go. [imagines Chris's ass on a platter.....throws up]

Michael D. Rosof?!!! Wasn't Tom Goodman an alias for Melvin Blitsky? I prefer Marek Bronstring. It's sexier, I'd bonk a man with that name.

That and he never allows himself to sink to such desperately plebeian levels of ennui to do so.

< Beats it. >

Marek gets sexually excited by all three pics.

You could also privatize your computer with your own password so he can never use it. Tell him to give you some money and that he's on a six week probation period, after which you'll give him a one day a week lease on using it, and if he shows promise, you'll let him use it again but only when you're home. All that and the Drano that Kingz suggested.

"WHAZZZZUP!!!"

Ummmmmmmmm.......they're all in the same post?

Um......Hung-Harry-Can. Hey, I can, too!!

Hands down, Half-Life had the most effective intro sequence I've seen thus far. I don't think it would work for any other game in its context, though. Sometimes the coolest thing is the most subtle thing, and HL's intro exemplifies it. I also liked the intro to No One Lives Forever. It was great seeing the conventional James Bond movie style reproduced for an action game, the synopsis laid out in a cutscene before the title sequence proper. American McGee's Alice wasn't bad, either. It was CG, a splendid pitfall of the thematic accroutements arcing the entiry story and game.

There you go. That scenario would be where the extra homework on your target could pay off and you absolutely must pay attention to the smallest details. What if you read that the target was claustrophobic and suffered an injury in childhood that rendered him for life with a slight limp?

The concept behind the game is what I find brilliant. Of course, there are a plethora of possibilities in how to realize that concept, so many ways of going into it. I could discuss for days! One of the best details about it is that your targets actually move around the map on their own agendas, they do not stand still waiting for you to get them. This forces you to strategize dynamically, allowing for X or Y factors. I love that. If had the chance to do another Hitman game I would keep the solid game base but absolutely deviate from there. The lightbulb > patrol pattern ratio is just one little way. I'd love to make the details even more intricate. For example, why not request the individual files on your assigned target and learn even more information on them - their wine preferences, recognizable scars or birthmarks, peculiar habits, regular work schedules, etc. The planning can literally at times be more fun than the actual execution. Especially if your target is in a public place full of civilians and you have to find him using information that the in-game map can never give you. Another idea would be bribing civilians into giving information or even creating a diversion to make your hit less tricky.

I thought about that too, but then you would have to make it at least somewhat fair for the player as well. The patrol patterns, for example, could be randomly selected on the fly from 3 to 5 different patterns, so that you don't know exactly where a guard will be at what time, even if you study the map for a while. But to make it more fair to your advantage you could subtlely alter things in the environment. Shoot out a lightbulb, and one guard may notice it and leave his post momentarily to tell another guard, etc. But, when the first guard returns you don't know which pattern he'll take on his route. So, you may be able to distract them, but you cannot repeat the same strategy if you screw up first time because the patrol patterns are relatively unpredictable. At the same time, a failed chance may reveal one or two new alternate chances. But despite all that, I really love the game for forcing me to think dynamically and laterally. Besides, how many times did you die trying to make it through a level?

My nephew? Yes, I think so.

I showed the movie to my little 6-year-old nephew. I had more fun watching him dance to it than I did watching the movie itself!

< bonks Marek >

Well, it's not like I've been masturbating ever since the initial announcement of the game and can finally climax when it hits the store shelves. Should be a nice little digital romp when we finally get to play. Too bad Xbox don't use mouse & keyboard, I'd love to do this one with my niece, nephew, and bro-law. BTW, anybody got a towel?

Ever occur to you that you may be the unwitting victim of...........[gulps]...... BUG LOVE?!!!!