toblix

It's a series of puzzle-solvers where you control the character(s) using a point and click interface. In the first one, Gobliiins, you control three guys, in the second, Gobliins 2, two guys, and in the third, Goblins 3, just one. He's a werewolf, though. The puzzles are bit like Samorost, but only a bit. I guess maybe you have to play them to understand. There are inventory puzzles, sequential puzzles (do things in the right sequence) and timing puzzles. Each game is better than the last. I find the last two to be truly excellent games, and I'd very much like to play them again, although the very thought of trying to get them working on Vista makes me vomit with my mouth.

I'm not suggesting anything. I'm merely hinting, nudging... suggesting, if you will.

Wait, and think about this: Neither Tim nor James have boobs. Well, maybe Tim does.

If you're like me (and I know I am!), you like Phoenix Wright. If that's the case, I recommend getting a hold of the two albums Gyakuten Meets Orchestra and Gyakuten Meets Jazz Soul. Although all Japanese are perverts who jerk off to comics about raping babies, I love that their gaming culture is so strong stuff like this comes out. If only there were so many American or European game music CDs...

That is pretty cool. It sounds very hackish, though. There should be a standard way of exchanging data between different platforms on the same computer. Maybe Microsoft c-- Never mind.

No. So, what is it? That sounds almost... interesting. But also potentially tedious. So, is it like you start with one monster, and you have to defeat the others to catch them? And they have strengths and weaknesses also? Like "to catch Framelu, you have to use Icelu! And to catch Icelu you have to use Knifelu!" and so on?

It sounds like exactly my sort of game! By the way, does anyone know when Braid's coming out?

Okay, the website tells me nothing. Is a platformer, or an RPG, or like a card battling game or what? Does it have a linear story? Can you jump?

That's ridiculous! I love books!

Hasn't he always?

So, these games seem to me like pieces of shit. But... I don't know anything about them. What are they, RPGs?

Play it? I lived it. I've played through Commandos 2 about a million times, and still think it's one of the best games ever. It looks better than most games to this day. The thing about Commandos (2) is that even though it's hard, it's more puzzle hard, in that you have to think out a strategy to overcome some hugely difficult obstacle, but you have all the time in the world. I don't mind that. I mind being stressed out with attacks from every angle.

Yeah, but I'm also getting a sneaking suspicion it's not just that these steps are appearing more and more in games. I'm thinking I may be, in a way, getting too old for this shit. I lose patience with games a lot more now. I hate replaying things, and I hate feeling that I'm losing. Maybe I'm hating that more now than before. I keep stopping playing hard games and starting playing easier games, like Picross or Phoenix Wright. Well, maybe easier is not the word. Less stressful, maybe. Actually, I rememer it now, like it was just hours ago, which it was. Right from the start of the level, it became clear I would be attacked hard from every angle. And immediately my attitude towards the game was "You just try being hard, you fucker. You just overwhelm me units and I'll stop playing. I'm not going to try and try again." And as it did, I felt almost relieved that I was getting fucked. I'm expecting to be annihilated, so maybe I've stopped trying. Anyway, I'll give it another go. I'm always like that. "I'll never play you again, you shit game!" and then an hour later I feel like, why not. One more try. I did that with Trauma Center, too, only that never worked.

Oh, guess fucking what. They made a level where everything stops being fun. Why in the fucking cunts of cunts are almost all games too hard? Or, maybe the correct answer is, why do I start getting frustrated and quit playing so much more these days than before? I'm being raped from all sides with flying alien ships and my units just fucking sit there, taking it up their mechanical assholes. I'm so sick of this. And it sucks. I always look forward to these games, and I think they're fun as long as they don't require having complete control of a million little units at the same time. My idea of a fun RTS is meeting some resistance at first, and then setting up a good defense which is easy to maintain, and then slowly turtle up with a thousand airplanes that, in a phallic formation, penetrate the opposition and unload their cumshot of death into their core or whatever. Central command centre. But no. They have to pile the attacks on. I have to really work for my fun. An easy game is fun. Almost dying all the time is not fucking fun. Fuck that shit, Westwood, or whoever. Maybe I should try playing on easy. Anyway, my biggest sorrow is not getting to watch all the cutscenes because the game gets too hard. Anyway, I'm rambling. I think that maybe for every post I've made about liking a game, shortly after there follows another -- by me -- complaining about it being to hard. Like that fucking piece of shit Trauma Center. That second or third mission, with the million boils that keep bursting and I'm running out of time. Doctor? Fuck you. And that Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence. I want to like it, but it's like a sado masochistic relationship. I keep bringing the flowers, she rapes my ass with spikes. Anyway.

It was bound to happen, but it's good to have a confirmation. Anyway, it's coming out in September.

Well, I loved MGS2, but I don't remember that one being close to this impossible.

I really want to like this game, but it keeps frustrating me! It's a game about sneaking around, not being seen, right? You know, like Splinter Cell does so well? Well, why in the fuck is the camera so terrible? I've heard words like "improvement" being applied to the camera system. Improvement over what, a black screen? It's not possible to remain unseen when you can't see shit yourself! Only if I stand in the middle of an open plaza does the camera allow me to pan around and see what's going on. There's usually three or four guards patrolling, and there's no way of knowing where even one of them is standing at a given point because the camera is either showing grass (if I'm hiding in grass, which seems like a smart thing to be doing) or a wall (if I'm against a wall). I haven't gotten through a single little zone without being hunted down and killed by every guard in the game. I'm looking around (as best as I can), trying to see if there are guards around... no? Okay, I'll just step over t-- "Hey, what was that?!", and then it's game over. That's not fun sneaking action, it's terrible fucking shitty camera being spotted action. Is there a zoom button I'm accidentally hitting or what? Why does anyone say this is a good game? And the wall-hugging... what a fucking joke. Either he's standing still, or suddenly he jumps out and runs frantically for a split second. Of course, that's enough time for one of the off-camera guards to come investigating. Fucking cunt game piece of shit, but also it looks like it could be fun if it didn't suck so hard.

It doesn't look that great, does it? I think it looks... all right.

I haven't played Hotel Dusk for more than an hour and a half, but I'd say it's very different from AC. Other than the graphical presentation and user interface having almost nothing in common, Hotel Dusk seems almost entirely character and dialogue based.

Maybe they're just trying to fit it in between PW2 and PW4?

Right away. I've visited the two usual people in the street, but I'm not sure where to look for the disturbance or whatever, or if that is indeed what I'm really supposed to be doing.

You are so fucking banned.

I would, but now you've brought attention to it, and it would just seem wrong and awkward. Nice.

I remember enjoying FFVII when I played that, although I never finished. I'm really enjoying Bully now, though, so I'll probably finish that first.

Actually, because you people took so long to reply I started playing Bully. Although the loading times are a bit annoying, it seems to be a pleasant mix of a good story (well told, anyway), great voice acting and easy and varied gameplay. It's like a mini GTA while I wait for the next shot.