Jake

Idle Thumbs 191: Not the Greatest, but the Best

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The aliens in Crystal Skull are terrible. The whole Indiana Jones universe revolves around documented religious artifacts and their believed mystical powers. The first three movies, and the Young Indy TV series all build upon documented history.

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This thread is absolutely crazy. Crystal Skull is total garbage. Or at least the closest to garbage Spielberg can produce.

On the surface Raiders and Crystal Skull are alike, but they are incredibly different in how they function on the micro level (as well as surface level things like pacing, editing, cinematography, and acting performance).

The first I saw of Crystal Skull - mind you I even managed to avoid trailers / commercials - was the dumbest part possibly in it.

 

By chance I came downstairs when one of my roommates was watch it in the living room, and I looked at the screen just in time to see Harrison Ford jump into a fridge. I vowed to never bother investigating that film.

 

But then I broke that vow a year ago when one of my brothers had it on. Within the first, I dunno, five or so minutes, we get a lame late-Lucas-career move of referencing stuff from prior films for the sake of making a reference. Again, I just immediately turned away.

 

Crystal Skull is the worst. I can't believe they had to fake all moments of old Harrison Ford swinging a whip. Maybe when they discovered that was a necessity they should've canned the project.

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The aliens in Crystal Skull are terrible. The whole Indiana Jones universe revolves around documented religious artifacts and their believed mystical powers. The first three movies, and the Young Indy TV series all build upon documented history.

 

The crystal skulls are real things, though.

 

I get that they wanted to keep the plots drawing from the pulp obsessions of the era, and part of the fun is how the reality and the pulp intermingle - but the pulp doesn't mingle all that well in Crystal Skull. Aliens turn up at the end, but during the middle of the other Indy movies there's tension where the mystical threatens to bleed through.

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Crystal Skull is a bad movie. The mystery of the crystal skull could probably make a fine Indiana Jones movie, but the one that actually got made is not good. It's been too long for me to remember details, but I just remember there being lots of shitty gags, unnecessary callbacks, and things that didn't make sense either in the context of the narrative or the action sequences. I especially remember a sequence where a bunch of terrible CG monkeys decide Shia Lebouf is one of them because of his greaser hair and they then catch up to an ongoing car chase by swinging on vines (more terrible CG there) and all beating up the bad guys together. And don't forget everyone's favorite lead coated fridge.

 

Speaking of insane narratives that involve aliens, Deus Ex is my BGOAT.

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The important thing is everyone knows Temple of Doom is the best Indiana Jones movie.

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It's a fun debate to have whether Raiders or Last Crusade is the better Indy movie, and there's good arguments either way, but Temple of Doom doesn't really get a look in. Unappealing characters, racism, and a flaccid last half? It's got a couple of great scenes but it's surrounded by a mean-spirited movie.

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Yeah well a dude gets his still beating heart ripped out of his body and then he's lowered into flames and then the heart also bursts into flames so shut up.

 

Also a mine cart race.

 

You don't know what you're talking about!!

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I'm going to ignore both the BGoat discussion and the Indy discussion to talk about the most important moment of this cast, namely the point about not worrying about hair loss as a kid. Here's a story about it, also sent in to the cast:

 

When I was around 9-10, I was in a children's theater group. Our instructor was a hairdresser by day. One day we were talking about this subject and someone asked her who she thought would lose their hair first.
Another kid already had hair slightly shaped in a widow's peak and was fairly high up on his forehead, while I had long, dirty-blonde hair hanging almost to my shoulders. In my head I'm thinking it's clearly that kid, but no, she points at ME. Me, who always got compliments on his hair!


Of course, this scarred me for life, and I've been terrified about losing my luscious locks ever since.


I'm now 25, and my hair game is stronger than ever, but I never forget what she said, and often look a bit extra in the mirror.

 

 

Always think about what you tell children.

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One day we were talking about this subject and someone asked her who she thought would lose their hair first.

 

Man, the obvious and right answer is to smile a goofy smile and say, "Me, of course!" Even I know that.

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On this topic: Chris must not have had any bald men in his life as a young child. My dad, uncle and both grandfathers were all bald, so male pattern baldness is something I've always been aware of.

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On this topic: Chris must not have had any bald men in his life as a young child. My dad, uncle and both grandfathers were all bald, so male pattern baldness is something I've always been aware of.

My dad's hair has been entirely white/silver/whatever since before I was born, and his hairline was extremely regressed (up to the highest point on his head). I don't even remember what we/I said on this topic on the podcast, haha.

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Temple of Doom was the only Indiana Jones movie I had available to me when I was a kid. I knew about the other two movies, but we didn't have them on VHS. So it's the one I know most, scene to scene.

 

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My interest in the Indiana Jones and Ghostbusters franchises was augmented by the time periods they came out in in that I was too young to have really seen Raiders when it came out, I definitely saw Temple of Doom WAY too young (so much so that I had nightmares about the Kali Ma guy) and Last Crusade was at the best time to be slightly older and also appreciative. Same with Ghostbusters vs. GB 2 - I have way more memories of 2 than 1, given that I was slightly too young to really be watching GB1 but saw it anyways. 

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My interest in the Indiana Jones and Ghostbusters franchises was augmented by the time periods they came out in in that I was too young to have really seen Raiders when it came out, I definitely saw Temple of Doom WAY too young (so much so that I had nightmares about the Kali Ma guy) and Last Crusade was at the best time to be slightly older and also appreciative. Same with Ghostbusters vs. GB 2 - I have way more memories of 2 than 1, given that I was slightly too young to really be watching GB1 but saw it anyways. 

 

I think that accurately describes me as well.  My takeaways from the first time I saw Raiders were a guy getting skewered by a spike trap (a then unknown Alfred Molina), lots of snakes, and exploding/shriveling/melting heads.  It wasn't until around the time that I saw Last Crusade that I was in a position to really understand what I was seeing.  In retrospect, I now like Raiders and parts of Temple of Doom but Last Crusade will always be my favorite because its the first one I "got".

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For some reason my fourth-grade class bookshelf had a copy of a Temple of Doom kids' storybook, with shots from the movie accompanying the text. I was particularly fascinated with the image of Indy being force-fed blood from the ritual head-thing.

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For some reason my fourth-grade class bookshelf had a copy of a Temple of Doom kids' storybook, with shots from the movie accompanying the text. I was particularly fascinated with the image of Indy being force-fed blood from the ritual head-thing.

See? SEE?!

 

Best Indiana Jones movie. Hands down.

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Chris claiming that the Empire Strikes Back revelation isn't the kind of revelation that audiences typically get to experience seems not very correct to me, unless he was talking about in contrast to contemporary movie making practices in which case I agree. But that reveal is of course echoing Oedipus Rex and therefore is a very classic trope of tragedy, and part of what makes those movies so iconic and memorable.

 

But I do very much agree with all the problems with how music is used in so many movies today. Music as cues for what the audience should feel are just as annoying as sitcom laugh tracks, and other blunt techniques that break the "show, don't tell" rule for storytelling.

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P.S. I Love Lucy may not have been the greatest sitcom of all time, but it was certainly the best.

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I think that accurately describes me as well.  My takeaways from the first time I saw Raiders were a guy getting skewered by a spike trap (a then unknown Alfred Molina), lots of snakes, and exploding/shriveling/melting heads.  It wasn't until around the time that I saw Last Crusade that I was in a position to really understand what I was seeing.  In retrospect, I now like Raiders and parts of Temple of Doom but Last Crusade will always be my favorite because its the first one I "got".

Yep, Last Crusade will be my favorite for that reason. Also because Raiders had snakes and Temple of Doom had that fucking scene with the bugs and I suspect that's what's given me a lifelong phobia to bugs, actually. The idea of putting my hand through bugs makes me so fucking grossed out, even more than the heart-rip-out thing. 

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