Adulthood, Age, and Modernity

[Bjorn]

I can believe that.  Pressure, obligation, expectation...not the makings of great sex for most people. 

 

Probably one of the most "adult" decisions I feel I've ever made was actually removing myself from the gene pool by getting snipped as early possible (some doctors won't do this for men below a certain age, in case they change their mind).  It removed the burden of birth control from predominantly falling on any partners' shoulders and made sure I wouldn't have any accidents. 

[Badfinger]

Yeah, jokes about sex are funny until they're absolutely not at all funny. There's unfortunately not really a middle ground.

[MadJackalope]

My gf just got a cat so I am now officially an adult. Yay. I guess I don't have to worry about anything else ever again!

[Griddlelol]

Last week, I literally asked if there were any red wine glasses. For wine I had decanted.

 

I no longer know what I am.

 

Goddamn I hate wine culture. I mean, I like wine (if there's no pale ale), but all the http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/23/wine-tasting-junk-science-analysis'>bullshit around it drives me crazy.

 

On the topic of adulthood again: I think when I went on a dinner date was a moment I realised I was no longer a teenager. At 25 it's not acceptable to go on a date to a cinema, you have to go to dinner, or coffee. That sucks, there's nothing to hide behind, you need to fill any silences, and if you get drunk, you make a bad impression. 

What's wrong with people! Why did this become standard?! (I blame the fucking Americans - no offence intended. If it wasn't on TV, the British date would be at the pub which is much simpler.) I need those social buffers to talk to a relative stranger, don't take away the mandatory silence or the social lubricant. 

[Deadpan]

Now, approaching middle age, almost everyone who tells me about a pregnancy is thrilled about it.  These are all committed couples who want a baby.  And yet, in the back of my brain, my reaction is still, "Oh god, I'm so sorry..." 

 

I guess I had a slightly different experience with that. When I was 19ish, I worked in a hospital as a porter for nine months, cause taking that kind of public service job for a while is Austria's alternative to six months of military service. One other guy started at the same time as me: I'd just dropped out of my first line of studies and was using this as a break to work out what to do with my life, he was simply taking a break from his job as apprentice mechanic and was eager to get back to that. During that time, he hit it off with one of the regular patients, a girl who had to come in every so often to have her medication adjusted, and by the time the nine months were over, they lived together and were planning to get pregnant, which apparently happened shortly after I left to go back to university. Both of them were barely over 20.

 

I still, for the life of me, can't figure out if he's the dumb kid in this story or if I am.

 

On the topic of adulthood again: I think when I went on a dinner date was a moment I realised I was no longer a teenager. At 25 it's not acceptable to go on a date to a cinema, you have to go to dinner, or coffee. That sucks, there's nothing to hide behind, you need to fill any silences, and if you get drunk, you make a bad impression. 

 

If you want something else socially acceptable that allows for frequent pauses in the conversation, try taking your dates to art galleries or something along those lines. You're not really expected to maintain constant conversation there, so when you run into a dead end, you can just wander off and pretend like you're very interested in the picture on the other side of the room all of a sudden. Plus some of these places might have wine.

[dibs]

Just think: What would Daria do?

[SuperBiasedMan]

I've barely really done dates, I just tend to befriend people and develop an interest in them and transition to hanging out as a relationship maybe?

 

...I haven't really done well in the past by only having 2 1/2 relationships in total but it's working for me now anyway.

[MadJackalope]

Goddamn I hate wine culture. I mean, I like wine (if there's no pale ale), but all the bullshit around it drives me crazy.

 

On the topic of adulthood again: I think when I went on a dinner date was a moment I realised I was no longer a teenager. At 25 it's not acceptable to go on a date to a cinema, you have to go to dinner, or coffee. That sucks, there's nothing to hide behind, you need to fill any silences, and if you get drunk, you make a bad impression. 

What's wrong with people! Why did this become standard?! (I blame the fucking Americans - no offence intended. If it wasn't on TV, the British date would be at the pub which is much simpler.) I need those social buffers to talk to a relative stranger, don't take away the mandatory silence or the social lubricant.

If you want something else socially acceptable that allows for frequent pauses in the conversation, try taking your dates to art galleries or something along those lines. You're not really expected to maintain constant conversation there, so when you run into a dead end, you can just wander off and pretend like you're very interested in the picture on the other side of the room all of a sudden. Plus some of these places might have wine.

+1 for art galleries. Especially gallery openings because freeeeeeee wine and cheeze. I also recommend geocaching. If the weather's nice it can take you all over the nooks and crannies of a city, keeps you active, and I think it's also a good test to see what kind of person you're dealing with, because geocaching pops up a lot of weird challenges and novel situations. That's really more a "second date" thing to me though. I personally don't like the cinema date thing because you don't get to talk to the person. I think the only reason that used to be a thing is because back in the day that's how teens got alone in the dark to make out or something. 

A coffee is good because it's quick and you can get in and out in case the date isn't going well. A pub date is nice though. I wish we had more pubs here in America. I hate American bars, they're always so loud and noisy. Pubs are much better for actual conversation. Either play music live music loud, and have the focus be the concert, or keep the fucking volume down so I can drink and talk without going hoarse. 

[Badfinger]

On the topic of adulthood again: I think when I went on a dinner date was a moment I realised I was no longer a teenager. At 25 it's not acceptable to go on a date to a cinema, you have to go to dinner, or coffee. That sucks, there's nothing to hide behind, you need to fill any silences, and if you get drunk, you make a bad impression. 

 

I personally don't think it's ever been acceptable to go on a date and watch a movie (as a get-to-know-you date). The entire concept is go sit in the dark, be quiet, and pay attention to a thing that's not any other person there.

 

I have been defaulting to dinner/a drink lately, but really I like doing something. Miniature golf, bowling, a small faire of some sort. Museum is a good one! Just a place where you're clearly there to spend time with a person, but there are opportunities to create new topics of conversation just from doing what you're doing.

[Griddlelol]

 I also recommend geocaching.

 

Pubs are much better for actual conversation. Either play music live music loud, and have the focus be the concert, or keep the fucking volume down so I can drink and talk without going hoarse. 

 

Never gone geocaching, but from what I know, taking someone you've pretty much only just met to random places in a city might be a little intimidating for them. 

 

There are a lot of bars/pubs with stupid loud music in the UK too. The old man pubs are the best, rude bar staff, locals that glare at you, decent ale and no obnoxious music that you have to scream over.

 

I personally don't think it's ever been acceptable to go on a date and watch a movie (as a get-to-know-you date). The entire concept is go sit in the dark, be quiet, and pay attention to a thing that's not any other person there.

 

I have been defaulting to dinner/a drink lately, but really I like doing something. Miniature golf, bowling, a small faire of some sort. Museum is a good one! Just a place where you're clearly there to spend time with a person, but there are opportunities to create new topics of conversation just from doing what you're doing.

 

The reason cinema works is because it gives you something to talk about immediately after. I haven't been on a cinema date since I was about 15, but I kinda wish I could. It's not like the movie would be the start and end of the date. It's merely a conversation starter, and if you get on well enough with the person you'll probably talk through the movie anyway. Laughing at the same jokes also eases the feeling of awkwardness, and makes it a lot easier to chat after. 

 

I've never taken a date to an art gallery, mainly because I don't want to come off as pretentious, or have the date-ee ask me what I know about art (less than nothing). Other activities seem like a good idea, but if you don't know someone well (the last 4 1st dates I went on, I had met the person once each time) then it's difficult to choose an activity. 

 

 

I've barely really done dates, I just tend to befriend people and develop an interest in them and transition to hanging out as a relationship maybe?

I've never understood people who poach romantic partners from their list of friends. Seems weird. I think I have different criteria for friend and partner, and it also makes me think it'll destroy a friendship group when it ends.

[Bjorn]

Never gone geocaching, but from what I know, taking someone you've pretty much only just met to random places in a city might be a little intimidating for them.

 

Hey prospective date! Let's take this shovel and drive out a bunch of miles from the city to see what we find. We'll park in a secluded area, then walk several miles into the woods where no one else could possibly be near us. Don't worry, I do this all the time. It'll be fun!

[Dewar]

+1 for art galleries. Especially gallery openings because freeeeeeee wine and cheeze. I also recommend geocaching. If the weather's nice it can take you all over the nooks and crannies of a city, keeps you active, and I think it's also a good test to see what kind of person you're dealing with, because geocaching pops up a lot of weird challenges and novel situations. That's really more a "second date" thing to me though. I personally don't like the cinema date thing because you don't get to talk to the person. I think the only reason that used to be a thing is because back in the day that's how teens got alone in the dark to make out or something. 

A coffee is good because it's quick and you can get in and out in case the date isn't going well. A pub date is nice though. I wish we had more pubs here in America. I hate American bars, they're always so loud and noisy. Pubs are much better for actual conversation. Either play music live music loud, and have the focus be the concert, or keep the fucking volume down so I can drink and talk without going hoarse.

Around Seattle, I have a wide variety of bar/pub choices that run the gammut from loud to intimate. Of course it also depends on when you go.

[Badfinger]

The reason cinema works is because it gives you something to talk about immediately after. I haven't been on a cinema date since I was about 15, but I kinda wish I could. It's not like the movie would be the start and end of the date. It's merely a conversation starter, and if you get on well enough with the person you'll probably talk through the movie anyway. Laughing at the same jokes also eases the feeling of awkwardness, and makes it a lot easier to chat after. 

 

I've never taken a date to an art gallery, mainly because I don't want to come off as pretentious, or have the date-ee ask me what I know about art (less than nothing). Other activities seem like a good idea, but if you don't know someone well (the last 4 1st dates I went on, I had met the person once each time) then it's difficult to choose an activity. 

 

The thing is, you are dedicating 2+ dead hours to getting to the part where you face each other and talk. I have had a movie date where we showed up separately, watched a movie, and then she left. It was really stupid. ~Dating as a baby adult~

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't watch movies with someone you are seeing. That's fun! All for it! However, before maybe a month(?) of dating, it is an absolute hard rule for me that I personally would not choose that as a date activity. I like activity dates and prefer to get straight to the talking/facing portion of dates without a preliminary requirement beforehand.

 

I can also say laughing/not laughing at different parts of a movie can explain so much about relationships.

 

 if you get on well enough with the person you'll probably talk through the movie anyway

 

[Mangela Lansbury]

I went on a movie date with a guy where we both slept through Coraline. Theater staff had to wake us up afterwards to ask us to leave. I don't go on movie dates anymore.

[SuperBiasedMan]

@Griddelol: I just don't have that much attraction/interest in people unless I already know them a bit. For at least a couple weeks to a month. So if I want to do that, I can't meet someone and go straight to asking for a date. I'm still friends with my only ex, so maybe I'd have a lot more trouble if this had happened with multiple exes or even if it had been a messy affair of a break up. But luckily I've been unlucky with ladies and had few relationships.

[Roderick]

I'm generally quite uncomfortable during fancy dinners. What's funny is, unknowingly I totally accepted the standard thing to do during a first date: let's have a drink together. Even though that's absolutely not what I'd normally do or even want to do! So when a potential date (hopefully next week) proposed to meet up and asked 'is it OK with you if we do something active, like go on a hiking trail?' I was stunned. Of COURSE I want to go on a hiking trail! That's all I want to do! I got roped into this 'let's have a drink' tomfoolery because I thought that was the most noncommittal, casual thing to do, but all this time there've been people who actually want to do something I want to do.

 

So that's it, the bar has just been raised. Minimum requirement for the first date: take a walk with me.

[James]

I'm not ready yet.

[Griddlelol]

 

Hey prospective date! Let's take this shovel and drive out a bunch of miles from the city to see what we find. We'll park in a secluded area, then walk several miles into the woods where no one else could possibly be near us. Don't worry, I do this all the time. It'll be fun!

That's kinda what I was thinking. If that was suggested to me on date 1 through 5 I'd probably say let's go to dinner instead. 

 

 

Sorry, I am one of those people that talks through a movie. 2 hours is a long time to not say anything! 

Don't worry, I won't sit next to you. 

[James]

Unacceptable. People are paying! Often quite a lot!!

[Bjorn]

Unacceptable. People are paying! Often quite a lot!!

 

 

[Ben X]

 

[Twig]

With griddle here. Fuck people. Movies are too long and almost always suck.

 

I'M AN ADULT!

[syntheticgerbil]

Wha? Just talk at home when you watch. Theatre is like a library.

[SuperBiasedMan]

When you guys say talk, do you mean full conversation at regular volume or just occasionally whispering stuff to the person you're with? Because I'm in the latter category, and proud of it.

[Twig]

I scream profanities at random intervals.