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I Had a Random Thought (About Video Games)

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For stupid bullshit that's not really worth making a thread/dredging up an old thread for.

 

 

 

So I realized last night that it's really weird that we're calling the Wii Fit Trainer "Wii Fit Trainer" in Smash Bros. Why doesn't she have a name? Giving concrete names and personalities to semi-obscure characters that really only serve as instructional guides is kind of a traditional Nintendo thing.

 

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"Ma'am, can I see your license and registration please? ...your name is Wii?"

"Oui."

"...oookay then."

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What would be the male Wii Fit trainer's name? Does that mean their names are identical? Is he in the new Smash Bros.?

 

He's in Smash as an alt costume for the female Wii Fit Trainer. Maybe they could collectively have a gender-neutral name. Like Ashley or something.

 

 

 

The third Phoenix Wright game included this line:

 

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...Referring to a much older dance than the more well-known one. Note that this game was released in 2007 and that this case takes place in 2013. There's a bunch of stupid memes in these games, but this is probably the only one they ever included by accident.

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If they give her a name, I'll be as disappointed as I was when they gave one to Comic Book Guy.

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In Spelunky, whenever you find a level that has a brothel and a sacrificial alter. When I go to buy the damsel instead of just buying kisses, the shopkeeper says "Aw, you must be in love!".

Given the fact that I have only ever purchased a damsel like this when I specifically want to sacrifice her life to Kali for a reward, the shopkeere's line is pretty sinister.
I can't tell if it was intentionally written that way or unintended horror, and the thought plagues me.

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If they give her a name, I'll be as disappointed as I was when they gave one to Comic Book Guy.

You mean Jeff Albertson?

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Not every character needs a name. And sometimes it enhances the experience of the narrative / character arc. Knights of the Old Republic is a great example of this, especially the second game. "The Exile." The title was more the point of the character than whatever name they were given.

 

'Course, Bioware decided to throw all that strength out the window when they wrote The Old Republic so whatever.

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LOST wins by

answering the burning fan question "what is the Man In Black's name?" with "he doesn't have one."

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LOST wins by

answering the burning fan question "what is the Man In Black's name?" with "he doesn't have one."

 

For some reason it occurs to me that one of the Lost podcasts I listened to back in the day:

 

consistently called him Smokey the Bear

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Random thought:

E3 "gameplay" demos are the airbrushed photos of video games. If I never see a slow camera pan that perfectly shows off a passing aircraft it will be too soon. Can we stop pretending that's what someone playing a game actually looks like?

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I just realize what a horrible victim of marketing I've been for trying to create those slow-pan cinematic moments myself when playing games.

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I got an email from Xbox today. And two things struck me:

 

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a ) God damn I forgot that my avatar looks like a child snatcher. RIP Rare. 

b ) Britian's Best Selling Home Console in 2013? Really? I mean, even if it is, why would I care about that? Who cares? Why the fuck is it there on an advert for a system I surely already own as otherwise how else would I be getting this email. It's totally baffling to me. 

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I have a thing for organizing shit, and ever since I started buying my games digitally I've found a whole new outlet for that.

 

 (the Ocarina of Time icon is the cartridge slot)

 

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The people who make Tropico, or anybody should make bleak satire Tycoon games, but named XXXX Tyrant. Rollercoaster Tyrant. Where you have to make a theme park that serves your ego and whatnot, and force people to have fun, and provide them just enough nutrition to stay alive long enough to have their requisite fun. 

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That sounds like a weird Wario spinoff game.

 

Also, Babywall Tyrant.

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From the looks of it, they might give it five stars if the energy system gets nerfed and they have more skin-tone options.

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lol I was planning on posting something about this tonight too.

 

I learned the important fact that her company is called Kimsaprincess, Inc.

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