syntheticgerbil

Jerkiest Main Characters in Video Games

Recommended Posts

This is a great topic. Post main characters that are jerks. I would say I'm doing research for my amazing thesis, but I've got nothing.

 

I will start with Mario. He's always yelling, "Hey paisanos!"

 

That translates to "peasants" in Italian. It's incredibly rude to call every fan a peasant, like we are so below the great and super Mario. He thinks he is king, but the princess has never agreed to marry him, so he's really just like everyone else in the Mushroom Kingdom. Plus he doesn't even own a crown like King Koopa, who only seems to be king of his castle and the inhabitants within. At least that guy is realistic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel that this was a case of of people behind the show being even more dumb, since "paisanos" means "countrymen" or, colloquially,  "pal" in Spanish. They might've confused their Spanish with their Italian. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shadup, paisano.

 

Also, if we're going with TV versions of video game characters, then...

 

tumblr_inline_mge31dp5Eo1qjwlhy.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Guybrush Threepwood is clearly the biggest jerk. Couldn't he have at least shown some remorse for stealing Wally's monocle? Not to mention all the other people he's fucked over and left stranded.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Francis York Morgan, the universal contempt he applies to those around him and his total absence of tack make him truly a jerk for the ages.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pretty much every RPG character ever made.

All of them barge into peoples homes, demanding information, rifling through their cabinets and shelves and trash cans, taking anything they think might be even mildly useful. (And even if its not useful, they'll take it anyways and sell it at the general store just down the street.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, if we're going with TV versions of video game characters, then...

He was also a murderer in the official comics:

Page103.gif

OSrnkFO.jpg

I almost wanted to cry when I first saw him ruin his stamp collection, even if it was disappearing ink.

 

Guybrush Threepwood is clearly the biggest jerk. Couldn't he have at least shown some remorse for stealing Wally's monocle? Not to mention all the other people he's fucked over and left stranded.

The guys at Lucas Arts must have been bullies growing up.

 

Pretty much every RPG character ever made.

All of them barge into peoples homes, demanding information, rifling through their cabinets and shelves and trash cans, taking anything they think might be even mildly useful. (And even if its not useful, they'll take it anyways and sell it at the general store just down the street.)

That always makes me think of this great Mario RPG comic where Mario, Geno, and possibly Mallow walk in and ransack the place, but I can't find it anymore. ;(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like "RUMMAGE" as a sound effect in that Mario comic.

 

I submit as a candidate, Mike Thorton.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cole Phelps from L.A. Noire. 

 

The "doubt" and "lie" options activated his total jerk side. I remember he screamed at a little girl that had just lost her mother only because she was afraid of telling some stuff about her father. Zero common sense.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kratos. Seriously, sometimes it's just so unnecessary.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rufus from Deponia springs to mind. He does some reeeally jerky things.

 

depo1.jpg

 

(Adventure game characters in general tend to be jerky, moreso than RPG characters I feel, since in RPG's violence and destruction is among their main verbs of interaction. It's a natural extension of the gameplay, whereas an adventure game goes out of its way to plan, program and animate asshole behavior.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me, it's this guy:

 

VUCysXi.jpg

 

I still find the ending of Wing Commander III where (spoiler) you pull the trigger to blow up the Kilrathi homeworld with billions of people on and above it to be one of the most despicable things I ever did in a game and it's exacerbated by the fact that when he's being captured by some of the survivors afterwards, he acts like a total jerk about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's my Fallout character. When I want to kill a very tough enemy, I put about 20 bullets into their right calf until it's mutilated, 20 bullets into their left arm until its mutilated, set the dude on fire, and then expose him to a radioactive bomb. No killing is as jerky as that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Any given Metroid game is 99% Samus just murdering local wildlife and then blowing up a planet afterward. Everyone saves the Etecoons and the Dachora in Super Metroid, but that's four animals from a planet of billions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

- Simon the Sorcerer

- Roger Wilco

 

Adventure game heroes are often jerks.

 

I think the biggest jerk is Link. Instead of just stealing people's stuff, he's also destroying their pots and barrels.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Syphon filter dude. Anyone who will taser someone until they catch fire is kind of a jerk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have such a terrible memory for video games, or is it that all video games are terrible.

Um, James Bond = Jerk. Shooting Robbie Coltrane in the knee or the hand. Good times

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll go with the Player in Crusader Kings II. I'm pretty sure that's the only context in which I've *chosen* to murder half my family.

 

This.

 

I once assassinated a king I was in good terms with because I thought I would gain his territory. Of course, I only had a Breckonian level of understanding of succession and it turned out that my daughter inherited the grown. So I had to kill her. She was like eight years old for Christ's sake. And that kingdom was Norway. And I was Ireland.

 

Also, Guybrush Threepwood. And the great pottery and shrubbery destroyer Link.

 

Edit: Correct term used.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now