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TychoCelchuuu

ObjectiveGameReviews.com - A Subtle Journey of Discovery

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Google will see it and record it for all time and mail the archive to Saint Peter who will ask you to account for its commission or omission when you arrive at yon Pearly Gates.

Then the big dog overseer class mechanoid will awake you from your chromosone harvest coma and send you back to the solar mines.

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Then the big dog overseer class mechanoid will awake you from your chromosone harvest coma and send you back to the solar mines.

This is one of the many reasons I hope to wander into the mountains during old-age, climb a tree, die, and be eaten by buzzards.

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I could put goatse on that page for all it matters, nobody's ever really going to see it.

I kind of want the design of the score image to be a subtle goatse now.

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The proofreading quality on the latest batch seems a bit lower to me. I got a good chuckle from the two syndicate items back-to-back.

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Updated review and score to reflect the new /wizard page.

 

 

Objective Review of Objectivegamereviews.com

 

Genre | Website
Developer | TychoCelchuuu
Platforms | The Internet

 

Objectivegamereviews.com is a website.  Visitors to the site can read objective reviews of video games.

 

Each review is an objective assessment of a video game.  The top of the review contains an image from the game.  The review lists the genre, developer, and platform the game is available for.  Reviews describe how the game is played.  Reviews contain descriptions of the story, graphics, and sound.  At the end of the review the game is objectively scored on a scale of 1 to 10.

 

Reviews can be sorted by genre, platform, and score.  The website contains About Our MissionContact Us, and FAQ pages.  The website is powered by Wordpress and hosted by Lithium Hosting.  There is a special objectivegamereviews.com/wizard page.

 

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The proofreading quality on the latest batch seems a bit lower to me. I got a good chuckle from the two syndicate items back-to-back.

My bad! I edited some stuff just now - as a one man job by someone short on time it can be tough to proofread.

In any case the twitter account is alive again - praise Lord Twitter! - so I'm going to try to go back to posting more reviews more often.

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If you're not accepting content for now, I'd at least be happy to offer my services as a proofreader - I find editing to be a fun activity.

I might not be the most practical source for that what with the timezone difference thought.

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So when will ObjectiveGameReviews.com get placement for objective ads?

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Will Objective Game Reviews ever cover reviews of game objectives?

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Presumably it won't cover their subjects or use of the subjective case.

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"Kilo is tasked with shooting a number of employees of the other syndicates, including boss enemies, one whom can jump high."

 

I'm still laughing at this one. Good work.

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I'm glad I made someone laugh. Actually that brings me to what I wanted to post about, in a roundabout way. You see, I try to work humor the reviews, or at least into the reviews that aren't worse for having jokes (I'm not sure the Actual Sunlight review is a proper place for jokes, for instance - there's just not enough contextualization in so stark a review to also joke around). That's a lot easier when I have more time to work on reviews. But I also want to review a lot of games. And I'm a busy dude. So time is hard to come by.

Which brings me to what I wanted to post about: it's getting close to a week after launching the site and I think I'm more or less getting a handle on how I want the site to work and so on, which means I'm thinking about starting to bring people in who want to be brought in.

The good things about this would be more content, it would give a chance for people who want to write these things to write these things and post them, and also maybe let me farm out some of these review codes since I'm already slightly overwhelmed and although I could review everything, it would be more considerate to the devs if their games were reviewed sooner rather than later and I can't do them all.

The bad things about this would be the two things that have kept me from bringing people on so far: I want to make sure I know (and contributors know) what the site is and how it works before I bring other people on (in the sense that I want to know what an "objective" review is and what the best practices are when writing objective reviews) and that's tough data to collect when the site hasn't been going for a while, plus I feel weird about asking people to write for free for a website that has ads. (That latter worry has been largely ameliorated having re-read Walker's articles, where he clarifies that he only means for people not to work for free for profitable sites, but still...)

So, since this is sort of a Thumbs endeavor as much as it is anything else, I figured I'd ask for advice. What do you all think? Do the people here who want to try their hand at objective reviews want to try their hand NOW? Also I think I'd want to be kind of picky/a jerk about writing quality and so forth, so this might lead to hurt feelings in the event that anyone wants to write without having the writing chops to do so (which is not a knock against anyone who can't write - writing is hard!).

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It's not unreasonable to insist that a certain style and tone is maintained, and of course you are justified in your desire to ensure that candidates are able to supply you with good copy.

 

I imagine that the trouble you'll have is identifying people who want to contribute now that the OGR zeitgeist is dying down a little: folk that'll be in it for a longer haul and, presumably, willing to have their work go uncredited.

 

That might be balanced out by the prospect of payment in kind (or payment for really reals if the ads / referrals / commissions work out well).

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I wasn't planning on uncredited work - the stuff I write is uncredited but I can always go back and change the name of the authors on the post from "Objective Game Reviews" to something else in the system, which will autoupdate all the existing reviews. New authors would get their own account on the site and their name would be attached to their reviews. I would want people to know who had written each review - whether it was the mysterious editor in chief or someone else.

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Ah right, OK. From the FAQ and Mission pages I thought OGR might not credit authors in order to keep the focus on The Facts, but I see that's not explicitly stated. Just my assumed implication.

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Given the format of the reviews, namely short and to the point probably as an result of the "objective" vocabulary, it wouldn't be much skin off my back to work on a review for an hour or two, receive some constructive criticism, and perhaps not actually be "up to the standards/vision of the site". I'd be willing to give it a shot particularly if at this moment, you're not really worried about timely reviews (which I imagine to be the case, granted your reviews of ME3, Syndicate, and such) and wouldn't mind publishing reviews for somewhat older games. I'm currently playing The Witcher and would love to figure out how to talk about the weird sexual content in an "objective" prose.

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I could write something NOW (ok, tomorrow, not RIGHT NOW). But on the other hand if I plan to do some unpaid writing just for fun, I have also an expectation that I could pick something I want to review, not just getting handed something. I'm ok with critisism or even rejection -- sometimes it's worse to write something you know is not as good as it should be and have it published anyway... Do you have any priorities of what to review -- new games you get review codes for? old classics? Something else? How would assigning/picking a game to review work?

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So no one seemed to pick up that this was born out of the IT forums.  Are you hoping the guys talk about it on the podcast, or would you rather they avoid it and not publicize that it's one of their listeners who put it together?

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So no one seemed to pick up that this was born out of the IT forums.  Are you hoping the guys talk about it on the podcast, or would you rather they avoid it and not publicize that it's one of their listeners who put it together?

The more talk the better! If it were mentioned on the podcast that would be the coolest thing. More publicity is good publicity and I don't care that people know an Idle Thumbs reader made the site any more than PC Gamer should care if people know that Evan Lahti hangs out with the Thumbs sometimes.

I could write something NOW (ok, tomorrow, not RIGHT NOW). But on the other hand if I plan to do some unpaid writing just for fun, I have also an expectation that I could pick something I want to review, not just getting handed something. I'm ok with critisism or even rejection -- sometimes it's worse to write something you know is not as good as it should be and have it published anyway... Do you have any priorities of what to review -- new games you get review codes for? old classics? Something else? How would assigning/picking a game to review work?

I didn't mean I would shove codes in peoples' faces - I meant it more in terms of saying "hey, I have some review codes here, does anyone want one?"

I guess since people are asking questions I'll go ahead and formalize it:

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Welcome, Idle Thumbs reader! If you're the kind of person who saw www.objectivegamereviews.com and said "hah, that's funny," and also you can write, and also you said "maybe I could write an objective game review for Objective Game Reviews" then have I got a deal for you! You can combine all three of those previous things into one package!

Step 1: Check out the review guidelines to see if they're something you feel like conforming to. THIS GUIDE IS TOP SECRET DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SHARE IT.

Step 2: If that sounds good, you can write a review and send it to me (either via email - [email protected] or just post it here or PM me or whatever who cares). Otherwise if you have questions/concerns/want to break free from the fascistic guidelines I impose, do the same thing - email me or post here or whatever.

Step 3: If you skipped step 2 and want a review code for a game, find some other way to convince me that you know how to write and I'll tell you what we've got on offer.

Step 4: Anyone who ends up writing a review will go through a process where I set you up with an account on the site so that you can post with a byline and everything but that comes later.

Step 5: If you can write a Minecraft review that would be pretty cool. I've never played Minecraft but the kids fucking love it, you know what I mean?

Step 6: I forgot to mention but you can review any game you want aside from ones I've reviewed already. Reviews I have planned which I could definitely write myself (in case you don't want to duplicate efforts) include: Anne Hathaway's Erotic Mouthscape, Audiosurf, Become a Great Artist in Just 10 Seconds, BioShock 2, Minerva's Den, BioShock Infinite, Brogue, Bubsy 3D: Bubsy Visits the James Turrell Retrospective, Cart Life, Dear Esther, Deus Ex, Gun Godz, InFlux, King of Dragon Pass, Mass Effect 3 Citadel DLC, Mass Effect 3 Omega DLC, Miasmata, Mirror's Edge, Portal, Qrth-phyl, Receiver, Renegade Ops, Room of 1000 Snakes, Tachyon The Fringe, The Last Express, Thief, XCOM Enemy Unknown. But like I said if you really wanted to you could write a review for one of those.

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I'd (maybe) love to write you that King of Dragon Pass review, but I'm getting a 404 on your Dropbox link.

 

 

EDIT: Wait, those are ones you're planning. Oops, guess I failed the secret "reading comprehension" test! Well, the 404's still there.

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