QUILTBAG Thread of Flagrant Homoeroticism

[Henroid]

Oh and it gets even better. Ted Cruz says he wants to be able to remove SCOTUS justices via voting. So you know, impotent outrage.

 

In a hypothetical world where Ted Cruz gets what he wants, that bill would be passed next week, put into effect next month, he would run for president, win it, then immediately work to get rid of that whole SCOTUS vote thing because it's time for him to stack the court! Jackass.

 

Someone on Twitter said Sarah Palin more or less echoed the same sentiment but who gives a shit about that money-seeking shill.

[syntheticgerbil]

I think the only reason most people pay attention to Ted Cruz is to laugh at the idiocy. Similar with Rick Perry.

[itsamoose]

I think the only reason most people pay attention to Ted Cruz is to laugh at the idiocy. Similar with Rick perry.

 

I wish that were the case, and for some it probably is, but there are also a significant number of people who are dead serious about him.  Probably not the majority, since the reason he gets so easily elected is the result of Jerrymandering, but still they are not insignificant and highly motivated.  I've got a friend who is a really conservative Christian (currently losing her mind over this decision) and I'm often surprised at how dead serious she is when it comes to some of these wackadoodles and their ideas.

[Bjorn]

Can some straight folk tell me what it's like to have never been disowned by your parents? It's happened so often to me in the last 14 years for me that I can't even imagine what it's like for it not to have ever happened.

 

I've been thinking about this since I read it last night, and just haven't been able to figure out what to say.  It makes me want to reach through the internet and give you a hug.  My family has never disowned me, though an early lesson was that you can't trust that family won't stab you in the back, that the family you grow up with is functionally meaningless, except it's never that easy, because they're you're fucking family, so some part of them is always around, either genetically, emotionally, whatever. 

 

I still don't know what  to say, but you're awesome and deserve better than the family you were born with.  I hope you find those people who become your adopted family, the ones you choose, if you already haven't.

[Zeusthecat]

I've been thinking about this since I read it last night, and just haven't been able to figure out what to say. It makes me want to reach through the internet and give you a hug. My family has never disowned me, though an early lesson was that you can't trust that family won't stab you in the back, that the family you grow up with is functionally meaningless, except it's never that easy, because they're you're fucking family, so some part of them is always around, either genetically, emotionally, whatever.

I still don't know what to say, but you're awesome and deserve better than the family you were born with. I hope you find those people who become your adopted family, the ones you choose, if you already haven't.

I like this perspective, although I take more of a dick stance about it because I'm a jaded butthole when it comes to family. Family are just people you know like anyone else. If they've made your life miserable, they aren't owed a goddamn thing. In a lot of ways, family can be worse than regular acquaintances because they can treat you 10x worse and just keep barging into your life whenever they want because they're "family". Some family members can be awesome and having that "family" factor makes it even better. But when they aren't, I figure they're just like any other shitty person that just happens to share some of my DNA.

I don't have any experience being disowned by my family but I've spent my entire adult life trying to minimize contact with them and maintain my sanity whenever they do come around. And unfortunately when you have kids there is a lot of pressure to keep them around so the kids can see their shitty grandparents and shitty aunts.

And man if there was some kind of adopt a family program where you could interview people and find the most suitable surrogate family, that would be the best.

[tberton]

My family are the most important people in the world to me and I honestly have no idea what I'd do without them. Even though they drive me crazy a lot of the time, I feel incredibly lucky every day to have them in my life. Nothing scares me more than the thought of losing them (seriously, I have nightmares about it).

 

That said, I totally understand that sometimes those are links you need to sever, or they get severed for you, and you need to find that connection elsewhere. I absolutely have people I consider family who aren't related to me. Your family are the people who accept you no matter who you are. Sometimes those are the people you grew up with; sometimes you have to work harder to find them

[Ninety-Three]

Does "queer" mean something special? I've always understood it to be a catchall term for LGBT, a way of saying "Everything other than straight", but I have been seeing it used in ways that suggest that's not the only meaning. The biggest thing is that I've heard people identifying themselves simply as queer, which seems like a strange use of the term for the same reason it would sound strange to say "I am a person of colour" rather than the more specific and equally concise "I am [insert race here]".

[Bjorn]

The lady's family has been extra difficult lately, coming very close to basically driving her out of their lives forever, which has been extremely trying.  My family has been a dysfunctional mess for a long time, I've never really known any different.  With her family, they're the traditional, big, united American family.  Sure, there have been problems and stuff, but generally pretty awesome.  And then the lady revealed what her next intended career path is and all hell erupted (she's working on opening up a progressive sex toy store, a dream she's had for years).  We've already run one successful business for the last decade, so it's not like this is a pipe dream, it's more likely than not to get off the ground, which I think is one of the things that freak the family out.  They've attacked her character, choices, business competency, morality, etc.  Sooner rather than later, she's also going to come out as bisexual and reveal some aspects of our life that no one in the family knows about, because they are things that are going to end up public anyways because of the store.  We know we're facing multiple more rounds of this bullshit with them. 

 

And in the bizarro world we live in, my family has been supporting, interested and loving in their reactions.

[Ben X]

Does "queer" mean something special? I've always understood it to be a catchall term for LGBT, a way of saying "Everything other than straight", but I have been seeing it used in ways that suggest that's not the only meaning. The biggest thing is that I've heard people identifying themselves simply as queer, which seems like a strange use of the term for the same reason it would sound strange to say "I am a person of colour" rather than the more specific and equally concise "I am [insert race here]".

 

I used to know it as a slur meaning homosexual, which was then reclaimed, but a few years ago I was told that it now meant pansexual. I don't know if either of those are still the case or the only meaning(s)...

[BadHat]

My mum is basically my rock. No matter what shit is going down with me she's the one consistent thing in my life I can always come back to. I have regular thoughts about how poorly I'm going to cope when (not any time soon, I hope) she passes.

 

I always read "queer" as meaning anywhere from gay to pansexual (and maybe other things) and just not wishing to specify? But maybe I'm horribly wrong.

[N1njaSquirrel]

Forgive me for being a horrible person, but what's a pansexual? All this terminology is escaping me :S

[Mawd]

Forgive me for being a horrible person, but what's a pansexual? All this terminology is escaping me :S

 

I'm a bit fuzzy on the details but it basically means that you can experience romantic and sexual attraction to all genders which goes beyond man, woman, or genderqueer, etc. in scope.

 

The top google result put it better: "not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity."

[SuperBiasedMan]

I know that labels are useful and validating as well as more convenient and understandable for people.

But I feel like we're encroaching on the point where it's better to try make people understand that gender and sexuality are full of diversity and not rigid systems.

[Ninety-Three]

Forgive me for being a horrible person, but what's a pansexual? All this terminology is escaping me :S

 

I'm a bit fuzzy on the details but it basically means that you can experience romantic and sexual attraction to all genders which goes beyond man, woman, or genderqueer, etc. in scope.

 

The top google result put it better: "not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity."

 

I always understood it as "Bisexual, except explicitly allowing for attraction to complicated/nonbinary stuff".

 

Also, I find it really weird that when ever pansexual comes up, the phrase "attraction to genders" is used. No one is attracted to a gender are they? A biological woman who identifies as a man (not transitioned) would be attractive to people who are attracted to women, and not to people who are attracted to men.

[Twig]

But then there are people who, once they realize the man is not physically a male will instantly stop being attracted.

 

Pansexuality, as far as I understand it, is just, "I am capable of physical and emotional attraction to other human beings, regardless of identity".

[Apple Cider]

Bisexual and pansexual have come out of the past due to the fact that bisexuality was originally a psychological designation much like homosexual was and has been seen as fairly limited to binary gender ideas - the issue being that, however, many political activist groups sprung up with bisexual as a term so a lot of older people (like myself) have clung to that term even though most (not all though) bi people tend to say that they are pretty much the same as pansexual people. Pansexual people and bisexual people have quite a considerable amount of overlap in that regard. There's quite a lot of internet squabbling about it potentially being transphobic or binary-normative to still call yourself bisexual but that's the gist of it - pansexual people just openly use that identity to say that nothing about a person really matters other than THAT person, gender identity or presentation does not matter. This is basically how it is for me, but I am older and pansexuality wasn't a "thing" when I came out at 16, so I stick with "bi". 

 

however, a lot of times? A lot of bi or pan people get tired of having to re-explain what exactly they are and a lot more people find either label or any label constricting so people just sometimes call themselves "queer." It's a bit more of a catch-all term that leaves a lot of the details fuzzy because it's exhausting sometimes. Queer IS a slur (don't call someone "a queer") and even reclaiming "queer" as a descriptor is a person's choice so it's best to follow their lead on that one. However, queer is also a non-person descriptor for things like "queer theory" so a lot of the useage is contextual. 

[BadHat]

Basically what we need now is a Kinsey Scale but in 3D.

[Patrick R]

however, a lot of times? A lot of bi or pan people get tired of having to re-explain what exactly they are and a lot more people find either label or any label constricting so people just sometimes call themselves "queer." It's a bit more of a catch-all term that leaves a lot of the details fuzzy because it's exhausting sometimes. Queer IS a slur (don't call someone "a queer") and even reclaiming "queer" as a descriptor is a person's choice so it's best to follow their lead on that one. However, queer is also a non-person descriptor for things like "queer theory" so a lot of the useage is contextual. 

 

This is where I am. I figure no one inquiring actually wants me to explain my sex life to them, so I mostly just describe myself as queer. It's quicker and much less hassle.

 

Also, on a totally dumb note, there's something I find phonically off-putting about the term "pansexual" and I feel weird referring to myself in that way. For some reason it always brings to my mind some sort of Dinonysian bacchanal. Like it implies my sex life is much more exciting and decadent than it actually is. Which absolutely nonsensical, but there you are. It's probably just a holdover of guilt instilled in me from the kind of gay/straight people who don't like bisexuals and insist they must "pick a side". Or something.

[Merus]

My understanding was that queer also encompassed e.g. people who would identify as being straight or gay if they didn't have the hots, on very rare occasions, for someone outside of their preferred gender, or people who mostly want relationships with the opposite sex but are DTF with the same sex, or even people who are dating transgender people. The LGBT movement are not always as accommodating as they claim to be - I've heard of multiple bi people who are accused of being too afraid to come all the way out, and a lesbian friend of mine has had issues with the Sydney lesbian community assuming she was playing at being a lesbian because it was trendy (because she was too conventionally attractive), and of course there's always TERFs (and many second-wave feminists, for that matter). Because 'queer' embraces a certain kind of fluidity, there are a lot of people who just prefer to say they are queer.

[Badfinger]

Basically what we need now is a Kinsey Scale but in 3D.

 

Wholeheartedly agree. I propose the Z axis goes to 11 this time.

 

 

I hope this doesn't sound like I mean to denigrate the term, but like Patrick when I read "pansexual" I think of something besides it's meaning. I think of Pangaea, which then brings to mind dinosaurs which are attracted to the entire range of other dinosaurs. I think that's a side affect of a word which is intentionally broad and thus necessarily vague.

[tegan]

"Queer" is mostly a catch-all, in my experience. I occasionally use it as a self-description, but not often. It's also one of those N-word deals for me, where I don't like straight people using it to describe me, but that might just be because it was my parents' slur of choice.

 

 

 

 

In other news this week:

 

Bad News: Remember how Facebook added 56 non-binary gender options to the dropdown list a while back and got universal praise for the decision? The former employee responsible for the decision, a transgender woman, has been banned from the site due to their "real names" policy. Ugh.

 

Good News: Scott Lively; the pastor who helped pass America's first anti-gay legislation, created Uganda's infamous "kill the gays" bill, and wrote a book about how the Nazis were founded by gay people; is being put on trial for Crimes Against Humanity. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

[James]

The former employee responsible for the decision, a transgender woman, has been banned from the site due to their "real names" policy

WOW. That's atrocious, even by Facebook's blundering standards.

[tegan]

It was the name she used on her employee ID when she worked there, even, and she got banned while she was at a Pride event, on the same day as the SCOTUS decision. It was basically the worst possible PR move on Facebook's part.

[natellite]

Bisexual and pansexual have come out of the past due to the fact that bisexuality was originally a psychological designation much like homosexual was and has been seen as fairly limited to binary gender ideas - the issue being that, however, many political activist groups sprung up with bisexual as a term so a lot of older people (like myself) have clung to that term even though most (not all though) bi people tend to say that they are pretty much the same as pansexual people. Pansexual people and bisexual people have quite a considerable amount of overlap in that regard. There's quite a lot of internet squabbling about it potentially being transphobic or binary-normative to still call yourself bisexual but that's the gist of it - pansexual people just openly use that identity to say that nothing about a person really matters other than THAT person, gender identity or presentation does not matter. This is basically how it is for me, but I am older and pansexuality wasn't a "thing" when I came out at 16, so I stick with "bi". 

 

My feeling on it is that pansexual is basically a largely unnecessary identity label, the function of which is covered by bisexual, a term which we've had for decades and has served us very well, thanks very much. Having sat through my fair share of "bisexual promotes transphobia and binarism" arguments on the internet has left a bad taste in my mouth, though, and I'm intensely uncomfortable with the implication that we need a new word to incorporate attraction to people like me, like the old word wasn't good enough or I am somehow a special consideration when it comes to sexuality. The last thing I want is to be singled out; I expect if you talk to ten other trans people you'll get similar sentiments.

[seamus2389]

My feeling on it is that pansexual is basically a largely unnecessary identity label, the function of which is covered by bisexual, a term which we've had for decades and has served us very well, thanks very much. Having sat through my fair share of "bisexual promotes transphobia and binarism" arguments on the internet has left a bad taste in my mouth, though, and I'm intensely uncomfortable with the implication that we need a new word to incorporate attraction to people like me, like the old word wasn't good enough or I am somehow a special consideration when it comes to sexuality. The last thing I want is to be singled out; I expect if you talk to ten other trans people you'll get similar sentiments.

 

I use bi over pan for that reason but  pan acknowledges the existence  of intersex people or those who don't identify as male or female.