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Zeusthecat

I Had A Random Thought...

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Yay! Everyone's happy again, nice job guys.

1. Sometimes I listen to Tool when I'm happy and Maroon 5 when I'm sad and vice versa. I find that music can feel wildly different depending on my mood so it's a crapshoot for me. But fuck country. That music sucks my balls.

2. Donkey Cock Country sounds like a terrifying game. Like Dead Space meets Ron Jeremy terrifying.

3. Minecraft will have donkeys after the next patch.

4. Hopefully they don't render donkey cocks in the next patch because it will cause all other Minecraft mobs to feel inadequate.

5. I'm ever so slightly drunk.

6. I love you guys.

7. But totally in a platonic way.

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Speaking of rendering donkey cocks in Minecraft...

The Mario Party minigame "Bobsled Run" features the characters hopping into hollowed out penguins as they bobsled down and icy track. Those penguins have little buttholes drawn on them.

maxresdefault.jpg

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Where else are the donkey cocks going to go?

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Nintendo may not have the fanciest graphics but at least they know the importance of little details like penguin assholes. If they ever make a game with puffins maybe we'll get puffin penises.

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So I was working all this weekend... You guys really go to some messed up places VERY quickly. Thought I'd point that out.

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And if by messed up you mean sexy then yes. We are in a very sexy place right now.

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Okay, if puffin penises and penguin assholes aren't sexy I don't know what is.

On a related note, is there a subgenre of beastiality that covers flightless birds?

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Okay, if puffin penises and penguin assholes aren't sexy I don't know what is.

On a related note, is there a subgenre of beastiality that covers flightless birds?

Probably. If it exists, someone has tried to have sex with it.

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There is this church next to the freeway that I see every morning on my way to work and every evening on my way home. They have a giant sign with random religious messages that they display at all hours of the day in an attempt to brainwash innocent commuters. 

 

Here is the message they had just the other day:

"Babies are God's opinion that the world should go on"

 

What the fuck are they smoking?

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Hey, cut them some slack. If you have to come up with a new cool Christian saying every day, there are bound to be some duds. I challenge you: think of two better sentences right now.

 

See?

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1) Sayeth the Lord: Ctrl-S - Jesus Saves

2) 66 Books For the Price of One - Read Your Bible

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When I used to drive home during college, at a certain point on the highway there was a farm with a large sign near it.  The sign was black with huge red letters that said "HELL IS REAL".

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When I used to drive home during college, at a certain point on the highway there was a farm with a large sign near it.  The sign was black with huge red letters that said "HELL IS REAL".

"AND ITS IN MICHIGAN"

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If a church doesn't enjoy a good fart joke then that's a church I don't want to belong to. Plus you know, the being an atheist thing.

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Hey, cut them some slack. If you have to come up with a new cool Christian saying every day, there are bound to be some duds. I challenge you: think of two better sentences right now.

 

See?

 

1. Circumcision is cutting satan off your penis.

2. Bibles are flammable so make sure you are holding one whenever you sin so God doesn't rain fire down on you from heaven.

 

Also, one day I started randomly finishing every sentence I spoke with a Bible verse. It was fucking hilarious (I thought).

 

For example:

1. I really need to take a crap - John 13:5

2. Hey babe, what's for dinner? - Isaiah 7:4

3. I don't really feel like putting the dishes away - Psalms 20:15

4. Man I drank too much last night and I feel like shit today - Revelations 12:8

 

Edit: And as a fun challenge, try this out when you are in the middle of a fight with your significant other. It will totally catch them off guard.

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My favourite is

'As it says in the bible -Whatever'. I should really look up the reference though.

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I'm a joker. I'm a smoker. I'm a mid-night toker.

Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer. - Deuteronomy 18:11

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