Road to Hell: Retribution

[melmer]

Ride to Hell: Retribution is a no holds barred brawler set in the tumultuous age of the 1960’s. A lone rider, Jake Rodkin, is locked in a battle to the death against a ruthless gang of bikers called The Devil’s Hand. Jake will employ any means necessary to enact his vengeance: weaponizing his environment, using hand-to-hand combat on foot, and battling it out in high-speed shootouts on Jake's custom hog.

Two fists.

Two wheels.

No rules.

*i have altered one word in this game description for comedy effect

[Geremy Tibbles]

This looks like a PS2 game in every way possible.

[tegan]

Nice use of Bleeding Cowboys there, trailer. I'm not sick of that font yet.

 

Also, what's with the 1%? Are they predicting their metacritic score?

[melmer]

You read my mind I have since found out

A member of an "outlaw" motorcycle gang. Origin is the American Motorcycle Associations assertion from the 1960s that 99% of motorcyclists are law abiding citizens.

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?p=52680399

This game was supposed to be released in 2009 8P

[mikemariano]

This trailer could easily be for BMX XXX, or at least for Penny Arcade's description of it.

[elmuerte]

So... what kind of game is it?

[melmer]

Well, in 2009 it was a sandbox game

http://youtu.be/UHZcIjQOfRQ

now it's a biker-themed action adventure. Probably very linear and scripted

[tegan]

So... what kind of game is it?

 

Sidescrolling Hippie Burn-Em-Up.

[jeremywc]

Looks like somebody's been overdosing on Robert Rodriguez films.

[twmac]

Sold.

[melmer]

No word exists for the level of disgust I have for everybody involved in its blasphemous making.

http://www.destructoid.com/review-ride-to-hell-retribution-257053.phtml

Goddamnit, pre-order canceled!

[twmac]

Mine is due to arrive next week. Psyched.

[twmac]

Oh man, I played this over the weekend.

 

It is a thing that has to be seen to be believed. Textures that take forever to load in, game play taken straight out of Crime Life, motorcycle 'action' that makes Road Rash look futuristic... amazing.

[melmer]

holy shit you weren't joking

[Justin Leego]

game play taken straight out of Crime Life

Crime Life: Gang Wars received largely positive scores. The Xbox version currently has an average score of 101/100 at Metacritic based on 193 reviews.

Heeee

[twmac]

Cheeky gits! The revision history from August 2012 is a little more accurate.

 

Mington - I never joke about these things, the allure of a bad game is like pooping in the woods to bears.

[Badfinger]

I highly recommend watching as much of the Giant Bomb quick look as you can stand. Bear in mind, not an actual short video.

 

http://www.giantbomb.com/videos/quick-look-ride-to-hell-retribution/2300-7649/

[stewmull]

I watched the GB quick look all the way through and the game looks garbage to be honest

[tegan]

I feel physically ill for having watched that entire thing.

 

 

...Lotta' construction on those roads.

[Justin Leego]

I watched the GB quick look all the way through and the game looks garbage to be honest

 

But don't they make garbage look really fun? Endless powerslides, Lynchian dream sequence jump-cuts, nonsensical dialogue with marionette lip syncing, camera flapping like a fresh eel, and a terrible Irish accent worthy of The Saboteur (great B-game btw). Oh, and some genuinely relatively impressive hair physics.

 

I watched it up to the romantic engagement and I was all like UGH I had hoped Jim Sterling made this part up to see if anyone disobeyed his commandments and played the game.

[twmac]

Oh man, the roads that have cars driving on them for no reason.

 

Later there are 'kill spots' that are holes in the ground that can only be used once. No reason for it other than, you know, video games.

 

Do they show the Rage mode? It is amazing.

[tegan]

I'd just like to say, I love that literally the first thing that happens is a turret sequence. And then a quicktime event! It's like they wanted you to know within thirty seconds of booting that the game was going to be awful.

 

Also: the complete lack of music and sound.

[melmer]

I buckled and started watching the quick look. 3 minutes in and I've already wet myself a little. This is some funny shit

[stewmull]

Oh don't get me wrong, the GB guys can make almost anything bearable. Just look at the rollercoaster rampage quick look, actually made me cry with laughter. Its the same if you play a bad game with friends, you can just laugh at it and say how goofy it is. But I don't think I'm going to buy it and I defiantly don't think I will get immersed in the story. 

 

Also I always wanted to try the saboteur, the trailers always made it look interesting.

[melmer]

Yo! The saboteur is awesome! Such a good game