Thyroid

Fifty Shades of Pride and Prejudice

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Using the same methodology that created Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, we now have this.

To quote:

It is the mash-up so obvious it is hard to believe no one thought of it already: Sexing up the classics Fifty Shades of Grey-style.

Clandestine Classics is making all the implied sex in such classics as Jane Eyre,Pride & Prejudice and, yes, Sherlock Holmes explicit.

Oh, hell yes. God knows I've always wanted to know all the crazy Victorian rompy-pompy going on between Holmes and Watson. All that Freudian pipe-smoking smut.

--

I guess I don't mind these existing, because maybe someone will end-up picking-up the classics and hey, that's good. Simultaneously, I find it infuriating. Maybe because someone will make money by writing paragraphs into something someone wrote 200 years ago and these paragraphs are essentially the HBO treatment. (Some minor Game of Thrones season 2 spoilers.)

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NOPE, said Subbes, biting her lower lip. But "nope" was not the safe-word and so the sexy conversation carried on.

(Hopefully this will get more people picking up the forums.)

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I think "NOPE" may actually be the best safe word. Who says "nope" rather than "no" when they're still trying to have a sexy time? "Nope" is definitely not a sexy word.

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I read 50SoG. I felt a horrible sense of doom when I got to the end and discovered there were still 2 more in the series.

It is terrible. Awful. The male lead hits all the warning signs for an abuser. The fact that this was Twilight fanfic isn't hit-you-in-the-face obvious, but it's there. There's no character development; it relies upon your knowing which characters in Twilight the chars are based on.

(The sex scenes and contracts are also terribad.)

As to adding sex scenes to these existing books... why? There are already classics that have sexy sex scenes, you don't need to molest Jane Eyre or Lizzy Bennet to get your reading jollies.

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What if you need to molest Jane Eyre or Lizzy Bennet to get your regular jollies?

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Why do they always use Jane Austen's book for parodies? First zombies, now "smexy fanfics"? (I could swear there was a "Jane Austen meets Cthulhu" ones too?).

They are also making 50 Shades of Green, a parody with a leprechaun (?), just how terrible is this book?

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The Cthulhu one must have been Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.

People buy that shit like it's cookies.

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They are also making 50 Shades of Green, a parody with a leprechaun (?), just how terrible is this book?

Pretty terrible, but that has nothing to do with all the parodies. It's popular, and a bunch of people are totally shameless. That's about all the reason you need for this crap.

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I hate this shit, and that shit like this gets published. Someone should be held responsible for raping Jane Austen and Elizabeth Bennet.

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N$FW

"I see no occasion for that. You and the girls may go, or you may send

them by themselves, which perhaps will be still better, for as you are

as handsome as any of them, Mr. Bingley may like you the best of the

party."

"My dear, you flatter me. I certainly _have_ had my share of beauty, but

I do not pretend to be anything extraordinary now. When a woman has five

grown-up daughters, she ought to give over thinking of her own beauty."

"In such cases, a woman has not often much beauty to think of."

"But, my dear, you must indeed go and see Mr. Bingley when he comes into

the neighbourhood."

"It is more than I engage for, I assure you."

"But consider your daughters. Only think what an establishment it would

be for one of them. Sir William and Lady Lucas are determined to

go, merely on that account, for in general, you know, they visit no

newcomers. Indeed you must go, for it will be impossible for _us_ to

visit him if you do not."

I can only give highlights: I was in The Trance. Ravished and unaware of anything but feeling his sexy touch.

I have new appreciation for the one-person-naked-and-the-other-person-dressed sex scenario. That added some kinky flare I never expected. Not unlike my repeat fantasy of visiting Caveman in his office and him letting me remove key clothing items from him and have a really deep blowjob. I think of that every time I see him at his desk. But that's not his thing. Just mine.

A favourite erotic moment. I was insanely randy. The orgasms came really quickly but the disappointment over the speed of attaining them (I get off too fast) was dulled by the sexy, sexy intensity and sensuality of it all. At one point, Caveman is lying on his back and I am beside him. Because he is so fully dressed, my nakedness feels extra naked. He holds my legs as wide apart, as wide as they will go, using his legs as straddlers. He's very tall so it works well. I am prisoner of love. My cunt feels like the clown behind the board, where you throw wet sponges at it, and it knows one of those wet sponges is going to be big and wet and warm and hit bang on. But which one? And when?

"You are over-scrupulous, surely. I dare say Mr. Bingley will be very

glad to see you; and I will send a few lines by you to assure him of my

hearty consent to his marrying whichever he chooses of the girls; though

I must throw in a good word for my little Lizzy."

"I desire you will do no such thing. Lizzy is not a bit better than the

others; and I am sure she is not half so handsome as Jane, nor half so

good-humoured as Lydia. But you are always giving _her_ the preference."

"They have none of them much to recommend them," replied he; "they are

all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy has something more of

quickness than her sisters."

"Mr. Bennet, how _can_ you abuse your own children in such a way? You

take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves."

"You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They

are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration

these last twenty years at least."

"Ah, you do not know what I suffer."

"But I hope you will get over it, and live to see many young men of four

thousand a year come into the neighbourhood."

"It will be no use to us, if twenty such should come, since you will not

visit them."

"Depend upon it, my dear, that when there are twenty, I will visit them

all."

Mr. Bennet was so odd a mixture of quick parts, sarcastic humour,

reserve, and caprice, that the experience of three-and-twenty years had

been insufficient to make his wife understand his character. _Her_ mind

was less difficult to develop. She was a woman of mean understanding,

little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented,

she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her

daughters married; its solace was visiting and news.

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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a publishing house in possession of books in the public domain, will republish those books with more sex/zombies/monsters/EXPLOSIONS, etc.

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Good lord that's disturbing, when's the Keira Knightly version of that coming out?

Those reviews are awesome, my only criticism is that they don't delve nearly enough into just how ridiculous this phenomena is, which to be fair I don't think is humanly possible. It hink a Flash grand canyon scream is the only human vocal expression that can encapsulate it.

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What was that extract? Is that actually from the book? Even the formatting is different in the middle. Is that just because of how it was copied into the post?

I am so confused. Is that actually how the book will be? Are they just going to crowbar sex scenes written in a completely different style in the middle of other passages? What the fuck? How would anyone think that would be a good idea? I thought I had had a temporary schizophrenic episode while reading that!

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What do you mean?

There was nothing weird about the formatting.

Are you feeling ok? Is one side of your body going numb?

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What was that extract? Is that actually from the book? Even the formatting is different in the middle. Is that just because of how it was copied into the post?

I am so confused. Is that actually how the book will be? Are they just going to crowbar sex scenes written in a completely different style in the middle of other passages? What the fuck? How would anyone think that would be a good idea? I thought I had had a temporary schizophrenic episode while reading that!

Nah I'm just fucking with you guys, and the formatting is off because I copy-pasted two different things.

But I will probably self-publish this as an EBook, after rewriting the sex, to glowing reviews.

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