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Most disgusting thing you've ever done

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Yeah it tore it off. Luckily it wasn't my big toe nail, but the second toe from the end.

A few days of swimming in the sea sorted it out, after the initial burning pain from the saltwater.

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I couldn't think of anything before, but this toenail talk reminds me that I have had my right big toe's nail basically destroyed, twice. The first time I was outside and ran to go inside through my garage, and stubbed my toe on a cement step. Blood everywhere, the nail didn't completely fall off but it was pretty bad. Then I forget how long after that, but I was playing with some neighborhood kids in my back yard barefoot, and stubbed my toe on the ground, really hard apparently, and basically the same thing happened. This time the nail eventually fell off but a "new" one had already started to grow under it, and to this day my right big toenail looks gross. Like I said I can't remember exactly how long between the two incidents, but I estimate they were 10 years ago.

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When you start a thread about the grossest shit ever, you just know the EMTs are going to win pretty much every damn time.

 

I am now dry-heaving.

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Since this popped up the day after I was inspired to go looking for my old Corsair keyboard by another thread (relevant to this), I'll share my recently discovered disgusting story/drunken mistake.
In college, I had my desk setup under the lofted bed in a little alcove, imagine a short hallway wide enough for a twin bed and just enough room to have a chair. I'd been an extremely bored DD for the night, ferrying drunk people from apartment to apartment, and at some point we had to drop someone off at a dorm and decided to stay there. I was overeager to catch up, and wasn't familiar with the idea of a double shot glass. Long story short, what I thought was a fairly reasonable 10 shots (Kraken, to improve matters) over the course of rest of the night was in fact 20, and the rest of the night turned out to have been about an hour and a half before everyone else passed out. I was fine to walk back to my dorm, and thought I was fine puking once in the bathroom before headed to bed. I left a garbage can on my chair next to my bed, so it was about 2-3 feet below me, in case I needed it.

I woke up still quite drunk, and discovered that in the night I had continued to vomit in my sleep, but not primarily in the garbage. There was a fine spray covering the walls, floor, chair, computer and desk, and everything else I had near my bed. My keyboard took a direct hit, and I just remembered that's why I put it in storage (I could never get it truly 'clean' after). I also discovered that my roommate had come back from his parents early that weekend, and had been there and was terrified by the magnitude of the vomit. I hangover/drunk cleaned my little alcove, staggered to food service, ate cucumbers and a salad, staggered back and vomited cold cucumber and salad (it was actually sort of soothing, no joke.), and passed out for the rest of the day. 

And that's why I have a shitty keyboard now, and also why I don't drink liquor anymore. Not as gross as an EMT's job, but at least you're (probably) sober for that.

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I'm not sure if I should take these comments as an insult, a compliment, or a statement of fact.

 

With that being said... diarrhea.

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Diarrhea and nausea.  Which end points towards the toilet???  

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Diarrhea and nausea.  Which end points towards the toilet???  

That's when you take the lid off the tank and... I don't think I need to finish this sentence

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dude, the obvious answer is that you have a bowl or something that you hold on your lap.

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dude, the obvious answer is that you have a bowl or something that you hold on your lap.

 

Take this shit to the riddles thread, y'all.

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Thread resurrection has reminded me of some more quality gross stuff:

 

I used to live with a labrador. One summer day while I was on the phone to a client, with no warning, she threw up two enormous puddles of liquefied fox shit. It's the worst thing I've ever smelled, worse than dead things. There was like, three square metres of it. Thank fuck for wooden floors. I'm not very squeamish, but got off the phone while struggling to not puke myself.

 

--

 

A friend I had as a kid had a very disgusting younger brother, and a slightly sadistic teenage sister. She made it her mission to basically ruin whatever we were doing together by hanging around being as disruptive as possible. Their mum was of the mind that "everyone should be included" and thought we were just making things up about her (to be fair, we were little shits too). One time, we were going on a bike ride, and on finding out we were about to leave she furiously dug her bike out of the garage. She then rushed back into the house to get something, and in the minute or so she was gone, we'd convinced their littler brother to pee all over the handlebars and seat of her bike. We heard her screaming his name as we rode away.

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Diarrhea and nausea.  Which end points towards the toilet???  

 

If you are camping and have to use a porta-potty, the solution is surprisingly simple. Porta-potties often have those weird fake urinal things on the sides, so you can both use the toilet part and throw up in the urinal thing. This is a good way of dealing with horrible food poisoning when camping at a music festival.

 

...not that I have any experience with this or anything.  :getmecoat

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In high school we had a friend poop in a bag, then we hit a kid in the face with said bag while in the middle of a giant crowd. The bag ripped open, smearing human feces all over him and splatter friends standing next to him. 

 

I feel really bad even now, it never was meant to get escalated to such a degree, he didn't really deserve it. He was just standing in a bad place at a bad time time. 

Disgusting in both "Ew" and "You are human garbage" ways. 

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In high school we had a friend poop in a bag, then we hit a kid in the face with said bag while in the middle of a giant crowd. The bag ripped open, smearing human feces all over him and splatter friends standing next to him. 

 

I feel really bad even now, it never was meant to get escalated to such a degree, he didn't really deserve it. He was just standing in a bad place at a bad time time. 

Disgusting in both "Ew" and "You are human garbage" ways. 

 

Classic Chris Remo.

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In high school we had a friend poop in a bag, then we hit a kid in the face with said bag while in the middle of a giant crowd. The bag ripped open, smearing human feces all over him and splatter friends standing next to him. 

 

I feel really bad even now, it never was meant to get escalated to such a degree, he didn't really deserve it. He was just standing in a bad place at a bad time time. 

Disgusting in both "Ew" and "You are human garbage" ways. 

 

My brother was a grade-A shit in high school.  Among his pranks was gathering a bunch of hog urine (don't ask) and then used an industrial sized syringe to hose down the entire contents of a guy's locker through the vents with it.  Coat, books, backpack, everything, just drenched in hog piss.

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