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Garple

Spam Email

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For some reason, I was looking through my spam folder and I came across this which I thought was kind of funny. Anybody else get any goofy-ass emails?

Compliment Of The Day!

It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive because you do not know me but I have a lucrative business proposal of mutual benefits to share with you.

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. Hong Wu operations manager of the Bank of China (Shanghai Branch), 200 Mid. Yincheng Rd., Pudong New District, Shanghai 200121, China. I have an obscured Business suggestion for you.

In June, 2003, a certain British Crude oil merchant (Mr.Martin Walker) came to our bank and made a Fixed (Numbered) deposit of Thirty Million United State Dollars (US$30,000,000.00) Only in my branch for 12 calender months. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. A month later, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation that he died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.

After proper further investigations, it was also discovered that he did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit and he also confided in me the last time he was in my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Thirty Million United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that according to Laws of Republic of China, at the expiration of seven {7} years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Chinese Government if nobody applies to claim the funds. What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something, It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to p!

ut together the general direction

Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin so that you will be able to receive the funds so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials just like that.

MODALITIES:

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. I shall employ the services of an attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin, and also he will be drafting and tarization the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. There is no risk involved at all in this transaction as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction.

I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is for you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall share in the ratio of 50% for me, and 50% for you. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. Please observe this instruction religiously.

And I will prefer you reach me on my private email address: [email protected] and finally after that I shall furnish you with more information’s about this operation. Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting soon after this project is successful. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Kind Regards,

Hong Wu.

[email protected]

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Also this:

"Hello, looking for a Russian bride? Come and see my profile. I need a strong man, reliable and supportive. I’m a very romantic and caring person; I have lots of interests. Look at my pictures."

"I have lots of interests," is a funny thing to say in this context if you really think about it.

Another one:

"This is to inform you that you have won a prize money of five hundred thousand

pounds."

And this from a random fake person I've never heard of:

"Hi, John,

How are you? Have you already signed up for the online casino I had advised you? I highly recommend it! I'm writing you to invite for the celebration of the jackpot that I won on Friday. Come with Ann, I hope she'll change her mind about gambling. I'll call you later to agree the time.

Regards,

Ronald."

It's funny because the email says it's from someone called Angel Tate, but it's "signed" Ronald.

See if you catch the unintentional Dragon Age reference:

"Hello my dear. Hey, want to marry a Russian beauty? I want you, my good man. Come to my profile - you'll get a surprise! You want what would you be good? Come to me."

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This shit is nuts:

"Beloved one,

I greet you with all my heart.

It is true that this letter may come to you as a suprise. But nevertheless, i ask you to give me your attention and hear me well.

I am Mrs Celine Johnson from Cote D'ivoire, married to late David Johnson who was the executive accountant with the Cote D'ivoire ministry of resources and energy before he died after a brief illness.

During the period of our marriage we have only a son (Nelson Johnson) who is now sixteen years old.

I have a liver damage (Cancer) and i can't live longer than four months from now according to what my doctor told me.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $13,800,000.00 USD (Thirteen Million Eight Hundred Thousand USA dollars) with a bank here in Abidjan Cote D'ivoire.

The money was registered under Fix deposit account.

Presently,the money is in custody of the bank.

I cannot think of any body else trying to kill me apart from my late husband brother in order to inherit the money because my son is only 16 years old.

All i need from you is to invest the fund for my only son,take care of him as your own son and give him a good education even when am no more.

I will issue a vital document that will prove you the right beneficiary of the fund in the bank here in Abidjan Cote Divoire.

After the transfer of the money into your bank account,my son shall relocate to your country to start a new life under your care.

I hope that you will not betray this trust if i change the deposit documents to your name and make you the new beneficiary..

If you can be of assisatance to my son,i will really appreciate it with all my heart.

This message is very urgent.

Remain blessed,

Mrs Celine Johnson."

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I already deleted it, but I got one very similar to your 3rd post about giving you a ton of money or whatever it is. Not quite the same though, wonder if it was from the same source.

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Yeah, there are so many variations on that one. It's like a jazz-standard of Spam.

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You're receiving Nigerian scambait.

You can screw around with them if you want by pretending over and over that you really want to accept the money but there's some sort of problem that's preventing you from doing so.

http://www.419eater.com/index.php

I've wasted too much time reading through that website for a lifetime I think.

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All the spam I get seems to be really bizarre random stories with a link in the middle. My favourite one is the following, purely because of the last sentence involving Poirot:

Jot down the facts. You will sign it, and watson just as badly. And you can't s

Are You Inadvertently Making One Of These 3 Mistakes Trying To SStart A Woman's Sexual Motor?

With harriet, just as they left the rest of the of small privileges and thus magnifies the distinction of gibraltar, the bashaw of el garb, and the alkaid duke arranges with an accomplice to have him killed. If you are so excessively rational. Try rather cook was extraordinary, but i realized that he that is lucky,' commented the doctor. 'on my soul, to me. Of course i ought to have kept an eye on and came, summer and winter, in sunshine or storm, didn't. Mr. Poirot, you know what men are! They are four ounces of pepper, four ounces of nutmegs,.

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All I can see when I look at your first spam email is that if you take the name "Hong Wu" and change around the first letters of each name, you get a baddy from Final Fight...

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Wait, WHAT? YOU TURNED DOWN 30 MILL?

I'll have it if you don't want it.

I only ever seem to get porn spam - ie. "Do you want your penis enlarged?" "Here, we're selling viagra for CH$AP!"

x_x

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Are you guys giving your email out to every site on the internet that asks for it? I get hardly any spam, save the annoying newsletters that random sites that I sign up for like to send out.

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Oh man, I lost it when he started spelling out the bank name. I was almost disappointed when I couldn't find the next one, but looked at the date and saw this was posted last year. I'll link the rest, for convenience sake.

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

What a disgusting excuse of a human being on the other end of that line by the way.

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Are you guys giving your email out to every site on the internet that asks for it? I get hardly any spam, save the annoying newsletters that random sites that I sign up for like to send out.

That's probably because your email providers removes the spam messages rather than flagging it.

I used to get over 1000 spam emails per day. But these days its maybe 10 to 20 per day. Although it's also partially due to retiring a host. But a couple of years ago on December it dropped from 1000+ a day to less that 100 a day. That was really weird. A major spam network was taken down.

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On a similar note, I read about this chap who sort of double conned the Nigerian email scammer into reading childrens books into a tape recorder, ever promising to send him heaps of cash for doing it. Surprisingly, the scammer just kept coming back for more as he had spent out £200 for tape recording equipment and was desperate to recoup his outlay.

The tapes were hilarious. I will endeavour to find the link as I realise this anecdote is crap without them :hmph:

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I only get a few spam emails a day, and Gmail catches them all for the spam filter. But they are all either for vicodin, or these scams people have posted. Also, a handy feature on Gmail to get rid of spam that makes it to your inbox is to mark it as spam, and sometimes Gmail will attempt to automatically unsubscribe you from whatever mailing list it is.

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I have never had any spam to my Gmail account, nor my AOL account when I used that.

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Just listened to those phone calls, pretty funny. They should have done the police part more like this one though:

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That's probably because your email providers removes the spam messages rather than flagging it.

I used to get over 1000 spam emails per day. But these days its maybe 10 to 20 per day. Although it's also partially due to retiring a host. But a couple of years ago on December it dropped from 1000+ a day to less that 100 a day. That was really weird. A major spam network was taken down.

Would Gmail do that? How do they know I don't want the email?

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Facebook notification email goes to my spam folder, so I get messages like

"on the bus lol"

I have a some vacant friends.

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Just listened to those phone calls, pretty funny. They should have done the police part more like this one though:

I love that prank call. (Clearer version for those have heard it before:

)

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Facebook notification email goes to my spam folder, so I get messages like

"on the bus lol"

I have a some vacant friends.

you could just tell edit your settings in Facebook to have them stop sending you emails...

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